“Who was following us? And why were they—”
“Garret.” He squeezed my shoulder and gave me this piercing stare that made me feel like I was being hypnotized. “This never happened. You will not speak of this ever again. Do you understand?”
“Why won’t you tell me anything? Are you in trouble? Why were those guys after us?”
He let go of my shoulder but kept his eyes on mine. “You already lost your mother, Garret. Do you want to lose your father as well?”
I swallowed hard, then answered, “No.”
“Then you’ll forget this ever happened.”
I watched his face. He was serious, like he really feared for his life. And although I’d suspected it before, that’s when I knew for sure my dad was part of something bad. Something dangerous. And it scared the shit out of me.
I was worried about my dad. I didn’t want him to get hurt. Or worse. I couldn’t lose my dad. I didn’t always get along with him, but I still loved him. He was all the family I had left. I had my grandparents but I didn’t see them much, and when I did, they were cold and distant. My dad was, too, sometimes, but other times he was like the dad I knew before my mom died. And I held on to the hope that he’d someday be that dad again.
“What happened tonight?” he asked, testing me.
“Nothing,” I answered, my breath shaky.
“I picked you up at swim practice. We had dinner at the Italian restaurant. And then we went home. Always have a story, Garret. Always.”
I nodded.
He opened his door. “Get out of the car and follow me.”
I did as he said, watching as he opened a panel that held five sets of car keys. He took a key and walked through a door to another garage that held a black Mercedes, the exact same car we drove here in. Same year, same model. It even had the same license plates.
We got in the car, a door opened, and we drove out into the dark woods. But it was a different part of the woods and led to a different road. After a few minutes we were back on the interstate.
We never made it to the Italian restaurant. Instead, we went home and I went to my room while my dad went to his office and spent the rest of the night yelling at someone on the phone. I could’ve listened in, but I didn’t want to. As much as I wanted to know what really went on that night, part of me wanted to do as my dad said and just pretend it never happened.
And to this day, I’ve done just that. The memory of that night is still in my head, but I try not to think about it. I only let myself remember it now because it reminds me of the bad shit that goes on with my family, giving me yet another reason for pushing Jade away.
I know I shouldn’t be looking for excuses like that. I need to accept what I did and take responsibility for it. If I’d just stood up to my dad, I wouldn’t have had to hurt Jade like I did. And I would’ve stood up to him if he hadn’t threatened her like that. But then he did and I panicked. As soon as he said there’d be consequences, my mind started replaying all the things I’ve seen, like that night we were being shot at. The truth is, being in my world is dangerous. And my dad is dangerous.
I still don’t think he’d ever hurt Jade, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe that’s just what I want to believe because he’s my dad and I don’t want to think he’d ever do something like that. And maybe it wouldn’t be him. Maybe he’d hire someone to hurt her or scare her or do something else to get her to stay away from me.
I remain at the beach, gazing out at the water until the sun goes down. Then I drive back to campus and go up to my room. I lie in bed and all I can think about is Jade, right downstairs, hurt and sad and wondering what the hell happened.
I really fucked this up.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The next week I do all I can to avoid Jade. I eat out almost every meal so I don’t run into her in the dining hall. I spend all my nights at the gym or the pool. Or I just go for a drive.
I’m starting to fall behind in my classes because I can’t focus. As soon as I try to study, my mind wanders to Jade. I’m not sleeping well either. Being in my room reminds me of being here with Jade, watching movies and having her fall asleep in my arms.
During English class, I keep my eyes on my laptop, not even looking in her direction. She doesn’t talk to me and I don’t talk to her. After how I treated her, I assumed she was angry at me. More than angry. Furious. But then last Thursday I glanced over at her and she didn’t look mad. She just looked sad and hurt and lonely. And I’m the cause of that.
I need to fix this. I need to make her happy again. But I don’t know how to do that. I’ve screwed this up so bad I feel like anything I do will just make it worse.
Now it’s Saturday and I want to spend it with Jade. I want to go down to her room and apologize and wrap her in my arms and not let her go until the pain I caused her is gone.
My phone rings and as I go to answer it, I notice it’s noon. I just woke up and didn’t realize I’d slept so late. I was up until 5 in the morning, so I guess that explains it.
“What do you want?” I ask when I see it’s Katherine calling.
“You need to learn some manners, Garret. And speak to me with respect.”
“Just tell me what you want or I’m hanging up.”
“I need you to watch Lilly.”
“I’m busy. Make my dad watch her.”
“Your father’s at work. You know he works every Saturday.”
“Then take her with you to wherever it is you’re going.”
“I can’t. I have a hair appointment and the salon doesn’t allow children.”
“You’re bothering me because you have a hair appointment? I’m hanging up now.”
“Wait!” She clears her throat. “Lilly wants to speak with you.”
I sigh, because I know exactly what she’s doing. It’s a classic Katherine move. The guilt trip. Katherine uses Lilly like she uses everyone else in her life. It’s so fucking manipulative.
“Hi, Garret!” Lilly’s got that overexcited tone that’s normal for most six-year olds but Lilly only sounds that way when she thinks I’m going to hang out with her. She never gets attention from anyone but me. “Mom said you’re coming over and we’re going swimming! I got my suit on and everything. Will you be here soon?”
