Alyssa's Desire

by Krysten Raine

  "As soon as I can, I promise. I love you."

  "I love you, too," said Alyssa as she hung up the phone. Alyssa was so grateful that Jack was coming over. She desperately wished that he was able to leave sooner, but her house was a real mess. She really didn't want him to see her snot covered tissues and filthy dishes. So she made herself get up and clean her apartment. It was really hard though. She wanted to just sit and cry some more and to have some time to mourn properly but she had already been so embarrassed when the police had seen her mess. She didn't need the added stress of Jack seeing it too. After she was done cleaning the kitchen and living room she went to tidy up the bathroom. She was horrified when she got a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She had never looked that bad before. Alyssa hurried to finish cleaning her apartment and then she jumped into the shower. She knew she would still be a wreck by the time Jack got there, but at least she could clean herself and her home up a bit first. When Alyssa was done with her shower, she put on clean clothes and she even brushed her hair and her teeth and she put on a little makeup. She avoided the use of any mascara or eye liner though. She knew that she would end up crying again and that it would just run all over her face if she used it. She did however make it a point to try and cover up her dark circles and puffy eyes with some foundation.

  When she was satisfied that she had cleaned up the best she could, she sat down at the chair in her dining room and she stared mindlessly out the window. It was the same window that Trevor's friends had attacked with rocks and bottles. Alyssa hadn't gone near it since that incident, but today she didn't even think about that. Her thoughts were only on her mother. She closed her eyes and prayed silently, asking God to forgive her mother's sins and grant her passage to heaven. Maybe through the mercy of God, Valerie could find peace in death. She deserved that seeing as how she never had peace in her life. Alyssa's prayers were interrupted by a knock on her door.

  Alyssa flung her arms around Jack when she saw him and the tears started once again. She knew she couldn't control her emotions. There was so much pain between what had happened with her and Jack and now with her mother's passing, it was simply too much. She buried her face in Jack's chest and she just sobbed. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. He kept whispering how sorry he was and he kissed her on the top of her head. They stood like that for several long minutes. Jack wasn't even fully in the apartment. They stood in her doorway with Jack still half way out in the hall. Then Jack noticed that an angry looking old woman was staring at them from the door of the apartment next door. She stood there with pursed lips, giving them the evil eye, her hands placed on her hips in a gesture of disgust.

  "Maybe we should go inside," Jack suggested. Alyssa nodded and she invited him inside. She was completely oblivious to her neighbor's presence. That was probably a good thing considering how angry she was that the old bitty had to start with her earlier that day.

  For a long time Jack and Alyssa just sat together, holding each other while Alyssa cried. Then finally Alyssa excused herself to go the bathroom to wash her face. When she came back, she offered Jack a drink. He smiled and nodded at her. She poured them both some scotch and then she sat down next to him.

  "I'm really sorry that I didn't call you. I've been really struggling with what happened. On one hand I love you so much that I would do anything to be with you and on the other hand my passion for you put you in a position where you could lose everything. Your job, your reputation, your relationship with your father, it's all at risk because of me," Alyssa said, trying to be as calm and clear as she could manage through the multitude of emotions that she was feeling.

  "Alyssa, even if I were to lose all of that stuff it wouldn't matter if I could just be with you. But the idea of losing you, that thought hurts so much more! The truth is I wouldn't even care if people found out about our relationship, despite the consequences. I hate having to lie and sneak around to be with the woman I love. I'd much rather have you by my side. Besides Julie Carmen hasn't said a word to anybody about walking in on us anyway," Jack said in an effort to reassure Alyssa that their secret had not been compromised.

  "Did you have to pay her to keep quiet?" Alyssa asked.

  "Well yeah, but as long as she keeps to the deal, we are still okay. If she doesn't, then we will still be okay. Like I said, I just want to be with you and whatever else happens; we will just deal with it."

