by Lexi Blake
What if she could have more?
Jacob Dean stepped up. Like his partner, he wore nothing but a pair of leather pants and boots. He carried a crop in his hands. He stepped in front of Serena and lightly tapped her breasts. “And what was our favorite author doing when she should have been writing?”
“Thinking about my plot,” Serena replied.
That earned her a hard smack on her backside from Adam. The sound cracked through the air. It made Ally jump, but Macon’s arms came around her, pulling her into the warmth and safety of his body. “It’s all right. She’s okay.”
“I know,” she forced herself to say.
Macon’s deep voice rumbled in her ear. “Watch her. She winces, but she doesn’t try to wriggle away. The sound is worse than the sensation. I’ve heard Serena quite likes the sensation.”
Jake brought the crop down on her backside again. Serena did wiggle a little, but toward her husband. She definitely wasn’t trying to get away.
“Do you want to try that again, love?” Jacob asked. “I could always get out the ginger lube.”
Apparently Serena didn’t like flavored lube because she couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “I was on Facebook and then I played way too much Candy Crush. I’m so sorry, Master. Please don’t spank me again. I’ll be good. You really shouldn’t spank me with that crop.”
It sounded believable and for a moment Ally stiffened, hearing some of the words that had come from her mother’s mouth, but then Serena looked up and the brightest smile hit her face.
“Hey, Allyson. I’m so glad you could make it,” she said, sounding completely like Serena again.
Adam squinted out and then smiled, too. He gave her a wave. “Hey, nice to see you.”
Jake frowned at his partner and their wife. He put one hand on his hip as the crop tapped against his outer thigh. “Do you two remember anything about sceneing? Anything at all? Has the whole parenting thing turned us into that threesome? You know, the one that can’t concentrate on their scene and makes everyone crazy?”
Adam seemed utterly unfazed by the Dom’s stare. “I was surprised to see her here. I thought she was going to go all Anastasia Steele on us.”
“Good one, babe. I’d high-five you if Jake wasn’t so good with the knots,” Serena replied.
“I’m about to remind you how good I am with a crop.” Jake’s arm went up and came back down, the crop hitting Serena’s backside.
Serena gasped but Ally couldn’t miss the way she winked her way right before going back into her naughty author mode. Jake and Adam took turns “torturing” her.
Macon kept her close, an arm around her at all times. She leaned against him, reveling in his warmth and strength. She’d started watching the scene with a deep anxiety, but each moment that went by she relaxed a bit more. Serena would look over every now and then and give her a smile or a wink, as though she knew it was hard for her.
How much had they figured out about her background? Was she that transparent? She prided herself on never showing her pain. Only the thought of losing Macon had forced her to talk today. For a moment, when she’d been in his arms, it had been okay to talk about it, to let herself feel it one more time and let a tiny piece of the pain go.
Macon leaned over. “They are about to get to the sexual part where my brother shows off his junk. This is where I take my leave.”
Naturally he wanted to leave before the good part, but she let him lead her away. She didn’t even try to take a peek.
He led her down the hallway. It looked like the whole house had been turned into a decadent palace complete with low lighting and thudding music that fed through the home’s speaker system. It was transformed from the airy, filled-with-light home she knew from eating lunches or dinners with the family. Everywhere she looked there were men and women in various states of undress. The women wore corsets and tiny thongs or skirts that really didn’t cover much. There were lots of stilettos and plenty of bare feet. She stopped as she watched a woman on a leash. She stared, looking for signs that she didn’t like the leash.
“If that woman didn’t like her leash, she would break it and put her husband on his ass,” Macon whispered in her ear.
Once more, she had the feeling of being completely transparent to these people. Maybe she’d been rude. “Sorry.”
