My body was completely spent. Adrenaline was all that kept me standing by this point. I circled to the other side of the truck and tried to hoist myself into the roof box using the wooden step that Ian installed. Thirty seconds of pathetic trying was enough to prove I had no chance simply ‘using the truck’ as I had planned. Scaling the hood might have worked, yet the modifications with chain link made me worry about how much noise such an attempt would make.
The only option left was to use my broad girth to my advantage. I faced the fence then squeezed my body parallel to the truck into the space separating the vehicle and the wooden barrier. A couple feet into the area I felt McAllister’s improvised step scrape against the back of my knee. I turned perpendicularly, wedging my shoulders between the truck and fence. I blindly lifted a foot, found the step, and hoisted. The tread of my boot gripped enough on both sides to inch me farther up. Sweat rained from my forehead while adding a chill to the inside of my many layers.
Finally, I was able to throw an arm over the cusp. I nearly toppled into our yard past it until my legs landed upon the ladder. Sarah kept it firm during my awkward landing. Clangs from the sloppy descent and dismount were loud enough that the dead must have heard. When I slumped to the leaves at the base of the ladder she wrapped me in her arms.
We shuffled to the bedroom trap door as one. My arm draped over her shoulders while hers squeezed my midsection with painful delight. Sarah went in first to help pull me through. Rumblings of the creatures against the front fence confirmed that our presence was now known. Minutes later we were inside. Whatever fumes had delivered me home were entirely depleted.
“Come on, baby. We need to be upstairs,” Sarah whispered. The chorus of evil hunger outside was loud enough to hear through the walls.
My body wouldn’t respond. Everything faded against the welcomed grasp of our bed.
Chapter 15 – Refueled
2030 hours:
My eyes opened to blackness. The sleep that had taken me was so sudden that for a second I couldn’t recall where I was or how I had arrived home. I jolted up in a panic. A hand landed on my heaving chest. Instinct again pushed my right hand to the Kukri, but it was gone.
“Daddy,” said a familiar voice and everything rushed back to me. I was home. I had made it back. “It’s okay, Daddy. You’re safe,” Maddox reassured me.
We were still in the bedroom. It was pitch black. If his hand hadn’t been on my chest then he would have seemed like a voice floating in nothingness.
“What time is it?” I asked.
A blinding green flash hurt my eyes. “Eight-thirty.” The light had come from Maddox’s digital watch.
I was asleep for over three hours. The lapse in time was disorienting. “Why aren’t you in the attic?”
His eyes rolled so hard I could practically feel them through the dark. “Because Mommy tried to get you up there but you wouldn’t budge. She didn’t want you to be alone and neither did I. Calise needed help packing the rest of her things so I told Mommy I would sit with you until you woke up.”
“Thanks, Monkey,” I said, feeling ashamed for snapping at him. I sat up feeling significantly better than I felt hours before. “Where is my Kukri?”
“In my other hand. Didn’t want you rolling over on it. Cover your eyes - I’m going to turn a flashlight on.” His voice was controlled and confident. Every time I was with him I found more reasons to be immensely proud of the little man. A beam of light cut a swath through the black room. I could see him now standing next to the bed in his winter coat with his right hand resting on my chest and the left extended by a sheen of steel. “Are you hurt?”
I swung my legs over the side of the bed, cartilage snapping in my stiff form. “No.” I craned my neck in a circle with an array of snaps that sounded like a sheet of bubble wrap getting stepped on. “Just sore. And exhausted.”
Maddox extended an arm to help me off the bed. “I should have gone with you.”
“No, big boy, you shouldn’t have. I brought the truck back and didn’t get hurt; that’s exactly how things needed to be. You were here looking over the girls. I couldn’t have gone to do what I needed to do without knowing you were here keeping them safe.”
He smiled at the praise. “How did it go finding the truck?” Sorrow instantly overcame my face and my son saw it. “What happened? Did you find bad guys there?”
Groggy fuzz still filled my vision. I pulled my glove off to rub my eyes. Thoughts ran wild with what to say to him. Good guys, bad guys, and monsters - a child's perspective on this fucked up world was so much more refreshing than what things really were. What separated a good guy, a bad guy, or monsters anymore? The things I had done and all of things I would do still made me wonder which of those categories I’d fallen into. Which would my children see me as when this was all over?
I tried to keep things vague. “It was a good guy, a friend that helped us out. He fixed one of the mail trucks up to make sure we’d be okay.”
“I’ve always wanted to ride in a mail truck! Is your new friend coming with us?” I froze. Maddox picked up on the fact that something was wrong but still didn’t understand why I looked so sad. “If he’s a good guy then shouldn’t we let him come with us?”
“Good guys don’t always make it to the end of the story…. even if they are the ones that deserve it the most. A lot of times that’s actually what makes them the good guy.” I was glad that the room was so dark because it hid the sadness that swelled within me that also must have shown on my face. Maddox’s features were equally concealed so I couldn’t tell if he understood my message. Frankly, I didn’t want to discuss it any more than we already had so I altered course. “Do you think Mommy and Calise saved us some dinner?”
