By the time I realized that she held it all, I was already too far gone and in too deep to care. I hadn’t even minded when she showed her claws and fought back; in fact, I looked forward to it. She was the only person in the world who could raise a hand to me and get away with it.
Now, I would’ve given anything to get inside her fucking mind.
Wolverine had pulled me aside at the gathering and by the time he’d wrapped it up, she was gone again. I’d spent the remainder of the weekend, holed up in the clubhouse with a bottle of tequila and a bag of blow, hoping to self-medicate her out of my system.
The rage had been steadily building until it coursed through my veins. It took everything to sit in this chair and listen to these men drone on about what assets they could be to my club.
The Mexicans had raised the price on ephedrine, forcing us to look elsewhere to stay on top of the demand for crank and still turn a profit. The guys across the table swore they could make the same thing, using cold medicine and diet pills. Given the fact that my cooks had resorted to paint thinner and battery acid, I was open to suggestions.
One began explaining the cost breakdown, and I returned to thoughts of Celia. I deserved an explanation for why she was running away. I’d given her honesty when she asked for it. I didn’t know what else she wanted from me. Just like the stories she loved so much; love was a myth.
A tragedy just waiting to happen.
I wasn’t even sure I was capable of the emotion.
So, I’d offered her sex, thinking it’d be enough. Any other woman would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but the fact that she hadn’t only made me want her more.
“Grey?” Comedian looked to me with a shrug.
“I’ll accept your terms on a trial basis. You produce something that’s better than the cartel’s, you stay. If not, you’re out. We’re done here.” I rested my chin on my fist and stared straight through them as they scrambled toward the door like cockroaches when a light was flipped on.
“Nice job, Pres.” Comedian slapped me on the back. “You doin’ alright?”
I nodded, not taking my eyes off the wall in front of me. The room cleared out, and I slipped back into memories of Celia on her knees in front of me. I’d have her there again.
Since she’d graduated, it had been hard to nail down a schedule for her. I hadn’t fucked her in a month, and it was starting to get to me. I’d had plans to remedy that at the gathering, but she was long gone before I ever got a chance.
“Grey.” Wolverine waved a hand in front of my face and sat down. “Need to talk.”
“You talk too fuckin’ much, old man,” I snapped, expecting him to flip me the bird or at least invite me to go fuck myself. Instead, he shook his head and looked down at the table.
I leaned forward, instantly on alert. “What happened?”
“It’s about Celia.”
At the sound of her name, I was out of my chair and over to him. “Start talking,” I demanded.
“When she got sick at the gathering, Lucy had her take a pregnancy test—she’s knocked up, Grey.”
I nodded along until his words sank in.
Pregnant.
It was why she’d taken off during the gathering. I’d known the risk of fucking her bare but hadn’t let it stop me.
“Is she okay?”
Wolverine pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled a controlled breath. “She’s a seventeen-year-old girl who just graduated high school and found out that she’s pregnant by a man who kidnapped her. I’d say she’s doing fuckin’ fantastic.”
“A fuckin’ no would’ve worked, old man,” I bit out. “I’ll give her a few days to let it set in and go over there.”
I had no fucking idea what I was going to say, but I’d figure it out. The weight lifted off my chest and I fought a smile. She couldn’t run from this.
Celia Cross was mine forever now.
He leaned back in his chair and looked up at me grimly. “Well, that’s gonna be a problem.”
“Why do I get the feeling I’m not gonna like whatever the fuck you’re about to get into?”
“I said I wouldn’t bring it up; thought it wasn’t my place. I know about the kid, Jamie. I’ve known for a while now.”
Bringing Mikey into the conversation dialed the rage up another notch and I growled, “Watch it, Wolverine. None of that has a goddamn thing to do with Celia.”
He held his hands up. “I’m not trying to piss you off, Grey, but it absolutely fucking relates back to Celia. Apparently, Lucy wasn’t the only one with her the other afternoon.” He looked past me to the doorway before lowering his voice. “Betsy was there too.”
