Anything For Him

by Lily Harlem

  Beefcake had kneeled beside Masked Man, and his gun was about an inch from our intruder’s forehead – right between the eyes.

  Oh, shit. Oh my God. What the hell were we going to do now?

  I had no choice but to watch. If I made a run for it, I might get shot.

  ‘You took your time,’ Beefcake said, voice casual.

  ‘Didn’t know who this geezer was, did I?’ Number Two said. ‘Could have been some bloke visiting.’

  ‘What, in a fucking mask?’ Beefcake snarled.

  Number Two shrugged. ‘Well, yeah.’

  He said that as though people wearing balaclavas were all the rage. And maybe they were in his world. Normal attire for people in their line of business, nothing weird going on here, please look away folks.

  ‘You want me to do the honours?’ Number Two asked.

  ‘No, this bastard’s mine,’ Beefcake said. ‘I haven’t got my hands dirty in a long time. Reckon I’ll forget how to shoot before long. A refresher will do nicely.’

  Oh, no. Beefcake was going to kill Liuz’s friend.

  I felt sick and flattened one hand to my chest. ‘Oh, God. Please, just stop this. Let me go home. Let me and Liuz go. This is nothing to do with us.’

  Beefcake trained his gaze on me. ‘Listen, love, you might be a nice fuck, but your voice is getting on my damn nerves. Shut the fuck up, all right? You can scream again later, once this bollocks is sorted out, know what I mean?’

  He expected me to fuck him after this?

  ‘Violence always gets me horny.’ Beefcake smiled, looked me up and down, then turned his attention back to Masked Man. ‘Now then. Let’s see who the fuck you are.’

  He yanked off the balaclava and tossed it aside. Frowned. ‘Teddy?’

  Teddy? Beefcake knew him?

  ‘I do not want this in my place,’ Liuz said, stepping from beside the bed to stand behind Beefcake.

  ‘Listen, mate.’ Beefcake looked over his shoulder. ‘Your place, my place, doesn’t matter where – he’s greeting his maker. What does matter is that if we do this here, now, your debt’s clear, know what I’m saying?’

  I widened my eyes, the implications sinking deep into my marrow. Liuz had one hell of a dilemma. He’d be free of Beefcake if he allowed this scenario to go on – but would he really? Liuz would have something on Beefcake, but he’d be a liability, and who knew, one day it might be Liuz on his back with Beefcake’s gun pointed at his face. But could my man let his friend, his associate, be shot in cold blood? The poor man had only taken on a simple job for Liuz, and the shit had really hit the fan.

  I stared down at Teddy, now unmasked and, oddly, not looking frightened at all. What was it about these gangster types? Didn’t they get scared about anything?

  ‘Now, Teddy,’ Beefcake said. ‘I reckon it’s time for you to let me in on what’s bothering you. What did I do to you?’

  ‘You know,’ Teddy said. ‘What you did to my Marlene.’

  ‘But she got in the way. It couldn’t be helped. If she’d have just stayed upstairs like she’d been asked, she wouldn’t be six feet under, would she?’ He shrugged. ‘Not my fault I thought she was someone else. You remember, Teddy? She had to stay upstairs while we hid the goods.’ He laughed, eyes drifting upwards as he recalled a memory. ‘Those were the days, when we were just starting out. Stashing pot and a bit of coke in your sideboard. Jesus. Look how far I’ve come.’

  The pride in Beefcake’s voice sickened me. No remorse whatsoever for poor Marlene. The fact that these two had known one another for a long time shocked me, as did the way Teddy hadn’t told Liuz about his relationship with Beefcake being an issue when he’d agreed to rough him up. He’d had his own reasons for doing this.

  Two quick pffts of sound broke the silence. Beefcake reeled backwards, and Number Two crashed to the floor. What the fuck was going on? Liuz yelled and jumped back, away from Beefcake, and stared from one fallen man to the other. I did the same, screaming, fright flinging me to the headboard. I clutched it for comfort, but nothing was going to make me feel better for a long time to come.

