by Murray Pura
Lyndel gently hugged and kissed him while the others slowly gathered behind her. “I’m going to get you up to the seminary—where are you wounded?—here—I have a canteen—please take some water—”
“Libby has kept me alive on grass.” He laughed quietly, his eyes still closed as he sipped water from the canteen she pressed to his mouth. “It was hot…lying here in the sun.”
“I know. But that’s over now, love, it’s done.” She looked at his shattered and swollen right arm. “Who put the tourniquet on?”
“Two Rebs. They argued about it. The one said he wouldn’t do it, that I shouldn’t be here…fighting for the slaves. The other reminded him they had both been baptized…at a revival meeting after Chancellorsville. Would leaving me to bleed to death…be what Jesus would want? So they tied on a pretty good tourniquet. But I know…I’m going to lose my arm.”
“No, darling—”
“Lose my arm or lose my life. I’ve seen enough battlefield casualties.”
“We’re getting you to the surgeons right away.”
He tried to lift his head. “Levi is nearby. And Joshua. Nip. Ham. Take care of them.”
“Of course. I have others with me. They will find them. It’s all right.”
“Are they alive?”
“I don’t know—yes, yes—I’m sure they are—we’re going to move you now—”
“I don’t even know what happened here. Did it matter?”
Lyndel wiped the rain from his eyes with her fingers. “Did what matter?”
“Did their…sacrifice make any difference…do we still have a country?”
But Lyndel couldn’t respond. Her throat tightened and her eyes burned. Abraham Yoder and Adam King had left to hunt for Levi and Joshua, but Hiram and Morganne remained with her. Morganne wrapped Lyndel in her arms as Hiram dropped to one knee by his friend.
“Nathaniel. It’s Hiram.”
“Hiram…ah, Hiram. You would know what happened.”
“I do know. The Army of the Potomac came in the night, Nathaniel, the night you fought to give them. They took the heights. Lee assailed them for two days and could not defeat them. Now he has retreated. You’ve won.”
“I’ve won—”
“You’ve won. Your men have won. The Republic and the slaves have won.”
“Thank God…my boys were so brave…and the Carolina boys coming against them were so brave…I pray we will be one nation…”
“It will come. Even I believe now it will come. Vicksburg will surrender any day now. That will make Grant a hero. I’m certain Lincoln will bring him east no matter what the naysayers do to block him. And Grant will run Lee to ground like a hound does a fox.”
Nathaniel opened his eyes and took Hiram’s hand in a grip like iron. “It mattered…the stand on McPherson’s Ridge and Seminary Ridge…”
Hiram held the grip. “Yes, it mattered. A lot happened in the three days here, Nathaniel. Battles you never saw but I did. The South will never forget Pickett’s charge on Friday. The North will never forget what happened at Little Round Top on Thursday. Both will honor the dead of Devil’s Den and Emmitsburg Road and the peach orchard and the wheat field. And that’s the way it should be. But I will write in my newspaper what I believe—the Battle of Gettysburg was won on the first day. By Buford, by Doubleday and the First Corps, by Howard and the Eleventh Corps, by cavalry, infantry, and artillery. By the grace of God the Battle of Gettysburg was won on the first day by the Iron Brigade. I will stand by that, my friend.”
Nathaniel released Hiram’s hand as they lifted him from the wet grass. He grimaced. “Thank you…thank you. But…where’s my lady… where’s my bride?”
Lyndel pulled away from Morganne and took Nathaniel’s face in her hands as they carried him. “I’m here, my love. It’s so good to see your green eyes.”
“If I’m sent home after the amputation…your father will not receive me.”
“He will receive you, Nathaniel. He is here now.”
Bishop Keim had Nathaniel by the shoulders. “God bless you, young man.”
“Bishop Keim…I never expected you to be on a battleground…”
“It was God’s will we come to Gettysburg. To bring what healing we could to the wounded and the sick and the lame. Even your father is here.”
“I’m sorry. For the problems we caused. But we had to…we had to fight…”
“The fight is past, Nathaniel. Perhaps it is we who should have forgiven and embraced you. It is we who have sinned in hardening our hearts. But God is the great forgiver. We begin anew. You are wounded. Let us care for you. Let us welcome you home. We wish to welcome home all our sons who felt, before the Lord God Almighty, that they had to wage war against slavery.”
Nathaniel twisted his head and smiled up at Bishop Keim. “Home. I should like that.”
His eyes returned to Lyndel. He reached up for a strand of her red hair and twisted it gently around his finger and his wedding ring, brushing the faint scar on her cheek as he did so. “Tomatoes…you are so beautiful.”
Then his hand fell.
29
“He is almost gone. You know that.”
“Yes, Doctor. I know.”
“The amputation may not do any good at this point.”
Lyndel straightened and wiped at her eyes with her fingers. “Please. Try.”
“I will need your friends’ help to hold him down.”
“Of course.”
Nathaniel’s father, Bishop Keim, and Abraham Yoder gripped him by the legs and shoulders as the surgeon’s saw bit into flesh and bone. Lyndel held a leather pad between his teeth as the pain made him arch his back off the table. He looked at her in anguish as sweat sprang out across his forehead and cheeks. She gripped his left hand, holding his gaze, moving her lips with the words I love you.
