by Sara Daniell
"I want to find her, Jude. But I don't know where to look. I’ve went everywhere they could have possibly taken her. I just don’t know what else to do at this point."
He parked down a dirt road near the river. We got out and walked to the Riverbank. We sat down and finished the joint.
He threw a stick in the water. "I want to help you, but I don't know how. This is seriously some screwed up shit."
I watched the stick get carried down river. When it left my sight, I looked at Jude. "This is why I never wanted a serious relationship."
"Are you gonna keep tryin' to find her? Or move on?"
I looked away from him. The high was kicking in, and I felt more relaxed.
I shrugged. "I want to, but I have no clue where she is. I keep burning gas and wasting time. It feels like I'm going in circles. I can't live life like this. It's exhausting."
Moving on would be difficult but would be the logical thing to do. I'd graduate and so would she. We could find each other again if it were meant to be. That’s right. I was chalking it up to fate. I mean, what other options did I have at this point?
"So, what are you saying?" He leaned against a tree. His eyes were sagging and red.
Tears fell down my cheeks, not a rarity these days. "I guess I'm moving on. Just gonna leave it up to fate and start enjoying life again. This depressed shit is getting old." I wiped the tears before he could notice them.
"So, Havock's back?"
"Unfortunately." I smiled with great difficulty. I knew I'd have to push Reese Johnson as far from my mind as possible, and it scared me. But it scared me more to hurt as bad as I had been. It felt like my insides were being ripped to shreds by razor blades. I woke up in the middle of the night, every night, gasping for air. I couldn't do it anymore. I had to become numb to her if I wanted to be able to function.
~~~
I moved off Autumn, breathless. “Holy shit,” I said as I looked at her.
She laughed as she covered her face with her hand. “Damn, I’m glad you’re back and over Reese.”
Mood killer. I sat up and started getting dressed. I felt her hand on my back and froze.
“Sorry, I know you said her name was off limits. It slipped.”
I shrugged her hand away. I didn’t answer her. That name stabbed at my heart like a knife. I couldn’t stand to hear it. It killed me. I grabbed my cell phone and my keys off her nightstand.
“Your parents will be home soon. I should go.”
“Don’t be mad at me. Please.”
I didn’t look at her, I just left.
It was one thing for someone to mention her on accident, like at dinner when mom and dad were talking and her name came up. But right after I had sex with someone, that shit was unacceptable. I already felt like an ass for doing it, I didn’t need to be kicked to the ground and spit on by mention of her name.
I looked at the time as I drove. I needed something, but I didn’t know what. I didn’t need to go home, that’s for sure. I drove to my favorite bootlegger. Jamison and coke would help. Maybe.
I swung by Jude’s to pick him up after I got what would hopefully numb my brain so I could rest. He was waiting out by the curb, smoking a cigarette. I stopped and he got in.
“Where we goin’?” He asked as he looked at the brown paper sack.
“What I’m good at these days.” I smiled. “To kill brain cells.”
REESE
I flew across the room and crashed into a table. I grabbed my ribs and gasped for air. Brad was getting way too much enjoyment out of causing me pain.
“You have to fight back! Stop me from throwing you across the room, you idiot!” Brad yelled.
“I CAN'T!” I screamed. Why didn’t he understand? He wasn’t helping me! I, honestly, don’t even think he was trying to help me. I think he was just enjoying taking all his frustration out on me. Asshole.
I nursed my ribs as I stood. I leaned heavily against the wall. I had sweat pouring down my face. I was tired, and I hurt. I just wanted out of this mad house.
“I think we should take a break,” Troy said as he pinched his nose.
Brad grabbed my arm roughly and led me to my room. Once in he shut the door and locked it. I went over to the hole in the wall and started working on it. Thankfully, they didn't seal it again. I hurt everywhere, but I didn't care. I wanted out.
“Finally,” I said as I made the hole through to the other side. I kept working on it until it was big enough for me to go through. I wiggled through then looked around. It was clear. I hobbled to the door and looked out. No one was around. I quietly made my way out the door and down the stairs. I was almost to the front door when I was grabbed from behind.
“Troy!” Brad yelled as he fought with me.
Troy hurried in then after saying some words under his breath, I started to feel drowsy and everything went black.
~~~
I woke up in the basement. For the past two weeks, I had paced it trying to find a way out. Nothing. I pulled up the edge of my shirt and saw bruises up and down my side. I was one big bruise. Training had been difficult, and I wasn't getting any better. Plus, Brad was an asshole who wasn’t really helping me. I think he got his kicks from beating the hell out of me.
I sat on the edge of my bed and pulled out a drawing notebook Troy was nice enough to get me. I drew Havock's face. A tear fell down my cheek as I finished it and started another one.
