by Janet Dailey
The tail thumped harder. Jake twisted his head to see the bedside clock. It was almost four in the morning—too early to start the day, but not worth trying to go back to sleep and inviting another nightmare.
Sitting up, he nudged the dog off the bed and swung his feet to the floor. In his pack, he found some faded sweatpants, a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of flip-flops. Dressed, he let the dog out ahead of him and stepped into the early dawn.
As he filled his lungs with the cool, fresh air, he could feel the dream receding. The pain was still there, as always. So was the memory. But he felt strong enough to make it through another day.
He was crossing the yard, toward the fire pit, when the security light came on. Jake mouthed a curse. He could understand the need for lights, with a bunch of mischief-prone adolescents to keep track of. But he’d just begun to feel at peace with the quiet darkness and fading stars.
As if on cue, the back door opened and Kira rushed out. She was wearing an old-style pink flannel bathrobe, with what looked like pajamas underneath. Her hair, usually tied back, floated loose around her face. She looked soft and vulnerable, like somebody’s mom, only sexier. Surprisingly sexier.
“Is everything all right?” She was slightly out of breath.
“Fine. I was feeling restless, that was all. Sorry I woke you.”
She exhaled in relief. “No, that’s fine. I just wanted to make sure none of my students were sneaking out.”
“Nobody in this bunch seems like the type to do that.”
Her mouth curved in a lopsided smile. Jake liked her mouth—always had, he realized. “You’d be surprised,” she said. “I hate having to run this place like a prison camp, but I’m responsible for these kids. If they get into trouble, I’m the one who has to answer to their parents. And believe me, if they were little angels, they wouldn’t be here.”
“You sound like you’ve seen it all.”
“Not quite. Just when I’m thinking there’s no way they can shock me, I find out I was wrong.”
“I take it you’ve learned something new—and you can’t tell me what it is or even who’s involved.”
She shook her head. “No, I’m afraid I can’t.”
They were walking toward the fire pit. She was probably tired and wanting to go back to bed, Jake thought, but he found himself wishing she’d stay.
“You don’t have to be out here on my account,” he said, giving her an opening to leave. “Go on back to bed. I’m big enough to take care of myself.”
“Yes, I know.” Her gaze swept up and down, taking in his sleep-rumpled hair, untrimmed beard and the faded, stretched-out sweats he’d pulled onto his naked body. “But I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to. And it’s nice out here. Early mornings are the only peaceful time I have.”
“Too bad we can’t turn off that light,” he said. “It reminds me of that old fifties movie, Stalag 17, the one with William Holden in the German prison camp.”
“Dusty loves that movie,” she said. “The light’s on a timer. If we sit down, it’ll go off by itself in a couple of minutes. And the motion sensor shuts off at dawn.”
She lowered herself to a bench next to the fire pit. Jake took a seat beside her, close enough for quiet talk. “I had some company last night,” he said. “Your dog followed me into the cabin and settled down on the rug. When I had one of my war dreams, he was right there, with his paws on the bed. It was almost like he knew what was happening.”
“Tucker’s amazing that way,” Kira said. “I remember a boy from last year who told me he’d come close to taking his own life one night, but the dog stayed right with him and wouldn’t leave until the next morning, when the crisis had passed. Some dogs can sense an epileptic seizure coming on. Some can even detect cancer. Tucker’s had no special training, but he seems to have a nose for anxiety. Even Paige—”
“Paige?” Jake’s pulse jerked. “Is something wrong with her?”
“She has night terrors. Not often—a few times a year. I’m guessing they’re related to the crash. She doesn’t seem to have any conscious memory of it, but the shock and the confusion could’ve stayed with her. Tucker seems to sense when she’s stressed. If he follows her into the bedroom at night, that puts us on alert.”
“Can’t you do something for her?” Jake asked.
“Only at the risk of making things worse. Maybe when she’s old enough to deal with what happened . . .” Kira’s words trailed off, ending in a sigh. She gazed into the charred ashes of the fire. In the east, the first streaks of dawn grayed the sky.
