Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  “Dead serious,” he assures.

  I have no reason to believe he’s lying. Continuing what we’d already started, I pull his lips to mine and feverishly begin kissing him. My desire for him races through my body. Steam from the shower floats all around us as I run my hands down his chest to his core. I steadily reach down with one hand and wrap it around his erection. Josh rolls his head back at the sensation of my touch. His dick throbs in my hand as I begin slowly stroking his length.

  “Fuck, Sam.”

  I look up into his eyes, and I know our connection is real, but I need to feel it completely. “Josh, I need to feel you inside me, please,” I plead. Lifting me up under my ass, he places me onto the sink countertop, never saying a word as we continue to stare into each other’s eyes. Then, Josh positions himself at my entrance and slowly pushes in.

  The feeling is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. I wrap my legs tightly around Josh’s waist, pulling him further inside me as one of his palms slams onto the wall behind my head. His other hand rests on my back, pulling us as close as possible. My arms wrap around his neck for support as he begins to move within me.

  “Josh,” I moan as every muscle in my body stiffens in pleasure. His own groans mix with mine as I feel his dick throb inside me.

  “Jesus, Sam, you feel incredible wrapped around my bare cock.” He continues to rock within me until I feel him tense and pull back slightly. “Where do you want me to come?”

  Without any hesitation, I look him in the eyes and say, “Come inside me, Josh. Please, make me come.”

  His hips thrust even harder and faster to the point I can feel my core tingle and throb, and I know I’m just as close as him. The minute Josh stills inside me, my own release crashes through me, and I watch as his eyes squeeze shut. “Shit, Sam. Oh my God, baby.”

  We both calm our breathing as Josh leans in to give me one of the most loving kisses I’ve ever had. He rests his forehead on mine, as we stay connected. Reaching up to push my hair behind one ear, he searches my eyes before he says the words I’ve only ever thought I could be feeling about him.

  “I love you, Sam. God, do I love you.”

  My hand caresses his warm cheek as the steam continues to encircle us. My heart melts at his sincere confession, and I know he owns all of me, without a doubt. A single tear trickles down my cheek as I confess my own feelings aloud.

  “I love you too, Josh. So much.”

  Nothing else is said after that. Josh continues to kiss me fervently on the countertop before grabbing my ass to lift me with my legs still wrapped tightly around his waist. He carries me to the shower, and from there, we continue to wash and kiss each other with such tender passion, neither of us is aware of our surroundings. For now, it’s only us.

  Two weeks have passed since that call came in.

  Two weeks ago, Sam and I confessed our love to each other and spent an incredible day together.

  It’s been two weeks since I’ve actually seen my girlfriend smile and mean it.

  Two weeks.

  The minute her cell phone rang, she knew he was released from jail. Her father’s name appeared on the screen as she listened to him explain all that happened at the parole hearing. She stood there in her kitchen after we spent an amazing day playing arcades at the beach and had lunch at a small seafood restaurant along the coast. We had laughed as if we didn’t have a care in the world, as though that phone call would never happen. But, it did.

  The minute her father said the words, her face paled, and the phone dropped from her hands and landed on the counter. Sam walked away without a word and up the stairs to her room until I heard her door shut. I could hear her father saying something over the phone that was still connected.

  I grabbed the phone and listened to him tell me what happened. I apologized for this being the way we had to be introduced and wished it were under better circumstances. I knew Sam’s parents didn’t travel to visit her much, but that didn’t mean they weren’t close. They knew all about me and had even received the 411 from Drew after he visited.

  In the last couple of weeks, Drew and I had actually become rather close, considering Sam was no longer answering her phone, not even for me. The C-Naughtie house became like a safe haven for her. She wouldn’t leave unless it was for derby practice or to quickly swing by Vines. Nothing I said would comfort her or let her believe she was safe from any harm.

  I tried everything. I swapped shifts at work to spend nights with her while the derby girls spent much of the days with her. Cara stopped by after her shifts at Vines to help bring her back to life, but not even that worked.

