by Jane Lark
“Thank you.” She pressed a kiss on his cheek.
“Mary and I do love you, you know. We do not begrudge you a thing.”
“I know.”
When they walked out into the hall her hand rested on his arm.
She clutched it more firmly when she saw the footmen carrying Rob’s luggage out to his curricle.
“Papa! An’ie Ca’o!” She looked up. George was pulling on a nursery maid’s hand as she walked him downstairs.
“Steady, George, you’ll pull Lily over and then you will both topple down the stairs.” Drew‘s arm slipped from Caro’s grip. He crossed the room and met them on about the fourth step from the bottom, then caught his son up. “Come along, you little rogue.”
“My Lord.” Caro glanced up to see their nanny carrying Iris down.
“Come along, then, let us go outside and say goodbye to Uncle Robbie,” Drew said to George.
Caro let Drew and the nanny walk ahead, her heart kicking. She did not want Rob to go.
He was speaking with Mary, watching as his luggage was loaded.
“Uncle Bobbie!”
Rob looked at George as Drew set George on his feet. Then Rob dropped to one knee, unmindful of the dirty gravel as George charged the short distance into his uncle’s arms. Rob hugged him with a generosity and affection that was utterly at odds with his age. None of his male cousins of a similar age gave any regard to the young children. Rob was different, perhaps because he’d never known pain or hurt, or hardship, so he could be open without fear. But his cousins knew nothing of any of those things either and they had grown up self-centred and hedonistic.
It was that difference in him that had drawn her to him first.
When he stood he lifted George with him and looked at her. She smiled as her skin heated, then she looked at Drew instead.
“Will you come back, Uncle Bobbie?”
“Sometime,” Rob answered, Caro looked at him again. His fingers tousled the boy’s hair. “Or…” Rob looked at Drew, “Will I see him when you come to town in the autumn. Are you intending to come this year? I know you usually do.”
“Probably, although we’ve not discussed it,” Drew answered.
“We will, otherwise we have to wait until Christmas to see everyone,” Mary concluded, as she took Iris from the nanny. “I want to see Mama and Papa, Andrew.”
“Then we will,” Drew said, with a note of humour.
“I suggested to Caro yesterday, that if you do, she should consider coming. It would be the final boundary broken if she did.” Rob was looking at Drew, but his words were for her, he was tying her into their agreement.
It touched her to know he genuinely wanted her to go.
His gaze shifted from Drew to her and he smiled again.
Heat flooded her cheeks.
He looked at Mary and Iris and carried George over to join them. George‘s arm gripped about Rob’s neck.
“Goodbye, little one,” Rob touched Iris’s cheek as she looked up at him. Then he leaned to kiss Mary’s cheek. “Mary.”
“If you need anything, Rob, you know you are always welcome here.”
“I know.” He straightened up.
“Would you like to pat my horses one last time, George?”
“Yes,” George’s voice brimmed with excitement.
Caro moved closer when Rob turned, as though she were metal and pulled by a magnet. Mary passed Iris back to the nanny.
Rob’s presence had lit this house up; they were all going to miss him but Caro knew she would miss him the most. Her heart cracked a little more as she watched him lift George so he could pet the horses.
A groom held the horses’ heads and the one George patted whinnied, shaking out its mane after George had stroked it, while the other pawed the ground.
“I like you’ ho’ses,” George said as he patted its neck.
“They are rather fine, aren’t they?” Rob patted the animal’s neck too, more firmly.
But his matching pair of horses only reminded Caro that away from here he led a young man’s life. What she had said to him had been true. She had not wished for promises, she expected him to leave here and forget her, and she would not be bitter or hurt, she’d had this summer with him, and she’d shared his bed.
Drew walked forward and held out his hands to take George.
George transferred to his papa and clung about Drew’s neck instead.
When Rob was gone she would hide her sorrow with the children as she’d always done. It would pass.
Mary stepped forward and hugged Rob, wrapping her arms about her brother’s neck. Then she pressed a kiss on his cheek before letting him go. “Thank you for coming to stay, we have all enjoyed your company. I will miss you.”
“Thank you for inviting me. It has felt like my own home for the summer.”
Mary smiled and Rob turned to Drew.
“Goodbye.” Drew stated, holding out a hand.
Rob shook it. “Goodbye. Thank you for your company, you have kept me entertained.”
Drew laughed and patted Rob’s shoulder.
Caro’s heart thumped hard in her chest. It felt as though it would burst. This parting was too painful.
“Caro,” he said, turning to look at her. She stepped forward. This was their very last moment. Her mind filled with the things he’d spoken to her this morning that he could not say here.
“Goodbye,” she said in a quiet voice.
He gripped her hand and squeezed it for an instant, then he bowed and lifted it to his lips, and the kiss on the back of her fingers seemed long, but it was probably only a moment. When he straightened he looked into her eyes. “Thank you for allowing me to come to know you.”
She swallowed back the tears catching in her throat. “Thank you for giving me the courage to do more than I have done in years.”
“The courage was always yours. You did not need me to show it to you.”
Heat burned her skin. He let her hand go. “Goodbye.”
