by Cher Etan
When Allen was eighteen he met a girl; she was new in town, worked at the coffee shop where he stopped off every morning on the way to school. She was tall and blonde; beautiful in a fragile sort of way. Even though she was almost five foot eleven, there was something delicate about her that awakened Allen’s protective instincts. The first time they met, her boyfriend was bothering her at work, and her supervisor was inclined to let her go because of it; he had no time for that sort of drama in his establishment. Allen stepped in, defended her and saved her job. He also gave her (ex) boyfriend a black eye. It was the beginning of a tumultuous relationship.
Frances didn’t like her on sight; she felt that Kristen was too clingy, needy and manipulative for Allen’s good. She didn’t try to step between them though – she knew it was none of her business much as she wanted to tell him to kick her to the curb. She kept to herself instead, especially when Kristen was around. Kristen didn’t like her either; she viewed her as too much of a threat since she lived in Allen’s house and was his best friend. She tried her best to drive a wedge between them as subtly as she could. She came over during the weekends to see him, and when she found them together, she got sulky. She tried to complain to Allen about Frances ‘always’ being around like she was cock blocking them. Allen didn’t see it though; he was used to Frances always curled up somewhere nearby with a book. It comforted him to know she was there. And she didn’t really stop them from doing anything. They could make out if they wanted, or even get to third base, Frances didn’t so much as look up. She’d seen her fill of sexual acts on the street; she had told him that she had no interest in voyeurism as a result. Allen wondered sometimes if she’d maybe experienced more than witnessing sexual acts because she seemed to have absolutely no interest. It worried him sometimes, how aloof she was from the whole teenage romance scene but then she didn’t go to school; maybe she just hadn’t met anyone she was interested in. Still, Allen preferred not to leave her completely to her own devices and he didn’t see why Kristen couldn’t just get along with her.
Matters came to a head when Kristen reached a point where she felt comfortable enough to issue an ultimatum. Frances or her. She accused Allen of wanting his cake and eating it too; implying that the reason he wanted Frances around was because he was sleeping with her. He assured her that wasn’t the case and that was when she said, “Choose between us.”
She was very surprised when Allen chose Frances. She was even more surprised that it was not an agonizing decision; as soon as the ultimatum was issued, Allen and Kristen were done.
Chapter 2
“Kristen and I are done,” Allen said the next day at breakfast.
“Aww, why?” Frances fake whined as she stuffed sausage and mushrooms into her mouth.
“She was getting a little too big for her boots. She actually told me to get rid of you.”
“I’m touched. I didn’t know you cared.”
“Well I do. Plus I need to prepare for finals, I don’t have time for shenanigans,” he said.
Frances laughed, “That’s the Allen I know and love; practical to the end of time.”
“Mostly it was her asking me to choose between her and you though,” he qualified smiling as he forked his eggs into his mouth.
“I think she was just threatened. You’re living with a girl who isn’t related to you; there’s no girlfriend who would like that.”
“Are you defending her?”
“No. I’m just seeing the other side. I get it. I wouldn’t want some hot black girl living with my boyfriend either.”
Allen laughed, “Hot black girl…Jesus Frances, you have jokes.”
“That’s not nice,” Frances protested.
“But it's true,” he said. Frances flashed him the finger but kept eating. Allen stared speculatively at her.
“So…about college…” he said.
“Yeah?” Frances replied spinning her bacon onto a fork.
“Are you going to apply?”
Frances laughed from her belly. “What? Me?” she asked incredulously. “I just learned how to read.”
Allen was silent for a while, pondering the best way to tell her she had everything it took to succeed as a college student or life in general.
“What?” Frances demanded.
“You put yourself down a little too much for my taste,” Allen replied.
“Well, I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you,” Frances said, she actually sounded hurt.
Allen sighed. “You’re not a disappointment, don’t be an idiot. You just put yourself down so much. See? Like now,” he said anticipating her snarky reply.
Frances made a face at him, “Well there’s one way to sort this shit out; I’ll apply and then you can read through all the rejection letters and burn them.”
“Deal,” Allen replied.
Frances stared at him, as if waiting for the punch line. Allen continued to eat his breakfast unperturbed, however so, she went back to her own and decided to ignore him.
*****
They both got into the University of Minnesota; it was the only campus they both applied to that they both got into. Frances was in shock that she got more than one acceptance letter so she was quite willing to let Allen guide her as to which to choose. He was legal now and able to take charge of his parents’ fortune. He paid his uncle the money he promised and then sold the house. He didn’t want any reminders of his childhood; the death of his parents weighed heavily on that house, and the abuse his uncle had subjected him to. The only good memories the house had was after Frances came to live with them. He was ready to let it go. Let the whole town go in fact and start fresh. His administrators were opposed to such drastic changes and did their best to dissuade him. He only convinced them by pointing out the financial impracticality of maintaining a house in Prosperity, Indiana when he was going to spend the majority of the next four years in St. Paul Minnesota. It made more economic sense simply to get an apartment in Falcon Heights; after all it wasn’t like he had relatives to come back to in Prosperity. The administrators agreed that this was a plan and Allen and Frances packed up the house.
