by Perrin Briar
“Oh no…” Fritz said, turning pale.
“You wanted them to display their affection,” Frederick said.
“Not like this!” Fritz said. “They’re going to make it look like only crazy women are interested in me!”
“There’s not a hint of truth to that, I’m sure,” Frederick said.
A crowd gathered around the combatants. Melissa kicked the brunette in the stomach. Melissa was then rugby tackled to the ground by the tattooed girl. Expletives spilled from the girls’ mouths.
“Will you all stop it?” Beauty screamed.
Fritz shook his head.
“I’ll never be able to understand how women think if I only ever see women from here,” Fritz said.
“Why do you need to understand women at all?” Frederick said.
“Because there’s so much diversity out there!” Fritz said. “All the different women and their different cultures, their different accents and ways of speaking. I need to get away from here and explore the world and its women.”
“What you should be doing is going out there and stopping them from tearing each other apart!” Frederick said.
“You’re right,” Fritz said, standing up. “Somebody should do something.”
He turned and ran in the opposite direction.
Liz
I
“Where’s Angel?” Liz said.
“She returned to Zurich on urgent business,” her mother said.
Liz nodded, making no comment. Liz’s mother took a sip of her tea and sat it down on its saucer. Liz wrung her hands. On the drive over she’d put the words together in her mind but now that she tried to recall them they wouldn’t come to her.
“So, what can I help you with?” her mother said.
“It’s… It’s Bill,” Liz said. “He’s been seeing another woman.”
There was a pause. Then her mother covered her mouth and coughed.
“Excuse me,” she said.
Then she coughed again. Her shoulders juddered up and down. Liz wore a mask of concern.
“Mum…” she said. “Are you all right?”
Her mother lowered her hands and burst out laughing.
“Thanks for the support, Mum,” Liz said. “I might as well send my troubles to the Marx brothers.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” her mother said, fanning her face with her hands. “It’s just, the idea of Bill going off with another woman. Forgive me, but are you sure you understood the situation? How do you know he’s been seeing another woman?”
“Because he told me,” Liz said.
Her mother blinked, all signs of joviality gone.
“And he used those exact words?” she said.
Liz thought back.
“He said he sees a woman every day on the tram,” she said. “And that he finally spoke to her yesterday.”
“That’s very different to saying he’s been seeing another woman, Elizabeth.”
“Is it?” Liz said. “He’s clearly attracted to her. That’s only one step away from doing something with her. I stayed up all night thinking about it, rolling it over in my mind. I was surprised to realise that I wouldn’t really mind if he goes off with another woman, has physical relations with her. Not that I would be happy about it. But I would die if he felt a connection to her. Got emotionally involved, and left me. I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this.”
“Don’t you think I know about sex?” her mother said. “I must have had it - at least three times to have had you and your sisters.”
Liz held up her hand.
“All right Mum,” she said. “You don’t have to go into detail.”
“In fact, your father and I used to enjoy long sessions together,” her mother said. “I’m sure we could have had a shot at the world record if we’d known they existed at the time-”
“That’s enough Mum!” Liz said. “Jees! I’m going to end up leaving here with more problems than I came with.”
“Sorry,” her mother said. “I just get fired up about such things. So what did Bill mean when he said he saw another woman?”
“I’m not really sure,” Liz said. “He thought she looked like the type to go on adventures. But when he spoke to her he realised she hadn’t really been anywhere. He talked about us all going on an adventure together.”
“An adventure?” her mother said. “Where?”
“I’m not sure,” Liz said. “Abroad. To get away from it all, this country, all the stresses and strains of life.”
“Did he mention this to the kids?” her mother said.
“Yes,” Liz said. “But they weren’t very excited about the prospect.”
“Children never are about change,” her mother said. “They’re worse than old people sometimes. But don’t let their decision determine yours. If they decide not to go, then they don’t need to go. They can stay with me. It might be nice for you to go away with Bill by yourselves, explore the world a little, explore each other, rediscover what you loved about each other again.
“I regret not travelling with your father more when he was alive. It binds people together stronger than many other experiences because you’re doing it together, feeling the same emotions, and learning to overcome them together. I hope you won’t make the same mistake I did. Your marriage, besides your children and your health, is the most important thing you will ever have. You must work to maintain it.”
“What are you saying?” Liz said. “That we should go?”
“I’ll be sad to see you go, but right now it might be the best thing for you.”
II
The tram came to a stop and the doors hissed open. A woman in a burgundy dress stepped onto the carriage. Bill kept his eyes on the floor. Out the corner of his eye he could make out all the men’s heads turn to look at her. The woman stood before Bill.
“May I sit down?” she said.
Bill blinked. He let himself look up into her eyes. He nodded and she sat down. The tram doors closed and then started forward.
The woman in the red dress put her hand on Bill’s knee. He put his hand on hers. The looked at each other and smiled. They kissed.
