The Secret Love of a Gentleman

by Jane Lark

  Chapter 34

  A knock struck the door from the hall into Caro’s bedchamber. She had come to her rooms to lie down because she was tired.

  “Who is it?” Caro called as she sat up.

  “Drew. May I come in?”

  She let her lower legs slip off the bed and sat on the edge. She had not undressed nor lain beneath the covers, yet her hair was probably untidy, but her brother would not care. “Yes, come in.”

  The handle turned and he came in smiling. “You have a visitor.”

  Her heart jumped in her chest. Rob.

  “Phillip has come to call. I think you must have enchanted him that day at Windsor. He is even bearing a posy of flowers.”

  “Oh.” She did not know what to say.

  “Come along, then, get up. I will send a maid to you so you might tidy your hair and feel presentable. He has come a long way, and it was frosty this morning—it is still cold out there. The man’s efforts should at least be rewarded.”

  Caro swallowed against a dry throat when Drew shut the door.

  Phillip…

  She rose and let the maid take down her hair, brush it and then re-pin it, and so it was a more than a quarter hour before she walked downstairs. He stood in the drawing room with Drew, and he looked a little anxious.

  He picked up the posy of flowers, which must have been raised in a hothouse because they could not have been grown in winter. Yet the Duke, John, whom he worked for, must have hothouses, and Phillip was his business man and managed all of his properties. “I brought you these,” he said as he held out his posy of hyacinths.

  Caro took them. “Thank you.” She lifted them to her nose. They had a strong, sweet scent.

  A maid hovered in the room. She must have brought the men some tea because a tray stood on the side. Caro turned to her. “Would you take these to my room and put them in water.” The maid bobbed a curtsey, then took the posy. “Thank you,” Caro said quietly.

  Why had Phillip come?

  “I know it is cold, but perhaps we might walk outside for a little while. If we walk briskly it might not be too cold.”

  She did not answer because she did not know what to say.

  “Sorry, was that presumptuous of me? Of course we may sit in here, in the warm, if you would rather…”

  “No. I am happy to walk with you. It would be nice to get some fresh air. You will excuse us, Drew?”

  “There is no question of it,” Drew answered, smiling at her. He looked thrilled, proud, as he did when Iris clapped—as though Caro was his child and she had just managed some great milestone in her life.

  “I will ring for a maid to bring down my pelisse and a bonnet.”

  “And I would take a muff, if you have one. It is very cold.”

  She smiled at Phillip. She did not dislike him. She had enjoyed his company when they’d travelled together to Windsor, and walked together.

  When the maid arrived, Caro told her what to bring, and then Phillip escorted her to the hall.

  “How have you been, Caroline? I have wanted to call and I have prevaricated over it because you disappeared so quickly from town. I was not sure all was well, and I did not like to intrude.”

  “All is well.” It was. She really did not feel miserable any more, or distressed. She had a child within her again, and the only space for feelings was happiness. She would not have her emotions impact on her child. If its short life was to be as blessed as it ought to be, then its mother should love it with all her heart—and Caro did.

  Phillip held up her brown pelisse as she slipped her arms into the sleeves, and then he set her bonnet on her head, although she tied the ribbons herself, and finally he took the fox-fur muff from the maid and passed it to her.

  “You look beautiful,” he stated simply, when she was dressed for the outdoors, and then he put on his hat. He still wore his outdoor coat, so he must have wished all along for them to walk outside.

  “Thank you.”

  A footman opened the door.

  Phillip’s hand lifted. “Please.”

  She walked ahead, and he followed her out into the cold. Immediately it crept through her clothes.

  “I shall not offer my arm, merely because it would mean your hand will become chilled. Pray keep it within your muff.” He slipped his into the pockets of his coat. “Which way should we walk?”

  “About the house. There is a series of smaller gardens at the rear and a pond.”

  “That will probably be frozen, I assure you,” he stated as they began to walk, “All the lakes I have seen on the journey out here have been so, but perhaps not hard enough to skate upon.”

  She smiled. “Do you skate? Did you learn as a child?”

  “Oh, yes. With John. We were boys, after all, and we had the whole of the Duke’s estate to run wild in.”

  Phillip had grown up near here, he’d told her the day they had spent together at Windsor. His family still lived in a village on John’s estate. His father was a local squire.

  Phillip was a few years older than her.

  As they crossed the lawn towards the first hedge of the parterre gardens he glanced at her. “You will have to forgive me, Caroline. I have never thought of doing this before, and I am a little nervous, and I feel a little foolish.”

  She did not answer, because what was there to say?

  “Since Windsor, I… I have had feelings for you. I enjoyed that day with you considerably.”

  She nodded, because it would be unkind to make no response, and yet discomfort had slayed her.

  “I enjoyed your company particularly, extremely. I feel that we might suit. I called at John’s the day after Windsor, because I wished to see you again, but you had already left, and since then I have been debating with myself over whether or not this is madness, and whether or not I should speak, but I think I will drive myself insane if I do not speak.”

  Oh Lord.