I rocked back on my heels. Jesus Christ, of course she was. Celia hadn’t left because she was scared. Betsy had gotten to her first and filled her head with lies.
“So, I’ll deal with Betsy and then Celia. Problem fucking solved.”
He shook his head. “Lucy got a call from Molly earlier; she was supposed to meet up with Celia, but she canceled last minute because Betsy was going to be taking her to a doctor’s appointment. What the fuck does that sound like to you, Grey?”
I knew exactly what it sounded like—Betsy keeping her fucking talons in me.
“Where is she?” My voice was low, laced with desperation.
I didn’t do desperate.
“She’s just a kid, Grey. Maybe this is for the best—”
I grabbed his kutte and hauled him up to his feet. “You did not just drop this shit on me only to try to talk me out of going after her!”
He hesitated. “Best Luce can figure they’ll be at that clinic over on sixth.”
“We got anyone there?” I asked, as I strode out to my bike. I wanted to fucking run, but I had men everywhere and I’d be damned if any one of them saw me running after a chick like some pussy.
“If I’m thinking of the right place, it’s the same clinic we’ve sent a few of the club whores to in the past—Viktor’s.”
If we had a doctor on our payroll, then I could shut that shit down without the cops getting called. If Wolverine was wrong, then they’d lock the place down, fucking any chance of me getting to Celia in time.
I whistled. “Comedian, you’re with me.”
He tossed his cigarette down with a smirk. “Where we headed, Pres?”
“Your Ol’ Lady fucked up. Need you to handle it.”
He didn’t ask for more details or demand proof; just hopped on his bike with one word. “Where?”
I clenched my jaw. “Clinic over on sixth. She has Celia.”
His bike roared to life, and we kicked up dust as we left the canyon. Thoughts waged war on feelings as we blew down the highway.
I’d been too fucking young with Mikey and pissed away the opportunity to raise him as my own.
Celia was my second chance.
What was I going to do? Storm the place and demand she keep our child? Force her to give up everything for me?
I had nothing to offer her; had even told her as much. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to let her run from me again. And as fucked up as it was, I wanted to watch her body change and know that it was because of me.
We pulled into the parking lot and I spotted Betsy’s car almost immediately. Comedian stepped off his bike and rolled his shoulders before nodding to me.
The woman behind the counter paled when we walked in. I glanced around the lobby, hoping like hell they hadn’t taken her back. Instead of Celia, I found Betsy sitting alone, completely oblivious that we were standing a few feet away
“Betsy,” growled Comedian and her head shot up.
“Hey, baby,” she began. “I had to help one of the club girls out—”
“Cut the shit. I know that Celia’s here. Going behind the club’s back now?” He crossed his arms over his chest.
She shook her head. “No, baby. I swear. I was trying to help her out—”
“You deal with her or I will,” I forced out before approaching the counter.
“I need Celia Cross.”
The woman shook her head. “I’m afraid I can’t give that information—”
“Then get me Viktor or so help me god, I will tear this place apart!”
The good doctor chose that moment to appear. At the sound of my voice, he looked up from the chart in his hand. “Grey, I was just about to call you. Look, I know how it looks, and I did everything in my power, but ultimately it was her decision—”
The world seemed to slow down as I asked, “Where is she?”
“Room three. I—”
I turned to Comedian. “I want Betsy gone and I don’t want to fuckin’ see her at any club functions either. She even speaks Celia’s name and you’ll be knocked back down to fuckin’ prospect. Are we clear?”
He gripped her arm in his. “You got it, Pres. This will never fuckin’ happen again.”
I didn’t fucking care that she was Mikey’s mother. She deserved to be beaten to death for this. I shoved past Viktor, focused only on getting to Celia. The argument I’d crafted on the way over was suddenly invalid.
I was too late.
