She’d nearly called Gabriel a dozen times, only to realize she didn’t know what to say. She’d wondered if he’d been thinking about her at all, only to discover he’d done this for her.
“We had a great time,” Felicia admitted, hugging her. “The whole family worked together. It was an excellent bonding experience. I must remember this for the future. If any situation starts to get too uncomfortable, a shared task will bring people together.”
She pointed to different elements of their design and then explained how to work the various remotes that controlled everything.
“I know the judging is this morning,” Felicia said, “but it would be very gratifying if you would keep the decorations up for a few days.”
Noelle leaned against her friend. “I’ll keep them up forever.”
“That’s excessive,” Felicia told her. “However I appreciate the spirit of your words.” She studied the window. “The craft element was very satisfying. Perhaps I should take a class and learn to knit.”
Noelle grinned, thinking her friend would probably come up with a more efficient way to create wool in the process. Or maybe invent a new fabric.
“I can’t believe you did this for me.”
“Of course we did,” Felicia told her. “We love you. Well, I love you and Carter and Gideon like you very much. Gideon’s parents don’t know you very well and I can’t speak to Gabriel’s feelings, but he seemed very determined.”
He wanted to help, Noelle thought. The foolish, how-he-makes-me-quiver part of her wanted to believe that this meant something. The pragmatic side of her brain warned her that one window display did not a relationship make.
“You must be exhausted,” Noelle said. “Are you going to go home and get some sleep?”
“No, I want to stay awake and experiment with the deterioration of my cognitive functions due to sleep deprivation. It should be interesting.”
Noelle patted her back. “You really do need to take up a hobby.”
Chapter 12
Noelle clutched the second place ribbon in her hand. She knew she was grinning foolishly, but she couldn’t help herself. Second place! And it was her first contest. She couldn’t take the credit—Gabriel and his family had done all the work, but she was still thrilled to be with the other business owners, by the big Christmas tree, hearing words of praise from Mayor Marsha.
Josh Golden, the owner of the winning window, took his small trophy and winked at her. “I think I’m going to be in trouble next year. Noelle is going to figure out what this is all about.”
“Bribing the judges with donuts,” someone in the back of the crowd yelled. Josh grinned.
Noelle leaned against Patience. “This is the best,” she said. “I’m so happy. Next year, I’ll start early with the planning. I love the animation. Felicia already said she and Carter would help me with that. I am so going to crush Josh like a bug.”
Patience patted her on the back. “That’s the competitive spirit we celebrate most at Christmas.”
Noelle laughed. “I can’t help it. I came in second!”
Melissa joined them. “I love that it all worked out in the end.”
They all made their way back to their stores. Patience ducked into Brew-haha while Noelle and Melissa turned on 4th and headed for The Christmas Attic.
Gabriel was helping a customer with a Christmas clock. He looked up as she entered. His blue eyes were unreadable, his expression pleasant, but distant.
He was back, she thought with both surprise and pleasure. She still didn’t know what had happened or how to fix it. She genuinely believed she had nothing to apologize for, but that didn’t mean there weren’t questions. She supposed she could demand an explanation, but to what end? Letting him be seemed the wisest course of action. If he needed to disconnect, nothing she could say would stop him. If he figured it out and wanted to be close to her again, she was open to that as long as she got a reasonable explanation for his behavior. But that didn’t mean she was going to ignore what he’d done for her.
She walked over to him. “Thank you,” she said quietly, as his customer examined the clock. “The window is so wonderful.”
“You’re welcome.” His gaze lingered for a second, giving her foolish hope.
She gave him a quick smile and hung the ribbon on the back of the cash register, then went to take off her coat so she could return to work.
The morning was busy. Her friend Charlie came in to look at ornaments for her mother. They settled on a delicate ballerina made of blown glass. Isabel called to say another bridesmaid gown had come in.
“I know we picked one,” Isabel said over the phone. “But this one is great, too, and would so suit your skinny ass, about which I’m bitter.”
“You’re incredibly beautiful and Ford loves you.”
“Yeah, well, I’d love me better if I could lose ten pounds. But just saying that makes me want to eat a cookie.” She sighed. “My life is complicated. Anyway, come by when you can and you can try them on at the same time and make a decision.”
“My skinny ass and I will be there this afternoon,” Noelle said with a laugh.
“Nativity crisis,” Melissa murmured as she hurried by with two wreaths in her hands.
Noelle turned and saw a middle-aged female tourist wiping away tears.
“Gotta go,” she told Isabel. “I’ll be by later.”
She hung up, then hurried over to the customer.
“Can I help you?” she asked, careful to keep her voice gentle.
The woman looked at her. “I’m sorry. I’m being silly. It’s just these ridiculous gourds you have. Who would make a gourd nativity? Only it reminds me of when I was a little girl and I spent Christmas with my great-grandmother because my mom was having my little brother. I didn’t know Nana very well. To be honest, she frightened me. She was so stern and she had a strange accent. All very daunting to a four-year-old. But I learned she was sweet and funny and she had a nativity of old dried apples. Something her grandmother had made. It was unusual, but also beautiful and this reminds me of that.”
