“No. It certainly looks that way.”
“So it all goes to you, now.”
Rafael took a deep breath, apparently unsure as how to answer. “There is no point in keeping it for an heir that doesn’t exist, is there?”
At her grimace he added, “But I’m not sure what to do with it. It’s in a trust so it can stay there for the time being.”
“You can leave it to your children one day,” sniffed Anna, then caught herself. Really, self-pity was not becoming.
Rafael looked at her strangely. “Are you all right?”
How could she be alright?
“No, not really,” she replied flatly. “But I will be. I think I’m still in shock.”
At Rafael’s knowing nod she stammered, “I need some air. I think I’ll go for a walk. See you later.”
Anna had absolutely no idea how far or where she walked, she just kept moving, because she knew if she stopped, she’d crumple to the ground in a sobbing heap.
How could she have gotten it so wrong? She remembered clearly as a little girl her mother telling her...
“Your father was a brave soldier, darling. He died in battle, in the war in Afghanistan. You can be proud of him.”
Anna didn’t want a father she could be proud of. She wanted one to hug and play with, to go to for advice and to learn from. It had been a thorn in her side for as long as she could remember. When her mother died it was a double blow. Now she truly had no one. Nobody to cuddle her when things went wrong. No one to turn to in a crisis or go shopping with, like Lara did with her mother. But instead of wallowing in despair, Anna had risen above it.
She thought she’d dealt with those feelings of abandonment, of having no family. She’d made a conscious effort to make friends and cherished those relationships. She grew stronger as the years went by. Her friends became her family. Lara, Kirsty and the girls at the hospital. They were who she turned to when times were tough. They made her laugh and feel like she belonged. And she was there for them, too. Anna understood the true value of friendship. That’s what growing up without a family had taught her.
Then she’d found the letter and all her carefully conceived ideas were thrown into turmoil. Her astonishment at the discovery of her mother’s affair with Giovanni had started a chain of events that had led to this.
Perhaps she hadn’t dealt with those issues as well as she’d thought after all. Had she been so desperate to have a real, flesh and blood relative that she’d jumped to a hasty conclusion on finding that letter?
The truth was hard to acknowledge. As she walked, Anna tried to process her ricocheting emotions. She’d wanted to believe it was true. That she had a father out there, who wasn’t dead and unknown to her, but alive and vibrant and ready to welcome her with open arms. She could see that now. Her desire had been so strong that she’d been blind to the possibility that it might not be true. She hadn’t even acknowledged that the letter could mean something else entirely.
Talk about jumping to conclusions!
On top of the crushing disappointment of the paternity test results, Anna was embarrassed. It was so unlike her to be so impetuous. In fact, this whole trip was completely out of character. Her assumption that Giovanni was her father and that he might still be alive after all those years was ridiculous. Now that the cloud had lifted from her eyes, Anna couldn’t believe she’d been so gullible. It was a long shot at best.
Then she’d bought a ticket to Italy and left the next day. The next day! When did she ever do anything without careful planning first?
Confronting Rafael, breaking into his property—God, she was dying inside at the memory of that debacle—moving in with him, sleeping with him, making love with such reckless abandon... It was all so unlike her.
Thinking back over the events of the last two weeks, she hardly knew herself. Rafael must think her a complete idiot. Rafael... her heart wrenched painfully. Possibly her biggest mistake.
She needed to talk to him. No more living in denial. This was real. Her feelings were real. She was in love with him and although she knew the score, there was still a flicker of hope burning deep inside of her.
Foolish? Maybe, but she had to know for sure. She couldn’t leave without telling him how she felt. It was time to face up to reality.
The real Anna was back.
Rafael was waiting for her when she got back. “Are you okay?” He looked concerned. “I was worried.”
Anna bit her lip. It was now or never. “Rafael, we need to talk.”
He frowned, then took her hand and led her outside onto the patio. “Okay. Let’s sit down.”
Once they were both seated, Anna turned to him. “I know we said we were going to keep this... relationship impersonal, but there’s something I’ve got to tell you and I want to do it before I leave.”
“Leave? But I thought...”
Anna held up a hand. “Please, let me finish.” If she didn’t do this now, her nerves would fail her and she’d never know for sure if there was any future for them.
Rafael studied her cautiously, waiting patiently for her to speak.
“What do you see happening between us?”
Rafael gazed directly into her eyes. “I know I don’t want you to leave yet.”
Anna smiled sadly. “I know, but that’s not what I asked. I want to know how you feel about me, about our relationship.”
“You’re putting me on the spot here, Anna. It’s only been two weeks. I don’t know how I feel about our relationship. It’s really hard to tell at this stage. At the moment everything is going great...”
“But you don’t think it will always stay that way.” It was more of a statement than a question.
Rafael sighed slowly. “How can it? Do you honestly think we can carry on like this indefinitely, having sex twice a day, sometimes more? Eventually we’ll grow tired of each other, the sex will stop and then where will we be?”
“In love, hopefully,” she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear. At his sceptical look she clarified, “When two people love each other the relationship moves to the next level.”