“Is there any way I can help?”
Kira gave him a sharp look. “Maybe—if you were committed to staying and being a real father. But that would be asking too much. We talked about this. We both know you’re not ready.”
“What if I were to try it? Just asking.”
“Trying wouldn’t be an option. Not if there was any chance you’d give up and leave.”
“I understand.” And he did understand, Jake told himself. Being a father to Paige would involve a lifetime commitment. There could be no trial period, no half measures. His choice would be all or nothing.
Kira was right. He wasn’t ready.
Standing, he turned to watch the dawn creep over the mountains. He’d done all right here, helping with the students and the horses. But when it came to what really mattered—his daughter—he was out of his depth. It didn’t matter that he’d already begun to love her, or that the feel of her trusting little hand, creeping into his, was the most healing thing he’d ever experienced. This wasn’t about him. It was about Paige and her tender young heart. To save her from hurt, he would break his own heart and go. It would be the only right thing to do.
Kira had come up behind him. He felt her touch as she laid a hand on his shoulder.
“You should get married, Kira,” he said. “Find a good man who can be a father to my little girl.”
“Oh, Jake—”
He turned to look at her. She was gazing up at him, the dawn light pale on her face. Tears glistened in her eyes.
Driven by a hunger too sharp to control, he caught her in his arms and pulled her close. She gasped, then softened against him as his mouth pressed those sweet, sensual lips, nibbling, devouring. Her arms clasped his neck, pulling his head down to deepen the kiss. Her body arched to meet his, slim contours of her breast and hips molding to him through her robe. Jake groaned, half-embarrassed as his male response kicked in. He wanted what any man would want. It wasn’t going to happen, of course. In fact, he was crazy to have kissed her in the first place. But with Kira in his arms, so soft, warm and fiercely yielding, he’d be damned if he wanted to stop.
The sound of a car coming up the road broke them apart. That would be Consuelo, arriving early to start preparations for breakfast. Kira spun away from him, stumbling a little. Her hair was wild, her mouth deliciously swollen. Knowing what to expect, Jake watched her pull herself together—spine erect, chin up, expression under control. The Kira he remembered was back.
She turned away, then swung to face him. “This didn’t happen!” she said. “Do you understand? It never happened!”
With that, she wheeled and fled toward the house.
* * *
With the morning under way, Kira forced herself to close one mental box and open another. With six of her students shoveling out the stable, under Jake’s supervision, it was time to deal with Heather. She wasn’t looking forward to it.
She led the girl to her small private office, showed her to a chair beside the desk, then closed the door. “This is a first for me, Heather,” she said. “I’ve never had a student show up pregnant before. You’ve done well here, but I’m afraid we can’t keep you in the program. Working with the horses might not be safe for you or your baby.”
Heather looked peevish. “So who have you told?”
“Not a soul. That would be unethical. But you can’t go through this time alone. I met your parents when they brought you here. They
seem like nice people who truly care about you. I’m going to hand you the phone. You’re going to call them and ask them to come and get you. You can tell them about the baby now or later. That’s up to you.”
Heather took the phone, laid it on the desk and pushed it away. Her face broke into an impish grin. “Boy, I really had you going, didn’t I?” she said.
“What?” Kira stared at her in utter disbelief. “You mean you were joking? You’re not pregnant?”
“No way!” Heather laughed, flashing her braces.
“And you didn’t have sex with your sister’s boyfriend?”
“That creep? I wouldn’t let him touch me for a million dollars! In case you’re wondering, I’m still a virgin—for now, at least.” She laughed again.
Kira took a moment to breathe and count to ten. “I don’t like being lied to, Heather,” she said. “How do I know you’re not lying now?”
The girl gave her a smug look. “I can prove it. I’m on the rag. Take me into the bathroom and I’ll show you. Or if that’s too gross, ask my roommates. They know.”