More tears flowed.
“I have to have this,” the woman said.
“You’re exactly who it’s been waiting for,” Noelle told her with a smile.
* * *
Gabriel was clear on his actions. He’d been avoiding Noelle. He’d shown up for work, but he had nothing to do with her beyond polite work-related conversation. It was as if they were strangers who didn’t like each other very much.
He’d expected her to glower at him. Or fire him. Something. But she’d thanked him for what he’d done and then went about her business with a friendly smile for everyone—even him. Even now, as she ushered a sobbing customer to the cash register, that ridiculous gourd nativity in her hands, she gave him a quick grin.
What he and his family had done for her window display didn’t make up for his bad manners after a night of incredible love-making. He felt like the Grinch after stealing all the presents. The Whos down in Whoville really didn’t need the trappings of Christmas to celebrate the season. They were happy anyway, and so was she.
He didn’t get it. Why wasn’t she pissed? Or demanding an explanation? They’d slept together. They’d been physically and emotionally intimate and then he’d turned his back on her without bothering to tell her why. Didn’t that make her want to beat the crap out of him?
Either she was the best actress ever or she genuinely wasn’t bothered. He suspected the latter had to be true, which only bugged him more.
Shortly after five, when they were wrapping up for the day, he followed her into the back room and closed the door behind them.
She looked at him. “What’s up?” she asked.
“You’re not mad.”
“Should I be?”
“Yes. You should be furious. We had sex at the cabin and then I disappeared. Emotionally if not physically. I couldn’t deal with you.”
“But you took care of my Christmas window.�
�
“That has nothing to do with sex.”
“Good to know. Okay—you disappeared. Do you know why?”
He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, then pulled them back out. The space was too small, he thought grimly as he tried to pace, only to find himself trapped by boxes and the small desk she used.
“It was more than I could handle,” he admitted, facing her. “You, us, the cats. I can’t do what you want. Be what you need. There’s too much in my head. I’m going back.”
“To the army?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I guess I should.”
“Do you want to?”
A question for which he didn’t have an answer. “I make a difference there,” he said at last. “I need to keep making a difference. Sometimes there are so many of them,” he added, thinking of the dream he would never tell her about.
She studied him for a long time, then nodded slowly. “You think I can’t handle it. Whatever you have going on. You think I’m not strong enough.”
“Look, you’re here in this world. Even if I could get past believing I could lose everything I care about in a second, even if I was willing to take the risk, I can’t. Look at this place. It’s Fool’s Gold. They have elephants dressed as Santa in their parades. I think the world I know would make you a different person.”
She stared into his eyes. He had no idea what she was thinking, so he didn’t bother trying to figure it out. Instead, he let his gaze roam her face, taking in the sweet shape of her mouth and how her blond hair swayed with every movement.
“Let me see if I have this straight,” she said. “You got too close, too fast. Because of my sparkling personality and the great sex, you couldn’t handle it, so you ran. Emotionally, if not physically. Now you feel guilty, but if you apologize too clearly, I might expect more than you can give. You’re also worried I’m not tough enough to handle whatever you think you have going on. Is that about right?”
While the concepts matched, he didn’t like how she’d characterized him. “I wouldn’t have put it...”
She raised her eyebrows. “Yes or no?”
“Yes.”
“My place after closing. You need to be there. I have something to show you.”
With that she opened the door to the store and walked away.
Gabriel watched her go, not sure what had happened, but if there had just been a battle between them, he’d lost on all fronts.
* * *
As instructed, Gabriel arrived at Noelle’s small house after closing. She met him at the door, a kitten in each arm, and laughed when she handed him one.
“This is a crazy number of cats,” she said, stepping over the two mother cats, as she backed up to let him in. “One litter would have been bad enough, but two?”
He saw the younger litter was still confined to a large box, but they were more active. Their eyes were open and they climbed over each other in an effort to join the rest of their friends.
The mother cats had gotten over their skittishness and wove their way about his ankles.
“They’ve just eaten,” Noelle told him. “They’re always very friendly after a meal.” She set down the kitten she held.
He did the same and followed her into her tiny spare bedroom.
She’d turned the space into a home office. There was a desk with a laptop and a couple of chairs. Next to the laptop was a clear plastic bin filled with files and paperwork.
“Have a seat,” she said and opened the bin.
He did as she requested, not sure where this was going. While Noelle seemed friendly enough, there was a wariness to her posture, as if she was ready to defend herself. He couldn’t begin to guess what was in the bin. A criminal record? Tax fraud? Adoption records for six kids?
She handed him a file. He saw the name of the hospital printed on the front of the folder and her name on the tab.
“Medical records?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Noelle, you don’t have to—”
“Just look at it, okay?”