“No, they don’t mind you watching. If they weren’t comfortable with others watching they wouldn’t be here, but you have to get it through your head that these aren’t women who are being abused. They’re women who made a choice a long time ago about who they want to be. The woman on the leash is Karina Brighton. Her husband is a Dallas police lieutenant and former Green Beret, and he wouldn’t try to take her in a fight. She submits to him because she finds it relaxing and pleasurable for both of them. That leash and collar are there for play. The way I heard, Karina lost a bet and Derek forced her to try puppy play and surprise, she kind of liked it.”
Even as he spoke, the big Dom sat down on one of the couches in the designated lounge area of the house.
“So she pretends to be a puppy? Does she sit at his feet?”
“I’m sure she does from time to time, but I think he wants this particular puppy on his lap.” He chuckled as the Dom lightly tugged on his sub’s leash and pulled her into his lap. His hands went over her hair and he stroked her. She cuddled up in his arms as he started speaking softly to another Dom and sub who seemed very cozy.
What would it feel like to be able to cuddle up to Macon and feel completely and utterly like she belonged in his arms? What would it feel like to do it without any secrets between them?
She’d left it too late. She couldn’t tell him the truth now. She would lose him.
“Hey, are you all right?”
She’d gone stiff again, her shoulders up around her ears. He thought she was scared. She forced herself to relax and gave him a smile. “I’m good.”
His hand found hers. “Are you ready for more?”
She was ready to spend as much time with him as she possibly could. She nodded and he led her down the hall.
Three hours later, she helped Serena pack up the last of the food. Big Tag had casually snatched up the lemon cakes before heading across the property with his wife to pick up their babies. He’d also gifted Grace with a gorgeous Tiffany bracelet for her birthday, so Ally didn’t think anyone minded. Grace and Sean had looked completely satisfied with their evening and had even come over to tell Ally how happy they’d been to see her there.
She’d watched all manner of loving perversion and it was making her think.
“Did we freak you out?” Serena asked as she closed the lid on a container of hummus.
“Only the guy with the whip,” Ally replied honestly.
Serena nodded. “Yeah, when Kai gets the right sub, he can really go at it. Maia is a pain slut. She’s also a truly horrible human being, so she’s the perfect person to set off Kai’s inner sadist.”
“They’re a couple?” They’d been the only thing she hadn’t eventually warmed to. There was something cold about the way they’d been, as though there hadn’t been love between them.
“Oh, no. Kai can’t stand Maia and she sees him as a means to an end. It’s not all hearts and flowers and perfectly placed butt plugs. Sometimes it’s simply about getting something you need. It’s like that for a lot of single people who play. They come to Sanctum to let off steam in a controlled way that brings someone else what they need. Kai has a strong sadist streak. He controls it by finding partners who enjoy the pain he gives them.”
He’d been gorgeous, a blond god of a man in leather, but he made her shiver a bit. “Holy shit, he’s like the Dom version of Dexter.”
Serena nodded. “I’m so using that in a book. I’m sure Kai would describe it in more technical, psychological terms. He’s the resident shrink. If you had been coming into Sanctum and not a private party, you would have to be cleared by Kai first. Everyone in the club gets to meet with Kai to make su
re they’re here for the right reasons.”
Ally felt her jaw drop. “He’s a shrink? The dude with the whip?”
“Yep. His specialty is PTSD in war vets.”
Macon had mentioned a Kai. He’d talked about seeing him. It was a freaky world where the guy with the whip was helping everyone else with their sanity situations.
But then again, maybe it was a freaky world period.
“Hey, Serena, where’s the vacuum? I’ve got the living room back to normal. It just needs a sweep.” Speak of the devil. Kai Ferguson was standing in the kitchen wearing a perfectly normal pair of jeans and a T-shirt that hugged his lean frame. His sandy blond hair was pulled back in a queue and he had a pair of glasses on that did nothing to hide his hotness factor. He smiled her way and it was an open, honest smile that looked nothing like the gleam of sadistic glee in his eyes from earlier in the evening. “Hi. You’re Macon’s girl, Ally, right?”
