by Lucy Rinaldi
Not happening!
“Yes, but it would be good for you and Henry to get to know each other.”
“Now, Sidney. Maybe Caroline would rather go for dinner sometime?” Oh my god, how dare he call me that when I have just stated I hate it!
“Maybe Caroline would,” I say. He smiles at me. “But Callie wouldn’t.” His face drops.
I don’t want to seem rude, but I don’t want this. Can’t he see that?
What the hell is in it for him anyway?
What could my mother possibly tell all of these men that she tries to set me up in order for them to want this?
“You should be grateful that a young man, even finds…”
“Mom!” Lora yells and shakes her head. “What the hell?”
This is nothing new for my mother, she always says it as she sees it. I’m not attractive in her eyes. I don’t even know if I ever was. I don’t claim to have ever been a beauty, but I was hardly ugly. I sometimes wonder if I was a mistake. That’s how my mother has always made me feel. I’m her first born daughter and she treats me as though she wishes she’d never had me.
“Do not raise your voice to me, Lora.”
“I’m sure Henry is a lovely guy, but Callie isn’t interested.”
“She hasn’t gotten to know him yet. She needs to go on a date with him, and…”
“I’m not going on a date with him!” I slam my fists down on the table in frustration. I’ve come to the end of my rope with this shit. I can’t take anymore. It’s time she learned once and for all.
“Callie,” My father shakes his head at me.
I’m so sick of this. Aside from my mother forever trying to set me up with men, trying to find me a husband, my father hasn’t made eye contact with me since the day I was attacked. I’m a monster in his eyes even if he doesn’t say it outright, he feels it. And it hurts so much more than what happened to me could ever do.
“You want to go on a date with me, Henry?” He looks at me, eyes scanning me. He thinks I’m crazy. I guess I probably look crazy right now, but I don’t care. “No?”
“I… Erm…”
“Caroline, please don’t make a scene. I’m just trying to help you.”
“I’m twenty-six years old, mother. I don’t need your help finding a man. I don’t fucking want one. What’s so hard for you to understand?”
“Stop trying to set her up, Mom. Sonny’s back and he wouldn’t appreciate what you’re trying to do.” Della chimes in, happiness filling her tone. “He’d throw a fit if he found out about this. You know what he’s like with Callie. They still love each other and it won’t be long before they’re back together. If he has his way at least.” She smirks.
I shake my head at her.
Hudson and I are not getting back together! It just wouldn’t work, I know that now.
Yeah, Callie, keeping telling yourself that, girl. You know full well he won’t give up until you’re back where you belong, in his arms.
I’d be a complete liar if I said I didn’t want that, to be in his arms for the rest of my life. But my mother is right in what she thinks, no man is going to want me when I look the way I do. And that includes Hudson Ryker.
“Sonny Ryker?” Della nods at my mother. “There is no way on earth you are to have anything to do with that boy again!”
“It’s nothing to do with you who I see!” I yell back at her.
“After everything you went through because of him? After you ended up in…”
I cut her off quickly. I don’t know what she’s told Henry about me, but I don’t want her yelling my life at him right now. “I’m not a child, Mom! If I want to see Hudson, then I damn well will.”
“You really think he’s going to want you now looking the way you do?”
My heart falls to my feet. My own mother speaks to me like I’m nothing. How could she? She’s here trying to set me up with a man I don’t even know, yet she believes the man I have loved my whole life, the man who loved me, wouldn’t want me because of the way I look?
“Oh my god, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean that.” The shocked look on her face isn’t faked for anyone’s benefit, she really didn’t mean to say it. But she was thinking it so it amounts to the same thing in the end.
“Yes, you did.” Everyone in the room is gobsmacked. No one is saying anything, and I don’t think I have ever felt so uncomfortable in my life. I’ve got that caged-animal feeling.
“You believe me to be so monstrous that the man I was once engaged to, the man I have loved my whole life, can’t see me for the woman I once was? That he could never love me looking like this?”