  Beefcake had a single bullet hole in his forehead, brain and grey matter littering the floor behind him and on Liuz. Blood pooled beneath Beefcake’s head, and he stared at the ceiling, sightless, his teeth bared. Number Two hadn’t fared much better. A hole graced his temple and, sprawled the way he was, he resembled every dead body I’d seen on TV, minus the surrounding white chalk line. The right side of his face and head were missing.

  I fought my gag reflex, fought the urge to scream long and loud, and clamped one hand over my mouth. I stared, incredulous, as Teddy got to his feet, brushed himself down, and bent to retrieve his gun.

  ‘Now that’s sorted,’ he said, looking at Liuz, ‘I’m off.’

  ‘What?’ Liuz said, his features pinched, his mouth opening and closing.

  ‘I said, I’m off.’ Teddy smiled. ‘Just give me and my mate out there ten minutes, will you? Then call the police. By the time they get their asses round here, we’ll be long gone. Oh, and tell them exactly what happened, minus the bits about me and Marlene. No names mentioned, got it?’

  Even though he wasn’t talking to me, I said, ‘Got it.’ I just wanted him out of here. Wanted this whole nightmare to be over.

  Liuz nodded, one of thanks, I thought, and stepped aside to allow Teddy access to the door.

  ‘You got this one on me,’ Teddy said. ‘Well, rather than the full fee, since I had an old score to settle anyway.’ He laughed and opened the door, gloved hand lingering on the handle. ‘Fuck, I forgot that.’ He nodded at his balaclava.

  Liuz picked it up and handed it to him.

  Teddy nodded his thanks and walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.

  I stared at Liuz, seeing the dead men in my peripheral vision, and shuddered. We were in this thing together, no doubt about it, bound by a terrible ordeal that I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. What if the police found out we’d held information back? What if we got into trouble?

  ‘Are you OK, Hannah?’

  My bottom lip trembled. A wave of tiredness took over the adrenaline, and I slumped against the pillows. My whole body shuddered, and I was unable to process exactly what had happened. I glanced over at the window, saw the spider web of cracked glass showing between the partially opened curtains. The bullets had entered that way, then.

  Liuz stepped over Beefcake and climbed on the bed, taking me in his arms and holding me tight. He stroked my back, and I rested my cheek against his chest, trying not to think about the transference of Beefcake’s blood from him to me. His heart thundered, and he shook a little. A sob built up inside me, but I wouldn’t cry. Not yet. Not until this whole thing was over.

  With his chin on top of my head, he said, ‘I am sorry. Fuck, I am sorry. About everything, that he had to touch you again and – it wasn’t – this wasn’t–’

  ‘I know. What are we going to do?’

  ‘I do not know. We must call the police. Get our stories straight before they arrive. It is important we say the same thing. They will speak to us separately, I think. Please, I ask only this last thing of you. Please do not break down. When this is over, if you want to say the stop word, I will understand.’

  Did I? All along I’d said it wouldn’t be me saying that word; that Liuz would have to be the one to end our association. But now? I recalled how I’d felt not five minutes ago at the thought of Liuz getting shot and me losing him.

  I couldn’t.

  Even if it meant spending time in prison if the police found holes in our statements?

  That was a tough question. One I wasn’t prepared to answer just yet.

  We spent those agonisingly long ten minutes in one another’s arms. Liuz sang to me, some Polish tune I didn’t understand, but the melody soothed me, and with my eyes closed I could almost imagine two dead men weren’t sprawled out on his floor. If it wasn’t for the metallic scent of blood, heavy on the air now, I could have pretended eve
rything in our world was wonderful.

  ‘It is time,’ he said on a sigh.

  My stomach muscles cramped again. ‘I know.’

  ‘We must go through this quickly, our stories.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘It will be all right, Aniolku, I promise.’

  I wished his promise could be kept, but I wasn’t naïve enough to believe it could be. It would never be all right. Not now. I’d have nightmares, I was sure of it, and I worried that our relationship would deteriorate with the recent turn of events. Could we get through this? Could we hold on to this terrible secret forever?

  I knew I could.

  But what about Liuz?

