I pick up the toys that are scattered throughout the office once more. How do these things keep ending up all over my office? I walk to the kitchen to get more water and my thoughts stop. I haven’t had children at my home for a session or consultation in months, yet the toys are clearly being played with.
I turn around and walk slowly back to my office with my stomach in my throat. I look around the corner and see the toys scattered all over the floor in my office as if I never picked them up. I cover my mouth and slip back around the corner pressing my back against the wall. Closing my eyes, I focus on breathing. I count to ten and feel my heart slowing from highly erratic to fast. With my breathing under control, I open my eyes and peek around the corner again. The toys are back in the toy box against the wall.
I rub my eyes and check again, the toys are still in the box. I shake my head and walk out to my back yard to get some fresh air. I am losing my mind. Did I really clean up toys earlier? As I touch the door handle, my skin begins to prickle. My hand automatically jerks away as I study the handle. It looks like it always does. I lift my hand and reach for the handle again. A whip of blue connects to my middle finger from the handle and I squeak. I ignore the sensation and push the door open, stepping out into the yard.
I take in big gulps of air and lean over to put my hands on my knees. My eyes close as the feeling of suffocation begins to recede. My lungs expand and compress over and over until the panic is nonexistent. I stand up straight and soak in the warm rays of the sun.
After a moment, I look around my yard and walk to the covered bench swing to sit. I rest on the swing and push the ground with my feet, rocking softly. I look around the fence line at the hedges and notice a black object barely visible behind them.
I study it for a moment and can’t quite make it out. I slowly get to my feet and slowly pace across to the hedge. The slow-moving heart in my chest starts thumping a faster rhythm. As I get closer, recognition sets in. My chest constricts and my body freezes. It is my guardian. It is Max.
My knees give out and I collapse midway to the fence line. Grief swallows me and sobs rip at my throat. My faithful companion who protected me from my fears is lying dead in my yard. I crawl closer to him and cover my mouth with my hands as I scream. His body looks gnawed upon.
Bite marks mar his skin and fur, bone and muscle. There are so many bites. I vomit as I get closer to his mutilated body. I struggle to my feet and move to my house to find something to cover my hero. I find the blue cover he used in the winter to keep warm and hug it to my chest.
I cry for a while, rocking myself on the couch with his cover held tightly to me. I have to work up the courage to go back outside and see Max. There is no heart left in my chest. When he disappeared, my heart was broken. Now that I found him in this condition, my heart shatters.
It feels as if I’ve been crying to hours before I can gather enough strength to walk back out the door. My legs feel full of lead as I approach the body of my Max. I push the hedges aside and place the cover over him. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t picked him out and taken him home with me, he would still be alive. He would still be happy and able to watch Rin Tin Tin.
I have to bury my friend. He deserves more, but I can only do so much right now. I wipe my face and stand shakily. The only shovel I can think of is in my basement so I make my way through the house to get the tools I need. Tools are necessary. Tools help heal. Get in, get out. Don’t linger. I search for a few minutes in my basement before I find a shovel. I make my way up the stairs to the main floor and hear the sound of people running.
“Leave me alone! Haven’t you done enough?” I scream.
The sounds stop. I’m going crazy. I climb the remainder of the stairs and hold the shovel ready to hit anything that dares cross my path. Nothing stirs. I walk out the door and look for the perfect place for a hero to be buried. I decide to put him beside my swing because that’s where he rested while we lounged outside.
I dig out his grave as the afternoon turns to evening. When I’m finished, my arms burn and my lungs feel as if they will burst at any minute. I climb out of the hole and walk over to Max’s body. I moved him over by the swing earlier as I felt my strength waning. Grabbing the blanket Max is placed on, I begin to drag him into the grave.
I climb back out of the grave and place his mat from my bedside over his body.
“You’ll always be my hero, Max. I’m sorry.”