She nodded, no longer able to speak. Her heart was going to shatter.
He turned and climbed up into his carriage. So athletic.
Her heart climbed up there with him.
He flicked the straps, setting the horses into a walk and lifted one hand.
“Goodbye.” Mary and Drew called.
Caro waved.
Then they all stood there watching as he sped the horses up into a trot and the carriage rolled on down the drive. Her heart shattered the moment he passed out of sight, but she could not reveal her feelings and so she swallowed hard.
Mary’s arm slipped through Caro’s. “Would you like to sit outside with Iris and me?” She looked at Drew and George as Drew walked ahead. “Perhaps we could even persuade Papa to sit with us, George, and read us all a story?
Drew glanced over his shoulder. “Perhaps I may. Seeing as it is such a fine day and I fancy sitting beneath a tree. So are we calling for lemonade, then?”
“Hu’ah!” George cheered.
Mary laughed.
Rob had gone, and everything would slip back to how it had been. The hole he’d left would heal up. Except she would not let it go back to exactly how it had been. She intended to live differently, to meet and speak to people, and build a life for herself that would make her less of a burden on Drew and help her feel more self-respect.
When Mary let Caro’s arm go to take Iris from the nursery maid, Caro glanced along the drive. She could feel the distance growing between them. Goodbye, I love you, Rob, but I shall not hold you to anything. I am just glad that you came and you helped me, and that you gave me so much of yourself.
“Caro.” Drew called from the doorway.
She turned and forced a smile as she climbed the steps back into her old life. But not her old self.
She had felt ashamed and blamed herself for Albert’s affection withering. This time she held no expectation of Rob’s feelings lasting, and so she would not be hurt when they died, or transferred to another woman
. She would merely hold onto the moments he’d been wholly hers, in memories.
Chapter 20
Rob’s hands shook a little as they held the straps, when he steered his horses out of Drew’s gateway and onto the road. He felt a like a heel, and ashamed. He ought to turn back and make promises to her—offer to marry her, even if he had to say their engagement might be long. Yet he could not stand to do it, because he had too much pride. He did not have anything to offer her yet. He had his plan to fulfil and then he would be a man suitable to offer her marriage. But first he must make his name, do something of worth, and make a place for them in society.
But he had made himself a hypocrite he could no longer condemn Harry. At least Harry took his pleasures with the sort of woman who knew exactly where they stood. Harry only ever slept with women he paid. Harry did not defile genteel women. Rob had taken his pleasure within the very heart of his family. His father would kill him if he knew he’d done this and made no promise.
Yet he did intend to make a promise, once he was set up. But God, she’d been a marchioness, how could he offer her the hand of a gentleman who lived off his brother? He could not. He had to wait until he was independent from his family.
He missed her already, missed her quiet presence and her silent watching. His heart throbbed in his chest as memories of the past hours played through his head.
He had touched a woman—lain with a woman…
He flicked the reins and stirred his animals into a gallop so his mind might focus on that and not the eclectic clutter of emotions roiling inside him.
He’d come to Drew’s confused about how to fulfil his plan for the future. He left there tied up in knots. His options had narrowed. Whatever he did, he must choose to do it quickly, and he must earn money enough that would enable him to keep a wife. Politicians did not earn money, unless they allowed themselves to be bribed. He had no intention of doing that. Perhaps his whole plan needed to be rethought…
He breathed heavily. He’d done wrong and he must face the consequences that had not seemed to matter in the hut yesterday, or in the dark.
“Hey. Hey.” He whipped up the horses and raced them on.
She has been a marchioness! What on earth will persuade her to accept me even if I do offer?
~
When Rob pulled up before Pembroke House, John’s town residence, a porter opened the door and came out to greet him, and a moment later two grooms came about to manage his horses. He left the curricle for them to take around to the stables.
“Sir.” The porter bowed. “I hope you will find all to your liking. We have made both the family drawing room and the morning room ready, they are at your disposal and if you require anything, please ask.”
Rob nodded, lifting off his hat. “I’m sure that will be fine, thank you.” He followed the porter back up the steps and within the huge marble-lined hall three footmen stood in a line on the black-and-white chequered floor.
“Sir.” They all bowed at once. Rob nodded.
He looked back at the porter, “Which room am I in? I shall change and take luncheon in the morning room and then I will go out.”
“Smith will show you up, sir, and I will have your luggage brought up directly.”
Two of the footman walked away, while the third lifted a hand. “This way, sir.”
Rob trailed through his brother’s giant house, following the man. All the artefacts John and their grandfather had brought back from the grand tour, the busts, and even the portraits on the walls, were covered up under dustsheets.
Only a small part of the house had been opened up for Rob’s use because he did not need it all and John’s army of servants had travelled with him to whatever estate he was currently visiting, so there was no butler to direct anything, merely the housekeeper and a few maids and footmen, who were left to keep things in order until John came back.
It only made things more obvious to Rob that his life, as it stood, was not one he could invite Caro to join him in.
Once he’d changed he ate alone, with one footman serving, and then he went downstairs and told the porter not to bother ordering his carriage, he would walk to his club.