Being called Macon’s girl kind of made her beam inside. She held a hand out. “Allyson Jones.”
“Kai Ferguson. I’ve been hoping to meet you.” He took her hand and shook it before stepping back. “I’ll talk to Macon about setting up an appointment.”
“What? Why?” She had to admit that he still scared her a bit.
“This was a private party. Didn’t Macon explain?”
“Macon is going slow with the new girl,” Macon said as he walked in. He looked at Kai. “Macon is trying not to scare the new girl off.”
Kai put a hand up. “Hey, I’m only doing my job. You know she can’t come to Sanctum without my clearance. Oh, Sanctum might move around from house to house right now, but the rules are the same. I know Big Tag will probably tell me to clear her because you’re the almighty pie maker, but it’s best if we all follow the rules.”
“She doesn’t even know if any of this stuff is for her yet,” Macon argued.
Kai turned his gaze her way. “Did any of the scenes sexually arouse you?”
She felt her whole face go hot.
“Dude,” Macon protested.
Kai shook his head, obviously unwilling to concede his point. “Well, if she can’t even talk about sex then she probably has no place in a sex club. I’m not trying to be a dick, but I do have to decide if she belongs here. People come to Sanctum for a judgment-free place to indulge their personalities and their kinks. I watched her tonight. She seemed a bit on edge, like she was disturbed. I wasn’t the only one who noticed.”
Humiliation swept through her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable.”
Serena moved to her side. “You didn’t, sweetie.”
“She did,” Kai said matter of factly. “I was actually surprised that this was the girl who flashed an entire waiting room. When they described you to me, I kind of thought you’d be a free spirit.”
“Kai, don’t,” Macon warned. “I know what you’re doing.”
“Then you should know I’m helping.”
It didn’t feel like he was helping. “That was impulsive.” And it had felt good. Why couldn’t she talk about it? Why was her sexuality less important than everyone else’s? Kai “Dexter” Ferguson was kind of making her mad, and that made her want to answer his question. “And yes, I did get sexually aroused and yes, some of it was disturbing and it still aroused me.”
Kai’s smile was so wide, it lit up his whole face. “See, there you go. Now you know you’ve got some kink in you. Everyone does. Most people simply don’t acknowledge it. What disturbed you? I know I did.”
Damn him. He’d known what he was doing, but it seemed stubborn not to talk now. “The violence bothered me because of some things that happened when I was a kid.”
“All right. That’s a trigger for you. You can either avoid even watching scenes like that or we can work on it. The good news is Macon’s not that kind of a top. He’s a very indulgent top. I doubt he even truly enjoys spanking a woman.”
“I totally like spanking a woman and when the hell did this turn into a therapy session?” Macon shook his head and leaned against the counter.
“There’s never a bad time for a therapy session, my friend. I’m hopeful for you. You’ve smiled more since this woman came into your life. I want to help you make it work. Relationships, like anything in life, require more than luck, more than simply love. They require two people who honestly want to be together, who are willing to work through the issues that will inevitably try to keep them apart. It’s not easy to take two independent beings and form a really workable couple.”
Serena cleared her throat.
“Or three,” Kai allowed before turning back to Ally. “I saw you two watching the scene but there wasn’t a lot of talk between you. You held hands, but I don’t feel the real intimacy. You’re not sleeping together.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re a busybody, Kai?” Macon asked, obviously irritated.
“It’s a hobby. This is about being your friend and not your therapist. You’re sad you’re not sleeping with her. I would be sad, too. She’s a gorgeous woman.” Kai gave her a polite nod.
She’d landed in some weird place. At home, no one ever talked about sex. That might be why she’d never had any really good sex. Whatever her new friends were, she could tell one thing. They were happy.
“I’m afraid to sleep with him,” she admitted. “Not because he would hurt me. I know he never would. I’m afraid I would be disappointing. I would rather have him in my life without sex than out of it because I wasn’t enough.”
