“No, that’s okay,” I cut in, holding the shirt up to my chest. “This is perfect.”
It probably wasn’t, but I was fine with a more-or-less fit. There were buckskin pants, too, one black and the other tanned. In my size, or close enough, anyway. Underwear. Fresh socks.
I looked at Mary with a puzzled frown. “Did you organize this?”
“I believe the King did,” she said with a nod. “We have an excellent seamstress at court, Janine Marshland. I can send for her to make any alterations.”
I pulled in the rising anger, tried to remain polite. “That won’t be necessary, thank you, Mary. If you don’t mind, I’d prefer to be alone. Please see yourself out.”
With that, I went into the bathroom and closed the door, pressed my back to it and sucked in long, deep breaths. While we’d been out there, strategizing for survival, the castle had been planning my wardrobe. It felt like a personal invasion, a cruel stab to the heart of me. Never before had I felt more like a pawn, a pawn of fate and whatever game Nathanial was playing.
My hands fisted at my sides, nails digging into my palms. I would not be undone by this. I would maintain my composure, meet Nathanial with a clear head and resolve our damn issues. I would find a compromise, a way for us to coexist in this valley, or by God I would gut him.
By the time I finished in the bathroom, I was ready to put that vow into action. I’d skipped the bath and taken a quick shower instead. The luxury of piped-in hot water was not lost on me, but I had absolutely no inclination to enjoy it.
I was sitting on the floor, tying the laces of my boots, when an inner door I hadn’t noticed flung open.
Nathanial came through without so much as a warning knock. I didn’t call him out on it, didn’t want to derail this conversation.
“What’s the situation with my people?” I said tersely, rising to my feet.
“Liam is in the infirmary, expected to make a full recovery,” he said. “There are two others there as well with superficial wounds, I didn’t get their names.”
“Benjamin and James,” I murmured.
“Gavin didn’t make it, I’m afraid.” He watched me, searching for weakness.
I gave him none, tucking my grief in close.
“There were casualties on the battlefield from both sides.” Nathanial stood there another long moment, subjecting me to that penetrating gaze before he walked straight past me to the window. “We caught your archer, a woman, in the woods while she was picking off my soldiers. She’s locked in the barracks with your men. We’ve set up a large tent in the east quadrant for the women and children.”
He turned to perch on the wide window ledge, long legs crossed at the ankles, arms folded. “All their basic needs are being attended to.”
I swallowed. David? But I wouldn’t ask. If David was still out there, free, no one else needed to know. “What do you want, Nathanial? What is this all about?”
“The time has come to consolidate my kingdom,” he said. “There’s a war coming and I can’t have my focus scattered.”
My jaw dropped and it took a couple of heartbeats to snap my mouth closed, to look into his eyes and realize he was serious. Delusional, but apparently serious.
“From where is this war coming?” I flung my arms wide, didn’t try to hide the dripping scorn. “All your rebels have been subdued.”
“That doesn’t concern you.”
“Then what am I doing here?”
He took his sweet time unfolding his arms, lifting a hand to scrub his jaw, those watchful eyes boring into me.
I wasn’t going to like this and he knew it.
“Nathanial.” Closing the gap between us with a measured stride, I asked again, “Why am I here?”
“To be my Queen.”
Obviously I’d heard wrong. “To be your what?”
“I intend to marry you and unite our people.”
It was confirmed. The King had gone mad. “I will never marry you and…and why? Why would you even want me?”
“You know better than that, Rose. For people like you and me, it’s never about what we want. We do what we must.”
The rejection didn’t sting. It was entirely mutual. I spun away from him. “Well, you’ll have to find another way to unite our people because marriage is impossible.”
“Any yet it’s the only way I’m prepared to consider.”
“You’re crazy!”
“With the King and High Chancellor wed, the kingdom will never again be divided. I’m not crazy, Rose.” His voice lowered to a deep, baritone warning, “I’m determined.”
My heart raced, pounded with disbelief and fury. Somehow I held onto the tenuous threads of diplomacy as I turned back to face him. “The King and High Chancellor must remain separate entities to maintain the balance of power. It’s written into the law of the land.”
A grim smile cracked his jaw. “I’m not going to consume your power, Rose. You’ll be High Chancellor and Queen while I’ll still just be King.”
I snorted. “You know what you can do with that loophole!”
“I can do anything I please,” he said calmly. “I’m the King.”
“Not quite anything,” I informed him. “You can’t force me to marry you.”
“No, that I cannot do.” He pressed up from the ledge to his full height, probably for the sheer satisfaction of looking down on me. “But you should know, my kingdom will be united, with or without your people.”
My throat went dry. “What are you saying?”
“Do I really need to spell it out?”
No. “Yes.”
“I cannot house an army of rebels inside these walls.”
“Then let’s declare a truce,” I challenged. “Allow us to return to the mountain.”
“I won’t have a divided kingdom.”
“Ah, I forgot about your imminent war.”
His eyes narrowed, the colour of granite and just as cold. “I will no longer tolerate dissidence and rebellion. We settle this now, or your people will hang for treason.”