It takes me thirty minutes to cover his body and fill the hole completely. Sweat covers my body and I feel weak. I sit next to his grave until the sun begins to sink in the sky. I know I have to go inside and shower, but I can’t bear to leave Max’s side.
Finally, the night creeping in makes me leave my guardian to rest in peace. Leaving the shovel outside of my back door, I walk in and go straight to my shower. After washing off all the dirt and sweat, I walk to the giant tub and begin filling it. The smell of lavender and vanilla fills the bathroom and my soul sighs.
I sink into the hot water and instantly my muscles relax. The sting gives way and my battered body soaks in the suds. Emotionally and physically drained doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. My phone sits on the edge of the tub playing Moonlight Sonata performed by Josef Bulva, further relaxing my mind.
All of a sudden, the tone switches to Coby’s ringtone. I reach for the phone to silence it and answer it instead.
“Hey, Coby.”
“Janet, I’m so glad you answered. I haven’t heard from you all day. Why did you leave this morning?”
I sigh as I remember leaving so quickly from his house. It hasn’t even been a day? “I’m sorry. It was just too much being alone.”
I hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. “If you would’ve asked me not to go, I would’ve stayed with you. Do you want to me to come over? What’s going on, baby?”
I don’t have any more tears left in me. “I found Max.” My voice breaks when I say his name.
“Oh, no. I’m so sorry, baby. Do you need help? I’m coming over.”
He hangs up before I can stop him. I sink back in the tub and groan. Should he be coming over right now? It doesn’t really matter if I want him to or not, he is coming. I reluctantly unplug the drain and reach for my robe, stepping out of the tub. I don’t bother getting dressed.
Coby comes in and holds me in his arms while I tell him how I found Max. I cry through most of it and he comforts me, wiping my tears away. He is hurt by what happened to Max as well and we share a few tears together.
When I tell him about the grave I made, he balks at me. “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve come right over and helped you!”
“I wasn’t thinking of anyone but Max. If I had known how much work it was, I would’ve called you. All I could think of was a need to leave him in peace, so I did what I had to do to make that happen,” I said.
He sits quietly for a moment, and then nods his head. “I understand, Janet. I just wish I could’ve been here to help you. Did you put anything for a marker?”
“I didn’t think of doing that. I put his mat in there with him, but nothing is on his grave.” I could’ve slapped myself for not thinking of a marker there for him.
“Let’s look around and see what we can use for Max, something fitting for your hero.” He stands and helps me up.
We look around my house until we both come back with something fitting. I find some beautiful shells from my collection that I thought would fit to cover Max. He loved to run around on the beach and dig up hermit crabs, only to run away when they came out of their shell. Big dog was scared of little crustacean. I chuckle sadly at the memory of him dropping the shells and running away. He was such a goofball.
I walk into the dining room and set the shells on my table and Coby joins me with something in his hands. I look and see driftwood. I can’t place the item until he puts it on the table for me to see.
“It’s the driftwood cross we found at that shop on the beach the first day we took Max to the
beach together. I think it would be a perfect marker for Max,” he says as he takes my hand.
I think back to that day. Coby didn’t know that such a fierce looking dog could have so much fun on the beach. He chased Max around and they dug for shells together. Coby even chased Max with a hermit crab a couple times. Max didn’t like that one bit. I took pictures and laughed most of the day over those two. We walked along the little shops and Max went into one of them. We followed him in and that’s when I saw the cross. Someone had cleverly picked out driftwood and tied the two pieces together with netting. The netting had tiny shells attached to the threads and it was so well done that I had to buy it.
The memory makes me smile and I know it is the perfect marker. “You did a wonderful job picking this out, baby. We had so much fun that day,” I say as I hug the cross to my chest.
We pick up all the shells and the cross and walk outside to Max’s grave. He grabs the shovel and makes a spot to stand the cross beside the grave facing the swing. I lower the cross in the small hole and he piles the dirt around it so it stays. We then place the shells on the grave and say something we love about Max with each one. It is a beautiful display of love when we stand up to look at it.
