by Cate Cameron
His smile was almost a laugh. “I don’t know. I was waiting for you.”
“Waiting for me?”
“Yeah. You’re an independent modern girl, right? You don’t need a guy to take the lead on this, do you? You don’t want to be passive about it.”
“Are you seriously trying to make a point right now? Seriously?”
“If I was, would you still want to kiss me?”
“Probably,” I said. It was true, even if I didn’t want it to be.
He leaned closer. I hadn’t noticed that his hand had dropped away from my face until it returned, the backs of his fingers ghosting along my cheek. “You’re okay?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I whispered back. And then he kissed me. On the cheek.
He pulled away a little, waiting for my response.
“Huh,” I said with mock thoughtfulness. I was proud of myself for pulling it together. “Not that big of a deal, really. Okay, thanks. Time to go home?”
He grinned. “Maybe I could do a little better.”
This was exactly what I’d needed. A bit of goofiness, a reminder that nothing here was life-or-death. “Well, maybe I’ll let you try once more,” I said.
“Just once?”
“That’s all I can guarantee.”
He nodded as if accepting the challenge, then turned away from me and brought his hands up to his own face, giving it a quick and vigorous massage. He buzzed his lips like he was playing a trumpet, then contorted his face into a variety of extreme expressions. “Warming up,” he told me.
“You’re at least as weird as I am.”
“Yeah,” he said with a gentle smile. “So it’s all okay, right?”
This time when he leaned closer, I twisted around so we were facing each other, and his lips met mine. Still not some in-depth slobber-fest. But more than a peck. He pulled away a couple inches, like maybe he was waiting for me to freak out, then leaned back in.
And this time it was a real kiss, mostly because this time I was able to shut down my brain a little and actually kiss back.
When he pulled away I had to consciously make my head stay still instead of following after him.
He said, “Best kiss you’ve ever been part of?”
I grinned. “In the top ten, at least.”
“How the hell have you made it this long without getting kissed?” he asked, but it was more like a philosophical question than an interrogation. Like he had trouble understanding a world where such a thing was possible. When I couldn’t come up with an answer he said, “You still want to go home?”
I didn’t. But I didn’t want to go to the party, either. Whatever was going on with Chris and me felt too new, too fragile, to stand up to public exposure. “I guess it’d be weird to just sit here a bit longer?”
“I think we’ve already established that being weird is okay.” He leaned over and fiddled with the dials, turning the heat on and then hitting a button on the stereo panel. Loud techno beats blasted through the cab for a moment before he turned the volume down and then pulled out his phone. “That was my pregame mix,” he said sheepishly. “What kind of music do you like?”
“I’m not too picky. I just listen to whatever’s on.”
“So the pregame mix is okay?”
“Maybe I’m a little picky.”
He poked at his phone a bit and the music changed to a song I didn’t recognize, something kind of bluesy. “Okay?” he asked.
“Sure. Thanks. And, you know…thanks for being nice about everything.”
“I can’t think of a single thing I’ve done tonight to be ‘nice.’ It’s all been selfish, really. I like spending time with you. I liked kissing you. It’s all good for me.”
“It’s good for me, too,” I said, feeling shy again.
We sat there in the arena parking lot for about an hour, then drove through McDonald’s for food and ate it in the parking lot there, then drove around a bit more, Chris saying he wanted to scout out other parking lots for future dates.
Yeah, he said the word “date.” It was kind of retro, but I liked it.
And I liked the kissing, too. Which we did quite a lot of, when we weren’t talking or eating or driving. By the time he pulled into my driveway to drop me off, I was confident enough with it all to lean over and kiss him, the first time I’d initiated a touch with anything more than hints or dares. He cradled the back of my head with one of his strong hands, and I realized I’d been right in chemistry class. His hand was big enough to cover almost the whole side of my skull, and that was sexy as hell.
When I finally pulled myself away and slid down out of the truck, my knees were a little weak and my head was spinning, but all of it in a totally good way. Chris waited until I got to the front door, then backed out of the driveway while I stood there in the doorway, watching him go.
I turned around and was startled by the sight of both of my parents standing in the foyer, dressing gowns wrapped over their pajamas. They were both frowning.
“Who on earth was that?” my mom demanded. “I was just about to go and haul you out of that car!”
“That would have been really embarrassing. I’m glad you didn’t do that.”
“It would have been embarrassing? That’s what you think we should be worried about?” Her voice was weird, like she was trying to whisper but too excited to manage it. Not that there was any reason to whisper anyway; the three people who lived in the house were all there in the foyer, and it’s not like the neighbors lived close enough to hear even if she yelled.
“I’m sorry,” I tried. “But really, I don’t think you should be worried about anything.”
“Who was that?” my mom demanded. “You left here with a female friend and her mother. You come back with…with some boy?”
“His name’s Chris. He drove me home from the game because Karen went to a party with her boyfriend.”
“Chris?” my dad said. “The boy you’ve been tutoring?”