I pushed the door open, and she hurriedly fastened the buttons on her dress before turning around. “I’m sorry, Doctor—” Her mouth fell open when she saw it was me. “Grey?”
Her eyes were swollen, and a river of makeup streaked down past her cheeks. Any anger I held toward her vanished immediately. Our baby wasn’t the only part of me that had died today. Seeing her hurting was fucking gutting me.
Celia’s hands shook as she brought them up over her puffy face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I crossed the room and pulled her into my arms. “Don’t say that. I fuckin’ told you that this didn’t mean anything—” At my words, her chest heaved with a sob, but I kept going.
“Not one fuckin’ day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you. I don’t do that, Celia. Jesus, I’ve fucked women and forgotten they even existed immediately after. No one has ever fuckin’ stayed with me like you.”
Tears clung to her lashes, and she rested her chin on my chest, watching me with wide eyes. It was like a blow to the head. Baby or no baby, I would’ve been fucking crazy to let her walk away.
“What are you s-saying?” she asked, with a small hiccup.
I gripped her face in my hands, drying her tears with my thumbs. “I’m saying that I’m not a fuckin’ saint, Celia. And you’re so goddamned perfect that you deserve someone who is, but you’ve got me. I want you to be my Ol’ Lady. And someday, when you’re ready, I’ll give you another baby. I’ll fuckin’ give you as many babies as you want.”
She shook her head and made a noise in the back of her throat. “I can’t do it. Please don’t be mad, but I can’t do it, Jamie.”
There it was.
A heaviness settled into my chest. I hadn’t been rejected in a long time and even though I’d been expecting it, it still stung.
“I know you wanted me to, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry,” her voice broke off, and she tried to look away, but I tightened my hold on her.
“What are you saying, Celia?” I asked carefully.
“I’m saying I couldn’t go through with it, Jamie. I couldn’t—” She tugged on my arm, dragging my hand down to her belly.
“You’re still pregnant?” When she nodded, I crushed my lips against her forehead and muttered, “Thank Christ.”
Her body sagged against mine in relief. “You’re not mad at me?”
“Fuck no. I’m—” I tried to put my thoughts into words; to describe the foreign feeling in my veins. “I’m fuckin’ thrilled.”
And I was.
I was selfish, and I played to win. Possessing Celia was like being handed the keys to the city. All that spark just waiting to be harnessed into something that could be controlled.
Viktor came back in with a cart. “Did you talk her into it?”
Celia went rigid in my arms as I nodded. “Yeah, Vik. You’re looking at my Ol’ Lady. Now, get that shit out of my sight.”
“He told me I was a slut—said no man would ever want me if I—” Celia’s soft voice cracked, and I looked to Viktor for answers.
“Grey, if I would’ve known—I mean, there have been other girls, and I just assumed that she was one of the whores—”
I released my hold on her and crossed the room in two strides, cornering Vik near the door. “I don’t give a fuck who comes through that door. You do what we pay you to do and keep your fuckin’ mouth shut. If I wanted commentary, I’d go out and hire a fuckin’ sportscaster. And don’t you ever fuckin’ call her that word again.”
Vik held his palms up toward me. “Yes, Grey. I understand.”
My lips curved up into a smile. “I don’t repeat myself, Vik.”
Celia moved against my side. “Can we go?”
I nodded and pulled her from the room. “We’ve got to see some people first.”
“Who?”
“Your parents,” I replied grimly. I’d been stabbed, beaten, and dealt with everything else life had tried to fuck me with, but I had a feeling that those were nothing compared to the conversation I was about to have.
Celia must’ve read my thoughts because she slipped her hand in mine and squeezed. “We’ll do it together.”
* * *
“There you are. I’ve been worried sick,” Celia’s ma began from the front porch, and I stepped out from behind the tree. When she saw me, she gasped, “You aren’t supposed to be here. You got what you wanted from her—Richard!”
“Mama, calm down.”
Celia’s father appeared at the screen door. “Norma, Celia, get in the house.”