He helped me to my feet and through the hallway. I reached for the pull cord to the access ladder before Maddox could show off with a jump and grab. The second candlelight could be seen in the new opening, he called out that it was us in order to avoid any undue alarm then scampered up to safety first. I followed and pulled the ladder closed to seal us in.
Warmer air rushed over my face like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. Knowing my girls were in the same space combined with the soft glow of candles washed the worries of that day out of my mind. Calise tackled me, knocking us both over onto a box of old baby clothes. It was hard to be mad about getting taken off my feet when the little angel immediately showered me with kisses.
Maddox and I chowed down on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made with bread that was long past its sell-by date. Sarah made good use of anything we had frozen in the chest freezer. Most of it survived the mild thawing enough to remain edible. Any of our stocked supplies with an extended shelf life were already packed with the rest of the bags lining the shed outside. There wasn’t a lot after the loss of our car but there was enough to get us through a few days.
Rest and food cleared my head; I felt better than I had in days. We enjoyed the time in our attic hideaway together. The improvised living space was more comfortable in this moment than it had ever been in the time before. There was an unmistakable dread over what was to happen past that night. Yet, I didn’t let it stop me from enjoying the moment. If the road ahead was a storm on the horizon, then my loving family was an umbrella that would shelter me from the worst of it.
Sarah tucked Maddox into his heap of blankets while I helped Calise nestle into hers. “Sleep well, babies,” she said in her soothing voice. “We have a busy morning tomorrow.” They didn’t argue over being put to bed for probably the first time in their lives. I followed Sarah to our side to give the kids some space.
“Did the world have to end for them to go to bed without a fight?” I whispered.
Sarah smiled while she wrapped her arms around me. We stayed that way for a while; perfectly content holding each other in the relative silence. A few minutes passed before Sarah broke away to check if the kids were asleep. Then she sat so close in front of me that our knees connected. The smile on her fa
ce was forced and I knew it. “So…?”
I raised an eyebrow. “So what?”
“Tell me what happened.” Her eyes went into a justifiable roll.
“I’m home. That’s what happened.” I tried to move away to lie down. Her claws sank into my knee and forcefully refocused my priorities in a way that only a wife could.
“Cut the bullshit, Nathan.” We both were caught off guard by the increase in her volume. Sarah looked back over to make sure she hadn’t bothered the kids. “You’re home and you got exactly what we needed, yes. I know there’s more. From the moment you came up here I knew something was wrong. I can see it on your face. Tell me what happened so we can worry about what is coming instead of dwelling on what’s happened.”
A long sigh deflated my chest. “You’re right, baby.” I hesitated again before the words came out. “I had to kill again. Another person that was desperate, exactly like me, died so that we could live.”
Her expression was reminiscent of the one she had after I confessed to killing Phil on my journey home. “I’m sure you did what you had to do.”
“Of course I did.” Tears streamed from my tired face. “I’d do it again and again. If the only way I could guarantee our safety was to build a castle of bodies, then I’d already be laying the fucking cornerstones. What bothers me the most is wondering how many times I’ll have to resort to that. I mean, if we ever get to safety what will remain of my soul after the things I’ve done?”
Maddox snorted in his sleep. We both shrank slightly from the worry of being too loud again.
“I don’t feel a damn thing when I kill the infected anymore. Now I slice apart these walking memorials of the people that lost this battle and I don’t feel a damn thing. Shouldn’t I feel something?”
“There isn’t really an answer to that. They don’t have any more worries –we do.”
“Don’t patronize me, Sarah.”
“Nathan,” she said calmly, “calm down. This isn’t about the infected ones so don’t distract yourself from the root of it. We need to get this out now. After you told me about what happened on your way home from work, you went about everything with a clearer head. We need that now. I need you to have a clearer head because I can’t do this alone. Did you find out his name?”
“McAllister. His name was Ian McAllister.”
We whispered for at least another hour. I told her every detail. She learned about everything from the zombie that was mangled by a cactus all the way to the horrible shock that went through my arm as the crowbar pieced Ian’s skull. Occasionally Sarah squeezed my hand or gave me a peck on the cheek as she listened. Every minute that passed I felt the weight ease from my shoulders. This amazing woman supported me, and the burden of my sins, until I could breathe once again.
It was all a comforting testament to the fact that when all this was over, what remained of my tattered soul would be held in place by the unconditional love that flowed from my three reasons for being. We drifted off to sleep in a warm embrace.
Chapter 16 – Deliverance
Day Six - November 28th
0600 hours:
Deep inside the many layers of blankets a steady beep emanated from my watch alarm that was loud enough to yank me out of the blissful fog of a sound sleep. It was surprising how long the alarm went off before I finally reacted. Sleep in the attic was rarely as deep as it was the night before we left. Anxiety either unnerves or tranquilizes; I was thankful it was the latter.
The kids began to rise before Sarah moved. There was a hint of excited anticipation on their faces, like we were on the cusp of some grand adventure. Our escape to the farm had all of the components to be a storybook tale: a princess, a prince, a king and a queen, monsters and heroes, a land so unlike the ordinary it must be something extraordinary. They had the liberty to look at this ordeal without a single thought pertaining to our chances for survival. If not for the constant threat of our bodies and souls being consumed by evil then maybe we could be a fucking Disney movie.
