The impression on Jon’s face was priceless, and Nilas had to laugh out loud. “Ice is slightly less heavy than liquid water, as it expands a bit in its frozen state. But, to keep it simple, let’s assume one cubic meter of ice weighs a metric ton. That is pretty heavy, right?” He looked at the boys, who both focused on him intently.
“Now, picture a thousand meters, or even two thousand meters of ice, just pressing down on one square meter. We are talking about thousands of tons, pressing down on a very small area.” He looked at the boys to see if they were following him, before he continued.
“Glaciers aren’t just like your ordinary ice cube. First of all, ice, under pressure, and in various temperatures, changes physical properties. So glaciers are like a river, because they flow, very slowly—so slow that you and I can’t see the movement with our naked eye. However, imagine the bottom of the glacier, slowly grinding across the landscape, underneath it rocks, stones, trees, dirt, et cetera. It’s kind of like sandpaper, slowly grinding the surface, the rock face, rounding it off, making it smooth.”
Andreas’s mouth hung open, as he tried to digest the explanation that Nilas had given them.
“The ice covering Sweden and Norway was so heavy, so many millions and millions of tons, in fact, that the entire peninsula began to sink into the Earth’s crust. And when the ice began to melt, and that weight was lifted from the land, it began to resurface, out from the crust, out from the ocean,” Nilas emphasized, and both boys nodded silently.
“This is cool.” Andreas was happy he’d asked such a good question. “But what about the ice? When it melted, wouldn’t the sea levels have risen?”
Casper laughed. “You are a very clever boy, Andreas. I’m not sure I can answer that question. Do you know, Nilas?”
The boys were listening attentively as Nilas picked up the thread and continued. “It is a little bit more complicated though, on Earth as a whole, as the entire planet is alive and moving, so while water levels may be rising in one place, they may sink somewhere else. All of our continents are on what we call tectonic plates that float on top of the Earth’s mantle, constantly changing, the land submerging into the ocean in some places, rising in others. All those changes are very slow, although we can feel them, every now and then, during earthquakes or volcanic eruptions.”
Nilas had an idea. “Listen, if you think this is so interesting, I’m sure we can find more information at the library, or maybe talk to a geologist.”
“Yeah, that would be awesome!” Jon was excited.
Casper took it upon himself to check with the university, to see if he had a colleague who would volunteer to explain tectonic movements and the rising and sinking of land to the boys, maybe not in more detail, but at least more accurately than they were able to. He had friends who worked at the university’s Department of Earth Sciences, who had recently moved to brand new facilities. He was sure they’d be thrilled to show the boys around.
After this discussion, they had their lunch before they walked on, first to the west and then heading north, through another forest, before they reached a settlement. As they approached that bay and the houses strewn all over the little valley, they noticed a pier protruding into the bay and people on it, as well as swimmers and kids jumping from the wooden structure into the water.
“Can we go there?” Andreas asked. “I would really like to take a dip. Please?”
Casper and Nilas both laughed and nodded.
Fifteen minutes later, they had reached the pier, where they quickly changed into their swim trunks again. Jon was the first to jump into the water, Nilas shouting after him, “Be careful, mind the jellyfish…” But Jon didn’t hear or care. Andreas jumped in, too, while Casper and Nilas took the ladder.
“Ohhh, that’s cold,” Casper complained as his foot reached the water.
“No, it’s nice,” Jon said from behind and began to splash him, with the effect that Casper squealed like a pig before he submerged into the water, going after Jon.
They all horsed around in the water, and Nilas had to agree with Jon; the water was nice, at least, after the initial shock had subsided. It was nothing like the warm waters they’d enjoyed on the Maldives, but still, he could get used to this, and he let his mind wander to taking the trip to one of the small islands farther out, barren, with small, hidden bays where the Swedes would skinny-dip, a very old and treasured tradition of this freedom-loving people. Maybe he and Casper could get a little boat and get out there one of these days, alone, once the kids had returned home.