Out of patience, Kira stood. Worry about this girl had kept her awake most of the night. “Let’s not make this a bigger deal than it already is,” she said. “I’ll give you a pass this time. But you’ve lost my trust. If I catch you lying again, you’ll be out of here. Understand?”
Heather gazed up at her like a scolded puppy. “Okay. But don’t you think it was funny?”
“No, I don’t. Now go outside and get to work.”
* * *
Kira stood on the porch and watched Heather scamper across the yard to join the others. Had she told the other students about the prank she’d pulled? Probably—or at least her roommates. The girl was hungry for attention. This story would be one way to get it.
This morning, under Jake’s supervision, the students had led the horses out of their stalls and loosed them in the paddock while they cleaned the stable. After that, each of them would get to choose the horse he or she wanted to work with for the rest of the session.
Kira didn’t anticipate any trouble. Most of the students had already picked their favorites. They would draw numbers to determine the order of choice. But even for late choosers, there wasn’t a bad horse in the lot. Like humans, the mares and geldings had their personal quirks, but all of them were docile, sensitive and well-trained. Once the horses were chosen, there would be days of groundwork, followed by saddling and bridling, then, finally, mounting and riding. The last part of the session would be devoted to trail rides in the desert and mountains, ending with an overnight campout in a high meadow. Not everyone would finish the rigorous course. But Kira had watched many troubled youngsters build confidence, overcome fear and acquire new self-respect. She would do her best to see it happen for this group.
Kira’s pulse skittered as she caught sight of Jake among her charges. He’d been absent at breakfast this morning. Maybe he’d wanted to save himself the embarrassment of facing her. That, or he was avoiding Paige. Maybe both.
She’d tried to lock the memory of that searing kiss into one of her mental boxes. But it kept creeping into her thoughts. The taste of him clung to her lips; and it was as if the feel of his lean, hard body had been branded into her flesh.
“It never happened.” That was what she’d told him. But it had. He had kissed her. Fool that she was, she’d kissed him back. And for that one fleeting moment, she’d felt a heady sense of freedom. Not that it could be allowed to matter. They were broken people, she and Jake. Any relationship between them would be doomed from the first moment.
Forget it, she told herself. Forget it and move on. But something told her it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“Kira?” She felt a tug at her sleeve. Paige stood looking up at her. She was dressed, but her hair was uncombed, her shirt was buttoned wrong and her shoelaces were untied.
“Here, sweetie.” Kira dropped to a crouch in front of her. “Let’s get you tidied up a little. Have you had breakfast?”
“Uh-huh. I had eggs and toast in the kitchen, in my jammies. Then I got dressed.”
“All by yourself, I see.” Kira rebuttoned the shirt.
“Uh-huh. Mister Jake said I could help him today.”
This would have been before this recent decision, Kira reminded herself. “Mister Jake’s busy with the horses,” she told the little girl. “You could get in the way and get hurt. We’ll find something else for you to do.”
Paige’s lower lip jutted in a pout. “But I want to help Mister Jake. He said I could.”
“And I’m saying no, Paige.” Somebody had to be the bad guy. “Let’s go inside and braid your hair. Then you can watch Sesame Street. After that, you can sit on the fence and watch the students choose their horses. Okay?”
“No!” Paige stomped her small foot. “I don’t want to watch stupid Sesame Street. I want to go help Mister Jake!” Eyes flooding with tears, she turned and stormed into the house, letting the screen door slam shut behind her.
Kira sighed. Times like this reminded her that Paige was her mother’s daughter. Wendy had been an adorable child, loved by everyone. But she could be a little hellion when she didn’t get her way. Paige was cast from the same mold. For now, she would give the little girl some time to come around. Maybe they could plan some fun tonight, like a moonlight hike, while Jake was off visiting Dusty.