Walking through London felt a little surreal, though, when he’d become so used to the quieter life in the country, and the fresh air—and Caro.
Her face hovered in his mind’s eye as he made his way through the people and traffic, as she’d looked this morning when they’d said goodbye in his room. He saw her with her hair down and her eyes bright. He remembered the colour of them in sunlight.
He and his friends had not joined White’s, the club his entire family belonged to, instead they’d joined Brooks’s, at Rob’s urging. When Rob sought his seat in the House of Commons he intended to stand for the Whig party, who were aligned to Brooks’s club. His brother and his uncles spoke out for the Tories in the House of Lords, and White’s was full of men with that political view.
Choosing Brooks’s had been his first step towards establishing an independence from his family. He would no longer walk in the shadow of his brother or his cousins. At Brooks’s he might be his own man, not be judged by, and compared to, the others, and develop a network to help him find a seat in Parliament.
It was quite a momentous thing, though, to walk up the steps and give his name. “Mr Rob Marlow.” The doorman stepped aside. It felt like taking a passage into manhood. He was now a member here and accepted in this masculine world of London’s elite clubs and, most importantly, in his own right, not as a brother, nephew or cousin of his family.
He glanced about the room, his heart beating in a steady rhythm.
“Would you care for a drink, sir?”
Rob looked at the footman. “Yes, coffee, thank you.”
“Rob!” He turned to see his friends, they were in a corner behind him. A sense of relief ran through him. It felt as though he’d been lost and now he’d come back home into a place he understood.
“Hello.” They stood as he approached. He had a group of seven friends, who were close. They were similar to him, none debauched like Harry, none fighters, none gamblers and none of them drank to any excess—and yet now he’d set himself apart because he’d lain with a woman, a dependent of his family—a woman he ought to have left alone.
A soft pain twisted in his stomach and he breathed heavily as he sat with them, feeling colour rise beneath his skin and guilt draw its mark on his soul.
“So what will you do, Rob, have you made plans over the summer, what seat are we aiming for?” Patrick asked.
Rob shook his head. No he’d been foolish and idle. “No, but I must start, I need to find rooms still too. I’m at John’s currently.”
“I shall come with you tomorrow, if you like, it should be easy enough to find somewhere that will do. We are all settled,” Patrick offered
Rob nodded.
“I will help you too,” Arthur volunteered.
“Thank you.” It would be a first step, and he must take things a step at a time, but he had to think hard and find a clear route to fulfil his plan that would enable him to keep Caro in a condition which befitted a former marchioness, and one that would not hurt his pride and allow him to have an impact on the lives of those less fortunate than him, because that was how he wished to leave his mark on this world.
When he returned to John’s it was about eleven at night and yet, as he walked through the door, he said to the porter, “Where might I find a quill and paper?”
“In the library, sir.”
That too was shrouded in dust covers, but Rob walked over to John’s desk and lifted the cover off. There were drawers down either side of the desk. He opened the first; it was ledgers. When he opened another beneath it he shut it immediately when he saw explicit images of Kate. John’s drawing could be too good, then, at times. He smiled. Kate would probably smack her husband if she knew he kept such things in his desk.
Rob moved to the far side, and in the top drawer found a blank sheet, a quill and
ink. He sat down and wrote to Mary, only in truth it was not Mary he was writing to.
He told her he’d arrived in town safely, and that he’d already met his friends and was to begin searching for a place to live tomorrow, and then he wrote for Caro, I enjoyed my summer weeks with you, they were halcyon days that I will always remember and treasure. Then he told Mary to pass on his greetings and good wishes to Drew and Caro, and to kiss the children for him. He thought of kissing Caro when he signed his name, and of all the times he, or she, had asked for forgiveness and the other had given it. Yet he did not really think they’d known how much forgiveness they would need. He’d not truly foreseen how much it would affect him, or his life.
~
“I enjoyed my summer weeks with you, they were halcyon days that I will always remember and treasure. Please pass my greetings and good wishes on to Drew and Caro, and kiss the children for me. Your loving brother and their loving uncle, Rob.”
Caro watched as Mary smiled at Drew and then folded the letter. “It was kind of him to write and let me know he arrived safely. I must admit, I had not expected to hear so soon.”
Had he written not for Mary’s sake but for Caro’s, to tell her that he’d arrived there and was still thinking of her? Caro’s heart pumped hard in her chest. Her mind and her heart clung to the words, remember and treasure. She hoped that those words were for her, and that they were true.
Drew smiled, and looked at Caro, then Mary. “So who shall we invite to dine with us? Who would you like to get to know, Caro? We have to continue to expand your world.”
She swallowed. Fear was there, creeping up on her, but she knew that if she refused to accept it then she could do as she wished. “I would like to know some other women who live locally… I would like friends beyond this house.”
“Well, then, I know of two spinsters who are your age who live together,” Mary answered, “and we will invite Mr Slade and Dr Palmer. We will need another man, Drew?”
“I shall ask Mark. He will turn up to escort you, so you may be with someone you know.”
Drew’s friend from college was someone she’d always felt comfortable with.