“You’d do that?” I seethed. “Many of those men trained in your father’s army. They taught you to wield a sword.”
“They made their choice and now you must decide whether they live or die by it,” he said. “And I’m not just talking about the men, Rose. Wives seek retribution for executed husbands. Children grow up to avenge their fathers.”
A numbing cold spread through me. “You bastard.”
“Rest assured, it would grieve me, but that is my burden to carry.”
Correction. Duplicitous bastard. He could—would—carry out that threat, but we both knew I’d never let it come to that and therein lay his twisted power. The power to make barbaric threats with a clear conscience. The power to mould me to his will like a ball of dough.
I looked at Nathanial, really looked. The boy with the mischievous grey eyes and dimpled smile was gone. He’d been gone a long, long time. In his place stood this man with slate grey eyes and bristled jaw, dark hair falling to broad shoulders. A man committed to shredding my soul and feeling nothing while he did so.
I couldn’t marry him.
If I’d known the conditions of our surrender, I would have given a different order, a battle cry to fight to the death.
But I’d called my people down from that mountain and they’d come. They’d put down their arms and trusted in me. Every man, woman and child.
“How, Nathanial? How do I marry you?” I said hoarsely, my voice scraped raw. “You killed my father.”
“And he killed mine,” Nathanial said, so cold, so damn calm. “Devon Welsh killed a King. He was always going to die.”
My hand flew up without conscious thought. I slapped him across the cheek, and he let me, didn’t even flinch. “You could have spared him.”
He slanted a look at me, and something that resembled remorse crossed his eyes. “Rose, I am sorry. But Devon Welsh could never return to court and I needed you here.”
“I wo
uld have come, willingly,” I said. “I would have done anything you wanted in exchange for my father’s life.”
“You misunderstand.” That brief glimpse of humanity in his eyes frosted over. “I didn’t just need you here, I needed you here as High Chancellor.”
Of course. Nathanial had no interest in marrying a mere woman. It had to be the High Chancellor.
I shoved past him, stalked to the window, anything to get away from him so I could think. Cull my emotions and return to reason. This marriage was going to happen, I knew that now. Nathanial had put this into play six months ago, his decision set in stone the day he killed my father.
I looked out the window, beyond the crenulated boundary walls, my gaze skimming over the velvet brush of pine forest and up, up to the blue skies.
Even if I were a bird, I couldn’t fly away. Somewhere high above the clouds, an invisible dome shielded and trapped, killed and saved, filtered poison from the air and rain, incinerated man and animal on contact.
I was stuck here with the choices I’d made and the impossible question. How do I marry Nathanial?
I had no pride in this moment. I would have thrown myself at his feet and begged for another solution, anything but this, if I thought it would do any good.
But I’d already been there, done that.
The day his men had overpowered my father and me in that forest clearing. Two dozen of them, two of us. Too many years of complacency, we hadn’t seen that ambush coming. My chest heaved as I called that vivid imagery to mind.
My father on his knees with a blade pressed to his neck, me held back by two of the King’s men.
Utter relief swept over me when Nathanial rode into the clearing.
I jerked my arms free, dropped to my knees in subservience and naivety, looked up at this mounted man who’d grown from my dearest friend. In my heart of hearts, I knew he’d never deny me. I had only to ask.
And so I did. I threw myself before him and begged, “Nate, have mercy. Order your men to stand down.”
There’d been a mistake, that was clear. These men had acted without instruction.
Except, the only mistake was mine.
Nathaniel looked me in the eye for an endless moment, the seconds drawing out, my confidence ebbing, something inside me dying. And yet, I desperately clawed onto any shred of hope, not prepared to accept that Nathanial could turn his back on me.
But he did.
Without a flicker of remorse, he spurred his stallion around and rode off without a word. He never glanced back, not once, not even at the anguished cry ripped from my throat when General Sunderland slowly, horrifically, raised his blade from my father’s neck, then swept downward in one brutal, lethal blow.
“In name only,” I said dully, not turning from the window. “A marriage in name only.”
A short pause. “No.”
“Those are my terms.”
“You have no terms here, Rose, only acceptance of my wishes.” I sensed his approach, felt his breath on the back of my neck. “This marriage must bridge a divide that has been forged in betrayal and blood. We are to show our people that we can forgive, we can move forward, we will start a new day. You cannot fake that.”
“Watch me.”
“Wounds heal, scars fade,” he said softly. “If you nurture the healing process instead of continually picking away at the scabs.”
A pretty philosophy, conveniently mislaid when my father was murdered in cold blood.
“Besides,” Nathanial went on, a serpent tongue in my ear, “we’re both in need of an heir.”
And there it was, the ugly truth.
I spun out from his suffocating presence, skittered to the side. “Your child will be both King and High Chancellor.”
“As will yours.”
Nathanial had been mocking me when he’d said he wouldn’t consume my power, but this child would consume both mine and his and rule supreme.
“Why don’t you kill me?” I asked in all seriousness. “Why live with a thorn in your side when you could just as easily pluck it out?”
“You know why,” he said. “Your bloodline cannot die.”
I shook my head slowly. I honestly did not know why. “You’re obviously willing to manipulate the laws of our land to suit your whims.”