She says nothing. She has tears in her eyes, but she has no right to cry!
“You think this man here can save me, Mom?” I stand and turn my eyes to Henry. I grab my mask and rip it from my face. “Can you handle this, Henry?” I point to my face while leaning over the table just to make sure he can see my face properly. I wouldn’t want him to miss my scars!
I can sense my brother-in-laws looking at me in shock. They’ve never seen my face this close-up. I didn’t mean to shock them, I’m just too damn angry right now to care.
“You want to see this every day for the rest of your life?! How about this…” I lift my shirt a little, revealing some of the damage residing there. Now, no one but doctors and nurses have seen what lies under my clothes. But I’m angry, and I’m sick and tired of being treated like I am less than.
Henry gasps audibly. And I realize I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t stop now.
“You want to touch this? Make love to this?!” I scream in frustration as I point to my abdomen. His gasp of disgust turns my stomach. Now I really know my mother is right.
Henry turns his eyes away from me, closing them as if that will erase the image of what he’s seen. At least it’s scared him off.
“I didn’t think so.” I tuck my shirt back into my jeans, put my mask back on and turn away from them. “I have to go now.”
“Cal,” My sisters both pull me into them.
“Don’t say anything, okay?” Lora nods. “I’ll see you guys at work. I really just need to go home.”
“Don’t go home. I don’t want you to be alone. Mom shouldn’t have done this, but…”
“I’m okay, Del.” I nod encouragingly. Poor cow only just got back from her trip. We usually talk about everything that happened on her trips and if the customer was happy as soon as she gets back. We haven’t had the chance this time. We will tomorrow, though.
“I love you both.” I pull them close to me, both of them telling me how much they love me. I know most people argue with their sisters, sibling rivalry and all that, but my sisters really are my best friends. I wouldn’t have been able to get through any of this without them.
“Tommy. Freddy.” I nod and they smile at me. “I’ll call you mom. Bye, dad.” I say without looking at either of them.
Six
Callie
I have never been so humiliated in my whole life, and as I step outside of my parent’s house, I feel the wave of nausea wash over me. I clutch my stomach and try breathing in the fresh air into my lungs.
“You okay?” I jump out of my skin. I didn’t see him standing there against his motorcycle. How did I not see him, he’s right in front of me. “Cal?” He narrows his eyes and walks towards me. I shake my head and smile. I don’t want him to know how cruel my mother has been without even meaning to be. Or at least I don’t think she meant to be.
“You ready?”
“I wasn’t expecting you to pick me up here.”
“I know. I figured I’d wait out here for you until you were ready. I wasn’t expecting you to be finished just yet.”
“Oh. Where are we going? I don’t really like being out in the daylight.”
“Yeah. We need to rectify that now.” My eyes close involuntarily when he cups my face. “You’re done hiding away.” His lips are a hairs breath away from mine.
I should push hi
m away, I shouldn’t want him the way I do. I shouldn’t want anything to do with him after what he put me through.
But why then does it feel like we’ve never been apart?
Why do I want him to want me and not because no one else ever will?
I want him to want me because my heart, mind, body and soul are still his. Everything inside of me is still so fused with everything inside of him. And I don’t think anything will ever really be able to tear us apart. But I also know nothing is ever that simple.
“I won’t have you hiding, Callie.”
“I’m the town monster. Or haven’t you heard?”
He pulls away from me, his eyes locking with mine. “Don’t you ever let me hear you refer to yourself as that again. And the first person I hear saying such a thing with soon learn what it’s like to lose their tongues!”
I can’t help the giggle that escapes me. He’s never been shy about telling people what he thinks of them, or what he’ll do to them should they ever upset me. I should have known he wouldn’t have changed.
“I mean it”
“You always did.”
