He couldn’t identify the feeling at first, and then, as she slipped the ring onto his finger and looked up into his face with shining eyes, he knew. It was perfect happiness.
Perfect Joy.
* * *
I hate weddings, thought Maddie.
To be honest, she’d never felt that way before. She’d been to a few that she thought were tiresome displays of money, but that certainly couldn’t be said of Joy and Tanner’s wedding. Here at the resort where the reception was now in full swing, there were no special decorations or favors—not even a full band, which surprised her; just Jeremiah with his guitar and Tasha providing vocals. It was as if Joy and Tanner wanted to keep as low a profile as possible.
But really, what did that matter? They wouldn’t have been happier if they’d had an all-out extravaganza.
Just look at them, on the little patch of dance floor, swaying together to “Kiss From a Rose” and looking into each other’s eyes as if they’d never stop.
Before the ceremony, when Maddie had started toward Joy with a Kleenex, Donna had pulled her back. “Leave them be, honey,” she had said just above a murmur, so as not to disturb the bride and groom. “This is a sacred thing.”
And she wasn’t exaggerating. Joy and Tanner were so naked in their adoration of each other, their happiness so complete, that Maddie had to look away and bite her lips to keep from spoiling her own makeup. And when husband and wife kissed for the first time after their vows, it was with such tenderness that it actually frightened Maddie. Nothing that beautiful could survive in the world. She was scared of what they might be in for, and she found tears brimming over at the thought of how fragile their joy might be.
Bye-bye, eyeliner. Not that it mattered. No one was looking at her.
Jim and Gail Brody were openly holding hands as if they were newlyweds themselves. Bobby and Donna were shamelessly following suit, even though they had to be, what, forty-some-odd years old.
Dr. Sumner was watching his daughter with a bittersweet expression, his right hand absently turning the wedding band he still wore on his left ring finger. Maddie wondered if he was remembering his own wedding day and the bride he had lost too young, as his daughter started her own family.
And William. He had tidied up after his arrival, smoothing out his rented tuxedo and combing his rumpled hair. Now he looked almost suave. Something about the way he carried himself now, easy and confident instead of apologetically trying to fade into the background. Maybe it was the way the new glasses defined his face, but he actually looked older, more adult. But the sweetness of his smile was still the same.
Oh, just admit it. He’s swoonworthy.
His thoughts were clearly somewhere else, though, and even now his eyes brightened at the sight of someone who came prancing into the room with that stupid ballerina walk. Sheila.
Sheila, who would betray him somehow, who was almost certainly planning it even now. Who William would keep choosing over Maddie, no matter how hard she tried to save him. And who, un-be-goddamn-lievably, was wearing the same dress as Maddie.
What was worse, Sheila looked better in it. The shimmering colors warmed her fair skin and made her hair blaze even more brightly, where they made Maddie look ill and her dyed hair more garish.
“It wasn’t her idea,” said Gail, following her outraged stare. “Joy knew William and Sheila were hurt that Sheila wasn’t in the wedding, so she thought if Sheila could wear the same dress as you, she’d feel kind of like an honorary bridesmaid. I was supposed to let you know, and I just plain forgot. I’m sorry.”
Trust Joy. Even when she was getting married, she was still able to think of other people. Even two-faced witches like Sheila.
“With your new hair color, you two are almost like twins,” said Jim brightly. “Did you do that on purpose?”
Too late, Gail gave her husband a look meant to silence him. Clearly Jim didn’t know the backstory.
“No,” said Maddie dully. “It wasn’t on purpose.” It had never occurred to her that anyone would think she had dyed her hair to look like Sheila. That just cranked the humiliation factor up to eleven.
William and Sheila were dancing now, arms around each other as they slowly turned on the dance floor. They were entirely wrapped up in each other.
Maddie wanted to put her head down on the table and howl. Six months ago, if she’d felt desolate like this, she’d simply have gotten a champagne buzz on and found a cute guy to suck face with. But now she didn’t want to suck anyone’s face but William’s. And she’d have a better chance with Jim Brody—hell, with Clark—than with William.
Weddings sucked.
* * *
“I like weddings,” said William to Sheila as they danced. “Everyone’s so happy. It’s like for just a couple of hours, everyone gets to think about all the best parts of having someone in their lives, and not think about all the ordinary junk like mortgages and housework and tax returns.”
She made a disdainful face. “I’ve certainly been to nicer receptions. They don’t even have centerpieces. And I thought you and the band would be playing.”
“Not with me as best man and the bassist as the groom. Besides, Tanner said that since it was so last-minute they couldn’t get permission from the resort to do the full setup. It was too late to even reserve the entire room.”
But she was already on to the next topic. “Poor Joy looks ridiculous. They should have waited until she had the baby and lost the weight. All those people at the other tables are staring at her.” When William didn’t say anything, she added defensively, “I’m just saying I wouldn’t want to get married like this.”
“So you’ve thought about getting married?”
“Of course! Every girl has a dream wedding in her head. Mine will be at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York, and as my attendants I’ll have the rest of the dance corps.”
He couldn’t resist teasing her. “So if your attendants are ballerinas, I guess the reception will be open barre.”
