by Robyn Grady
“Nina, we’re not doing anything drastic.” Like making things permanent. “We’re just seeing each other.” Sleeping together. “You can still have your life and carry on doing that.”
Her throat bobbed on a big swallow and her eyes began to fill. “No matter what life throws my way, I know now I’ll adapt. I’ll survive. I’llgrow. But that doesn’t mean I want to intentionally put myself in harm’s way. I care about you, Gabriel. I care so much it frightens me.” Her face softened. “I’ve never been in love before.”
His heart stopped beating. He swallowed involuntarily, then, totally taken aback, coughed out a laugh. “We’ve known each other aweek.”
“This time.” Her eyes glistened. “If I agree to see you when we get back you’ll end up hurting me, and it’ll be my fault for not pulling back now while I still can.”
Suddenly the room felt smaller. Where it had been cosy when they’d first entered, now the space felt squashed. The scent of spices and sauces made him want to wheeze. Made him want to clear his throat.
He blindly found the doorknob at his back. “We’ll discuss this later.”
“Will that change anything?”
He’d be frank.
“If you’re talking about long-term, about marriage…no, it won’t. And you know enough about me not to ask why.” With marriage came expectations, came children. He’d rather not be a father at all than risk being a bad or an absent one. Boys needed their father—one hundred percent and every day.
She cupped his cheek with a caring hand. “You’re so committed to this project. You have so much riding on its success. You don’t need me getting in the way. You don’t need nagging when you’re too busy for personal.”
His hand tightened on her shoulder before it slid down her arm. He leant back against the door. He felt as if he’d been knocked out in the final round. He hated to admit it, but everything she said made sense. The scenario she’d just given had pretty much been the way most of his so-called relationships had turned out in the past. He’d thought Nina was different, but maybe her added allure was because she’d been so proud and so darn hard to keep.
He might not love her, but he did respect her, and he certainly didn’t want to hurt her.
He closed his eyes, saw the only logical answer and forced himself to accept it.
Exhaling, he opened his eyes and nodded. “You’re right. If you were my sister, I’d be telling you to run.”
She frowned. “This isn’t about Anthony.”
“No, this is about you being you and me being me.”
She was moving on and he wasn’t ready to make that move with her. He didn’t know that he ever would be.
Chapter Fourteen
LATER that day, after Gabriel had walked a few miles down the beach, he strode back to the bungalow and immersed himself in figures. Piles of columns and statistics and any other numbers that might help to obliterate that God-awful scene in the cafe with Nina Petrelle.
There’d been a note on the counter. Nina was staying with her mate back at the staff quarters tonight.
He scrunched up the paper, flicked it into the trash. When night fell, he cracked open a beer and reclined in a deckchair out on the balcony. With the Mikano restaurant’s piano tinkling in over the warm air, he watched the waves roll endlessly in, then roll just as endlessly out. He slept not a wink. When a peaceful dawn broke, sienna-gold on the quiet horizon, his eyes were gritty and his throat ached.
He believed he could change Nina’s mind. He knew what to say, how to touch, where to kiss, so she couldn’t say no. But, as much as the beast inside urged him to persuade her to continue their affair after she returned to Sydney, he simply couldn’t be that selfish and hurt her that way.
As he’d said—she was right. His past with women was proof. Nina would only end up hurt.
She wanted his respect and hedid respect her—her courage, her humour and integrity. But respect and love were two different things. If she was frightened about how much she cared for him, he wasn’t too comfortable with his emotions either.
He’d told her his life was too busy to accommodate the kind of commitment she was wanted. But through these long, lonely hours he’d admitted that was a lie. The simple truth was he didn’twant to be tied down. But it went deeper than that. He didn’t want to commit because he didn’t need to worry about whether he was good enough. Whether he could provide enough—emotionally, financially, physically.
His mother hadn’t given his father a chance and young Gabe had been the one to lose out. He’d come to terms with his mother’s choices. He’d forgiven her long ago. But he had Faith and her gentle wise ways to thank for that.