Paige’s wanting to be with Jake was easy enough to explain. When the students were here, they took so much of Kira’s time that Paige was often left to entertain herself or hang out in the kitchen with Consuelo. With Dusty gone, she must have been extra lonesome. That was probably why she’d latched onto Jake.
The other possibility—that at some level she’d recognized her father—was too far-fetched to believe. She’d been a baby when he left for that second deployment, and little more than a toddler when he’d come home for Wendy’s funeral. All she had to remember him by was the wedding photo. And now, Jake—leaner, scruffier, bearded and graying—looked nothing like the happy young groom shown in the picture. Only his dark eyes were the same.
Give the child some extra TLC, and she’d be fine, Kira told herself. It was just going to take a little time.
* * *
The students had spent most of the day with the horses they’d chosen—leading them around the yard and partway along the canyon trail, brushing them down in their stalls and leaving them for the night with hay and clean water. The pride on those young faces as they paraded “their” horses around the ranch was something Jake wouldn’t soon forget. Each of them had worked hard and earned the right to have a special, chosen animal for the rest of the program.
This horse therapy thing of Kira’s was beginning to make sense.
His thoughts lingered on Kira as he drove her Outback down the highway. She’d kept her distance most of the day—no need to wonder why. But he’d caught her watching him from the porch. Was she having the same thoughts he’d been having all day? With Kira, you never could tell.
Kissing her had kicked his pulse over the moon. Her response had burned all the way to the soles of his feet. Damn it, beneath that calm, controlled surface, there was a warm, passionate, sexy woman! He wouldn’t mind seeing more of that woman, maybe getting to know her under cozier conditions. But who was he kidding? Kira’s words had made her position clear.
“This didn’t happen! It never happened!”
And he couldn’t expect it to happen again.
Kira had given him directions to the hospital where Dusty was staying. As he drove into Tucson, he watched the street signs and found the place easily. But he couldn’t help wondering why the old man had asked for him—unless he just wanted some fresh company.
Dusty, wearing a hospital gown and a tangle of monitor lines, was sitting up in bed, watching a basketball game on TV. As Jake walked into the room, he used the remote to switch it off. “Thanks for showing up,” he said. “I’m getting cabin fever in this place.”
“Kira alread
y warned me not to try and smuggle you out of here.” Jake took a seat next to the bed.
“Damn, I was about to talk you into that.” Dusty looked rested, but the old fire was lacking in his voice. “How’s Kira doing, anyway?”
“Fine. You know Kira. She’s got a handle on everything. The question is, how are you?”
“I’ll be fine, once they let me out of this place. The doctor says it’ll be day after tomorrow, if I promise to behave myself.” Dusty winked. “He doesn’t know me very well, does he?”
“You can joke all you want,” Jake said. “But you’ve had a heart attack. You need to rest and get better.”
Dusty shifted in the bed. “Kira says you’re doing a fine job with her students.”
“I’m pitching in where I can. But I’m no substitute for you. I don’t have your knowledge, and Kira, good as she is, doesn’t have your storytelling gift. We’re hoping that once you’re up to it, you can handle the lectures and leave the heavy work to me.”
“So you’ve decided to stay on. You know that nothing would make me happier, don’t you?”
The words stunned Jake for an instant. Was that what the old man had planned all along, to make him a permanent part of the ranch? He struggled to find his voice. “Sorry, but I never said that. Once you’re on your feet, and once I’ve repaid what I owe you, I’m planning to move on.”
Disappointment was written on Dusty’s face. “I was hoping, when you saw how much we needed you, you’d change your mind.”
“Dusty, any cowboy worth his salt could wrangle those horses and herd those kids around better than I do. You don’t need me. Neither does Kira.”
“And Paige? I take it she still doesn’t know who you are.”
“She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Jake shook his head. “But I can’t be a father to that little girl. I’m a wreck. I get dark spells that last for days, even weeks. I get nightmares that wake me up screaming. I fly out of control for no sane reason. The longer I stay, the greater the risk that she’ll be hurt—if not before I leave, then after.”