Macon turned to her. “Babe, that’s not how it works.”
Kai was grinning from ear to ear, like a little boy who’d been given a present. “Why would you think you aren’t enough?”
“Is it because you’re not a screaming orgasmer?” Serena asked. “That’s the guy’s fault, you know. Maybe you haven’t had a decent lover yet.”
“It’s not always the guy’s fault,” Kai disagreed. “What do you think about during sex, Ally?”
Macon sighed as though he knew where the shrink was going.
She didn’t know where any of this was going. “Uhm, I don’t know. It depends on what’s going on in my life. Sometimes I think about what he’s doing and that it’s not working, and sometimes I think about what I need to do the next day. I worry a lot.”
“If her brain works like her body, then she never stops thinking,” Macon explained. “She’s always moving. Even when we sit and watch TV, she’s doing something else. She’ll knit or make lists of things to do. She’s never still.”
“I’ve always been that way.” She’d never seen that there was anything wrong with it.
“She’s anxious. You need to get her out of her head. Why don’t you come by my place and we can have a session?” Kai offered. “I can fit you in on Tuesday. We’ll probably need an hour or two.”
“I think I can handle this, buddy.” Macon patted his friend on the shoulder and then looked to Serena. “Do you mind if we head out?”
Serena shook her head. “Of course not.” She enveloped Ally in a hug. “It was so good to have you here. Jake went over and got Tristan. I think you two are now baby free.”
“Call me if you need anything,” Kai offered.
Macon chuckled at that and took her hand. “Come on, babe. We need to talk.”
She let him lead her out, scared to death of what they were about to do.
CHAPTER FIVE
Macon locked the door behind him and the house was beautifully still. After all the excitement of the night, it was good to come home to quiet and peace. The Daley girls had eradicated any sign that their home had been used as a nursery and everything was back to its neat, peaceful state.
So why was his body humming with energy?
He was only going to talk to her. Kai was right about that. They needed to talk. Sure it would be so much easier to fall into bed and enjoy whatever they could find, but he’d done that before. He wanted more with Ally. So only talk. And maybe some kissing. Hey, i
f she wanted more, he would give it to her. But if she only needed to talk, he would do that instead. Why was he so damn nervous?
“Do you want some coffee?”
She looked up at him, a pink flush to her cheeks. “You know most guys would offer a girl wine or a drink at this point.”
He shook his head. Did she really think he hadn’t noticed her habits? “You don’t drink.”
“But you do. I’ve seen you drink with Eric and the guys.”
“I don’t if it makes you uncomfortable.” There was a six-pack of beer sitting in the fridge. It had been there since the day before the tornado.
She bit her bottom lip and crossed her arms over her chest. “Sometimes I think you’re too good to be true.”
“You’re the only person in the world who thinks that. Are we ready? I’d like to talk about something important. We’ve spent a week talking about movies and books and not a thing about our real selves, and that’s what got us in trouble earlier today.”
She turned and walked to the couch and sat down. “Okay.”
She said it like talking would be an unpleasant experience. He was starting to understand that talking wasn’t easy for Ally. It was easier for him since he’d spent months in therapy with Kai. He’d figured out a couple of weeks into his Dallas residence that talking about things didn’t make him less of a man. He’d reevaluated everything about what it meant to be a man since he’d come to Dallas. He sat down on the sofa beside her.
“Do you want to go to bed with me?”
“Yes.” At least she didn’t hesitate answering that question.
“Good. I want to take the next step with you, too. You’re scared that you won’t be enough for me. Well, I’m scared I’m not very good in bed. I know I’m supposed to be some kind of alpha male who never questions that he’s sex on two legs, but I’m damaged here and I’m really tired of pretending I’m not human. I would very much like to be able to be human with you.”
Her whole body seemed to soften and she reached for his hand. “Why would you think that?”