She didn’t get the pun, though. “No, there are too many alcoholics on my dad’s side; it would get messy.”
He let it go. “You plan on living in New York, then?”
“It’s the only place for a serious dancer,” she said. “I’m moving there as soon as I graduate. In fact, I was thinking we could get a place together.”
It took a second for him to catch on. “We, as in us? Me?”
“Well, yeah, doofus! I know you’ll want to be at the heart of the music scene. It’ll be fabulous. You can compose music for me to dance to. We’ll be a power couple for real.”
“Wow, you’ve got everything mapped out.” He felt a little dazed. “But I’ve applied to Oberlin, in Ohio. If I’m accepted, that’s where I’ll be going.”
“Oh.” She turned this over. “I guess we’ll have to work out a long-distance thing. I wish you’d said something.”
“I didn’t know I needed to. I didn’t know you were making plans that involved me.” Out of curiosity he asked, “What do you think about kids?”
“Oh, definitely,” she said. “A boy first, then a girl two years later. Maybe another boy three years after that if we can afford it. By the time I’m thirty or thirty-five I’ll be scaling back performing and doing more teaching, so that would be a good time to start having babies.”
“That far off? I don’t want—”
One of her perfect eyebrows arched. “Don’t what?”
He backpedaled. “I just mean, I hadn’t imagined waiting that long. I love kids. I figured that whoever I married, we’d start having them in our twenties.” Oh, good job, Russell, she’s not going to let that one pass…
And she didn’t. “Whoever you married?” she repeated. “So I’m not part of the picture?”
“I didn’t mean it that way. I mean, this was how I used to think about it, before you and I started seeing each other. When it was all just abstract.”
“And since we’ve started seeing each other, you haven�
�t thought about, like, revising your future plans to include me?”
“But it’s all still abstract,” he said, sensing he was getting into deeper trouble, but compelled to be honest. “I don’t know whether you and I will stay together after we leave Ash Grove.” Her eyes grew steely, and he blundered on. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that, you know, statistically speaking” (That was bad, why had he said that?) “high-school couples tend to go their separate ways after graduation, and not many long-distance relationships last.” Crap, why had he gone on like that? No way was she not going to take that personally.
They had stopped dancing by now and just stood facing each other.
“I,” said Sheila, deliberately, “am going to powder my nose. While I’m gone, I invite you to think about everything you’ve said, and reflect on your priorities.”
So girls really did say that about powdering their nose, he thought inconsequentially, as her rustling dress receded across the room. Then he came to his senses. “Sheila, wait—”
But she had vanished through the ladies’ room door by the time he caught up. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with his handkerchief as he waited for her to emerge.
He didn’t like having his life mapped out for him without any regard for his wishes. He had ambitions, too; he just didn’t have such a rigid plan for achieving them. He wanted to be able to be flexible about where he lived, when to have kids, who he worked for—and even whether he worked for himself. The field of music was opening up in so many ways, and it wasn’t necessary to operate out of a big metropolitan city any more. What if he wanted to tour with Aerosol Cheese, or as a solo artist? What if he wanted to study composition in Kiev or technique in Tokyo?
But he knew that being a dancer didn’t permit that kind of flexibility. Sheila would need to focus all her energies on becoming a member of a corps. And that meant putting in the time. Years.
To him, it sounded like a sentence. For all he knew she wasn’t happy about it either, though, and was just facing up to reality.
“I’m sorry,” he said, as the door swung open and a lavender-gold form emerged. “I didn’t mean to blow you off. Just give me some time to think about what you said, okay? I don’t want it to come between us.”
“You mean it?” she said, so eagerly that a nervous suspicion took hold of him. He put his glasses back on. It was Maddie who stood there.
Dammit.
Her eyes were so hopeful. He felt like he was kicking a puppy when he said, “My bad. I thought you were Sheila.”
“Oh.” He could see her trying to recover, working up her nerve. “William, please be careful. I’m positive she’s going to put you in danger.”
“Maddie, I… have no idea what to say to that.”
“Just say you’ll think about it.”
It looked like she wasn’t going to give up. “I guess so.”
“Thanks. I mean it.”
What was taking Sheila so long? How much powdering could that tiny nose take?
“Anyway,” said Maddie, and he could tell it cost her some effort to strike a lighter tone, “would you care to dance the next one with me? Best man’s duty, you know.”
He knew how well that would go over with his date. “Sorry,” he said, “I’m taken,” and instantly wanted to take it back. It sounded as if he thought Maddie was trying to move in on him.
“I see,” she said, subdued. “Well, you two have fun.”
She was turning to go when Sheila swept through the door, practically colliding with her. Sheila darted one freezing glance at her before gliding up to William and tucking her arm through his. “I’m sorry I was snippy,” she said. “I want to hear about all your plans for when we’re married.”
Behind her, Maddie went very still.
William practically dragged Sheila back to the dance floor. He didn’t always catch on to subtext, but he knew that any time these two were near each other there was bound to be a huge disturbance in the Force.