He swam a bit farther away from the pier, out into the bay, where a few sailing boats were anchored, then turned on his back, and just lay still, in the clear and cool water. In the distance, muted through the water his ears were submerged in, he could hear the muffled laughter and screams of the kids playing in and out of the water, the cries of the seagulls above him, and the sounds of the occasional outboard motor propelling a boat through the calm sea. But mostly, it was peaceful. Nilas considered his situation and realized he’d found an inner peace of sorts. He was fine. No, more than that. He was happy.
He and Casper would never have kids, even though society was changing. But for his generation, it was already too late. He would never have children of his own, but he had two amazing nephews, kids who adored their uncles, plus, they were kids who would eventually return to their parents, leaving him and Casper to do what they wanted to do, not what they had to do. Nilas knew, right there and then, that they would be fine.
Yes, the pain and the loss would linger, but they would be okay, and that was the most important thing. They had each other, and they lived an amazing life. A life that had seemed impossible just a decade and a half ago.
* * * * *
2002
Relapse And
A New Beginning
“Did you hear?” Nilas was excited.
“What?”
“The adoption legislation. It was up in parliament today. It passed, or sailed through, rather. Only the Moderates and the Christian Democrats opposed it.”
“So? You know it’s too late for us…” Casper was exhausted. The semester was coming to an end at the university, with lots of tests and papers. But Nilas knew why Casper didn’t want to talk about this.
“Is it? The law becomes effective next year. I’ll only be forty-one then.” Nilas tried.
“You, yes, but I’ll be forty-two, which is older than the law stipulates,” Casper retorted, resigned. ”And even if we’d get an extension, by the time we’re approved, we’d be close to the final deadline of forty-five, and then what?”
Nilas knew immediately what Casper was hinting at. Having the right to adopt didn’t automatically imply that you could adopt. Sweden’s legislation was very peculiar, with only twenty or thirty domestic adoptions per year, and they already knew, from the discussions in the papers, that no adoption agency would even consider helping gay couples adopt from abroad. The only people helped by this legislation were couples who had biological children: kids who could now finally be adopted by their second mother or father. It didn’t help couples like Nilas and Casper.
Nilas knew that, deep down, yet still the debate in the chambers today had rekindled the flame—that flame that had been reduced to an ember after that fateful call five years earlier. Nilas felt deflated. “I’m sorry, babe. I, uh, just…”
Casper turned around and looked up at his husband standing above him, behind the couch. He stretched up his arms and gently pulled Nilas down into a kiss. “It’s okay, beäjvviebájttuo, it’s okay. I know you’ve never really given up on having kids. It’s who and what you are.
“I just wish I could somehow make it better, but realistically, even if we applied for adoption, even if we survived the grueling prospect, the prodding and poking, we’d still not be anywhere closer to actually being able to adopt, because by the time the process is done, we’re both going to be too old.”
Nilas’s eyes turned misty, making Casper’s stomach c
hurn. “Don’t cry, beäjvviebájttuo. We’ll be fine. This law isn’t for us, it’s for the entire LGBT community. It’s for the future, the younger generations. Just imagine in a few years’ time, when you’ll see gay men and lesbians adopting the children of their partners, and people see that there is no difference, that those kids are growing up as happy as all the other kids. Soon you’ll see the adoption agencies change. Already, countries like South Africa allow for gays to adopt. This will take time, but this is a law for the future.”
Nilas shrugged. “I know, it still doesn’t make me feel any better. If only we were five years younger.”
“Oh, beäjvviebájttuo, I understand, but we’re not, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can go on with our lives, and be happy. We live a good life, don’t we?”
***
A few weeks had passed since the parliamentary vote on gay adoption. Nilas hadn’t mentioned kids again, but Casper had something on his mind.
“Beäjvviebájttuo, I need to talk to you about something.” His voice was laden and heavy, worrying Nilas.
