by Peggy Webb
“Release me and I’ll show you.”
All the demons of hell burned in his eyes. Without letting go, he crushed his mouth down on hers. She met the fury of his kiss with wild abandon. She writhed under him, reveling in every hard ridge and muscle, glorying in the heat that penetrated the cotton layers of her gown and robe.
She felt his kiss change. His punishing lips subtly became softer, with more passion and less anger. Groaning, he seared his mouth down the side of her neck.
His knee bunched her gown up between her thighs. Releasing her hands, he caught her around the waist and lifted her hips. His mouth was hot on her. The lamplight flickered over them and the room swam out of control.
“You . . . taste . . . of . . . honey . . . my Rachel.”
She moved with him, straining toward his touch. Time went into slow motion, spiraling down until it stopped. Desire filled the night until there was room for nothing else, not even the pettish whine of the mosquito.
“Jacob.” Her voice was a broken plea, a cry of need and passion that shattered the silence.
His control snapped. The past didn’t matter; the truth could wait. At that moment, on that narrow cot in a primitive Florida cabin, he had to have Rachel. Nothing else mattered to Jacob.
Seeing his face in the dim light, Rachel knew. She reached for his zipper; he pulled at her gown. They were sweating and panting, frenzied as only two people too-long denied can be. His jeans thudded to the floor; the delicate fabric of her gown ripped.
And then they were joined—Jacob and his Rachel. Six years of agonized longing were swept aside in the thunderous storm of their passion. There were no words between them, for desire such as theirs needed none. Together they took the long journey in the hot night, a journey that carried them back through time, to sweet days beside a cool river, to sultry nights under the burning stars. She knew his secrets, and he knew her pleasures. And together they found ecstasy.
When it was over, when they lay pressed together, their sweaty bodies gleaming in the lamplight, Rachel lifted herself on her elbow and looked down at him. Her damp hair brushed against his face.
“This doesn’t change anything,” she said.
“No.”
His ready agreement hurt. She knew it shouldn’t have, but it did. Catching her lower lip between her teeth, she leaned over him to get her gown. He caught her shoulders and pulled her across his chest.
“Rachel . . .” The words died in his throat. Looking at her there on his narrow bed, her face suffused with the afterglow of sex, her eyes soft and deep, he couldn’t remember what he’d thought to say. Not that it mattered, he told himself. They’d said it all. Nothing was changed between them.
He cupped her face gently between his hands and brought her lips to his. They were moist and slightly salty. It could have been sweat, but Jacob knew it was tears. As he kissed her, he could feel the tiny trail of tears that wet her cheeks. They sliced through his heart with the deadly accuracy of a knife.
He held her a moment longer, letting the tenderness of his kiss say, I’m sorry, sorry for the past, sorry for the present, sorry for the future that could never be. At last, he lifted his head.
“Rachel—”
“Shhhh.” She put her finger on his lips. “Don’t say anything to spoil it.” Quietly she rose from the bed. The dim glow of the lamp fell softly on her body, shading her with a mysterious, golden allure. Looking at her, Jacob’s throat ached.
She pulled the gown over her head. The small jagged tear bared a bit of skin pale as a star. As she turned to get her robe, Jacob had to clench his fist to keep from reaching out to touch her.
When she covered herself with her robe, she turned to him. “I’m leaving now.”
“I’ll walk you home.”
“No.”
He caught her elbow with one hand and reached for his pants with the other.
“That’s the way it’s going to be, Rachel.”
There was no use in arguing. She knew this mood of his. Quietly she waited for him to put on his pants and sneakers; then she allowed herself to be escorted back through the dark woods to her cabin. He didn’t touch her except for his hand guiding her elbow. She was glad, for leaving Jacob was hard, and pulling out of another embrace would have been almost impossible.
At her porch steps he caught her hand. She turned to look at him, and for a moment she thought he was going to speak. But he said nothing, merely looked at her with his impossibly blue eyes.