“Where’s Francis?” Bill said.
“At his grandmother’s,” Liz said. “She’ll bring him over tonight.”
There was a pause. They both began to speak at once. They smiled.
“You go first,” Bill said.
“No, you,” Liz said. “Please.”
“I’m sorry for acting strangely yesterday,” Bill said. “I don’t know what came over me. I do feel like we need a change, but we don’t need to travel across the world to do it. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Liz said. “For not listening to you when you were trying to explain how you were feeling to me. I would never want to force you into the arms of another woman.”
“I would never do that,” Bill said.
“A man can get bored with the things he has,” Liz said. “He does silly things out of character.”
“Not that silly,” Bill said. “I would never do anything to damage our family.”
Liz smiled.
“I know,” she said. “My mother said as much.”
“Your mother?” Bill said. “You spoke to her about this?”
He put his head in his hands.
“I needed to talk to someone, Bill,” Liz said. “Anyway, she gave me some sage advice.”
“I’m sure she did,” Bill said. “Half the town will know it by now.”
“She told me she wouldn’t gossip,” Liz said.
“I hope not,” Bill said.
The tram came to the next stop and another passenger got on. He sat in the seat in front of them. Liz lowered her voice.
“She’d have to know at some point,” she said, “assuming we decide to leave.”
Bill blinked.
“You’re considering it?” he said.
“I am,” Liz said.
“Why?” Bill said.
“You
were right,” Liz said. “We’ve become too stuck in our ways. A change might do us good. But I was thinking that maybe just you and I go. For a short time. We can get our adventure and the boys can look after themselves and learn to be independent.”
“What if something goes wrong?” Bill said.
“Our families are here,” Liz said. “They can look after them. I’m sure you can convince your company to let you go for a short time. We can both work, find something, anything, to pay the bills as we go. No need to eat into the boys’ college funds.”
Bill smiled.
“Thank you for saying that,” he said. “But I don’t think it would be right to tear the family apart just for my own selfish needs.”
“It wouldn’t just be for you,” Liz said. “It would be good for the boys. And for us. Give a little spice to our relationship.”
Liz ran her fingers through Bill’s thinning hair.
“I don’t want you to get old regretting not doing something you wished you had,” she said.
“I don’t regret anything,” Bill said. “But it would be nice to see you working on your tan, get yourself a nice beach bod. We could check out the nudist colonies while we’re at it.”
“I thought it was meant to be an adventure!” Liz said.
“Sounds like an adventure to me!” Bill said.
Liz folded her arms.
“Then I’m not going,” she said.
Bill took her in his arms.
“No need to be like that,” he said, rocking her gently. “We can just have our own nudist colony at home. We’ll be like teenagers with the kids gone. Did you know all the men on here looked at you when you got on?”
“Got you all hot and bothered, did it?” Liz said.
“How long before the kids get home?” Bill said.
Liz checked her watch.
“About ten minutes,” she said.
“Great,” Bill said. “We’ll have enough time to start dinner too.”
Ernest
I
The grounds were empty, the rest of the school in fourth period. A photographer set up his tripod and camera, facing the building. The winning quiz team lined up. Jenny and Yvonne adjusted their skirts and touched up their make-up – any excuse to flout school rules for a day. Mr Kappel cast an appraising eye over each team member. They all wore their medal… except Tanja.
“Where’s your medal?” Mr Kappel said.
“I don’t have it, sir,” Tanja said.
“You left it at home?” Mr Kappel said. “Can you call your parents to bring it?”
“They’re at work and they couldn’t bring it even if they weren’t,” Tanja said.
“Why not?” Mr Kappel said.
“I sold it, sir,” Tanja said.
“You sold it?” Mr Kappel said.
Mr Kappel couldn’t believe his ears. Neither could Ernest.
“A member of the opposite team wanted it more than I did, so I decided to sell it to her,” Tanja said.
The vein in Mr Kappel’s forehead throbbed.
“We have the victory photo today,” he said through clenched teeth. “What are we going to do if you don’t have your medal?”
Tanja shrugged.
“No one told me we had a victory photo today,” she said. “Anyway, I don’t think anyone will notice. Or care. But feel free to not include me in the photo.”
Mr Kappel’s eyes narrowed.
“And have your parents jump down my throat when they discover you haven’t been included in the newsletter front page?” he said. “I don’t think so.”
“Only Mittens, our tabby, is likely to ever see it, sir,” Tanja said.
“Mittens?” Mr Kappel said.
“We use the newsletter in the litter tray,” Tanja said. “No one will read it.”
Mr Kappel opened his mouth to berate her, but held himself back.
“What do your parents think of your actions?” he said.
“I don’t think they would really care, sir,” Tanja said.
“I can assure you they would,” Mr Kappel said.
“Feel free to inform them,” Tanja said. “But you might need to explain what the competition is though, as they don’t know I participated in it.”