  Alyssa put her arms around Jack and she kissed him. Then she told him that she was happy that they were talking about it and that she was glad that they were still together. Jack agreed and they cuddled for a while. Then Alyssa suggested that they order a pizza and a pay per view movie. She told Jack that she just needed to take her mind off of things for a bit. He agreed that it was a good idea and they selected a couple of comedies to watch. In between cuddling with Jack, watching movies and enjoying pizza and scotch, Alyssa was starting to feel a little better. At least she had stopped crying even though her heart still ached. About half way through the second movie she fell asleep in Jack's arms. He held her tightly while she rested; stroking her hair and whispering that he loved her. He hoped that she would find some solace in her dreams.

  Valerie's funeral was two days later. Jack made arrangements with work to shift his clients to other partners for a few days and he stayed with Alyssa the whole time. She went through different periods of emotions. One minute she looked strong and she would smile and offer loving gestures toward Jack. Seconds later she would be sobbing again or she would be angry or defiant. Jack knew that it would take Alyssa some time to come to terms with what had happened. She was clearly starting to go through the five stages of grief and he was determined to see her through it.

  Alyssa barely spoke the morning of the funeral. She tried to smile at Jack when he touched her or talked to her, but for the most part the pain was too great and she just stared at her feet or out the window. Jack made sure that Alyssa had everything that she needed. He even went out and bought her a beautiful black dress since she didn't own anything that was appropriate for a funeral. He presented it to her that morning and it fit perfectly. Alyssa was grateful for Jack's caring and patient ways in her time of need. When she came out wearing the dress, Jack told her how beautiful she was. Alyssa managed a slight smile and then she sat down to look at herself in her vanity. Her face was puffy and she had bags under her eyes. The week she had spent crying had made her look ten years older. Disgusted, she started putting on her makeup. Jack sat behind her and gently brushed her hair as she did this. Then he reached for a black, silk ribbon that rested on Alyssa's headboard. He gently draped it over her head and tied it under her hair so that it rested like a headband, leaving a long tail that hung down on her shoulder.

  Alyssa smiled when she saw her reflection in the mirror. She thought it gave her a youthful, almost European look, like a young girl walking the streets of Paris in hopes of finding love. She reached into her jewelry box and she pulled out a simple necklace and earring set that her mother had given her for her sixteenth birthday. They were just small, round diamond studs and the necklace was a small golden heart with three miniature diamonds on the top, left arch. Now that Alyssa was a grown woman, she had much nicer and more elegant pieces but she felt that wearing the ones that came from her mom was the most appropriate. Maybe her mother's spirit would see them and know that they were worn in her honor.

  Valerie's body was transported to a Catholic Church right down the road from the prison. Valerie had always called herself a Catholic but she almost never went to church and it had been nearly twenty years since her last confession. Although Valerie believed in her faith, her addiction and lifestyle outweighed any desire she might have had to find religion. Alyssa was never really exposed to the church as a result.

  When they arrived, Alyssa was overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the structure. The church itself towered above all of the buildings. Alyssa thought maybe they were trying to build their way into heaven. The mighty stone giant featu
red stained glass windows and magnificent arch ways. With her hand on Jack's arm, they walked through the arches that ended with wooden double doors that were adorned with carvings of Christ and the Virgin Mary. Jack reached out and opened the doors for Alyssa. Together they walked past endless rows of pews before joining a very small group of people for Valerie's funeral. Including Alyssa and Jack, only about ten people had arrived at the service. The incredibly small turn out pained Alyssa, but what did she expect? She was Valerie's only living relative and her only friends were junkies and drug dealers. In fact most of the people who were there fell into one of those two categories, if not both.