“What’s the matter?”
“Here’s the thing, the semester’s over, and I’m kind of tired of the same old, same old. I’ve been with the institution since 1989, and in all honesty, I’m bored. I need to do something else.” Casper looked down at his breakfast plate. It was late June, a Sunday, the day after midsummer, and they were sitting in the kitchen, having one of their late breakfasts. They’d been out with friends the night before, in the archipelago on a sailing boat, enjoying the midsummer holiday and the short night.
Nilas got worried. “So, what would you do instead?”
“Write a book. I can get an extended leave of absence, write a novel.” Casper’s face lit up as he mentioned writing.
“A book? Wow, where did you get that idea?”
“Well, I’ve been writing my whole life, although it’s mostly been scientific articles and research papers. But I’ve always wanted to write fiction, a crime novel or something, and recently, I’ve been having these dreams. I think I’d like to do that. I’ve been in touch with a publisher, and they’re interested.”
“I see.” Nilas wasn’t quite convinced. “Seems you’ve given this some thought already? Why haven’t you said anything before?”
“It’s only just yesterday that I spoke to the publisher. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Writing a book, giving up my job—it’s a big step. I wanted to know that I could actually do it.”
“Okay. Far be it for me to tell you what to do and what not to do. If this really is your dream, you should absolutely pursue it. We only have this one life, and financially, we’re well off, so that shouldn’t be an issue.”
“The publisher is paying well. I’ve submitted an outline, and they like the premise of the story. Initially, I would be taking one year off, to write the book and work on edits and revisions. After that, I’ll see. The university doesn’t need to know until March or so next year if I intend to come back or not. They’re fairly flexible, and I’ll keep my PhD students to work with. They’re not that big of a time drain.”
Nilas had to laugh. “Seems you’ve already done your homework. What do you need from me?”
“Your blessing?” Casper gave him a pleading look.
“Babe, you always have my blessing. If writing a book is your dream, then go for it. You have the perfect writing cave, right here in the house. Use that. May I ask what the book is going to be about?”
“It’s a story about organized crime, a local gang here in Gothenburg. It’s not your typical crime novel, where you follow a detective, but more a story looking at the inner workings of a Mafia-type organization.”
“Dare I ask where you got this idea from and how you plan on doing research?” Nilas was skeptical and slightly worried.
“Don’t worry, beäjvviebájttuo, I’m not about to join them. It’s just that crime novels are very popular. They sell well, but everyone writes about detectives and how the police investigate crimes. I want to do something different, you know? Look at crime from the inside, how they evade prosecution, the cat-and-mouse play between the criminal mind and the state. Should be interesting. And the publisher agrees with me.”
“Sure sounds interesting. So a Godfather kind of story?” Nilas tried to wrap his head around the concept.
“I guess you could say that, but contemporary, and very Swedish, primarily with smuggling of alcohol, cigarettes, and other drugs.”
* * * * *
2007
A Phone Call
Out Of The Blue
Nilas was in the kitchen when the phone rang in the hallway. Casper wasn’t home. He had been in Trollhättan for the week, working on the pre-production of the second film based on his successful crime novels. Nilas picked up the phone. “This is Nilas speaking.”
“Hello, Nilas. This is Eva, Casper’s mother. May I speak to my son, please?”
There was a cold edge to her voice, Nilas thought. Then again, he’d only spoken to her a few times, a long time ago, before caller ID had been introduced. Nowadays, whenever he saw the 0511 area code, he simply called Casper. He knew that his in-laws didn’t approve of their son’s homosexuality nor of his marriage to him. He also knew they preferred to pretend as if Nilas didn’t exist. However, with Casper gone for the day, he had no choice but to answer the phone. Eva and Roland were getting old, and a phone call might also be about something serious.