  I’m sitting here with Nick at the townhouse waiting to hear from Drew. He’s supposed to stay with Sam the next few days while I work my regular shift on the road. As harsh as it may sound, I’m actually looking forward to going to work. I love Sam, but I’m at a loss as to how to help her.

  She talks to me, but there is nothing beyond those words. Not even candy has broken through her wall.

  Sexually and mentally frustrated, I slam my empty beer bottle onto the coffee table before letting out an irritated growl. I run my hands over my face, thinking this has to get better. Something has to give.

  Nick mutes the television and tosses the remote onto the sofa cushion. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” he asks as he stretches out his arms along the back of the sofa. My lack of response prompts him to continue, “Listen, I know I never had any place to ask, but I know something is up, and it involves Sam. So, maybe you could clue me in as to why shortly after I’m looking into a restraining order, Sam is nowhere to be found, and you’ve become a complete asshole.”

  I storm to my feet as my temper fumes inside me. “Don’t even go there, Nick. I swear to fuckin’ God, don’t go there.” I sneer and point at him. Grabbing my empty beer bottle, I head toward the kitchen. Nick stops me halfway there when his forearm backs me up against the wall. Rage courses through my body as I push him back. He’s bigger than me, but I have more muscle strength. I push him away enough to continue walking to the kitchen, but he’s on my heels.

  “Josh, you have to talk to someone. You have kept this festering inside you for months now. What’s the big secret, and who is Kurt Stone to Sam? You know I can dig more into this at the PD, but I want to hear it from your mouth.”

  My cell phone chimes from my pocket. I pull it out to see a text from Drew.

  Just got to the house. You weren’t lying about Sam. I’ll see what I can do to help. Thanks for calling, man.

  I am about to shoot him a quick response when my phone chimes again. I see Courtney’s name appear on the screen.

  Hey, we need to have a meeting about the “trip.” Can you come over now? I made your favorite for dinner. No one else is home.

  I send Courtney a quick text telling her I’ll be over shortly. Anything to get out of this house and away from all the daily stresses of my life. After grabbing my wallet and keys from the table, I pull my zip-up hoodie from the front coat hook. Nick stands in the doorway with his arms folded, looking aggravated by my recent behavior. I don’t really blame him. Everything going on with Sam has put me in a bad mood. I’m hoping now that Courtney will finally be my voice of reason in all of this. She’s my last resort, but my strongest asset.

  She managed to get Sam to listen once. Perhaps she can get her out of her funk this time around, too.

  After my brother picked me up from the jailhouse, the first place I wanted to go to was the nearest bar to get hammered or high. Beer. Shots. Some under the counter crack. I just don’t give a fuck. It’s been three years. It will be a bonus if some tight little slut saddles up and makes herself at home on my cock.

  Fuck it.

  I’d even settle for getting my dick sucked after three years of handies. For three fucking years, I haven’t been able to feel what it is like to have control over a woman. Not since that bitch.

  Three fingers of whiskey later, and I’m more than ready to go. A
blonde wearing nothing more than a tube top for a skirt and knee-high come-fuck-me boots is already unzipping my pants, taunting my cock while I sit at the dive bar in downtown Boston during the early afternoon. It is less than busy, exactly how I like it. No witnesses.

  She is clearly a bar slut and unaware of exactly what she is getting herself into when she begins shoving her hands down my pants. I don’t give a flying fuck what she is. She wants it rough; I can see it in her eyes. Grabbing her wrist forcefully, she eyes my arm full of tattoos down to my hand that is wrapped tightly around her wrist.

  I pull her behind me into a dark corner and possessively push her up against the back wall away from earshot. My go-to place when I need to release my urges with women. They never suspect how fucked they are until it’s too late. I wrap my hand around her jaw as she questions my intentions. I squeeze tighter until I know I’ve left my mark.

  My mark. A branding of sorts to tell the next guy she goes near that I’m the one who had her last.