  The priest stood in front of Valerie's casket in silence for about ten minutes. Alyssa figured he was delaying the proceedings in case more people arrived, but none one else came. Alyssa and Jack sat up front and a small group of people sat together toward the back. A few solitary people sat spread out from everyone else. The priest moved through the service with dignity and grace and he was overly respectful of Valerie. He spoke of her not as a junkie who finally lost her battle with her addictions, but instead he referred to her as a 'lost child of God' who had found her way home to the Heavenly Father. He prayed for forgiveness of Valerie's sins and Alyssa hoped in her heart that these prayers would be granted. When the priest was finished he asked if anyone wanted to say a few words. Alyssa was very uncomfortable at the idea of coming up to speak but she knew that no one else would do it and the idea of no one speaking for her mother seemed disturbingly wrong. So cautiously Alyssa raised her hand and the priest invited her up. She wiped away her tears, grabbed a tissue from her purse just in case and she made her way up to the platform.

  "I don't know most of you, but thank you for coming. My name is Alyssa. Valerie Snyder was my mother. I'm not really good at public speaking, so bear with me. Um…my mom had some problems, heroin mostly. They tell me that is what killed her. She was clean for the first time since I was a little girl. She was finally getting her life back together but I guess she had a relapse or something. I don't know. I don't know what happened. Uh…but she um…she always tried her best with me. I know she loved me even if there were times when she wasn't really there for me as a kid. I just… I hope she knows that I loved her."

  Alyssa started to cry and then she returned to her seat where she sobbed softly. Jack put his arm on Alyssa's back and gently rubbed it as she tried to get a hold of herself. Then the priest opened the casket for viewing. No one went up to see Valerie's body. The people who were scattered left one by one, but the group that was seated together just remained in their seats, staring at Jack and Alyssa.

  "Come on, let's go say goodbye to your mom," Jack urged and then he helped Alyssa to stand and he walked with her to the casket. Alyssa gasped when she saw her mother's body. She felt like someone had reached inside her chest and was squeezing the life out of her heart. She just stared at her mother's remains for several long moments. Jack kept rubbing her back and telling her that it was okay. Alyssa whispered goodbye to her mother and that she loved her. Then Alyssa reached up and removed the earrings and the necklace that her mom had given her. She placed them in Valerie's hand and then closed her fist around the jewelry.

  "I want you to have these, Mom. This way we will always be connected," Alyssa said in a quiet and mournful voice. Then she leaned over and kissed her mother on the forehead and then she told Jack she was done. Alyssa was shaking, so Jack wrapped his coat around her and then he held her close to his chest as they walked out of the church. Alyssa thanked the priest for the lovely service as they exited through the courtyard with the archways. The group that had been seated in the corner got up and followed Alyssa and Jack outside. They kept a good distance behind the couple until they walked outside and then they started walking much faster. They came up fast behind Jack and Alyssa. One girl bumped hard into Alyssa's back as the group split to walk around them, effectively surrounding them on both sides. The girl who had crashed into Alyssa turned around to address her as they walked.

  "Maybe next time you'll think twice about talking to the cops. Too bad mommy had to pay the price, huh bitch?" the girl said threateningly as she and her friends ran away. Alyssa and Jack just stared at each other with shock and horror plastered on their faces like bad Halloween masks.

  "Oh my God! Oh my God!" Alyssa cried out and then she buried her face in Jack's chest and started wailing. Her body trembled with fear.

  "Oh Baby, I am so sorry!" Jack replied through tears of his own. The two of them were both so shocked and upset that they were in no shape to drive and so they sat huddled together on the concrete bench in the church courtyard for nearly three hours. Finally Alyssa looked up at Jack and asked him to take her home.

  Chapter Eighteen: The Firm Falls

  Immediately upon their return to Alyssa's apartment, Jack turned on his cell phone and discovered that he had 111 missed calls. Jack was floored by the call volume but he did not have time to go through his voice mail. He took the incident at the church very seriously and he felt that Alyssa was likely in danger. Jack ignored the numerous messages and he called Valerie's lawyer and informed him of the threatening comment that was made toward Alyssa. Jack was starting to say that it was possible evidence that Valerie's death was murder and not an overdose but his friend interrupted him.