Celia shook her head and reached for my hand, letting the other rest against her stomach. Her posture may have seemed relaxed, even casual to anyone watching, but she had my fingers in a death grip that was turning her knuckles white. “No, Daddy. We’re here to talk to you about something.”
Norma covered her mouth. “No, Celia. You’re not! Please say you didn’t let this trash knock you up!”
“What did you call me?” I stepped up onto the first porch step and she backed herself against the brick of the house.
Richard looked resigned as he stepped in front of her. “Grey, you got your payment.” He looked to Celia and his chin quivered. “Are you pregnant?”
When she nodded, he mashed his lips together and turned back to the porch. “Norma, make some of those sandwiches you do for church stuff.” He turned back to us. “We’ll talk in the den.”
With our hands still linked, we followed him inside. It was too formal for my taste. I’d offered to show up and tell them Celia was mine before snagging her things, but she’d begged to tell them properly. It was comical, her thinking that I had any fucking idea what proper was.
It was just another reminder of how different our worlds were.
In her world, the announcement of a baby meant fancy sandwiches and visits in the den. In mine, it usually meant a visit to Vik and a couple hundred dollars.
If I were a better man, I would’ve convinced her to go through with it. I would’ve told her she meant nothing and sent her on her way. I wouldn’t be standing in her parent’s living room, asking for their fucking permission to take what had always been mine.
I’d never admit it, but I hadn’t touched another woman since her. It was like my cock decided she was the one and shut down on me. I thought I’d fuck her a few more times and get it out of my system, but if anything, she’d gotten in even deeper.
My reaction when I thought we’d lost the baby only solidified that Celia was a weakness. But, even a soulless fuck like me couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.
Richard sank down onto one of the upholstered chairs and ran his hands over his face. “This is my fault. All of it, Celia. If I hadn’t been so selfish, you wouldn’t be in this mess.” He lowered his voice before adding, “You wouldn’t have gotten pregnant from… from rape.”
He had a point.
Celia cle
ared her throat and checked to make sure her ma was out of earshot. “It wasn’t—I mean, I know what it looks like, Daddy, but it wasn’t.” Her cheeks reddened, and she looked down at her skirt. “I wanted him to do… that. Not at first, no, but he didn’t take anything from me that night. I gave it to him.”
Holy shit.
I cocked my head to the side and stared down at her. “Are you serious?”
She nodded, still refusing to meet either mine or Richard’s eyes. Her palm had gone sweaty against mine. “And that wasn’t the night I got pregnant.”
Richard slumped back in the chair while I quickly did the math in my head. “You mean you’ve slept with him more than once?”
I ignored the disgust in his voice and tilted her chin up. “When?”
It shouldn’t have mattered. I’d made one kid in a seedy motel room, what was creating one in a bar bathroom? That afternoon in the tattoo parlor though had meant something. The sex had been better than ever before; different, but better.
Celia bit down on her lip and admitted, “The last time.”
I nodded and squeezed her hand tighter before addressing Richard. “I claimed her—”
“Oh, no!” Norma appeared in the doorway, holding a platter of sandwiches. “This is not happening. You—you are a grown man and she is a child. I won’t allow it!”
I shifted my arm until the back of Celia’s hand rested against the upper part of my thigh before smirking. “You won’t allow it? Your daughter’s a woman. And the way I see it, she’s carrying my baby, so you aren’t in charge of shit.”
Red splotches darkened her face. “She has her whole life ahead of her. Celia, tell him! You have your scholarship! You aren’t going to throw away your future for—for—for this!”
I winced as her voice rose to a scream while Celia calmly sat and observed, as if this sort of thing was normal.
Hell, maybe it was.
“Mama, I’m pregnant. I can’t go off to school like this—”
Norma began pacing, still holding onto the tray of sandwiches. I considered getting up to snag one but thought better of it when I saw the look on her face. “We’ll take you for an abortion. You can move on like it never happened.”
Deserter Page 15