  I fling her around so her palms rest against the wall, and her eyes can’t watch what I’m going to do. I kick her legs wide and yank her pathetic attempt at a skirt above her ass, ripping her thong off her body in the process. I unzip my pants, pulling out my dry, hard cock and shoving right into her. She cries out in pain, and it only fuels my desire.

  I pound into her over and over until I have my way with her. I watch as her legs shake below her, and her red fingernails claw at the wall. She doesn’t come. I don’t let her. I release myself inside her with so much intensity that the blood trickling down her thighs from her folds confirms I left my mark the only way I know how.

  I pull myself from her, stuffing my dick back into my pants as she sobs and adjusts her clothes. Her mascara-stained cheeks and watered eyes look back at me, and I snap. I slap her face right back around with the back of my hand. Nobody looks at me that way.

  Not since that bitch, who tossed my ass in jail over three years ago, have I seen that look. It’s a look of lies, deceit, and guilt. Sam thought she could go against me and win. Nobody gets away with that in my world. She never fought me to prove her innocence as I watched her that night in the bar. I saw the way she was acting around all those guys. She was mine and fell for my phony act for months. She thought I was one of the good guys. The stupid bitch was so wrong.

  But, what’s mine is mine. I claimed her, and she flaunted her goods to guys in front of me, and for that, she has to be punished. I choked her in that back room that night, and it felt so good. Her eyes never denied her lies, and I was already in the mindset to leave her for dead in a river somewhere with the others who deceived me. Then, her pansy ass brother walked in as she took what I thought would be her last breath. The fucker ruined the last three years of my life. While I rotted in jail all this time, she was out there living her life.

  You would think it’s my lucky day. I get granted parole, thanks to a very eager parole officer who couldn’t refuse my charm. Good behavior and a smile go a long way in the court system these days.

  As I’m taking a piss after cleaning off the slut’s juices from my cock, I glance to one of the walls where posters litter every corner. That’s when I see her eyes staring back at me.

  Well. Well. If it isn’t mother fucking Samantha. Oh, Sam, you really are a dumb bitch. Sliding my dick back into my pants, I zip up and head toward the door, pulling the poster from the wall and stuffing it into my pocket.

  She always did make it easy for me. Looks like I’m going to pay a little visit to the roller derby.

  Today is the first day people have left me alone. I am mentally exhausted and really just want to not have everyone breathing down my neck, wondering how I am doing or what they can do to help me. Nobody here understands what I’ve gone through, not one single person. So, forgive me if for the last two weeks I have wallowed in my shell of a body and tried to figure out how the hell to live my life, knowing the man that once tried to kill me is back on the streets.

  I’m not sure how I managed to do it, but I’ve pushed Josh away in the process. That’s what hurts the most right now. I gave him every part of my soul, and he helped me move forward and loved me through it all. But, right now, I’m sure he’s wondering why he ever bothered falling in love with someone with as much baggage as I have.

  It doesn’t matter. With the look on his face yesterday after I all but kicked him out of my room and told him to just go to work and leave me alone, I knew I broke his heart. He fought me tooth and nail, but he wouldn’t leave my side for two weeks straight.

  I’m not a fragile piece of glass that needs to be coddled. I need to be able to stand on my own and figure out my shit, except this time I need to figure it out, knowing Stone isn’t behind bars.

  A knock on my bedroom door breaks my thinking. I mute the Supernatural episode I’m watching and look up to see Drew standing in my doorway in his digi-cammies and carrying his military bag over his shoulder.

  He steps forward with purpose and drops his heavy bag onto the floor with a loud thump. His stern eyes and presence here tell me all I need to know. I glance back at the television, turning the volume back up as I sarcastically blurt out, “When did Josh call you to come try to fix me?”

  “Damn it, Sam!” Drew marches over, his boots loud against the wooden floor. “You listen to me. I get it, okay. He’s out. Be scared if you want. Be a bitch. I don’t care. But, do not push away the guy you love because he’s trying to help you.”

  I search his face for some kind of hint as to how he knows my feelings are that strong for Josh. Drew has always known my thoughts long before I speak them, as is the case at the moment.