“You mean like screaming matches and divorce?”
Anna rubbed her forehead tiredly. “I thought you might say that.” She looked at him long and hard. “That’s why I’ve decided to leave Capri. There’s a ferry at five o’clock this evening.”
Rafael looked like he’d been smacked in the face. “You don’t have to leave today. I understand you’re upset, but running away isn’t going to make you feel any better. On the other hand staying here with me might.” He tried a small grin, but it didn’t work.
Anna shook her head. “No Rafael. That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not running away. I’m getting real. This...” she waved her hand around, “was all a pipe dream. I don’t belong here. Giovanni was never my father. I was foolish to believe it. That letter...” she closed her eyes for a moment, “that letter made me hope for something that wasn’t true. It wasn’t even realistic. I can see that now.”
“You weren’t to know,” Rafael said kindly. “The letter was very ambiguous.”
“I know, but my mother told me the truth right from the start. My father was a soldier. I should have believed her.” She shook her head. “The only explanation I can give is that I was so desperate to have a family that I jumped to false conclusions.”
Rafael gave her an odd look. “You’re being very hard on yourself. It wasn’t all for nothing. At least now we know there never was an heir. Giovanni was mistaken in believing he had a daughter. Now I can put that ghost to rest.”
Yes, at my expense.
“What will you do with the money?” She tried not to sound wistful. The money would have made all the difference to her situation, but Anna did not believe in self-pity. It didn’t get you anywhere.
“I’m going to use it for the shelter,” he replied without hesitation. “There is so much I need to do, and that warehouse is perfect. It has lots of space for all the extensions
I plan to make.” He smiled fondly at her. “And thanks to you, I now have the time to do it.”
He was right. At least something good had come out of all this.
“Are you sure I can’t convince you to stay for a little longer?” He was trying to keep the tone light.
“No Rafael. You and I don’t belong together. This should never have happened.” She took a shaky breath. “It’s time I got back to reality.”
Rafael stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time.
Welcome to the real me, thought Anna sadly.
The Mediterranean sun must have melted her brain. For the last few weeks she’d been anything but herself. Rafael only knew the head-strong spontaneous girl that she wasn’t. Now, for the first time since she’d found that damn letter, she was thinking clearly.
“But what if I don’t want you to go?” Rafael muttered quietly. Anna’s heart nearly melted.
“Then convince me to stay,” she whispered.
Rafael ran a hand through his hair. How could he convince her to stay permanently when he didn’t know what the future held for them? It was too big a leap of faith. He didn’t want to be responsible for her happiness. What if the sex fizzled out? What if she was homesick for England? What if he got frustrated living with her and needed space?
“I can’t be responsible for your happiness, Anna. I really want you to stay, but it has to be because you want to, not because I’ve convinced you. You have to want to stay with me.”
The way he was looking at her tore at her heart strings.
“I do want to stay with you.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Can’t you see that? Somehow, through all this, I’ve developed feelings for you and as much as I’ve tried to deny it, I can’t anymore.”
Before Rafael could reply she continued, “But I know you don’t feel the same way. You don’t believe in love, you told me so yourself. And I’m afraid I can’t give up my life in London for someone who doesn’t love me back.”
Rafael admired the way she held her head high and looked him in the eye, despite her sorrow. He longed to go to her and wrap his arms around her. She looked so fragile and vulnerable sitting there pouring her heart out to him. Yet some primal, self-preservation instinct held him back. Once he had her in his arms it would be impossible to think clearly. Perhaps she was right. Maybe it was better for her to leave now, before things got really messy.
“I see.” He frowned, not knowing what else to say. Why did the thought of losing her upset him so much?
Anna twisted her fingers together under the table. So much for wearing her heart on her sleeve. He didn’t love her. That much was obvious. For him, she was just a play thing, a sexual dalliance. Why was she so surprised? He’d made his views perfectly clear over the last two weeks. She was silly to expect them to have changed. People don’t change. While Rafael was the most beautiful, sexy and amazing man she’d ever met, he wasn’t the one for her. All he would ever be was a memorable holiday fling. Probably the first and the last holiday fling she’d ever have.
She took a deep, fortifying breath. “I have a job in London, Rafael. A great job. I love what I do. It may not pay the earth, but I’m good at it and I enjoy it. I have wonderful friends.” She paused, desperate to make him understand why she was doing this. “Do you see how much I’d have to give up staying here with you, even temporarily?”
Rafael gave a small nod.
“Then, when we break up, which according to you is inevitable, I’d have a real problem. What should I do then? Slink back to London and try to get my job back?” She shrugged. “It doesn’t work that way in the real world.”
“I know. You are right. It’s too much to ask.” Rafael’s expression had hardened, as if he was steeling himself for the inevitable.
No! Anna wanted to scream. Don’t agree with me.
“I can’t expect you to give up your life in England to stay here with me, especially since I don’t know how long our relationships will last. It could be months, or it could be years. It’s selfish of me to suggest it. Of course you have to get back.”
Anna felt like sobbing. So this was how it was going to end. In tears, as she expected. Shakily she pushed her chair out and stood up. Rafael made as if to follow her.