“It’s perfect,” I say into Coby’s chest. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Janet. I should be thanking you for letting me be a part of this.” He hugs me tightly, then leads me back inside. I make coffee and we sit on the couch sharing memories of Max. He stays with me that night and helps me relax. Coby falls asleep on my lap and I spend the rest of the night thinking back on what could have been if Max would’ve never met me.
By the second day, I notice there is no sign of the children. No sounds of laughter and no footsteps in my house. I still need to tell Emily that they are real, but the urgency of it dimmed. Her parents still haven’t contacted me, so I send another email.
I let Coby sleep in as I get things done around the house. I make a pot of coffee and cook some breakfast. I know he likes pancakes, so I make him chocolate chip pancakes with strawberry syrup and bacon on the side.
I set the table and walk into the living room to see if he is awake yet. I come through the doorway to see a blob under the covers on the couch. A smile stretches my face. My blob. Walking over on light feet, I come next to him to find an ear peeking out of the covers. I lean down and catch his ear between my teeth lightly.
He gasps and rolls over to grab me and pull me down to him. I laugh and push back to see his face.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” I said.
His smile could win awards and make women everywhere swoon. “It’s always a good morning waking up to you.”
He nuzzles my neck and I giggle. All of a sudden, his head pops up and his nostrils flare.
“Do I smell bacon and chocolate?” His eyes light up with surprise and hunger.
“Why, yes sir, you sure do. Your breakfast awaits you, my love,” I reply against his lips.
I hear a grumble in his chest as he begins to devour me. “I have something else in mind before I eat…”
“No you don’t, you scoundrel! Your breakfast is getting cold and everyone knows chocolate chip pancakes are best when hot.” He pouts while his hands roam. “Stop that! Come on,” I say as I roll off the couch and race to the dining room with Coby on my heels.
A few hours later, he heads home to change, shower and get ready for work. I stay home and clean the kitchen. I walk through the house missing Max with every step. Checking my email, disappointment fills me as there is still no response from the Frosts.
I check my phone but find no messages from them on there either. Stacy sent a text this morning asking how I was and what was wrong. I quickly respond that there was a family emergency and I am not ready to talk about it. I know she is asking as a friend and to have something to tell my patients that are missing sessions due to my absence.
She replies quickly that she would talk to everyone and let them know what is going on. I thank her and think the conversation over, but another text comes through. She asks if I want her to come over with food and a movie and reminds me how good Hugh Jackman looks in the movie Australia. I laugh but kindly tell her now is just not a good time.
After all the catching up I can handle, I walk to the living room and put on Rin Tin Tin. Not sure if I did it to punish myself for putting Max in this situation or if I sorely miss him, but I watch it all the same.
“You’ll always be my hero,” I say to the collar lying on my coffee table.
Walking to the kitchen, I look in the pantry to see if I have an appetite for anything. Nothing looks appealing so I move to the fridge. Spotting some Hot Pockets, my stomach begins to growl. Hot Pockets it is. I pop them into the microwave and pour a glass of water. I down the whole thing before the timer beeps for my food and I refill the cup just in time.
Weariness beats at my body and my eyes feel dry and gritty. It has been over thirty-six hours since I’ve been to sleep and I have no intention on sleeping anytime soon. My body just isn’t agreeing with my mind. I make another pot of coffee and drink two cups quickly.
The grit remains stuck to my eyes and I swear my body starts filling with lead. I drag myself to the couch and pull the cover Coby and I used the previous night up to my chin. The children are waiting for me, I know it.
Fear doesn’t have any room to be in my body tonight. My brain can’t process fear so my body remains tired and worn. I slowly close my eyes and imagine the grotesque children. Their figures don’t bring the cold terror that usually freezes my body. The dry lump that sticks in my throat at the sight of them never comes.