  “I know, Sam. For years you’ve protected yourself, and now the minute you feel threatened, you push everyone away. Josh loves you. He called me because he doesn’t know what else to do. You can’t live your life in fear. Pushing Josh away because you think he’s trying to help, it’s wrong, and you know it’s wrong. Do you love him, Sam?”

  “Yes, of course, I do, but it’s not fair to him for me to drag him into this nightmare I live. It’s not!” I shout at Drew with everything I can muster as tears stream continuously down my face. He is quick to my side to wrap me in his arms. “I can’t be the one to ruin Josh’s life, Drew. I can’t. He deserves so much more than me.”

  “Maybe you ought to let him decide what he wants, because honestly, I’m almost positive that guy loves you more than anything,” he says, brushing away the wet tears on my face.

  “I doubt he loves me. Not after what I’ve done to him the last couple of weeks,” I respond, more to myself than him.

  An unfamiliar voice sounds from my door. “He will never stop loving you,” the voice says. Drew and I look up to see Courtney standing there with a small bag in her hand. Drew’s eyes are transfixed on her, not blinking. She takes a step further into my room. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in. Ummm, Lucy, I think, said it was all right for me to come up.”

  I wipe the wet, ugly snot from my nose on the back of my sleeve. “It’s fine, Courtney. Come on in,” I say as I look at Drew who still hasn’t moved an eyelid. “Drew.” His focus snaps at my stern voice. He looks over as I point to Courtney. “Drew, this is Courtney, Josh’s sister. Courtney, this is my brother Drew.”

  The two shake hands as Drew says he’s going to take a shower since he came straight from base. Courtney moves to sit next to me on the bed. “May I?” she asks as she points to the bed. I nod and shove my feet to the side to make room for her. She reaches out and hands me the bag she has in her hands. I curiously look inside to see a clear bag of mixed gummy snacks from the candy shop downtown.

  “You didn’t have to do this, Court, but thank you,” I say as I put the bag onto the nightstand.

  “I didn’t. Josh did.”

  “Oh,” I mutter, not really sure what to say or what she knows is going on between her brother and me.

  “Listen, Sam. I just spent the last two hours with him. I know something is going on, but
he loves you. He’s got a huge heart; that much I know. If this is how he shows his love for you, then don’t push him away for putting you first. What’s it going to be, Sam? Allow him to help you get through whatever is causing you pain, or push him out of your life?”

  “Courtney, I need him. I love him, but I’ve been such a bitch for weeks that I don’t think he could ever forgive me.”

  “Well, what are you waiting for? Get your ass downstairs.”

  “Huh?”

  “Get your ass downstairs and ask him yourself.” She smirks.

  “He’s here?”

  “Of course, he’s here. You’re the most important thing in his life, and he doesn’t want to be anywhere else.”

  Within seconds, I’m running from the bed and down the stairs as I see his back to me while he talks to Kim and Rose. Hearing me approach, he turns and I run into his arms hard, nearly knocking him over. I hug him with everything I have in me. “I’m so sorry,” I whimper into his chest.

  “I know, sugar. I’m sorry, too,” he says as he runs his hands through my ponytail. “Can we go talk in your room?”

  Nodding back at him, we walk hand in hand up the stairs. The sight before us stops us dead in our tracks. Just outside my bedroom door, Drew stands, wearing only a bath towel around his waist and leaning against the wall with one hand stretched out. That’s not what’s the shocking part. Courtney is the one who has garnered all his attention, as she appears to be making doe eyes at my brother.

  Josh and I stare at each other in silence and then back at our siblings before deciding to interrupt. We walk toward my room as Drew notices us first and quickly pushes off the wall. I give him my best stern stare I can muster. I raise one eyebrow and tap my foot as he rushes back into the bathroom, afraid of what I might do. He pushes his head through the doorway before shutting it completely. “Hey, Courtney, call me sometime,” he requests.

  “Drew! Don’t make me call Mom,” I scold.