* * *
Clark found Maddie in the ladies’ room making repairs to the fresh tear tracks on her cheeks. “What are you doing here?” she asked, sniffling surreptitiously and blotting her face with a wet paper towel. She couldn’t hide how red her eyes were.
“Joy sent me to get you.”
“From the ladies’ room?”
“She just said to hunt you down. They’re leaving in a few minutes, and she wanted to make sure she got a chance to say goodbye. Come on, hon, slap on a coat of powder and let’s wave them off.”
She didn’t move. “Clark,” she said, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Do about what, baby?”
“About William. It’s so complicated, and I know he’s in danger, but I don’t even know enough to be useful. I just know that Sheila is going to do something terrible. Can you keep an eye on him? I can’t get close to him any more, but you may be able to prevent whatever it is from happening.”
At least, that was what she meant to say. What she said was: “I’m in love with William.”
Clark heaved a deep sigh and opened his arms. “Cry it out, honey. No, go ahead, it’s just a rental. God knows I wish he was with you instead of her, but he won’t listen to me.”
“I didn’t know you were on my side,” she said, touched.
“Are you kidding? I’m this close to having ‘Team Maddie’ t-shirts made up.”
But gloom submerged her again. “I don’t know why,” she said dolefully. “After all, she’s been so good for him.”
“Maybe, but she’s no fun. Perfect people are so dull. Except me, of course.”
She gave a shaky laugh at that. “No one could call me perfect, that’s for sure. I’m a total train wreck.”
“But a train wreck with a great rack, which is more than that stick Sheila can say.” He gave her a little shake. “Now come on, honey, and get your game face on. You don’t want to miss seeing the bride and groom off.”
With Clark’s help, she was able to disguise most of the ravages to her makeup, and she was glad to have him and Blake standing by for support when Joy and Tanner came hand in hand down the front walk of the resort in a shower of birdseed to their waiting car. Or cars, since there were three limos parked there.
“Why so many?” she wondered aloud.
“Decoys. Hoping to dodge the press, I think,” said Blake. Sure enough, somehow word had leaked out, and the flash of cameras accompanied the newlyweds down the walk until Joy’s father advanced to order them off.
Joy came to hug Maddie and draw her off to the side while the guys gathered to shake Tanner’s hand and wish him luck, with varying degrees of innuendo.
“Listen, Maddie, will you do something for me?” said Joy in a low voice, glancing around to make sure they weren’t overheard.
“You know I will.”
“Keep an eye on Tanner, okay? I mean, check in on him sometimes, make sure he’s not brooding too much.”
“What do you mean? He’ll be with you.”
Joy lowered her voice even more. “No,” she said. “He won’t. He’ll be staying here in town. I’m leaving tomorrow, by myself.”
Maddie stared at her in consternation, but had just enough presence of mind to keep her own voice down. “What are you talking about? You’re honeymooning alone?”
Joy gave her a lopsided attempt at a smile that made Maddie realize she wasn’t the only one with troubles weighing on her. “Believe me, it’s not how I imagined things would be either. Listen, though, you can’t tell anyone until I’m well away out of town. It’s really important that no one know what we’re doing.”
“What are you doing? Why are you splitting up?”
“I can’t explain right now.”
“It’s not for good, right?”
“No, no. Probably just a couple of months. I hope.”
“A couple of months?” Joy gave her a pleading look, and Maddie realized her voice had risen. More quietly she said, “Am I allowed to ask where you
’ll be?”
Joy shook her head.
“Well, can I at least get in touch with you?”
“No, I’m sorry. It’s too risky. I can’t tell you anything more.”
She looked so distressed that Maddie set aside her own dismay.
“Okay, I get it. Classified. So Tanner will be staying on with your dad?”
“Yeah. He and Dad get along pretty well now, but they won’t have me as a buffer, and I just don’t want Tan to go off on a high lonesome.”
“No problem. I’ll do the annoying little sister thing, get underfoot and pester him.”
She wanted to ask more questions, but Tanner was making his way to them with purpose in his eyes, clearly ready to scoop up his bride and leave. Joy gave Maddie a last hug and whispered in her ear, “Thanks, Mads. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” said Maddie, but she wasn’t sure if Joy heard her as Tanner took her by the hand and led her to one of the limousines.
She joined in the clapping and whistling as the three cars pulled away, indistinguishable with their tinted windows. In the bustle it was uncertain which one actually contained the bride and groom—if they were even in the same car. Depression settled heavily over Maddie again. Not even Joy and Tanner got their happy-ever-after. What a rotten deal.
Tasha joined her where she stood at the curb, looking after the vanishing taillights. “Dr. Sumner said we need to wrap things up here, but some of us are going to McCloskey’s to keep the party going. Want to come with?”
“Absolutely,” she said. “That sounds fantastic.” A much better prospect, at least, than returning to her solitary room in the dorm, where she’d probably lie awake for hours, staring into the darkness, unable to chase the specter of William away. When she finally went to bed that night—or next morning—she wanted to be so exhausted, or so drunk, that she wouldn’t be able to keep her eyes open.
* * *
“Close your eyes,” said Tanner.
Casting Shadows (The Ash Grove Chronicles) Page 23