I am ready to face the little demons that have haunted me for years. My heart still beats in my chest at a normal pace. I will be ready to confront them and find out why they never left me. I will stand tall against The Leader and demand an explanation for Max, for Emily.
My body weighs down and my head feels light. I drift off into the sea of dreams. I open my eyes and see daylight coming in through the window close to my couch. I blink a few times and stretch my aching muscles. My mind travels back to before I fell asleep and can’t remember anything in between.
I didn’t dream at all. There were no nightmares of children and no blissful dreams of the ocean. All that filled the night was peaceful silence. I look at the clock and see that I slept for ten hours without waking. Ten hours! Never in my life can I remember sleeping that long.
I fling the covers off my body and jump up and down in my living room. This is it! This is the key to facing the children! It was only one night, but after years of constant nightmares, this is a big relief. Even when I slept next to Coby, I didn’t sleep nearly this long or deep. I dive for my phone and call him immediately.
“Coby! I found out how to get rid of them! I know it’s only one night, but I feel in my heart this is it!”
He drives right over and I talk with him about the children not coming to me all through the night. I tell him how long I slept and what went through my mind before I closed my eyes. He seems as relieved as I am.
“I’ve been worried sick about you, Janet. All I could think of was you pushing me away and shutting me out. I only want to be here for you and make sure you’re safe,” he said.
“I thought I had to do this alone. I needed time to figure out what I had to do and stay focused on that. I don’t know if I could’ve done that with you here. But now that I have the answer, I need to tell my patient,” I confess.
His eyes soften and look sad. “I’m sorry you feel that way about me, but I’m glad it turned out for the best.”
The silence in the room is nearly deafening. After a few minutes, he takes my hand and squeezes it once.
“If you don’t want me to be here, just let me know.”
The hurt look on his face breaks my heart. “It’s not that at all!” I take a deep breath in because this is it. Here goes everything. “Coby, I’m going to open my heart to you right now. I need you to li
sten, absorb, and then we can discuss. Okay?”
He nods and I close my eyes. “You know that I’ve lived with these demons since I was young, but what you don’t know is why I chose my career path. My parents were amazing before these things consumed me. My dad would read to me every night before bed and tuck me in. My mom would plan crafts for us to do on the weekends and decorate the house. She’s always been creative and he was so loving. When the children came, my dad told me I was afraid of the dark and imagining things. My mom hugged me and told me they would go away. After a year of living with the beings, my mom began to get angry when I mentioned them. I can remember her yelling that I was too old for such nonsense and I needed to grow up. My toys disappeared one by one and she chastised me over and over again. Except my favorite doll I was gifted on my eighth birthday. The monsters took the head and left me with the body. I eventually ended up with no playthings because they refused to replace what I ‘lost.’ No one believed me about the nightmares. As I grew older, my parents became distant and I stopped talking all together. Why bother when everything I said angered those around me? My purpose in life is to give other tormented children a person to talk to and listen. Everything that I never had.”
I hiccup and clear my face of tears. Coby leans in but I put my hand on his chest. “I want to look you in the face when I say this. You mean so much to me. I didn’t know what life could be like until Max brought us together. You make me feel so loved and that’s more than I can say about anyone in my life. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that way and you give me this every day.”
In my heart, I know it is true. This man complements me on so many levels and I don’t know how to show that. “But before we can move to the next step, I have to tie up all the loose ends of my past.”
His eyes meet my pleading ones and he wipes away the tears rolling down my cheek. “For now, all I will say is I love you, too. Whatever you need from me, baby, I’ll be here for you.”
He kisses me softly and holds me. I want to have hope for a future with him. A future with little raven-haired children and ice blue eyes, the perfect blend of us. My mind travels to Emily’s little figure and my breath catches. If I don’t solve this, there won’t be a future for her. She would end up like me, putting everyone at arm’s length so no one else would get hurt.
Children of Darkness Page 6