Faith had said, no matter what, he could be anything he wanted to be. But in a dark hidden place, he knew why he’d never let himself get close to any woman.
He didn’t believe in that kind of love. And until recently he hadn’t found that conviction to be a problem.
At 7 a.m. he showered, dressed, and made his way to the jetty. An hour later he stood when Nina approached, wheeling one suitcase behind her. The ferrycat to the mainland left in twenty minutes. Twenty minutes and then…
Would he ever see her again?
She didn’t seem surprised to see him. Her eyes looked as red as his felt, and it was all he could do not to tell her this was crazy. This didn’t have to end.
Instead he remembered her pleas, his long, insightful night, and handed over a tiger shell.
“This is for your nephew.” He placed the shiny tawny- and brown-dotted shell in her hand. “Put your ear to the opening and you hear the ocean.”
She listened, smiled, and then lowered the shell. “Thank you,” she said. “Thanks for everything you’ve done.”
He dropped his gaze and then found her eyes again. “Nina, I did some soul-searching last night.”
Her gaze sharpened. “And?”
“I want you to be everything you can be.”
In a heartbeat her eyes edged with tears and, although she set her mouth, her bottom lip still trembled. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, holding back from gathering her close, kissing her brow and telling her…what?
He’d already said he cared. He cared more for her than anyone he’d known. More than Faith, more than his father or Anthony. It was a different kind of emotion. A consuming sensation that affected every inch of him…head, but more so heart. And yet he couldn’t tell her what she needed to hear.
So what was the use of tormenting himself? Or her? Why had he come?
“Good luck with your work here,” she said.
He blinked against the emotion stinging behind his nose. “Good luck with the new job.”
A tear fell from the corner of her eye before she bounced onto tiptoe and stole a kiss from his cheek. Then she was gone, striding off down the jetty, boarding the cat and not looking back.
Soon it began to shower. The shower turned into sheets of rain. After an hour, Gabriel walked home.
He knew he could get Diamond Shores back on its feet. He was well on track now, thanks to Nina and the other staff’s suggestions. She was right. No one needed to lick anyone’s boots—not in his childhood and not now. He’d make the changes that needed to be made. He’d make the fortune he’d always wanted. He’d prove himself. Reach the top.
Yet all he could think about was how lucky some guy in Nina’s future would be and how, without her in his life, he might as well be broke.
Chapter Fifteen
NINA had been back in Sydney two weeks, and had started her new job atReal Woman’s Life magazine a few days ago.
She’d fallen straight into the work and had hit it off instantly with her fellow staff. Best was the feeling that she finally fitted somewhere again. Her life was definitely on the upswing. Yet there was a hidden part of her that felt more lost than ever.
Sitting alone on a quiet stretch of Manly Beach, with a chorus of kookaburras heralding in a clear new day, Nina pushed to her feet, dusted off her short
s and headed for the water.
Once she’d loved coming here…laughable attempts at beach volleyball with her friends, devouring great summer reads while the sun warmed her skin. Now blue skies, white sand and the mighty tumble of surf only reminded her of Gabriel.
Almost to the water, she stopped as her insides clenched and tears brimmed in her eyes.
She’d tried to shake off the malady…late-night movies, visits with Jill and Codie, reconnecting with mates and former colleagues. Yet every waking moment his smile seemed to live in her mind. Dazzling. Seductive.
Her dreams were even more disturbing. Sometimes she woke up believing his bone-melting embrace was real. The memory of his night kisses teased her until she thought she might go mad.
She had to talk with him, tell him she’d been wrong, that she was willing to take whatever he could give. Last night the ache in her stomach had been so bad she’d picked up the phone, ready to beg him to take her back.
What did she have to lose? The tragedy she’d hoped to avoid had come. Her heart was broken. Cracked in two. Her professional life was soaring, but on a personal, lovesick note, she doubted she could sink any lower.