“Yeah. I’ll be there. Put your mom back on the phone.”
I hear Katherine again. “Be here in a half hour.”
She ends the call before I can yell at her. Not that yelling at her would do any good. She’ll never change.
I don’t know why my dad married her. I seriously don’t. I’ve never been able to figure it out. She’s a tall, skinny blond and a lot younger than my dad so maybe he married her for her looks, although I don’t find her the least bit attractive.
My dad doesn’t get along with Katherine and she acts like she hates him, so I don’t understand their relationship or why they’re still together.
I get to the house 10 minutes late because it takes a half hour just to drive there. And given that I’d just woken up when she called, I needed a few minutes to get ready. But of course Katherine just expects me to drop everything and leave the second she tells me to.
Lilly must’ve been standing at the window waiting for me because as soon as I walk to the door, she opens it. She’s in a pink sundress that covers her pink swimsuit. Lilly is obsessed with pink. It’s the only color she wears.
“Garret!” She holds her arms open.
“Hey, Lilly.” I pick her up and give her a hug. I’m the only one who hugs her so she gets lots of hugs from me. My dad sometimes hugs her but he’s hardly ever around so it’s basically never. And I don’t think Katherine’s ever hugged anyone.
I walk inside and set Lilly down.
Katherine appears, in a white suit and giant sunglasses, her keys in her hand. “Make sure she puts suntan lotion on. I wouldn’t want her to get wrinkles.”
That’s what she’s worried about? Wrinkles? So she doesn’t care if Lilly gets a sunburn or skin
cancer. She’s only concerned about how her daughter looks.
I shouldn’t be surprised. Katherine’s an uncaring bitch. There’s no other way to describe her.
“When are you coming back?”
“That’s not your concern.” She goes past me out the door.
I follow her outside. “Yeah. It is my concern. I have to get back to campus. I have to study.”
“Study.” She laughs. “Like you would ever study.” She opens the door to her white Mercedes. “You only want to get back there so you can drink until you pass out, just like you did in high school.” She sighs. “You’re such a disappointment, Garret. Your father is ashamed to call you his son.”
She gets in the car and drives off. I shouldn’t listen to her or care what she says. And I definitely shouldn’t believe her, but part of me does. I don’t want to be a disappointment to my dad, but it seems like all I do is disappoint him. He never says he’s proud of me. He never acknowledges when I do something well.
In high school, I was the fastest swimmer on the swim team and yet my dad only went to two meets in four years. And that’s only because I begged him to come. It was back in ninth grade when I started getting really good and winning. The first meet he came to, he spent the whole time on his phone and didn’t even watch me swim. At the next meet, he did the same thing, so I never asked him to come again. And he never showed up.
“Are we swimming now?” Lilly runs out to the driveway where I’m standing and starts tugging on my shirt.
“Yes. We’ll go swimming.” I take her hand and we go inside. “I need to go up and change first.”
Katherine didn’t used to let me babysit Lilly. She thought I was too irresponsible because I drank so much. But then last year, Katherine got tired of dragging Lilly with her everywhere she went, so she had me watch her and now she expects me to do it all the time.
We can’t hire someone to watch Lilly because we can’t trust anyone. My family has too many enemies because of the bad shit my dad’s involved in. And since we’re rich, we always have people trying to get our money. When Lilly was a baby, she had a nanny and the nanny kidnapped her. She eventually gave her back in exchange for a lot of money. Ever since then, Katherine only allows family to watch Lilly. And since my dad’s never around, that means me. But I don’t live here anymore and I can’t drop everything and babysit whenever Katherine orders me to.
I need to talk to my dad about this. Except right now, I’m not speaking to him. After what he did, I may not speak to him for a very long time.
Lilly and I swim in the pool the rest of the afternoon. It’s September, but it’s hot and humid and feels like the middle of summer.
Katherine gets home at 5:30. I’m pretty damn sure it doesn’t take five hours to get your hair done so she obviously did more than that.
She stands by the pool, her bony hands on her hips. “Lilly, go inside and clean up for dinner.”
“But dinner’s not until 7.”
“Yes, but you need to get dressed and fix your hair. You need to look presentable when you appear at dinner. We’ve talked about this, Lilly. Now get out of the water.”
Lilly swims to the stairs and steps out.
I’m so glad I don’t live at this house anymore, having to deal with Katherine every day. I feel bad for Lilly, stuck here having to follow Katherine’s ridiculous rules. I never followed her stupid dress code for dinner and my dad never pushed the issue so eventually Katherine gave up.
I get out of the pool and grab my towel. Lilly goes to get hers but slips on the wet patio tiles and falls, scraping her knee. She’s shaking as she tries not to cry since her mother doesn’t tolerate crying.
Katherine remains where she is. “Lilly! Get up! Right now!”
I race over and pick her up, setting her on the lounge chair to look at her knee. Some of the skin is scraped off and blood’s trickling out.
“It’s okay,” I say to Lilly.
Her lip is quivering and her eyes are red from the tears she’s holding back.
I look at Katherine. “Are you going to do something or just stand there?”