He winks and takes my hand.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been on the back of a motorcycle. It seems like forever since I’ve been on the back of Hudson’s bike. Of course, it has. It’s been five years. I watch as he straddles his bike, his thick denim-clad thigh muscles flexing, making my mouth water, just like it always did when I looked at him. Only now, he’s five years older, bigger built, even sexier. But ultimately, he’s still mine.
“Put this on, beautiful.” He hands me a black helmet. I hesitate for a moment. How will I manage to put this helmet on without removing my mask? “What’s wrong, baby? Oh, I see.” He smiles knowingly. “Turn around and slip it on. I won’t look, I promise.”
No one has ever been so considerate to the way I feel about my looks before. He didn’t make a big scene or ask me to remove my mask in front of him. He just automatically knew I wouldn’t want him to see. And I didn’t take it the wrong way, because I know deep down, if I was to show him my face, he wouldn’t react the way Henry did.
I smile to myself and kiss his cheek. “Thank you,” I turn away from him, slip my mask off and the helmet on. The mask is made of prosthetic material and bends easily to mould with the face. It will be safe in my purse.
Hudson rides us miles and miles away from town. God, I’ve missed this, the riding through the wind. Feeling it on my skin is the one thing I love more than anything. Of course, I don’t show my skin to anyone anymore. And it’s too cold not to wear a coat or jacket. But I can feel the wind hitting my body, and I am so loving this.
“I can hear you giggling.” Hearing his voice through the helmet shouldn’t have surprised me, but somehow it did. I should have known he’d have microphones somewhere in the helmets. He always was a showoff. “The best sound in the world is hearing you giggling.”
“You’re crazy, there are plenty of better things to hear.”
“Crazy for you.” My heart is beating a little too hard in my chest. I hear him chuckling to himself softly.
I close my eyes for a moment and let his deep voice wash over me. I haven’t felt this safe in a very long time. But Hudson just gives off that feeling. That, and I know I’m safe with him. He would protect me with his life, I have never doubted that.
“We’re here.” We pull up in the middle of nowhere. A place surrounded by trees and flowers. It’s kind of like a secret garden, all natural and untouched.
I recognize the place right away. He used to bring me here every Sunday afternoon when we were teenagers. It was quiet here, but here is where we could talk about anything and not be interrupted. I haven’t been here since he left me, it was too painful. This was our special place. His and mine. This is the place we’d come to get away from everything.
“Remember this place?” He asks as he removes his helmet.
I turn away from him and remove my helmet and put my mask on as fast as I can. “Yes,” I finally answer. He takes the helmet from my hands and sets it on the bike seat. He then takes my hand and leads me across a stretch of grass.
I gasp at the sight set before me. A picnic blanket, two throw pillows, a champagne bucket filled with ice, and two glasses beside it. It’s so cold today, but I don’t feel it at all.
“When did you do this?”
“Just before I came to collect you.”
“But I could have been hours, surely the ice would have melted? Surely it has melted?”
“A little, maybe. Come,” I take a seat on the blanket and watch as he opens what I can see is a bottle of my favorite white wine.
He pours us both a glass and hands me one. I take a sip and I can’t help moaning. I rarely drink anymore, unless I’m with my friends at one of their houses, then I drink myself stupid.
Oh, come on, I’m scarred, I’m not dead!
But I haven’t had this particular wine in a long time. Hell, I haven’t had a lot of things in a long time. Not things that reminded me of Hudson anyway.
That’s fucking hilarious, isn’t it? I haven’t had a lot of things that remind me of Hudson? I just live in the house he designed and built for us, and I still have the dog he bought me. If that doesn’t keep the reminders of him alive, I don’t know what does.
“Do you remember when we used to come here so we could be alone?”
“How could I forget? We used to drink wine and then lie down on the blanket and make out” I giggle to myself. I wipe the condensation from my glass with my fingertip. A drop of water falls on my jeans. I wipe it with my fingertip and my eyes catch his. “What?”