“No, Rafael. Please don’t. I need to go and pack. Excuse me.” And she fled upstairs to the sanctuary of her room.
CHAPTER TEN
Anna was late for her shift. She grabbed her handbag and sprinted down the road after the bus. Luckily the driver stopped and let her on. It was a lovely warm autumn day, almost two weeks after she got back from Italy. The initial pain over leaving Rafael had subsided, and after many deep and meaningful chats with her house mates over many cheap and cheerful bottles of wine, Anna was finally feeling more like her normal self.
Thank heavens for her friends. They had been so supportive once they’d heard the full story about Giovanni, the inheritance and her passionate affair with Rafael. Kirsty had dragged her out on her days off so she didn’t stay home and mope, and Lara had made sure there was always happy music playing on the radio and that she didn’t watch any sad romcoms that would make her cry again.
Anna knew she was very lucky to have them. Since her experience in Italy, she’d realised that she didn’t need a flesh and blood mother and father to feel like she belonged. She had a family right here that cared for her, and one day she would meet someone who wanted to marry her and they’d raise a family of their own.
She thought of Rafael and his sexy grin and her heart twisted. God, she missed him. She wondered how the renovation of the shelter was getting on, and whether he’d be finished in the two months respite she’d managed to secure for him. Looking back at her evening with Mancini she had to laugh. Was that even her? Until then she hadn’t known she’d had the guts to coerce a gangster like Mancini. Rafael had certainly pushed her right out of her comfort zone.
But she had a lot to thank him for, too. He’d shown her what love could be like, or rather what it should be like. With him she’d known passion unlike any she’d ever experienced before. He’d shown her what her body was made for. The next time she went out with a man, she was determined not to just look at her checklist, but to feel with her heart and soul. There was no reason why she couldn’t find someone she was sexually attracted to, who would one day make a great husband and father.
Her goals hadn’t changed, she still wanted the big family, the house and the dog, but there was no urgent rush. She could afford to enjoy herself a bit in the mean time.
“You are in such a bad mood today, caro,” sulked Christina coming into his office. “Why don’t you go home? It’s after six.” She placed some documents on Rafael’s desk for him to sign.
Rafael merely grunted. The truth was he couldn’t stop thinking about Anna. The problem was he knew he’d think about her even more at home. Without her waiting for him at the villa, there was no reason to go home. He may as well stay and catch up on some work.
By now she would be back in England, working at the hospital and getting on with her life – without him. The thought bothered him more than he cared to admit.
It was such a shame she couldn’t have stayed for an extra few weeks. Things had been going so well between them. They had undeniable chemistry. Rafael couldn’t get enough of her. Anna seemed to feel the same way. He pictured her smiling tenderly at him and realised one thing. Anna made him happy.
Would it have lasted? Rafael had no idea, but the reality was he had badly wanted to try. He just didn’t know how to say it without sounding trite.
Stay with me, babe, so we can still have sex while I figure this whole thing out.
Sure. That would have gone down well. Besides, what she’d said was true. She had a life to get back to. She couldn’t put it on hold for him. Jobs didn’t wait for people. Her two weeks were up and she had to go back. It was as simple as that.
He remembered her face as she’d pleaded with him to give her a reason to stay. Perha
ps he’d made a mistake not telling her what she wanted to hear. If he had, she’d still be here now. Except that would have been selfish, and he cared far too much for her to let her destroy her life over him.
He sighed deeply. At least this way they’d always have good memories of each other.
Christina came in and bent over the desk. Her ample cleavage drew his gaze. She smiled alluringly. “Come and have a drink with me, caro. It’s been a long time. I miss you.”
Rafael looked at his secretary and thought for a moment. Perhaps a distraction was what he needed. If he could get Anna out of his system, life could return to normal. It was obvious she wasn’t coming back.
Reluctantly he nodded. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”
The bar was crowded. Rafael got them both a drink and they retreated to the veranda where there was more space. Christina was in her element. She had her man back and she was pulling out all the stops.
Rafael tried to act like he normally did with her, but there was something missing. The motivation wasn’t there. He found himself comparing Christina to Anna, a big mistake. They were polar opposites. Christina was overtly sexy with her curvy figure, dark hair and tight clothing. She promised a good time with no strings attached. That was what Rafael had liked about her. No complications.
Anna on the other hand was elegant and alluring. She had a magical quality that made men want to screw her and protect her at the same time. But he mustn’t think of Anna now. He drained his drink and ordered another. Christina, as if sensing his need to forget encouraged him and soon she was sitting in his lap nuzzling his neck.
Without warning Rafael stood up. He’d drunk way too much and his head hurt. “I have to go home.”
“I’ll come with you,” purred Christina, slipping her hand into his. Rafael was about to pull away when he thought, why not? Anna was gone. He was alone. What the hell else was he supposed to do?
Back at the villa Christina, used to Rafael’s voracious sexual appetite, launched herself on him. It was a few moments before Rafael realised what was happening. As her lips came down on his and her hand slipped down the front of his trousers, he froze.
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