I heard yelling from upstairs, and I heard a woman's voice.
The basement door flew open and a red headed woman walked down the stairs. She looked at me then hurried over. She turned my face and saw the bruises that I had gotten from being slammed into the wall.
She turned on Troy and Brad who followed her down.
"What the hell?!" she yelled
"Janet, calm down. We've been training her," Troy said as he took a hesitant step back.
Janet's vibrant green eyes narrowed and she looked back at me. "I brought dinner," she pointed to the bag she had put down when she hurried over to me. "You need to eat, and I'll be back down shortly," she said softly. She then looked at the men. "We're having a talk!" She snapped then they walked upstairs.
I ate dinner then waited for the Janet lady to come back.
After several minutes, she came back downstairs. She had a first aid kit with her. "Let me look you over."
She started nursing my wounds. "I'm so sorry about this, Sweetie," she said as she wrapped my ribs. She sighed. "I'm going to start helping with your training and maybe get you out of this damn basement."
"Thank you, but what I want is out of this nightmare." A tear fell down my cheek.
“I'll do my best,” she said with a slight smile.
I looked at her and wondered why she looked so familiar to me. I thought about it, but just couldn't place her.
~~~
After days, I finally started being able to use my powers. Janet was able to help me a lot more than Troy or Brad ever did. We even had started to become friends. She was four years older than me, but she was fun and nice. I found out she owned a restaurant in town, and she brought me food from it every day.
I looked at my drawing book as tears ran down my cheeks. I wanted Havock. Why couldn't they just let me see him?
“Why don't you write him a letter? Maybe I can get it to him,” Janet said as she looked over my shoulder at my book.
“They're not going to let you give it to him,” I whispered.
She scoffed. “I've never done things they wanted me to do,” she whispered back then sat down beside me. “It may take me a while to get it to him, but I will get it to him.”
I nodded. Then started writing while she left me alone.
Dear Havock,
I don't know how long it will take for you to get this but when it does get to you know it's with all the love I feel for you.
A tear fell onto the page as I wrote.
I love you so much. I wish you were here with me. I've tried getting out to get t
o you but they keep catching me. If it wasn't for Janet I wouldn't even be able to get this letter to you. I don't know what else to say Havock. I do know that I will continue to try to get back to you. I wish I could tell you where I am but they blindfolded me on the way here so I don't know. I do know that your birthday is coming up in a few days and I wanted to tell you happy eighteenth! I want so bad to be there with you. To hold you. To kiss you. Just to be with you. I miss you. I wake up in the night screaming your name.
Another tear hit the page.
I'm sorry. I'm sure this isn't helping. I'll end the letter here with this. No matter how long it takes, I will make my way back to you. I swear it. I love you more than anything.
Love always,
Princess
After I finished the letter, I drew a picture of me and him. I then wrapped the letter carefully into it. Janet put it in her pocket then hugged me.
“It's going to be all right. Soon you'll get out of here. You'll be eighteen in another month, right?”
I nodded. “I mentioned that to your dad and uncle, but they said it didn't matter. They were going to keep me locked in here until they knew I wouldn't go running back to Havock.” I sighed. “Which means I'm going to be stuck in here for the rest of my life.”
“No, you won't. If I have to break you out, then I will.” She smiled reassuringly at me then left me alone.
I was always alone. I covered my ears as the shadows appeared. They began speaking to me. Tormenting me. I hated them.
He doesn’t want you. But we do. We can help you. Just listen to us. Give us a chance. We can help, Reese. We can help each other.
They’re voices blanketed me like a cold sheet of ice. There were several of them and instead of whispers, their voices became screams.
For hours I listened to them screaming at me. Cursing me. Finally, they stopped. I looked up as Troy and Brad came into the room.
“It's time to train again,” Brad said. He had an evil glint in his eyes when he mentioned training.
I groaned and stood up. I took a deep breath then started pulling my powers. I was tired, depressed, and lonely. All of these things weighed on me, and I felt like I was never going to be happy again. I definitely wouldn't ever be the same person again. Would Havock even look at me the same when he found out what I was? Would he still love me when he found out I was a witch?
I threw power at Brad. I always aimed for Brad. It was too weak. I was too weak. He blocked it. He sneered at me and forced some power towards me. I flew across the basement and landed with a thud onto the floor. My ribs were never going to be the same. The only thing that kept me going was the plan to escape and make it to Havock. I stood back to my feet and pulled more power. I threw it at Brad, this time with enough force to make him have to take a few steps back to block it. However, Troy used that moment to hit me with a spell that sent me into the dresser.
My life sucked.