  “All I ask for now is that I might call upon you. I work, as you know, but I have Sundays to myself and I may drive out to visit you so we can begin to know one another better. Will you allow me to call on you and court you, Caroline?”

  “Oh, Phillip.” Embarrassment cut through her. She saw herself walking here with Rob. “I’m sorry—”

  Phillip did not let her get further as they turned behind the first high hedge that hid them from the house. In the summer it was where Rob had turned her and pressed her against the hedge. I ask for your forgiveness…

  “Have I made an idiot of myself?”

  Her hand slipped free from the muff and she held his arm as they walked slowly on. “You have not. I am flattered. It is very kind of you to think of me…” and if it had been a year ago. Yet a year ago she would never have gone to London. She had only been there because Rob had given her the courage and invited her. “…Yet I am at a juncture in my life where I cannot think of such things. I am moving out of Drew’s home this week. I will be living alone in Maidstone, and that is what I wish. I am not looking for a husband.”

  His fingers pressed over hers as they walked into the garden with the pond at its centre, the pond where she and Rob had helped George sail his boat. It was frozen.

  “What of a friend?” Phillip asked, “Might I be that to you now. Is there room for another friend in your life?”

  Rob had favoured the word “crass”. It would be crass of her to crush the man so cruelly as to not even accept his offer of friendship, and if he hoped in the future that it might become more, then she would manage his feelings then. She had no intention of spending her future with anyone but Rob, and if he did not want her, she would rather spend it alone, which might be the case because Mary had still heard nothing.

  “Of course, I can never have too many friends, Phillip, I will gladly accept that offer.”

  He nodded at her and smiled, then they walked on and he talked of John and Kate. He said that they were currently housing Mary’s younger brothers and sisters, and that Mary’s parents had been stayin
g elsewhere in town. He said it was unusual for them to be in town at this time of year. It was nearly Christmas and the family were usually at Pembroke Place for Christmas.

  Caro did not ask, yet she listened for mention of Rob’s name, but nothing was said.

  ~

  Caro glanced about the hall as the footmen carried down another trunk of her clothes. She had three trunks. Far more than she’d arrived with. When she’d run away from her marriage years before she’d left with only the clothes on her back and a handkerchief full of the gifts Albert had given her.

  That handkerchief of jewels had now become a fund managed by Drew, from which she might draw income. She was about to become truly self-reliant.

  Her heart beat hard. Rob would be proud of her, she hoped. She was proud of herself.

  Yet perhaps Rob would never know. Perhaps he did not even read Mary’s letters. He certainly did not reply to them.

  Pain clenched about her heart, but she pushed it away, because the child was within her and she refused to feel sad.

  It was his child too. That thought kept invading over others as the weeks crept on. But to tell him would only cause him pain he need not suffer if he did not know.

  She looked at Drew. It was time to say her goodbyes.

  George was balanced on Drew’s forearm in a seated position, with one arm wrapped about his papa’s shoulder while his other hand gripped the lapel of Drew’s morning coat. George was tired and his head was pressed against Drew’s shoulder. He was grumpy and angry.

  “He does not wish to say goodbye to his Auntie Caro, because he does not wish his Auntie Caro to go.”

  Caro walked forward, lifted to her toes and kissed her brother’s cheek as he bent his head so she might. “I love you. You have done so much for me, and I will be forever grateful for the years you have let me feel safe here.”

  He patted her shoulder. “There will always be a place for you here.”

  “Thank you.” Her fingers ran over George’s hair. He looked at her with his head turned sideways. “And you, little man, must be well behaved for your mama and papa, and I will come and visit you.” George didn’t say anything.

  Mary stood beside Drew, holding Iris facing outward so that Iris might watch everything. She hated to be held against anyone’s chest now. She wanted to see the world and discover it.

  When Caro leant to hug Mary and say goodbye, Iris grasped the ribbon of Caro’s bonnet and pulled it loose. Caro kissed Iris’s cheek and then kissed Mary’s. “Thank you. You have been very kind to me, like a true sister.”

  Mary smiled. “You may come anytime. You need not send word.”

  Caro nodded. It was going to be very strange without the children, and yet she had her own to nourish, for however many weeks they had left.

  Caro retied her bonnet’s ribbons. She was to drive her trap, so she might have a vehicle to continue visiting her friends and to return here anytime she wished.

  “Well, I suppose I ought to go.” She swallowed back the tears gripping at her throat.

  Drew nodded.

  “I am going to miss you,” Mary said.

  “We all are,” Drew added, his hand ruffling George’s hair.

  “I am only half an hour’s ride away.”

  He nodded.

  She wiped away the tear that crept from the corner of her eye. “I am leaving your footmen and your groom out in the cold.” She laughed. Where was her courage today? She needed a little more of it.

  A footman held her hand as she climbed up into the trap, while Drew and Mary stood at the open door. It was too cold outside for the children.

  Caro waved, remembering Rob waving to them all in the summer. She had not realised then how much influence he’d had on her life. She would not have made this choice without his support in the summer.