Frances was very insecure about her suitability to be a college student but Allen rode roughshod all over her objections and signed her up for whatever classes he thought might interest her. This included linguistics, French, literature and history. At that point, Frances took over and chose her own classes. Freshman year of college was a period of adjustment; the freedom was intoxicating for Allen; but Frances had always been unencumbered by adult supervision so it was par for the course for her. Allen tried everything on offer from LSD to sky diving. He spent the minimum time he could actually in class that would enable him to pass his exams. Frances on the other hand, spent all her time in class, or at the library catching up on the quieter side of growing up. They still lived together at an apartment off campus but somehow, they rarely saw each other.
Frances met a guy in the library in the beginning of sophomore year. He was intense in a way that fascinated her; his ambitions were boundless and he came from a poor background too. He was only able to study at the U of M because of a scholarship and financial aid. He wanted to get his degree and go home to change his neighborhood. Frances fell in love with his passion and he fell in love with her brain and her sass. Allen was against it. He did everything he could to dissuade Frances from going out with him.
“Look at him with those dreadlocks. Its so pretentious; who does he think he is? Bob Marley?” Allen said sneering derisively at Kareem who was checking out some books as Frances and Allen waited.
“Don’t be jealous,” Frances said amused. “I still love you.”
Allen slapped at her arm with the back of his hand, “I’m being serious.”
“So am I!” she protested.
“What is it anyway? You lookin’ to get laid or something? Because I’m pretty sure I know a few guys who are more experienced than that Sean Paul wannabe you hangin’ with.”
Franc
es laughed. “Have you been taking surveys?” she asked amused. “Or are you relying on locker room boasts; because you might not know this man, but boys lie. All the time.”
Allen glared at her, “I know that chica; I’m trying to help you here.”
Frances turned to face him, “Allen, I like him okay? Do I try to get between you and your girlfriends?”
“Ha! What about Kristen?”
“What about her? I didn’t tell you to get rid of her; you did that all by your damn self.”
“Yeah but it was coz of you,” Allen said.
“Fine. But Kareem’s not asking me to choose between you and him so you can just step off Allen. Green is not a good look on you.”
Allen snorted, “As if. I’m not jealous.”
“Whatever you say slugger,” Frances said smiling as Kareem came up to them.
“Got the books,” he said. “Can’t wait to debate the merits and demerits of Homer with you.”
He was grinning at Frances which annoyed Allen to no end. He pulled her away from Kareem as they were walking to the car.
“You know I can debate Homer just as good as he can,” he hissed at her.
She just laughed and pulled her hand out of his grip, hurrying forward to walk with Kareem. Allen had a date that night but he blew it off to lounge in the study watching Frances and Kareem read and talk about The Odyssey. He was pretending to study as he did it but Frances wasn’t fooled. He was seriously cock blocking her.
“You want to like, take this to my room?” she asked Kareem. Allen took a very deep breath and seemed like he was about to stand up and maybe block the door.
“Sure I do,” Kareem replied face brightening visibly. He glanced at Allen as if aware of his cock blocking intentions and then stood up, holding out his hand to help Frances up. Allen stood too, wanting to stall with something but not thinking of something in time. Frances and Kareem strode past him, headed toward her room. Allen followed them with his narrowed eyes. He was surprised at how much he wanted to ram the switch blade he always carried on his person into Kareem’s heart. He hadn’t experienced such violent thoughts since a random druggie had almost knifed Frances for the money she was carrying when they were still living on the street. Allen wondered at it; maybe he’d developed a paternal complex and was treating Frances as if she was his daughter? Somehow, Allen didn’t think so…
He waited twenty minutes and then strode over to Frances’ door, knocking loudly. There was silence from inside which was making Allen feel like breaking down the door to see what they were up to. He was just assessing it for sturdiness when it opened suddenly.
“What?” Frances asked irritably.
“I need to talk to you,” he said to her.
She lifted up her eyebrow in inquiry.
“In private,” he said.
Frances sighed, looked into the room with an, “Excuse me”, and then stepped out and shut the door behind her.
“What’s going on Allen?” she asked.
He leaned down and put his lips on hers. She stiffened in surprise and he was just as surprised as she was. It hadn’t been his intention to do that. He hadn’t known what his intentions were but they weren’t that. Still, now that his lips were on hers, he found himself wanting to explore the inside of her mouth, taste her, know the texture and softness of her lips. He was surprised how soft her lips were; she was such a hard ass on the outside, he expected them to be more chapped, not so plush and soft; tempting a body to lean in and squash them against his own lips; suck them open and insert his tongue inside her mouth. And she was letting him; he wondered if she was still in shock or if she wanted to kiss him back.
He lifted his head and looked into her green eyes flecked with gold. They were wide and staring at him as if she’d never seen him before. He cleared his throat and straightened up.
“Umm,” he said.