“Yeah,” I said. I wasn’t sure if that was going to make things better or worse.
My mom was still staring at me like she had no idea what was going on, but my dad half turned and said, “She’s home safe now. Let’s go to sleep. We can talk more in the morning.”
My mom looked like she was thinking about arguing, but finally she whirled and started up the stairs. “We will be talking about this,” she promised me.
I felt numb as I hung up my jacket and took off my shoes. It had all been so perfect and simple with Chris. It didn’t make sense that my mom was acting this way. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Had I?
…
I decided to go home after dropping Claudia off. Well, not all the way home, but to my billet house. It was a waste of a curfew-free night, really, but for once in my life I didn’t want to be with other people.
I was about halfway home when I saw someone walking down the sidewalk, and there was something familiar about the way she moved… I slowed down a little, then pulled over and waited for her to come level with my passenger window. It was Dawn, Cooper’s ex-girlfriend.
“Hey,” I said as she peered into the truck from a safe distance away. “It’s me. You want a ride home?”
She looked like she was thinking about refusing, then nodded quickly. She kind of stepped past the door as she went to open it, and I saw the movement of her arms as she reached up to brush her face. Damn. I wasn’t good with crying. But this was Dawn. She was a friend, so I guessed I’d just have to get good with crying, if that was what she was going to do.
But she seemed okay when she got in the truck. “Thanks,” she said. “It’s getting cold out there.”
“It’ll be snowing before we know it,” I agreed. “You live over by the car dealerships, right?”
“Yeah.”
We drove quietly for a few blocks. Then I said, “Were you at Sullivan’s party?”
She shook her head. “No. That’s a hockey crowd. I’m not really…” She took a deep breath. “I’m not real
ly part of that anymore.”
“You’re still friends with us, Dawn. Just because you and Cooper broke up doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be welcome at the party.”
“Yeah? You think so?” She sounded too bitter for me to be fooled into thinking the question was genuine. “You think everyone would be comfortable with me being there? What if I brought a date? If Cooper didn’t like it, would Cooper be the one who’d have to leave? Or what if Cooper decided to hook up with someone?” She shook her head. “We broke up. We both decided it was the right thing to do. I just didn’t realize…” She breathed in, sounding a little shaky, and exhaled with more force than usual. “I didn’t realize how far I’d been sucked into all of it. How much of my life was built around the stupid team. Not until I had to pull away and realized how big of a hole it left.”
We drove quietly for a while, then she said, “Turn at the lights. Then the first right.”
We were almost to her house. I was pretty sure I should run it by the others first, but I knew Karen would agree with me, and I really couldn’t see Claudia objecting. So when I pulled into Dawn’s driveway I said, “Have you ever thought that maybe you need a bit more sisterhood in your life?”
“What?”
“Something kind of awesome, maybe?”
Dawn was looking curious, which was a hell of a lot better than the way she’d been looking a few seconds before. So, yeah. This was a good idea. Dawn should be in the Sisterhood of Awesomeness. And my first instinct was to call Claudia up and tell her all about it.
But I managed to restrain myself. Claudia was probably asleep, and anyway, I had Dawn to convince, first. Telling Claudia about it would be my reward. And I was really looking forward to collecting.
Chapter Seven
My parents were waiting for me in the kitchen when I went downstairs the next morning. Like, literally waiting for me. They were reading the paper, technically, but that’s not their normal Saturday morning routine; they were just acting casual, getting ready to pounce on me.
I was tempted to just go get my cereal and pretend there was nothing weird going on, but one look at their faces told me that wasn’t going to fly. Then my stomach started churning like I was about to write a big exam, and I figured it probably wasn’t a good time to eat, anyway. So I slid into my chair and stared at the napkin holder in the middle of the table.
“Tell us about your night last night,” my mother said. She sounded tense, like she thought she already knew what I’d been up to and was ready to catch me in a lie.
“I didn’t do anything wrong. I went to the game with Karen, and then we hung out for a while, and then she went to a party…or maybe to get something to eat, I’m not sure. She went off with her boyfriend, and Chris gave me a ride home.”
“And you came straight home?” she asked, her voice still tight.
“No. We went to McDonald’s, and we drove around a bit.” I sounded defensive already.
“With a boy.”
“Yes. Chris.”
“Whom we haven’t met.”
“Uh…no, I guess you haven’t.”
“And you thought that was acceptable?” She sounded like she was amazed by my stupidity. I’d seen her do this before. To my dad, sometimes, or to other people she disagreed with. But not to me. I was the smart one, the one who was like her. It had always been her and me, understanding each other and shaking our heads at everyone else. But now it was something different.
“I thought so,” I said. I didn’t like how small my voice sounded. Like a little girl who knew she’d been bad. But I didn’t know that! “I mean, I still think so, really. Is there a rule against that?”
“We can’t make up rules for everything, Claudia,” she said like she was working hard to sound patient. “We need to be able to rely on your judgment!”