  One of Drew’s grooms drove a cart behind her as she travelled the distance into Maidstone. Upon it were her trunks and two footmen to lift them into her home when she reached the cottage.

  She left the horse and trap in the inn, where Drew had arranged for her to stable them, and then walked to her new home.

  When she’d walked along this street with Drew years ago, having fled from Albert hours before, she’d been terrified, afraid of the future and scared of the past catching up with her. Today her greatest feeling was hope. She felt truly free.

  How strange was it that the first time she’d come here it was because of one man, who had hurt her, and now, the second time, it was because another man had helped her heal.

  She’d come here in the summer last time, and the garden had been full of flowers, but now it was empty. The footmen were already there unloading the cart, and the woman who held the door was her housekeeper, the same woman who had been there years ago, and so Caro did not even feel as though she would be wholly alone. Instead excitement breathed in her chest.

  As she walked up the path, she imagined how beautiful it would be in the summer, and her hand settled over her stomach. Her child would never see that, but Caro would talk of it tonight when she went to bed.

  Chapter 35

  Rob turned his head a little to the right so his uncle’s valet could shave the stubble from below his right ear.

  He’d begun to feel human again, instead of a patient.

  His hand had been freed from its splints. It was stiff and painful, though, and barely usable. He could not grip easily, so he could not shave himself, yet he had some movement in it and he could move himself about with the aid of crutches, or at least from the bed to the chair by the window. He still had the splint on his leg, but that too would be gone soon; the surgeon had agreed to remove it before Christmas. In less than two weeks he might wear trousers again. He was mortally sick of being clothed in a nightshirt and a dressing gown.

  The door was being knocked on.

  “Come in,” Rob called.

  “Hello.” His father walked into the room, followed by his mother. They were no longer staying with his uncle. Life had to move on, and they had his brothers and sisters to think of. They had returned to John’s, but they called upon Rob every afternoon. His cousins had come home too, and so he was hiding here now.

  “Good day,” Rob acknowledged brightly, without turning his head.

  “You sound happy,” his mother said.

  “I am counting down the days until the damned splints are off my leg.”

  A towel was wiped about his chin and then his throat. “There you are, sir.” The valet bowed.

  “Thank you, Archer.”

  Archer gave Rob another bow and then walked from the room.

  His mother’s fingers touched his jaw, and she leant and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “You look well.”

  “Thank you. I feel well bar my damned leg. I am impatient to be in clothes and up.”

  She smiled as she straightened, then glanced back at his father as his father pulled a chair over so she might sit near Rob. Then he brought a chair closer for himself and sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together, as though he had something to say.

  He looked at Rob. He did have something to say.

  “Jenny and Helen have been asking us numerous questions, Rob, about you, and about why we continue to go out each afternoon when we have only just returned. They are old enough to realise that the whole thing is odd. We wish to tell them.”

  “No.”

  “Just think of this from their perspective. We are confusing them and distressing them a little, and you know we have always been honest with you all.”

  His mother blushed.

  “Then wait two weeks. I will stay at John’s for Christmas. You may tell him I have had an accident in my curricle, or some such nonsense. I will have no splints and I will be able to climb into a carriage and get to John’s. No one need know.”

  His father sighed. “Very well, I understand you do not wish Caroline to hear of this, so that is what we shall do.”

  ~

  The thought of
walking had been far easier than the act, and for the first two days of being without splints Rob favoured using the crutches, but he was determined to need no more than a stick by the time he went to John’s, which would be Christmas Eve, three days hence. So he forced himself to learn to balance on two sticks and then one.

  He found it easiest to hold it close to his leg when he stood, so that he could put his weight through that, and when he walked he felt unsteady. Yet he believed he had established a style that made it look a lot easier than it felt, as long as he held himself straight and did not scrunch, and as long as he did not sigh when he sat down, and the pain was relieved.

  When his father came to fetch him on Christmas Eve, Rob was ready. He’d dressed in outdoor clothes. He stood, gripping his stick. His father smiled. “Your mother is awaiting you at John’s and I think the girls have a little celebration in mind.”

  Rob smiled.

  “Uncle Robert has taken his family out, so that you may walk downstairs without them seeing.”

  Rob laughed. He had been holed up here like some criminal hiding out in his uncle’s home for the last few weeks. He would be free now, and as he took his first, slow steps he felt as though he was walking into his life. He had signed all the legal papers to take over his uncle’s tenancy. All he needed to do was be well enough to travel to Yorkshire. There was a local seat coming up for election the following year. It gave him the time to get settled and to socialise in the local community so he would be known when it came time to campaign.

  His father had agreed that in the weeks while Rob continued to recover at John’s he would go over everything about crop and animal management, and equally the management of those Rob would need to employ. He wished to be successful at farming as well as in politics. He needed the income, but success there would make him more credible in his political aims too.

  It was a very slow descent down the flight of stairs to the ground floor, but Rob refused his father’s assistance and managed with the banister and the stick. At least he’d been in a room on the first floor.