She reached out and touched his cheek, softly, like a summer puff of dandelion. Then she went into her dark cabin. She walked straight to her cot, never looking back. She lay there rigid, her hands over her ears to shut out the sounds of Jacob’s footsteps. Tears streamed down her cheeks, ran down her throat, and wet the torn neck of her gown. She had never intended to let Jacob Donovan break her heart twice. Once in a lifetime was enough.
She uncovered her ears, got off her cot, and pulled off her robe. Time to start acting sensible. Before the loving tonight, she’d known this was the way it would be. And she’d told herself she could live with the consequences. As she lay back down and pressed her face into the pillow, she prayed that she hadn’t lied to herself.
o0o
Jacob didn’t bother trying to sleep when he got back to his cabin. He was accustomed to sleepless nights. All fire fighters were. The only thing different about this one was that he couldn’t say to himself, It will all be over soon. After tonight, he knew that it would never be over between him and Rachel. No matter how far he traveled, no matter what truth he learned, no matter how many denials he made, he would never be free of Rachel.
He pulled a cold beer out of the small refrigerator and tipped back in a cane-bottomed chair. He had to figure out what to do next.
o0o
Jacob hadn’t believed he would fall asleep, but when the tapping came on his front door, he knew he’d managed it somehow. He jerked his head off the table, flexing his stiff neck and rubbing his gritty eyes. His elbow sent the half-empty beer can clattering to the floor.
“Mr. Donoben, Mr. DonoBEN!”
“Benjy.” During the night, his cramped legs had gone to sleep. He stood up, groping for the back of his chair to keep from falling. “Benjy? Is that you?”
The small boy banged into the room, freckles scrubbed as shiny as new pennies and a grin as big as Arkansas on his face.
“Me and Vashti was looking for alligators, and she said I should come and get you but that it was a ‘normous big secret and we should keep quiet as lice about it. I like secrets. What’s lice?”
Jacob suddenly felt awake and alive. In the presence of Rachel’s child, he could push all his problems aside and simply concentrate on the joy of living. The feeling was coming back to his legs now, so he walked across the room and took the small boy’s hand. It felt good in his.
“I think Vashti meant mice. Where is she now?”
“Standin’ on the porch being a secret.”
Jacob roared with laughter.
“Come on in here, you old conspirator.”
Vashti billowed in, dressed in a green muumuu, as large and spreading as an oak tree. Her self-satisfied smile stretched her painted lips so far back it showed her gold-capped molars. Her skirts swishing and murmuring around her, she crossed the room and hugged Jacob.
“I spotted you yesterday when we unloaded, but I didn’t let on.”
Jacob didn’t either. There were more secrets in this room than even Vashti knew about. He knew Rachel would never tell about their midnight meeting, and neither would he.
“Where’s Rachel?”
“Still asleep.”
“Good.”
Vashti looked at him sharply, then she settled onto another of his straight-back chairs.
“We were planning to go to Disney World today, but it seems that Rachel is tuckered out. Probably from all that driving.”
“Probably,” he agreed.
Vashti gave him another piercing look. “I
guess we’ll go tomorrow. Any other ideas?”
“Have you ever been in an airboat, Vashti?”
“No. And if the good Lord is willing, I never will. I’ve seen the things on ‘Wild Kingdom.’ Nothing but a plain out maniac would ride in one of the things.”
“Can I ride in the airboat, Mr. Donoben?”
“Call me Jacob, son, and you certainly can. That is, if Vashti and your mother will approve.”
Vashti smoothed her muumuu over her ample chest. “I’m in charge here. Whenever Rachel is not around, my word is law.”
Jacob grinned. “And sometimes when she is around.”
“Most times.” Vashti leaned her elbow on the table and squinted at him. “Can you give me your personal guarantee that that airboat is safe for Benjy?”
“As safe as the front pew in a church. My personal guarantee.”
She leaned back, smiling. “Then I see no need to deprive this boy of your company any longer. Why don’t the two of you go on and have some fun. I’ll take care of Rachel.”