And it was that sorry realisation that kept her from crumbling completely. From making another gigantic mistake.
If she called Gabriel and pitched herself back into their affair she would only fallmore in love. She would be even more heartbroken when they said goodbye again. In not so many words, on that last day, Gabriel had told her to run.
He knew who he was…a playboy millionaire who had success and little else on his mind. But he cared for her. When she lay awake in the midnight hours, staring at the ceiling, she told herself he cared for her more than any woman he’d been with.
Still, he’d let her go.
Shecouldn’t take back all she’d said to him. Couldn’t let him know she was willing to have her heart decimated again. She might not have Gabriel Steele’s love, but she could at least keep his respect.
And so, once she’d gone around that circle of logic a thousand times, she stayed her course. She longed for Gabriel’s smile, his touch. But she kept her pain to herself.
But then came the next dilemma.
Would she ever feel whole again…the wonderful, glowing, cherished way she’d felt when she’d been with him? When she looked in the mirror each morning and saw the opacity in her eyes she couldn’t imagine feeling that vibrant again.
As cool laces of water washed around her bare feet, Nina wondered where and what her life would be ten years from now. She’d always thought she would find Mr Wonderful, her true soul mate, and shehad. Love had come at the most unlikely time, when every other aspect of her life had been turned upside down and pulled inside out. But finding love wasn’t keeping love. One week after meeting Mr Wonderful she’d lost her love for good.
She gazed out at the Pacific Ocean, glittering with dawn’s gentle jewels, and hugged herself as a cool sea breeze combed her hair.
The question she’d asked herself lately hadn’t been, Who am I? It wasWhy am I? Why am I here?
Why do I matter?
She came up with reasons. Good ones. Reasons that counted. And yet without Gabriel to talk with…to laugh with…to love…those reasons never seemed anywhere near important enough.
Ahead, a bottle lay half buried in the sand. An unusual bottle—bright pink, with a spray of flowers painted on one side. Curious, she collected it and rubbed the wet sand from the glass.
She stopped. Looked harder.
Paper was scrolled up inside.
A message in a bottle.
A wistful smile lifted the corners of her mouth.
On the night of April’s wedding Gabriel had asked her what she might write on such a note.
Nina closed her eyes, lifted her face to the northern sky and whispered…‘Wish you were here.’
Remembering her first vision of him on that cliff, she swallowed the tears backed up in her throat, screwed off the cork and shook the paper out. Unravelling the note, she saw the words were handwritten and slightly smudged. Only two words, and they read:
Turn around.
She blinked several times before tendrils of understanding gripped high around her throat and a flash of heat rushed over her skin. Her head was light and every hair on her scalp was standing on end by the time she did what the note asked. Slowly she edged around, and…
Gabriel! He was standing right there before her, as if he’d materialised out of thin air.
Her shaky grasp on the bottle slipped, but he caught it, as well as her hands, before it hit the ground.
He looked ten times more masculine and handsome than she’d remembered. Those ice-blue eyes burned into hers, warming her all the way through. A raspy shadow darkened his prominent jaw. She loved grazing her palm up the rough of his mid-morning beard.
Or rather shehad loved doing that.
Nina wondered if her face showed even a tenth of her emotions. She wanted to run away, to beg him to stay. Tell him how desperately she wanted him to hold her.
But she didn’t need to ask. Gabriel’s strong arms wrapped around her and, still in shock, she didn’t resist when he drew her near.
“I remember it all,” he said against her ear as she trembled and he stroked her back. “As if every moment were logged in my brain beneath a magnifying glass. How you chew the end of your pencil when you pore over a crossword. How your foot taps when you listen to your favourite song. How you feel beneath me. Feel around me.”
Her voice pushed past the nerves knotted in her throat. “Gabriel…what are you doing here?”
He stepped back and found her gaze.