He’s looking at me, just looking. I don’t feel uncomfortable, but then why would I? This is the man I was going to marry. The man I have loved since we were in preschool. My best friend, my soulmate. But it doesn’t stop me feeling a little nervous.
My heart pounds as he shifts closer to me. “I’ve missed you, Cal,”
“You said that already.”
He laughs. “Sorry. I just can’t believe you’re here with me.” I look down at the glass in my hand. He takes it from me and places it next to his on the grass beside the blanket. I swallow hard as he takes my hands in his. “Why do you hide your beautiful face from me?” I try shrugging him off me. I’m annoyed that he’d mention my face again.
“Sit still.” His stern tone sends shivers through my body, right to my very core. It always did. I hate that it did right now. But as always when he’s stern with me, I do as he told me and sit still. “I don’t want you to hide from me, Callie. What do you think is going to happen when I see your face?”
“I think you’ll be disgusted and you’ll leave me again and I won’t see you anymore.” It shot out of my mouth before I’d even thought about it. It’s not that I like feeling sorry for myself, it’s just the fact I am so used to people’s reactions to me now that I won’t show my face off. It’s easier not to.
I want to stop him as he reaches his hand out to remove my mask. I want to grab his hand and push him away from me. I want to stop him from seeing what I know he’ll one day see, regardless of how much I try not to allow him to.
But as he reaches for my mask, I can do nothing but cry to myself. At least if he sees now and wants to leave, it won’t hurt as much as it would if I waited a few weeks.
I lower my head as he gently removes my mask. I should get up and run. I should cover my face with my hands. But I don’t.
He takes my chin and lifts my face to his eye line. I can’t watch his eyes when he looks at me. I don’t want to see the horrified look on his face, and that’s why I shut my eyes tightly.
Seven
Hudson
Oh. My. Fucking. God!
I can’t breathe. I never imagined it would be this bad. From her left temple to her neck there’s a long thin scar. From under her eye and over her cheek bone there’s a curved thick scar. A pinky silver scar along her hairline, and an X shaped scar smack in the midd
le of her cheek. They look like they’ve been operated on at some point. Or maybe they weren’t. I can’t really tell. But I imagine from the depth of them they must have been.
It also looks like not even plastic surgery could fix what’s left behind. But then, how would I know, I’m not a plastic surgeon. Jesus, fuck, she’s lucky to still have her eye.
What has she been going through this past year? People staring, whispering behind her back. All of the pain and anguish she must have suffered. My god, how could anybody hurt her like this?
This is Callie Harper, the kind, smart, loving girl who everybody loved. The girl with so much compassion she would bring the homeless into her own home, feed them, give them a hot bath, new clothes, even a damn haircut before finding them a place to stay. Because that’s just the kind of girl she is.
Her heavy, scared breaths pull me out of thought. I don’t want her fearing that I’ll reject her because of the way she looks. Christ, I would never reject her. Okay, she’s scarred but she’s still my Callie, my beautiful Callie. And nothing will ever change the way I feel about her or the way I see her. I don’t want her to be scared that I don’t want her because of this. My cock definitely still wants her, from the semi hard-on I’ve got.
How fucking inappropriate is that? She’s sitting here crying in fear and my body is reacting like this. Hell, it’s like my dick has a mind of it’s own where Callie is concerned. But then it’s always been that way.
I cup her face, stroking the scars gently with my thumb before following the trail with my lips. Her sobs cut me deeply. This must be so fucking hard for her. “Hudson,” She whispers against me.
“It’s okay,” I whisper against her lips. I don’t give a damn about her scars. Of course it’s fucking cutting me up inside that this happened to her, but I love her. I still love her so fucking much. Scars will never change that.
“It’s okay,” My lips touch hers softly. I slide my hand around the back of her head and hold her in place. She clutches at my shirt and opens up to me. Her tongue tangles with mine, and it’s so fucking familiar that the past five years melts away from me. She’s my home. I never should have left. I should have stayed and faced my demons. Instead, I left her here with hers.