  Chapter Thirteen

  It was very hot at the police station – hot and stuffy and oppressive. As though they’d organised it that way so everyone felt on edge, unable to relax and would offer up their information, their truth, quickly just to get out of the place.

  As Liuz had predicted, we were separated the minute the police arrived at the murder scene. I was offered a trip to the hospital for a check over, but declined, stating that I was physically fine, just shaken up with the horror at the events of what I’d thought would be a quiet evening with my boyfriend and his mate.

  As if Beefcake could ever fall under the heading of ‘mate’?

  Stepping into my silent flat, I leaned my back against the bolted door. My stomach growled with hunger, but nausea had moved in like an unwelcome squatter in my belly – I knew I wouldn’t eat for some time.

  My palms were clammy and itchy, my eyes dry and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. I felt horrid but I was all right. I hadn’t been arrested, just questioned, and I’d done what Liuz had asked of me. Said all the right things about how events unfolded and acted dumb when Officer Lederman quizzed me about the identity of the other victim and the murderers.

  Somewhere within myself I’d also found the dignity to hold my chin up when asked about the scene the intruder had met when he’d barged into Liuz’s apartment. I wasn’t proud to say that I’d been in bed with two men, naked and being screwed senseless. But I needn’t have worried. The declaration didn’t even widen Officer Lederman’s eyes. I guessed he’d seen it all before – it was just a damn shame he reminded me so much of my dad.

  I wandered not into the kitchen but into my study, peeled off my clothes, right down to my underwear, and stared at my mural of Liuz.

  Twice the sequence of events had been gone over by Lederman. Notes were taken while a tape recorder whirred. He’d given me a cup of tea too. I hadn’t drunk it. My words throughout the questioning had been carefully chosen, though I didn’t bother to hide my underlying distress at seeing two men murdered. That had been gruesome and would linger for a very long time in my memory.

  But I surprised myself with my calculating mind and the strength I’d found within. I’d given up so much for Liuz, done so many reprehensible things – what did a few more matter? I won’t deny I was frightened, especially when I had to scurry my mind back to things I’d said earlier, when I’d still been shaking with shock. But I remained resolute and in control. When you had everything to lose it was amazing how you found the strength to protect what was yours.

  I snapped shut my curtains and flicked on the local radio. Wondered if there would be news of the Woodstone Road shooting and the murder of one of the district’s most notorious criminals – I didn’t know if that was the case, if Beefcake was one of the district’s most notorious criminals, but my journalist mind couldn’t help but pre-guess the story slant.

  I bent for my box of paints and my head was suddenly filled with an image of Beefcake lying with his brains blasted out. I stumbled and dropped to my knees. Scrabbled for my palette. The shock of the image was sickeningly detailed and it jumped uninvited into my mind’s eye a nasty surprise.

  There was only one thing for it.

  I had to get the image down despite still having Beefcake’s dried blood on me. It would give me control and allow me to look at it only when I wanted to. I couldn’t cope with such macabre and sudden intrusions into my own mind.

  Diligently, I blobbed out the colours needed to paint Beefcake’s final form. The police had asked me about him. I’d said, as agreed with Liuz beforehand, that he was a friend of my boyfriend’s who’d popped around for a drink and some fun. Three times Officer Lederman had gone back to the relationship between Liuz and Beefcake. Three times I’d given the same answer. Vague and loose and playing dumb, it allowed Liuz to say what he needed without being tripped up by information I gave.

  I mixed grey with blue and a little white, for it was the brain matter that was the overwhelming image of Beefcake. Then just above the skirting board, about a metre away from Liuz’s painted feet, I began my gruesome picture. It was cathartic, though, and instantly I felt the release, the cleansing process of putting the image into a form that I had control over.

  I wondered where Liuz was, if he was still at the station. Officer Lederman said, as I’d been released, that he was being kept for a few more questions. I hoped he was holding up all right and prayed that he was sticking to the story he’d so carefully mapped out for me and that I’d followed to the letter.

  What I wouldn’t do right now to be with him, hold him, comfort him. He needed me, I could sense it. It was like we had some kind of telepathy going on. He was upset and having a rough time. His woman at his side would be a good thing. I could prop him up with some of my inner strength.