The three of us quietly munched on dry cereal while Sarah rolled up the sleeping bags into their tight pouches. The only light came from two candles beside us and from an L.E.D. lantern near the beds where Sarah worked. Sunrise was half an hour away at this point. Breakfast by candlelight was a strange activity that we had grown accustomed to. Any warming light of a newly risen sun was obscured by our sound-dampening defenses. Lighting in the attic went up during the day depending on how we moved the boxes blocking the side vents. In the time after the jungle incident the vents had remained closed. Our stockpile of candles and flashlights with batteries could have never brought the brightness that should have accompanied the first meal of the day.
That day felt different because we all knew it would be our last breakfast, or meal period, in the fractured haven. Most of the packing had been completed the previous day. Before bed the previous night we had told the kids that the plan was to eat, then load the car in the first minutes after sunrise.
It seemed that when the dead came back they also gnawed away at the daylight hours on both ends of the spectrum. Their nocturnal advantage was a factor twenty minutes before, and after, the sun was supposed to be visible. On that morning it didn’t matter how much attention we garnered from the trespassers on the front side of the house. What mattered was that we were able to do what we needed on the backside then get the hell out.
Outside, a random roar of a fetid beast reduced my appetite. The kids finished up so I helped Sarah with the final touches. Packing was an odd conundrum. It was so easy to imagine taking it all with us, however, doing so would have made things too cramped in the back of the LLV. We had to be ready for anything. If the need should arise, we had to be able to stay inside that truck for days at a time.
The last major thing we prepared was the mess of blankets we’d used in the attic. Blankets could be pinned to the truck sidewalls for heat and noise insulation. I was worried about the kids getting bored. That worry lessened when my better half held up our old eBook reader along with the solar charger I got for Christmas years ago. That thing was stocked with all manner of books and games since it had changed hands through everyone except Calise.
When it was time, I went down first to check the house. This was undoubtedly the coldest I’d experienced the house since our captivity began. Misty breath billowed from my nostrils as I went from room to room. It reminded me how happy I was to be leaving that place. Even the thought of looking through the peephole turned my stomach; I had no desire to see the front of the house ever again after what I witnessed on Thanksgiving. I placed my ear against the front door to listen. The thin coating of metal that reinforced the door by design was so cold that I imagined my face sticking to it like a tongue to a flagpole.
My heart pounded so wildly that I couldn’t hear anything else at first. Trying to calm my nerves, I took a deep breath through my nose then released it through my mouth. A rush of hot breath fogged the space before me like a raging teakettle. It took a few breaths before I could focus on the noise from beyond the door.
I could hear them milling around the yard. There was a brief vibration of a body hitting the side of the house then the sound immediately followed. The creature grunted with frustration then moved on. Their random chokes, gurgles and growls filled me with more rage than fear. I had to pull away before my temper forced action.
I returned to the ladder opening to signal the all clear. Maddox passed me the remaining bags, then handed me the rifle and shotgun. We were all bundled enough for a day in the snow. Out of habit my hand kept patting my side to ensure that the Kukri was in its proper place. Hand signals or whispers communicated orders to the kids. Everything was moved into the bedroom then we closed the door.
“I’ll check the yard then help Daddy down,” Sarah said quietly. “You both need to stay in here and stay quiet. We’ll come get you when it’s time to go over the fence.”
A few minutes later I was out in the yard hauling the larger of the
bags to the fence. I scaled the ladder to begin loading. The neighbors’ yard still looked empty and all of my security measures were in place just as I had left them. Sarah started to climb until I stopped her; which caused her to look at me with a quizzical, almost irritated, glare.
“Just in case. One of us has to be near them.” At that, she didn’t protest. As badly as I wanted the help so we could get it all over with, we truly couldn’t take the chance.
My Tetris skills were called upon then. I couldn’t wait to tell my mom that she was wrong about the time wasted twenty years ago on a Game Boy. Sarah disappeared for a minute to do something in the yard; time was too tight to stop to find out what she was up to. Half an hour passed before everything was loaded on 522. Anxious bile again churned inside my stomach so horribly that I didn’t dwell on the extra time spent beyond what I had planned.
The distribution of our supplies was a troubling exercise. I could have worked on it for days and still would have questioned if I got it right. In the end I attempted to have enough food, activity and otherwise for a day, maybe two, inside of the truck. The bulk of our water containers and everything else had to go on the roof, whether I liked it or not. A tarp with silver on one side and hunter green on the other was roped over everything but the jugs of gasoline using Para-cord.
Sarah and I prepared to switch places in order to prepare the back of the truck. My packing got the supplies ready to move, however, the area where she and the kids would be was hardly ready for long-term occupants. She stood at the top of the ladder with all of the solar accent lights from the yard tucked in her jacket, which was apparently what she had been doing in the yard. It was a smart idea to bring the solar lights to save on batteries when we only needed ambient lighting.
She was scanning the yard when suddenly she flipped the rifle to her front and aimed it down the other direction. The sudden change of posture startled me.
(Book 2)What Remains Page 14