“Hello, Eva. I’m afraid Casper isn’t home. I don’t expect him home until late tonight.” Nilas had, of course, Casper’s cell phone number, but he also knew that Casper didn’t want that number to be passed on to his parents. Casper quite relished the fact that his parents had to call him at the house, where they might always have to talk to Nilas and be reminded of their son’s husband. Besides, due to his recent success as an author, Casper had also become careful about who got a hold of his number, to avoid the press from calling him, although sadly, it was hard to keep something like that a secret. But Nilas knew that they had to try.
“Listen, Nilas, I know that things haven’t always been pleasant between us, but times change, and we would very much like for you and Casper to come home for a visit.”
Nilas almost dropped the receiver. This was more than Eva had ever said to him in the twenty-five years he and Casper had been a couple. “Okay. I’m not sure what to say. This comes a bit as a surprise…” He honestly didn’t know what to say. All she—or her husband, on the even rarer occasions—had ever said to him was “can I speak to Casper?” or “is Casper home?” Nothing else. They’d never greeted him, or even acknowledged his existence in any other way. Today was completely out of character.
“Please don’t make this more difficult than necessary. This is very hard for us, you know? Very painful. Just tell Casper we called, and ask him to call us back. Can you do that?”
“Of course, Eva. I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just surprised. Of course I’ll tell Casper you called.” He heard the click on the other end. She’d hung up.
Wow. What just happened? Nilas was still holding the receiver in his hand. He put the receiver back on the cradle and pulled out his cell phone to text to Casper:
Hey babe. Your mother called. She wants us to come and visit!!!
It didn’t take more than a few seconds before his phone rang. “What are you saying, beäjvviebájttuo? They want us to go see them?”
“Hey, babe. Yeah, she called just a few minutes ago. It was almost eerie. I mean, your mom never really spoke to me, and then she calls and says that she wants us to come by and visit them. So strange.”
“Did she say why?”
“No, and I’m sorry if I fucked up, but I kind of said that I was surprised and that I didn’t know what to say, which made her upset.”
“Don’t worry about that. She’s just trying to get under your skin. That woman can be so vicious, and she only cares about herself and getting her own way.”
“I know, I still
feel bad. She did, after all, take the first step.” Nilas felt genuinely bad. It wasn’t easy to establish a relationship with someone you didn’t know. Yet she was family.
“I wonder what they want? Well, okay, I’ll call her later. We have another meeting in a bit about the script for the film. We should wrap up by four, and I hope to be back in town by six. Pick me up?”
“Of course, I’d love to. I’ll probably walk. It’ll do me good to get some exercise. Plus, I can’t wait to hear what they really want…”
“Love you, beäjvviebájttuo!”
“I love you, too.”
Five hours later, Nilas stood at the Gothenburg Central station, where in front of him, the train from Vänersborg was pulling into the terminus station. Seconds after it stopped, commuters came pouring out from every door. Nilas quickly located Casper casually walking down the platform toward him. Nilas raised his arm and waved at his husband, who acknowledged his greeting with a huge smile.
“Hey, babe. Welcome home. How was your day?” He kissed Casper right there, in the middle of the crowded station. Nilas was proud of the fact that he was able to do that these days, without fear of being assaulted, verbally or physically. Things had certainly changed a lot in Sweden over the past decades.
Casper seemed relaxed, although his eyes looked tired. “It’s been a good day. We made progress on the script as well as the casting. Seems we’ll be heading into production before the end of the year. But I have a hunch you’re more interested in the call from home, aren’t you?”
Nilas shrugged. “Not necessarily. I mean, yes, I am, but I care more about you and your work, your passion. You tell me whatever it is you feel you want to tell me.”
“Well, I did talk to Mom, and I don’t know much more than I knew after your call. They want to see us, and they want us to come to them, rather than them coming to Gothenburg. Home advantage, I guess. I think they’d feel uncomfortable seeing how you and I live. I don’t know. She didn’t give me any reasons.”
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