He opened the file and read the first page. The diagnosis jumped out at him. Acute myeloid leukemia—AML. Not always a death sentence, but rare—especially for someone her age. The treatment was chemotherapy, often aggressive. If that didn’t work, the next step was usually a bone marrow transplant. He didn’t know much more—this wasn’t his area of expertise.
The dates went back three years. Her initial diagnosis, the prognosis, depending on how she responded to treatment. His chest tightened and there was a knot in his gut. She’d had bad reactions to the chemo. She’d nearly died.
He glanced at her, at her glowing skin and shiny hair. “You’ve come a long way,” he said quietly.
“You have no idea.”
She passed him a picture of her in a hospital gown. She was thin and pale and bald, with an IV hooked up to her arm.
“I’d been sick for a while,” she said, reaching down for one of the kittens, who had followed them into the study. “Just not feeling well. My doctor did a blood panel and saw some abnormalities. I figured I was stressed from having lost my mom and my grandmother in a car accident.”
She cuddled the cat, who started to purr.
“But it was more than that. I went to a specialist who came up with an aggressive plan. It would be hell, but he was pretty confident we would get it all.”
She gave him a faint smile. “You have no idea how many times you get stuck with a needle going through something like that. Which made my fainting when I saw blood pretty funny.”
He put the file on the desk and tried to absorb what she was saying. Disbelief mingled with horror at what she’d been through. He’d been wrong about her. She knew plenty about suffering.
“You could have died,” he said before he could stop himself.
“I nearly did, more than once. But I decided to fight. I believed there was going to be more to my life than my disease.” She drew in a breath and looked at him. “I was engaged before. We had a wedding date and everything. It all got put on hold.”
Not her idea, he realized, even as he knew what came next.
“He walked out on you,” he said flatly.
She shrugged. “It was more than he could handle. I’m technically in remission. I could be here my whole life or be sick again tomorrow. No one knows. Statistically, I’m going to live until I’m eighty, but he wanted to know for sure. So yes, he left. When I went back to work at my law firm, they wouldn’t give me any of the real work. They made it clear I wasn’t welcome. I’d shown weakness and they had no place for that.”
He wanted to touch her, to comfort her, but she didn’t need that. She was stronger than he’d ever realized.
“So you stuck a pin in a map,” he murmured.
“And ended up here, with a store and friends, and a life.” She smiled. “I have so much to be grateful for. My own medical miracle. I might not have seen what you’ve seen, but I’ve fought my own war. I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed and exhausted, all while puking my guts out. I’m tough, Gabriel. Every month I gain another pound or two. By this time next year, I’ll have my curves back. I look forward to being like Isabel and worrying about ten pounds. Because that is so silly and normal and every time she complains about her hips or her thighs I vow I’ll get there.”
She put down the kitten and took his hands in hers. “I know about ghosts and lost opportunities and believe me, I know there are no guarantees. I’m sorry the lesson you learned from what you’ve been through is it’s not worth taking the chance, because I believe it’s all about taking the chance. We are the sum of our experiences and those experiences need to come from a place of wonder and curiosity.”
She smiled at him. “I don’t know if you’re going to stay in the army or not, but I do know you’re leaving Fool’s Gold. I know this isn’t permanent and I still want to be with you. I want us to be friends and I want us to be lovers. And just so we’re clear, if you don’t want to sleep with m
e after hearing all this, you’re not nearly as bright as you look.”
There was too much for him to take in, he thought. He’d been wrong about her in nearly every way possible. He hadn’t come close to guessing that she’d been sick. He’d missed all the clues. Worse, he’d misread their time together because he’d made it all about himself.
“I’m such a jackass,” he said, coming to his feet and pulling her into a standing position.
“Good answer.”
Sharp claws dug into his leg. He looked down and saw the kitten trying to climb his jeans. He grabbed the cat by the scruff of her neck and gently pulled her away, then set her on the ground. Then he took Noelle by the hand and led her into the bedroom.
Once the door was closed, he cupped her cheeks and studied her face. “You’re so beautiful,” he told her right before he kissed her.
Her mouth was soft and yielding, but as he stroked his tongue against her lower lip, he felt her respond with growing passion. The need was in him—it had never really gone away. Now it moved through his blood, heating, stirring, making it difficult to think beyond how he could touch her and be in her.
She was a gift he didn’t deserve, he thought as he moved his hands across her back and then down her side to her hips. He took the return journey more slowly, savoring the feel of her body before cupping her curves in his hands.
She moaned softly. Her head fell back and he trailed his mouth down her neck.
“Tell me you bought condoms,” he whispered against her skin.
She laughed and reached for the hem of her sweater. “Of course.” Her eyes sparkled with amusement. “Extra large.”
“That’s my girl.”
* * *
Sometime after midnight Noelle pulled on her robe and headed for the kitchen. They were too late for take-out so she was going to have to find them something to eat from what was in her refrigerator. Too bad she hadn’t brought back a few casseroles from their time at the cabin. All that food had been delicious.
Christmas on 4th Street (Fool's Gold Romance) Page 17