  Finishing Beefcake’s shocked features and messy brains, I glanced at the life-size drawing of Liuz. His brooding face, huge erection and long limbs had me buzzing, despite the horrors of the night. I remembered the awesome orgasm I’d had, riding him hard and having another cock in my ass. I’d been off-the-scale ecstatic – I’d actually feared for my sanity throughout the whole fuck. My mind had spun into another dimension entirely.

  A better, sweeter image bombarded me. One that must have been reality for Teddy as he’d burst into the bedsit. It was me on top of Liuz, my head thrown back in climax, Beefcake shunting into me, his bulk vast compared to mine and his wobbly skin red and blotchy with exertion. His meaty fingers latched onto my hips.

  I got busy with my paintbrush again; I was merely a puppet painting the pictures that flooded my mind. In the top right-hand corner of the wall I drew a crude bed – dank, green sheets and a shadowy brown streak for the floor. Liuz was my next addition, sumptuous orange mixed with a little brown and yellow for his flesh, the perfect sun-baked look. I tipped his head back into the pillow, his Adam’s apple jutting like on the very first picture I’d seen of him. I tangled my own painted limbs over his middle, bent-up knees hiding his hips, arms reaching onto the bed, supporting myself. I’d spent years working on my craft of committing images to paper, canvas, or in this case a wall, and tonight I was glad that the act of doing it came naturally and with such an easy flow. Worrying about the length of a back and the direction of light just wouldn’t have helped when I had a mind full of worries about Liuz.

  Would his crime of setting up a beating that had turned into grisly murders stay a secret? Of course, once more than one person knew something it technically was no longer a secret. But I didn’t count, I was in love with him, nothing would ever make me tell. Plus, Liuz didn’t even know I knew about his involvement with Teddy. As far as he was concerned I just thought Beefcake had finally met his match and it was damn bad luck it was at Liuz’s place.

  I drew Beefcake now, on his knees behind me, his hips pressed into my ass cheeks. I gave him an expression of rapture, mouth almost tilted in a smile as he looked down at where he entered me. It was his last moment of pleasure before he died. I had given him that.

  Weird, but that gave me a feeling of pride.

  And what about me? Would my crime stay undetected? I’d known what was going to happen hours before it had. I didn’t know the name of the law I’d broken but I was sure there was one. It must be illegal not to tell the police about a rough-up that
was going down.

  I stepped back and admired my third image, me being fucked by Liuz and Beefcake. It was lewd and dramatic; all three of our expressions blissful and stuck like that for eternity.

  What punishment would I be subjected to if I was found out? Would it be a jail sentence or a ticking off? I had no idea. There was only one thing I really knew for sure and that was I had to be with Liuz. My whole body was aching with the need to feel him against me, in me, around me. I could almost smell his skin; smoky maleness that held such a wealth of shockingly sexy memories and seductive promises.

  Swiftly, I drew his hands and wrists on another spare patch of wall. Sinewy tendons and round joints covered in a fuzz of dark hair. Elegant fingers with short, square nails. I adored his hands. I needed them on me so much it hurt.

  I wanted his painted hands to come to life. So I stared at them, willed them with my eyes and my thoughts. If I could have one wish it would be that he was here now, holding me, making everything all right in my world.

  The doorbell jumped to life with a trill.

  I started then stared into my hallway at the front door as though I could penetrate it with my gaze.

  Who the hell was calling on me at two in the morning?

  Liuz?

  I dropped my brush, dashed out of the room and tugged the door shut. Raced to the peephole. A glut of apprehension and hope poured into my soul as I splayed my palms against the cool wood and peered through.

  It was him.

  Elation bolted through me and my heart soared. A new wave of nausea crashed in my stomach, sending bile shooting up my gullet.

  How did he know where I lived?

  Perhaps I should be cautious and not answer the door. I’d never told him my address, had been very careful not to. It gave me an element of control, more power almost than the stop word.

  But the bare bones of my desperation were all that existed, and I flung open the door and stared up at him.

  ‘Hannah,’ he said, glancing over his shoulder.