This seemed to anger Mr Kappel the most.
“As the competition interests you so little, why did you enter in the first place?” he said.
“You needed help,” Tanja said.
“What do you intend on doing with your earnings from selling your medal?” Mr Kappel said.
“That’s my business,” Tanja said.
Her tone was not openly hostile, but straight and direct. Mr Kappel’s mouth screwed up like he had a bad taste in his mouth.
“We’re ready for the picture now,” the photographer said.
Mr Kappel stared at the place where Tanja’s medal should have been. He slipped his own medal off and placed it on over her head.
“Sir, there’s really no need,” Tanja said, waving him away.
“Just act like I’m the teacher for two minutes,” Mr Kappel said.
They stood in front of the school, smiled, and the photographer took a picture.
“One more,” the photographer said. “Mr Kappel, can you try to smile a little more, please?”
He took another picture. The bell rang for lunch. Tanja began to walk away.
“Where are you going?” Mr Kappel said.
“Oh,” Tanja said, taking the medal off and handing it to Mr Kappel. “Here you go.”
“It’s customary for the victors to share a celebratory lunch together,” Mr Kappel said, nostrils flaring. “But I suppose you already have plans?”
“Actually, yes,” she said.
Mr Kappel turned red, the muscles in his jaw clenching tight.
“Fine,” he said, and began to usher the others toward the lunch hall.
“Do we have to go?” Yvonne said, suddenly aware there was an option.
“No,” Mr Kappel said. “You don’t have to. But I thought it’d be nice.”
“I’m not going either,” Ernest said, and he followed Tanja’s retreating back, leaving the stunned silence behind him.
He jogged after Tanja.
“Tanja wait!” he said.
“What is it, Ernest?” Tanja said.
“I need to ask you something,” Ernest said. “Why did you sell the medal?”
Tanja shrugged.
“I don’t need the medal to remember I won,” she said.
Ernest blinked like he’d been slapped.
“You confuse me,” Ernest said.
“Sorry,” Tanja said.
“No, in a good way,” Ernest said. “I never thought about it like that before. It’s just a piece of gold.”
“The girl wanted it more than me, that’s why I sold it to her,” Tanja said. “Her parents expected her to win it, mine don’t care. And she’s rich.”
“So what are you going to do with the money?” Ernest said.
“The same thing I always do with any money I have,” Tanja said. “I’ll give it away.”
Ernest watched as Tanja moved away, disappearing around the corner.
II
Ernest stood stock still for a moment, Tanja’s commentary giving him pause for thought. And before he knew it, his feet were rushing to the corner Tanja had gone around. He got there and steered around it, just in time to catch Tanja disappearing down an alley.
They wound down so many streets and alleys Ernest began to worry if he’d be able to make his way back again. But he pushed on.
Tanja finally came to an old building on the outskirts of town. The buildings here were worn and dishevelled, like an old man wearing a coat three sizes too big. Men and women in mix-and-match clothes queued out of the entrance. Tanja waved at a couple of them as she entered the building. Ernest waited a moment before crossing the street. He pushed on the door.
“The queue is back there,” a gnarled old man said.
“I’m no
t here to eat,” Ernest said.
The old man grumbled out the corner of his mouth like he didn’t believe him.
Inside the building were a long series of benches with men and women slurping soup and wiping bread around the edges, mopping up every drop. Tanja wore an apron and smiled as she ladled soup into bowls. Another room to one side had beds in. A few were occupied already.
Ernest let the door close and wandered across the road. He sat down on a bench. He watched as the homeless shuffled in and out of the shelter, going in grumbling, coming out with happy smiles. He touched the medal under his blazer. Suddenly it didn’t feel quite so valuable.
On The Island #4
I
Jack laid a cold flannel across his father’s forehead. Liz’s body convulsed, her body shaking. She coughed up something that stuck to her cheek. She tried to breathe, but produced only a rasping wheeze. A yellow liquid oozed from her lips, orange chunks dribbling from her mouth.
Jack turned Liz on her side, into the recovery position. She threw up, the chunks splattering on the floor where Jack had placed a towel. Jack wiped his mother’s mouth clean and bent down to clean up the vomit.
Nips screamed in the other treehouse. Jack dropped the soiled cloth and ran to the door. He paused a moment, and quickly turned Bill onto his side too. He ran to the zip wire that connected the two treehouses, hanging upside down and dragging himself along arm over arm.
Jack met Nips, who pointed wildly at Francis. As Jack approached his youngest brother, Nips climbed along the wire to Falcon’s Nest. Vomit lay on Francis’s pillow. He coughed, choking.
Jack turned Francis on his side, but nothing more came up. His body convulsed, lips turning blue. Jack put his fingers down Francis’s throat and scooped the vomit out of his mouth. Francis sucked in a deep life-giving breath. Jack turned Fritz and Ernest on their sides, into the recovery position.