“You have to concentrate. You will hardly ever only go up against one witch at a time! You need to be able to fight more than one person,” Troy lectured.
I rolled my eyes. “I'm not ever planning on fighting,” I stated for what seemed like the hundredth time.
“You'll have to fight whether you like it or not,” Brad said and threw a bolt of power at me. This is how I spent the next three hours. When it was finally over, I fell into bed, exhausted. That's when the shadows came again. They told me all the things they wanted me to do. People they wanted me to kill. I covered my ears with my pillows as I cried out for Havock. I was losing my mind and soon I wouldn't be able to get it back.
HAVOCK
I stumbled to the keg and filled my cup up for the twelfth time. I was hammered. I knew I'd probably spend the rest of the night puking, but if I cared, I wouldn't have downed my twelfth drink and filled up for my thirteenth.
Two weeks ago I decided to let her go. And to let her go, I had spent every night out-of-my-mind high or drunk.
Janzy came over and bumped my side with her hip. "Quit hogging, Loner." She smiled.
Music was blaring. I barely heard her talking. I laughed.
"Let's get out of here," I said with my lips pressed against her ear.
She raised a brow. "I'm with Jackson."
"And? Where is he then?" I bit my lip. Reese played through my mind, but I pushed her out of it. "Come on," I put my arm around her waist and we walked out in the woods away from everyone.
"You're drunk!" She said as she giggled. I backed her against a tree and kissed her neck, running my hands up her shirt.
"So are you," I said as I lifted her shirt over her head.
"Reese?" she asked quietly as she tugged at my shirt.
I stopped feeling her up. “Reese who?” I looked away from Janzy.
She grabbed my face and made me look at her. “Sorry. I just-”
I was done talking. I just wanted to have sex and forget everything for a little bit. I’d deal with the guilt after. I brought my lips to hers.
Janzy paused, pulling away slightly. Her fingertips traced my tattoo on my shoulder as she bit her bottom lip. She looked in my eyes. "You're sure?"
“Would you shut up?”
She nodded.
~~~
I woke up next to the bonfire that was a pile of ash and smoke.
I was in just my holey jeans that were unbuttoned. Greeeat. I shivered while I put on my hoodie. It was too cold to have slept half naked outside, but I was too drunk the night before to have thought anything through.
I looked around and saw Jude not too far from me, out cold. Selena was sleeping right next to him, covered with his jacket. I started to walk over to them, but stopped when I started feeling sick.
I dropped to my knees and started throwing up.
"Havock," I heard my name whispered in Reese's voice.
I shook my head. Now I was hearing her?! No. Absolutely not. I wouldn't allow myself to go insane. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and stood. I walked over to Jude. I kicked his side.
He sat up quickly. His eyes wide, he looked at me. "Shit, Dude!"
Selena opened her eyes and groaned. "We fell asleep out here?!"
"Let's go eat at J's. I'll pay." I took my keys from my pocket. Hangovers sucked, but for some reason, eating always helped, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
They both stood and followed me to my truck. I grabbed a clean, well, cleaner hoodie from the floorboard and changed into it. After they were both in, I drove towards town.
Selena laughed as she rubbed her eyes, making her mascara run. "Shit, guys. We haven't partied like that in a while. It was fun."
Images of having sex with Janzy invaded my brain. They were mixed with Reese, and I suddenly felt sick again. I pulled over on the shoulder and parked.
I hurried out and dry heaved. There was nothing left to throw up. I got back in the truck when I was done. I rested my head against the steering wheel and cursed myself over and over.
Jude and Selena remained silent.
After everything stopped spinning, I pulled back onto the road.
J's was our favorite place to hang out after nights like last night. And I swear they put medicine in their pancakes. They could heal a hangover almost instantly.
We walked in, and all the old timers looked at us. It was tradition for men over 50 to come there for their morning coffee.
We sat in a booth and Selena laid her head on the table. "Wake me up when my pancakes get here."
Jude laughed. "What do you want to drink?"
"Water," she mumbled.
I ran my fingers to flatten my hair. I had gotten it cut two days ago. One less thing to remind me of my Princess running her fingers through it.
A waitress started to come over to our table, but Janet, a close friend of Garret’s, grabbed the order book and came over herself.
"Hey, Jackass, what can I get for you this morning?" she asked with a smile.
I moved my head to look at her. "Oh great, look who's back
in town. No wonder I haven't seen much of my brother lately.” I rolled my eyes. “Pancakes. Just a big pile of them and some extra plates. I think it's funny that you're acting like you didn't already know that'd be what we would order. We only have come here every morning after Friday night parties at the River for like ever."
"Just thought maybe you three had finally grown up some and turned over a new leaf. My mistake."