“Oh, boy.” Benjy jumped up and down in excitement. “Can we go now?”
“As soon as I can get dressed and rent the boat.”
“I’ll wait on the doorstep. Hurry, Mr. Dono . . . Jacob.”
The door slammed behind Benjy, and Jacob took Vashti’s hand. “Did I thank you for calling me, Vashti?”
“You did, but there’s nothing like hearing it in person.” She patted his face. “Especially from my favorite handsome, charming Irishman.”
“Thanks, sweetheart.” He kissed her cheek. “You’re prejudiced.”
“What I am is a sentimental old fool.” Her skirts flared and floated around her big body as she walked toward the door. “I’ll wait outside with Benjy.”
o0o
An hour later, Jacob and Benjy were gliding across the smooth surface of Lake George, searching out the hiding places of all the lake’s creatures, while Vashti sat in a folding metal chair on the shore, watching with a maternal and indulgent eye.
“Vashti. Vashti!”
Vashti swiveled her head slowly at the sound of her name being called. Rachel was standing behind her, hair hastily slung into a topknot, sandals still in her hand, and the top button of her blouse unfastened. It was obvious she’d been in a hurry.
“Where’s Benjy?”
Vashti nodded toward the distant boat. “Out yonder. With Jacob.”
“Jacob!”
“You should have seen their faces—like two peas in a pod. Both of ‘em smiling that big wide smile, their eyes kind of crinkled up at the corners. My, my. It did a body good to see them together.”
It was suddenly very clear to Rachel how Jacob Donovan had managed to turn up in Florida as her next-door neighbor.
“Well, I suppose Benjy will be safe with him.”
“Safe as he would in the front pew of a church. Jacob promised.” She nodded toward the other folding chair. “Sit down and relax. This is our vacation. Remember?”
Rachel sank into the chair and leaned down to put on her sandals. “I don’t suppose you would know how Jacob Donovan happened to be vacationing here at the same time?”
Vashti chuckled. “I don’t suppose you’d be fishing around in that cagey way if you didn’t already have your suspicions.”
Rachel sat back in her chair, folded her arms over her chest, and waited.
“Now you can get that look off your face,” Vashti said.
“What look?”
“You know the one . . . like you’re the queen of England and somebody is fixing to be sent to the Tower of London to lose his head. ‘Bout time somebody was acting with some sense around here.” Vashti reached down for her straw purse and pulled out her fan, buying time. Leaning back in her chair, she looked out over the water, stirring the hot air around with her folding fan. “Of course I called him. From that gas station in Pascagoula. ‘Course I did. No use denying the facts.”
Rachel squelched the flare of alarm that burst through her. “What facts?”
Vashti studied her face, judging how far she could go and get by with it.
“The simple fact is, the two of you never did get over each other, so why keep on running away? Let nature take its course, is what I say.”
Rachel’s face burned. Nature had already taken its course—last night in Jacob’s cabin. And she’d be darned if it would happen again. She couldn’t afford to let the needs of her body blind her to the realities of her situation.
“You did the right thing, Vashti.”
“What?”
Rachel chuckled. “I surprised you, didn’t I? You thought I’d raise Cain about your calling Jacob.”
“Ha. It never crossed my mind. You know a good thing when you’ve got it, and I’m a good thing.”
Rachel leaned over and patted her plump arm. “You’re a sweet old softy, Vashti, even if you do try to pretend to be such a bossy, hard-headed woman. And I love you as much as I could any mother.”
Vashti blinked and swiped at her face. “Bug in my eye,” she explained.
“Mine too.” Rachel didn’t bother to wipe at her tears. Sometimes a woman needed to cry merely to cleanse the soul. “About Jacob. There’s no use pretending with you anymore, Vashti. Once I loved him very much, and he’d be so easy to love again. But I can’t let myself. There are reasons” —she looked out over the lake at her son and his father.
The airboat was coming her way now, cutting through the waters at thirty miles an hour, the airplane motor on the back drowning out the sounds of laughter. She knew they were laughing, for both of them had their heads thrown back.