He looked at me, his gaze hooking deeper and deeper as the silence stretched. “You don’t know,” he drew out at last. “Devon never explained the legacy of your past.”
I would have laughed, had I had an ounce of humour for this day. “My father believed the future is for the living. It does no good to dwell on the past.”
“And what of you, Rose? What do you believe?”
“Why don’t you tell me about this legacy?” I countered.
“I think not,” he said firmly. “I’d rather honour your father’s memory by looking to the future and our imminent nuptials.”
“Don’t you dare. You do not get to use my father’s name for your own malicious gain.” Anger blurred my vision. This marriage would be a slur on everything my father had stood for. “I will kill you,” I vowed. “I will slit your throat while you sleep.”
“No, you won’t.”
“You can keep your secrets,” I hissed, “but I do know this. With you gone, I will reign in my own right. You may need me alive, Nathanial, but I do not need you.”
“You need me very much alive, unless you’re prepared to condemn your rebels to death. General Sunderland has instructions in the event of my premature and unnatural death. Your people will be slaughtered before you can wash my blood off your hands.”
He closed the gap between us with loose strides. “You have much to learn about loyalty, but trust me on this. General Sunderland will see my last wish executed, with his dying breath if it comes to that.”
I did not doubt Nathanial could continue to command his army from the grave. My father had died by his order, but it had been General Sunderland’s hand that had wielded the sword. The general would not suffer well beneath my rule and he was smart enough to know it. As Queen, I might eventually weed out all the poison from my army, but the cost was higher than I could bear.
“You should pray…” Nathanial cocked his head to look me in the eye, his voice butter soft “…that I lead a long, healthy life.”
Whichever way I turned, he remained two steps ahead. My emotions boiled over while he kept a cool, collected head. He leapt from strength to strength, crushing me in my weakness.
My father had trained me better than this.
My people deserved better.
I blinked hard, stared into the cold winter of Nathanial’s gaze.
“We wed at dusk,” he murmured and turned to go.
So soon? My heart leapt in dread, but I would not sink into defeat. I would rise from the ashes of this royal marriage and turn it into my weapon. “Nathanial, wait!”
He glanced back at me with a warning frown. “People have suffered on both sides of this rebellion, Rose. Blood against blood, neighbour against neighbour. Every hour that goes by, the tension inside these walls fester and it will spill over if we delay this marriage.”
“I need to address my people,” I told him. “If they suspect you’re forcing my hand, they will sweep terror through your streets until I’m freed.”
He regarded me with suspicion. “What will you say to them?”
“I haven’t had time to prepare a speech,” I returned sweetly. “But I’m no fool. Rest assured, you’ve stripped me of any other choice. This marriage is the only way I can prevent a bloodbath and I will embrace it.”
His brow shot up. “Why does that sound like a double-edged promise?”
“Because it is,” I answered, and the weight pressing on my chest eased slightly. There was something to be said for total transparency in a marriage. I hope Nathanial choked on it. “When I look at you, I see my father’s murderer. Do you recall that day you scaled our mountain cliff with your men and I found you dangling by your fingertips?”
I didn’t pause for his response. “That is my greatest regret, that I spared you instead of slicing your grip and watching you fall. I will marry you, I will give you an heir, and together we will present a united front. I will do that to save my people, to bring our people together. But know this, I hate you with all that I am. My heart and body will be a frozen lake to you and every night I climb into bed, the thought of slitting your throat while you sleep will follow into my dreams.”
The look in Nathanial’s eyes gave away nothing as he considered my words. After a moment, he shrugged and extended his arm. “Come, it seems we have happy news to share with your men in the barracks. But a quick detour first, if you don’t object?”
Ignoring his offered arm, I strode past him to the door. “For what?”
“To take an accounting of our dead,” Nathanial said, no inflection of emotion in his voice at my back.
My heart contracted, but I didn’t turn around, didn’t miss a beat in my step. I had hoped—prayed—our casualties were limited to Gavin. I was pretty sure Nathanial was trying to tell me otherwise. Either way, I certainly didn’t object. Before we moved forward, I had to take reckoning of our bloodied past and pay my respects.
The morgue was a windowless stone room around the same side of the castle as the dungeon entrance, dug into the mountain. Beeswax candles dripped from holders on the walls, casting a dim glow, masking the scent of decay. Two wide benches were carved into each side of the cave room, insufficient for all our dead to rest in respectful grace.
I paused on the threshold, my gaze on Nathanial’s back as he stepped between the bodies wrapped in linen on the ground. If only I could place all the blame at his feet. But it was never that easy. It wasn’t that simple. Regardless of who the instigator may be, it took two sides to go to war. He’d made me complicit in these deaths and in this moment, if at all possible, I hated him a little more.
He stopped before the bench on the right and turned to me. “These three are yours.”
Two bodies, wrapped from head to toe, packed tight on a bench meant for one. Another on the floor. On the other side of the morgue, a further two bodies occupied the bench, three on the ground. He’d lost five men. I’d lost three. This was what Nathanial had brought me here to see. His idea of accounting for the dead was more literal than mine.
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