“What was that?” she whispered hoarsely.
Allen shrugged and continued to stare into her eyes. He shouldn’t be thinking it, but all he wanted to do was kiss her again.
“Please tell me you didn’t just kiss me so I’d get rid of Kareem,” she hissed.
“What? No! It…it just happened,” he protested.
She bit her lower lip making Allen jealous of her teeth; he wanted to bite her lower lip. She was looking at him pretty skeptically and he should probably be paying attention to that.
“I’m not sorry though,” he said.
She lifted her eyebrows. “You’re not sorry for what?” she asked eyes still wide and staring.
“I’m not sorry I kissed you. Are you sorry I kissed you?”
“Oh God, I’m not having this conversation. Go to sleep Allen,” Frances said walking back to her room and slamming the door behind her. Allen stood in the hallway and just watched her door for a bit. After an interminable amount of time, he decided to just go and sleep. There was nothing more he could do right now. He opened the door to his room and flopped on his bed, watching the hallway hopefully. Surely she was going to get him to leave…she wouldn’t do this to him, would she?
Allen sat up until 2am waiting and finally the door to Frances’ room opened. Kareem padded down the hall, in nothing but his boxers and a wife beater. He did a double take as he passed Allen’s door and saw him sitting on the bed staring into the hallway.
“Whoa man, you scared me,” he said with a laugh. Allen just glared at him. Kareem saw that he wasn’t getting anywhere with him and went on his way, using Allen’s house; drinking his water, peeing in his toilet and sleeping on the bed he bought. Allen was ready to commit bloody murder. In the morning, he started awake and realized he’d fallen asleep sitting on the end of his bed. He got up, ignoring his complaining muscles and walked to his doorway, peering down the hall at Frances’ door. It was wide open, and the bed was made. It was also empty. Allen looked the other way, towards the kitchen, but there wasn’t anybody there either. The apartment was silent.
He went to the grocery store to restock the fridge and then decided to attend his afternoon classes. When he got home at six pm, it was to find Frances seated cross legged on his bed, looking like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.
“Well hello there,” he said coming into his room and shutting the door behind him. She stared back at him impassively.
“What? You won’t talk to me?” he asked coming to sit at the edge of his own bed.
“What was that yesterday Allen? What were you trying to do?” she demanded eyes narrowed, practically shooting sparks at him.
“I was trying…to show you how I feel,” he said looking down at his blue carpet.
“Really? Coz it felt like you were trying to manipulate me into doing what you wanted,” she accused. Allen looked up into her eyes, hurt in his own.
“How can you think that after everything we’ve been through together?” he asked.
“How could you do that after everything we’ve been through together?” she countered.
Allen’s face reddened though he hesitated to call it blushing. “What did I do that was so bad? I was just showing you how I feel.”
“Oh? You just discovered these feelings the minute I got a boyfriend?” she asked snarkily.
“Boyfriend? Really? Him?” Allen said completely distracted.
“Yes. Boyfriend. Kareem is my boyfriend and you will deal.”
Allen stared at her uncomprehendingly. “You can’t be serious,” he said at last.
“Why not?” Frances challenged.
“You kissed me back yesterday. I felt it,” he said.
“You took me by surprise,” Frances said.
“But..” Allen began.
“No buts Allen, this is how it is. You need to accept it.”
Allen said nothing further, just stood up and walked out. He also accepted nothing – he resolved to make it his life’s work to get rid of Kareem if it was the last thing he did.
*****
In spite of his best efforts, Kareem and Frances las
ted a whole year. It was the most miserable year of Allen’s life and he made sure Frances knew it. She responded by spending less and less time with him; they were drifting away from each other slowly but surely. It made Frances really sad but there was only so much she could do without giving in to Allen’s manipulations. At the end of the year though, Kareem came out to her; he told her that he loved her, so he couldn’t continue to lie to her. He was a transgender individual and he felt like it was time he embraced it and accepted it about himself. He hoped that Frances could accept it too.
She could; but only as a friend. If Kareem’s ultimate goal was to be a female, that was fine, but Frances wasn’t a lesbian. She wanted a man who wanted to be a man. Their break up was amicable but Frances didn’t tell Allen about it. There was just too much poison in that well.
“How come Kareem doesn’t stay over anymore, and you guys aren’t joined at the hip?”
“How is that any of your business?”
“Hey, I’m just a concerned friend. If you don’t want to tell me, fine,” Allen said throwing his hands in the air.
Frances hesitated, watching him for a moment. “We broke up,” she said at last.
“What? Seriously? When? Why didn’t you tell me?” Allen asked all up in her face, the his face became thunderous. “What did he do?”
Frances pushed him away, “Allen relax, it was mutual; we want different things, we’re still friends though.”
Allen glared at her. “What do I look like? Oprah? This isn’t a talk show and you don’t get to speak in clichés with me.”
Frances sighed and closed her eyes and then opened them. “It's not my news to tell Allen. Just know that he didn’t do anything, I didn’t do anything. It was just…the situation.”