“Reasons I can’t discuss,” she continued. “There is no need for me to chastise you about calling him. You did what you thought was best.” She leaned closer to the old woman, her face earnest. “But you must know this, Vashti. All your matchmaking efforts are a waste of time. Nothing can ever work between Jacob and me.”
Vashti merely looked out over the water, nodding and smiling, as if she were carrying on a private conversation in her own head.
Rachel thought it was odd that Vashti didn’t try to protest, but she didn’t have time to say so. Jacob and Benjy came ashore, laughing and talking at once, like two naughty little boys.
“You should’a seen that alligator. It was bigger than a house.”
“At least that big,” Jacob added. “Maybe even as big as a barn.” The two of them burst into fresh laughter.
“You took my son alligator hunting?”
Jacob sobered. He hadn’t known the sight of Rachel would tear a hole in his heart. But it did. After the previous night, nothing would be the same again.
They had both said, “Nothing has changed.” But it had. Seeing her with the morning sunlight on her hair, with her long legs stretched out, slim and honey tinted, with her eyes still far away and dreamy looking, he almost reeled with desire. His quest for truth faded into the background of his mind, faded so far, it almost vanished.
“The swampy areas around the edge of the lake are teeming with wildlife, Rachel. Not only have we seen alligators, but Benjy and I have seen all kinds of wetland birds.” He looked deep into her eyes. “You never know what you’ll discover around this lake.”
Rachel wanted to run—straight into his arms—but she forced herself to sit quietly in her folding chair.
“It’s more fun than the zoo, Mom. Come with us.”
Rachel lifted her eyebrows at Jacob for confirmation. His closed expression didn’t tell her anything. They gazed at each other for a long while, memories of the night before rising up between them so bittersweet, it hurt.
Benjy tugged her hand. “Will you, Mom? Will you?”
Jacob reached for her other hand. “Come, Rachel. There’s room for one more in the boat.”
He didn’t let her hand go, even after she had risen from her chair.
Vashti watched the two of them walk hand in hand to the water. She noted how he lingered over her, helping her into the boat. She s
aw the smiles they exchanged, private smiles, like two people in love. Leaning back in her chair, she was content.
As the airboat’s motor revved and Jacob pulled it out onto the water, she turned to see a lone green-headed mallard, waddling along the bank, looking for a handout from the tourists.
“Seems to me this matchmaking plan of mine is working to a tee, even if I do say so myself. Yessir, seems like things are working out smoother than ice cream on a summer day.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
The boat skimmed the top of the water, parting the marshy grasses at the fringes of the lake. A large bird rose from the bare branches of a dead tree.
“Look,” Benjy shouted. “What’s that big bird?”
“An osprey.” Jacob cut the motor, letting the boat drift, and bent over the little boy in Rachel’s lap. “He’s a bird of prey.”
“He says his prayers?”
“No. It’s a different kind of prey. That means he hunts for his food. See how he’s circling the water? He’s looking for fish. Here. Let me lift you up so you can see better.” He took Benjy and held him high, explaining the bird’s hunting habits, his nesting preferences, even his different calls.
Benjy asked a dozen excited, little-boy questions. Jacob patiently answered every one. Finally the osprey lifted its great wings and soared far across the lake, out of sight. Jacob settled the boy back onto Rachel’s lap.
“Until today, I never knew what I was missing,” Jacob said.
Tears formed in her heart, but she didn’t dare let them out. “He’s a precious child,” she agreed.
“I have nieces and nephews, of course, lots of them.” He grinned. “And more coming every day. But it must be special, having one of your own.”
“It is.”
The enormity of what she had done hit Rachel full force. Watching Jacob, she saw exactly how much he would have loved having a child of his own. She’d denied him that. She’d taken his son away from him. If he knew . . . if only he knew. . . . She shut her mind to the possibilities.
“I think Benjy’s getting sunburned. Could we go back to the cabin for his cap?”