“Since you left I haven’t stopped asking myself whether I could truly keep you satisfied. Day and night, it pounded at my brain. I wanted to come to you, wanted you back, but I couldn’t stomach the idea of not measuring up.”
He inhaled and his gaze focused more. “Years ago, I vowed I would never be responsible for helping to create another broken home. Then, out of the blue, the answer came to me.”
Unable to help herself, she filed her fingers through the sides of his clean dark hair, wondering how she’d lived so long without his touch. Raw hope pushed like a fist against her chest, but she didn’t want to jump ahead. Didn’t want to hope too much.
“You wanted to discover who you were,” he went on, his voice intense and deep. “Let me tell you who you are to me. You’re the person I can face any battle with. You’re headstrong and beyond beautiful. You’re like no one I’ve ever known. Nina, you’re the woman I love and will love for ever. And I’m the man who prays you can forgive me for not realising that sooner and love me back.” He found her hands and clasped them to his chest, and that beautiful light she adored shone up in his eyes. “I want to help create ahappy family.Our family. Nina, say you’ll marry me.”
She felt locked to the spot. The ocean and the sky and the kookaburra calls receded, until she was only aware of her throbbing heartbeat and the deep sincerity in his eyes. Over her clogged throat, she choked out what had played over in her mind these past weeks. He wasn’t the only one who’d been asking questions.
“Gabe, you said you didn’t want to get married.”
She didn’t want to believe it—didn’t want to think he’d be that cruel—but she had to know if this was another seduction game meant to get her back in his bed.
He tipped her chin up and gazed into her soul. “I was waiting for the right woman, and I can’t believe I almost let her go.” His arms went around her again. “I want to live the rest of my life with you. Have children together and be there for them every day. I want to sit and watch the sunrise with you fifty years from now. Tell me you want that too.” His brow lowered to rest upon hers. “Tell me you still feel the same way.”
Her chest squeezed until she could barely breathe. Of course she still loved him. Now that she’d fallen, she couldn’t imaginenot loving him. He sounded so passionate, so focused, but there was something else
she needed to say. The part of her that was weeping with happiness was telling her to keep quiet. She wanted to accept his proposal—she’ddreamed about it since the day they’d said goodbye—but she couldn’t simply push aside what she knew to be true.
“What about your life? Gabriel, I don’t want to live in a world of black-tie dinners every other night. I can’t be areal housewife.” She couldn’t be a rich kept woman, with too much time and money on her hands. After all she’d been through, that skin simply wouldn’t fit.
“Our life doesn’t have to be like that. We don’t have to have anyone or anything in our life we don’t want to have there. That obstacle’s not enough to keep us apart. Nothing is.” His determined eyes searched hers. “This connection is real. For ever. We’llmake it work. Believe it, Nina. Believe it the way I do and nothing else will matter.”
A flood of emotion bubbled up. She wanted to laugh. Tocry. She choked out the words. “You really think so?”
“I love you…and I won’t let anything stand in our way.”
His head slanted over hers, and when their lips met and his masterful heat and confidence infused her she went to jelly and gave up her arguments. With all her heart, with everything she’d ever been and ever would be, she wanted this. Wanted him.
With tears spilling down her cheeks, she twined her arms around his neck and hitched back a happy sob as his lips reluctantly left hers.
There was supposed to be one special person in this world for everyone.
That’s why I’m here, she told herself, feeling the full depth of that truth.I’m here to love you. Not above and beyond everything else, but to strengthen and enrich everything else she was now and was destined to be.
“We’ll go straight to a store and pick out a ring,” he murmured, his voice thick with love and pride.
But as his eyes glistened into hers—so full of conviction and faith—she flexed her fingers into his shirt. “I’d rather go straight home and get reacquainted.”
“Why wait to get home?”
Without warning, he hoisted her up, a hand either side of her waist, and swung her around in a giddy, exhilarating circle. Alive with hope. Bursting with passion. Nina’s heart was so full she wanted all the world to know this kind of happiness.