  "You are really worried about this right now with everything else that is going on?! Seriously man I know you're into this girl but you got bigger problems right now than idle threats from low class junkies," his friend said in an urgent tone.

  "What are you talking about?" Jack asked with a marked amount of concern in his voice.

  "You don't know? Dude, call your father, or better yet turn on the news and see for yourself! Shit is hitting the fan, man and I am sorry but I can't associate with you until this mess blows over. It's nothing personal but I can't have you dragging me down with you just cause we're friends."

  Jack's friend hung up the phone as soon as he said these words. Jack just stood there looking puzzled for a few minutes, trying to process what had just happened. Alyssa noticed Jack's reaction to the phone call and she asked him what was going on. Jack just said he didn't know and then he turned on Alyssa's TV and started looking for a news station. It didn't take him long to figure out what was happening. The story was being broadcast on every single station. Jack's face turned white and he dropped his phone on the floor as he watched. Alyssa came over to stand next to him and together they heard the terrible news.

  "This morning tragedy struck New York State as infamous serial killer Sam Masterson shot and killed 19 hospital workers and wounded another five as he escaped from the New York Correctional Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Blame is being placed on the law firm that represented Masterson for their instance on having Masterson incarcerated in the hospital as opposed to a maximum security prison. They have also been accused in aiding and embedding the killer as the only records of visitation for Sam Masterson included lawyers from Coleman, Patters and Schleicher. At this time no charges have been brought against the firm or their employees but they are currently under investigation. In the meantime, Sam Masterson remains at large. Citizens are asked to stay vigilant and be on high alert until this vicious offender is apprehended," the news caster finished her report and the news shifted to the weather report.

  "Son of a bitch!" Jack exclaimed and then he sat down on one of Alyssa's chairs and just brooded.

  "What exactly is happening, I mean in terms of the firm? We didn't do anything wrong. I just don't understand what this means exactly," Alyssa said hesitantly.

  "It means we are probably both out of a job," Jack said in a clearly irritated tone. Alyssa sank down on the chair next to Jack. He looked over at her, and noticed the worry that mixed with the grief that was already plastered on her face.

  "I'm sorry, Baby. This is the last thing you needed today," Jack said and then he walked over and kissed Alyssa. He promised her that everything would work out and that he would
take care of her, but she shot him a look like she didn't believe him for a second. Jack breathed in a deep sigh and he rubbed his forehead for a second.

  "Give me some time to find out exactly what is going on," he said with a frustrated sigh. Jack started listening to the countless messages. They were all from the firm and most of them were directly from Jack's father. They started out with news of Masterson's escape and that there were shootings. As the messages progressed, they started to include updates as to how many casualties there were. Then later the messages started to say that clients were dropping them left and right due to the media saying that they were involved. Stocks were plummeting and the firm was bleeding money as a result. By the time Jack was done listening to his voice mail messages, the expression on his face was stone cold. Alyssa didn't know what to say or what to do. She had never seen him like that before. He just sat in silence for a few minutes and then he called his father on his personal line. He got the machine.

  "Dad, it's Jack. I just got your messages. I'm not at the office so call me back on my cell," Jack recorded his message and then he hung up. He saw Alyssa staring at him and he just shrugged his shoulders, then he told her what the messages said. She just sat there shaking her head and trying to fight back tears. The last thing she wanted to do was to cry anymore. A few minutes later, Jack's father returned his call.

  "Dad?" Jack answered.

  "Where the hell have you been? Have you any idea what kind of a media shit storm is going on around here? What is so goddamned important that you had to have a few days off? If I find out that you had anything to do with this Masterson mess, I'll…" Edward Coleman was clearly scolding his son, when Jack interrupted.

  "No, Dad! I had no idea about Masterson! I certainly wouldn't help him!" Jack was clearly offended at the accusation.

  "Well Son, I gotta tell ya, I doesn't look good that you took personal days right when this happened. People are saying that since you two were friends growing up and that you represented him, that you might have been the one who gave him the guns," Edward said sternly.