She shrugs. “It’s a cut. Children get cuts all the time. Lilly, you need to be more careful in the future. When you’re clumsy you get hurt.”
I stare at Katherine, not believing anyone could be that cold. I can’t even understand it. She won’t even help her own daughter.
“Take her inside,” she says to me. “Have the maid clean her up.”
“Are you serious?”
She turns and walks back into the house. I swear, Katherine gets worse every year.
“It hurts,” Lilly says, her voice shaky.
“I know. But we’ll get it cleaned up and make it better, okay?”
She nods and wipes the tears from her eyes.
I pick her up and take her to her room and set her on the bed. Then I go down to my own room. Playing sports I got hurt all the time so my bathroom is loaded up with first aid supplies.
I clean the blood off Lilly’s knee and put a big bandage over it.
“Thank you,” she says when I’m done.
That’s just wrong. No kid should ever have to thank someone for taking care of them. It should just be a given.
“You’re welcome.” I smile at her. “You okay now? Need anything else before I go?”
She gets this sad look on her face and it reminds me of Jade’s sad face. “Do you have to go?”
“Yeah. I don’t live here anymore.”
“Will you come back tomorrow and we can swim again?”
“I don’t think so. I have to do homework.”
“Okay.” She slides over to the side of the bed where I’m sitting and reaches up for a hug. “Bye.”
“Bye.” I hug her, wishing I could do more for her, like get her away from her mother.
“Maybe we could swim next weekend.” She sounds excited again, like she did earlier.
“Yeah, maybe. I’ll call and let you know.” I help her off the bed. “I’ll see you later.”
She hugs me once more, then goes to play with her dolls. She’s happy again. It’s amazing how resilient kids are. I wish I could be like that.
When I go downstairs, Katherine is walking by.
I stop her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Don’t use such foul language in this house.”
I glare at her. “Answer me.”
“Lilly needs to learn to take of herself.”
“She’s six. A six-year-old can’t take care of herself.”
“Lilly is not a baby. She’s perfectly capable of cleaning up a scrape. And that’ll teach her to not be so careless next time.”
“Do you hear yourself? You talk about your daughter like you don’t even give a shit about her. Do you care about anyone but yourself?”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Garret.” She walks off, just as the front door opens.
It’s my dad, home from work. “Garret. I’m surprised to see you. Are you here for dinner?”
“Are you kidding me?” I stomp past him. “This family is so fucked up.”
He shuts the door behind me and I get in my car and speed off. My dad is so clueless. He really thinks I’d go there for dinner? He seriously thinks I want to be around him right now? Or Katherine?
My phone rings. It’s Decker. I’m sure he’s calling to tell me about a party.
“Hey, Dek. Are you out already?”
“Yeah, I’m at Blake’s. What are you doing tonight?”
Decker knows I’m no longer friends with Jade. He didn’t even have to ask. He could tell. And he knew my dad was the reason. He lives in my world. He knows how it works.
“I haven’t decided. Why?”
“Meet us at the party tonight. You don’t have to drink.”
“Yeah, right. That’s like going to a restaurant and not eating. There’s nothing else to do at a party but drink.”
I told Decker I’m taking a break from drinking and so far he’s bee
n supportive. He doesn’t push me to drink the way Blake does.
“You could just hang out. Just come by for an hour or two.”
“I guess I could do that. Okay, I’ll see you there.”
“You want to have dinner first?”
I laugh. “You asking me out, Dek?”
“Hey.” He laughs, too. “Two guys can have dinner together.”
“Not on a Saturday night. It doesn’t look good.”
“Then I’ll see you around 8.”
When I get back to campus, I notice Jade leaving the dorm. She’s in her running shorts and a t-shirt, her hair up in a ponytail. She takes off toward the track. It’s after 6 and it’ll be dark soon and nobody’s around. Everyone on campus is getting ready to go out.
I don’t want Jade on the track alone at night. It’s not safe. But what do I do? I have to leave her alone. And it’s not like she’d listen to me if I told her to come inside.
I go up to my room and watch TV. An hour passes and I worry Jade might still be on the track. I go outside to the edge of the hill, looking down to check. She’s still there. How damn long does she run? It’s dark out now but at least the lights around the track are on. But I still don’t like her out there alone.
I get in my car and drive into town to find something to eat. I wonder if Jade’s been eating. She looked thinner. She can’t afford to lose any weight. She’s already so tiny.
After I eat, I go back to campus. It’s 7:30 and I check the track again. She’s still there. What the hell? I consider going down and telling her to stop, but knowing her, she’d just run even more.
I think Jade uses running the way I use alcohol. When she can’t deal with shit, she runs. And she has a lot of shit to deal with, not just with me, but with her past and whatever happened to her.
I take a seat at the top of the hill and just watch her. I need to know she’s safe, so I’ll watch until she’s done. She runs for another half hour and finally slows down to a walk. Then she sits down on the track, her head hung over her knees, her body shaking a little. I think she might be crying. Fuck. Is this all because of me? Did I do this?
“I’m sorry, Jade.” I say it softly, wishing she could hear me. “I’m so sorry.”
Garret Page 19