“I don’t understand why this was bad judgment. I got a ride home from a friend. Why is that bad?” I’d moved from meek and apologetic to petulant and whiny. Sad world where being sulky was a step up.
“A male friend. Someone we don’t know. A hockey player.”
She said it like you might have said “mass murderer,” and I stared at her for a moment, then turned to look at my dad, hoping he might jump in and help. But he was just watching, chewing on his lip.
“Maybe you don’t really know about them,” she said, trying to sound understanding. “The hockey players in this town.” She shook her head. “It’s a savage system, pulling those boys away from their families during their formative years, letting them run wild. And the town treats them like they’re gods. Of course it goes to their heads. They can’t be blamed, really. But that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. And the girls who chase after them…” Another head shake. “You don’t want to be one of those girls, Claudia.”
“I’m not chasing him. My God, Mom, seriously, can you see me being brave enough to chase after a boy?”
“You think it’s a sign of bravery to behave like that?”
“No, not really,” I muttered. I knew there was something brave about it, but I couldn’t put it into words. “But really, I’m not chasing after Chris. I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“And sitting out in his pickup truck last night in the driveway? What was going on there?”
“We were talking! We…” God, did I have to go into this with my parents? “We kissed. That’s all.” My first kiss. Shouldn’t I have been giggling about it with my mom? Instead, I was being scolded.
“Do you understand how dangerous that was, Claudia?”
“Dangerous to kiss him?”
“Dangerous to be alone with a boy you barely know. What would have happened if he hadn’t driven you home? If he’d taken you off to the woods somewhere, and done whatever he wanted to you?”
“Chris?” It was just too absurd. Chris of the cheek kiss? “He’s not like that. I know him.”
“How well do you know him? I never heard you mention his name until earlier this week.”
“Well, yeah, I haven’t spent that much time with him. But he’s friends with Karen. She’d have told me if there was anything to worry about. Or there would have been rumors at school, if he’d ever done anything…inappropriate.”
“There are rumors at school! You just haven’t heard them!”
I felt cold. “What are you talking about? What rumors? And how would you have heard them, if I haven’t?”
“Annalise called us last night,” my dad said quietly. “She was worried about you.”
I stared at him. “You think Annalise has heard rumors about Chris Winslow? Only if they were passed to her in a book by an elf! Annalise doesn’t talk to anybody!” I was so relieved to realize the “rumors” were a false alarm that I almost forgot to be angry at Annalise. Almost. “I have no idea what’s wrong with her, but trust me, Annalise does not know anything about Chris. No way.”
“Well, does she know anything about you?” my mom asked. “You two have been friends for most of your lives, Claudia. When she tells me you aren’t acting like yourself, I’m going to believe her.”
“Not acting like myself?” I stopped for a moment and resisted the urge to pat my arms like I was testing for reality. “No, I am. This is me.”
“So you think it’s in character for you to have sneaked off with this boy last night?”
“I didn’t sneak. I went to the game, like I told you. And I told you Karen and I might do something afterward. But then I didn’t really feel like it, so Chris said he’d drive me home. There was no sneaking.”
“And what about this truth-or-dare club you’re a part of?” My mom sounded genuinely worried. “Annalise said you had to go to the game last night. She said the boy dared you to go.”
I wanted to go find Annalise and beat her over the head with her hardback three-books-in-one-volume copy of The Lord of the Rings. Instead, I took a deep breath and said, “It’s not a truth-or-dare club. It wasn’t a dare. Not really. Just a challenge. I could have refused it if I wanted to. But
I didn’t want to. The club is about…about challenging ourselves. Trying to broaden our horizons and do more interesting things. That’s all. It’s not dares. Like, Chris’s challenge is to spend more time on his math homework. It’s not some big dangerous thing.”
“You’re spending time with someone who needs to be challenged in order to do his homework?”
“Mom, come on. I don’t…” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry if you were scared last night. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough about who I was going to be with. And I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you to Chris. It really wasn’t…it wasn’t like it was a date or something. And I didn’t know I was supposed to introduce you to guys, anyway. I mean, this is kind of new territory for all of us, right?” So let’s all just be cool and try to figure it out, I wanted to add. But I didn’t.
My mother squinted at me. “So we need to establish some ground rules,” she said.
That sounded fair. I nodded.
“Do you plan to see this boy again?”
“Well, I’m his tutor. I’m going to see him again. But I don’t know if…you know. If we’re going to go out, or anything.”
“Do you really think it makes sense to even be considering it?” Her voice was softer now. She was trying to be persuasive.
“Considering what? Going out with him? I like him. Why wouldn’t I consider it?”
“Because you should be concentrating on your schoolwork. This is a crucial year for you.”
“I can concentrate on my schoolwork and still have a bit of a social life. Chris is really busy with hockey, too, so it’s not like we’d be able to spend that much time together anyway.”
“Busy with hockey. Not with school.”
“Busy with hockey in addition to school.”
She shook her head. “I don’t see why you’d want to spend time with someone like that.”
“Like what? You don’t even know him. You have no idea what he’s like!”