Then it was done and she was securing his wound and stanching the flow of blood. The men laid him in a room off the hallway that was filled with other soldiers recovering from amputations. On one side of him was a captain from Louisiana and on the other a private from Mississippi. Morganne knelt by Lyndel and Nathaniel.
“I’m sorry,” she said, hugging her friend.
Lyndel hugged her back. “I just pray he will pull through.”
“Of course he’ll pull through. He wants to go home and live with his beautiful bride. Have babies. Raise a family. He’ll pull through.”
“I hope to our God you are right.”
Morganne kissed Lyndel on the cheek. “He is resting now. The surgeons have asked for our help. There are so many wounded. Lee left his worst cases behind.”
Lyndel passed both hands over her face and stood up. “Of course we must help. Where do they want us to start?”
“With the ones who are waiting for surgery. They need water badly and they need to have their wounds cleaned of corruption. We’re losing too many of them.”
Lyndel began to walk quickly along a hallway slippery with blood and urine, past the soldiers propped up against the walls. Morganne kept pace beside her.
“Is it all these men in the hall?” Lyndel asked.
“Yes. And out on the porch. And on the lawn.”
“Where is my father? And Mr. King and Mr. Yoder?”
“They are out bringing in more wounded. And they are still looking for Joshua and Nip and your brother Levi. And Ham.”
Lyndel suddenly bent down over a Confederate sergeant. “Let’s start with this group here. Sergeant, I am Lyndel Keim. I will be your nurse. Have you had any water? Where are you wounded?”
“They…they won’t give me water,” rasped the sergeant. “On account I have a ball in my stomach.”
Lyndel forced a smile and smoothed his brown hair back from his eyes. “Too much water is hard on a stomach wound. But I can give you a wet cloth and you can put that in your mouth. That won’t do any harm and it will make you feel better. You’ll be with the surgeons soon.”
Lyndel and Morganne worked with the docto
rs and ambulance men through the evening and into the night. Lyndel was still awake when they brought Levi in and she gripped both his hands as a surgeon took off his left leg above the knee. She collapsed in a corner of the room for amputees at four in the morning on Sunday and did not wake for several hours, until a soldier’s scream made her sit up with a start. Nathaniel and Levi were both fighting fevers and she spent several minutes bathing their faces and chests. Then she went looking for Morganne and found her asleep on the porch of the seminary by the dead body of a Union officer. She had been offering him water from a canteen that she still clutched in her hand. Lyndel let her sleep.
Nip and Joshua were both brought in that morning, Ham in the afternoon. Nip had an arm removed at the elbow and Joshua had both feet amputated. Ham was badly wounded at the throat and neck where two balls had torn open the flesh. All during the day she kept checking back on them as well as on Levi and Nathaniel. When others died in the amputee room she asked Hiram and her father to help move the four Amish boys together. Ham was on another floor.
By nightfall on Sunday she was certain she would wake to find Nathaniel dead—he was doing so poorly and his breathing was so rough. She fell asleep in Morganne’s arms, her face streaked with the grime of tears and blood. In the morning, her husband was still alive, but Nip had contracted pneumonia. For the next two days he fought the illness. On Wednesday morning, Lyndel spoke with him, gave him some water, and went to get a fresh towel. When she returned she could see before she reached Nip’s side that his gaze had become fixed. She scooped him up and hugged him to her and cried out his name, but his arms and head hung loose.
Hiram came running. “What is it? Is it Nathaniel?”
Lyndel was on her feet with her hand over her eyes. “I’m sorry…it’s Nip…I didn’t mean to shout like that…I’m sorry…”
Hiram dropped his gaze to the dead soldier. “You have nothing to apologize for. You must be exhausted. Who can blame you for grieving the loss of this fine young man?”
Lyndel stared out the window at the sun and clouds. Her lips were a straight line and the skin on her face was tight. “We need the burial detail now.”
“Do you…do you want to pray over him?” Hiram asked.
“I have prayed over him!” she snapped. “Get someone to help you and get him out to the burial detail!”
“I do not need another’s help.”
Hiram lifted Nip gently in his arms and carried the small body down the hall and out the door. Lyndel suddenly placed one hand on the wall and another over her stomach. She began to groan and weep.
Her father found her. “Lyndy, what is this?” he asked. He looked anxiously down at Nathaniel but could see he was breathing deeply and naturally.
“Nothing. Nothing. It’s just that…everything beautiful…ends in death…”
She collapsed against him and he held her tightly and kissed the top of her head. “Not everything. No, not everything. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
“I wish I could believe that again, Papa. But…there has been so much death…”
“Death releases many to God. Still, it is no friend. It is an enemy. The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death. Remember our Lord, daughter. Remember his crucifixion and resurrection. Especially now and especially in this place and at this battlefield. I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?”
“I want to.”
“My daughter, my daughter—believest thou this?”
Lyndel cried even harder. “Yes, yes—oh, yes!”
He continued to hold her. “You know how we tie a rope to the crossbeams when we work on the barn roof? So tie that in and tie it down, my girl. Make the knot strong. We need you. So many of us need you. Alive and strong and full of faith. For we are so weak.”
Lyndel lifted her head from his chest and looked at him, her eyes wet. “Papa, how can you say that? I am completely undone.”
“No. It is we who are undone. Only we hide it well. We need you. Make your knot to the crossbeams tight and help us.”
Lyndel pulled away and straightened her back, one hand still on her father’s arm. “I really don’t know what good I have been when so many boys are under the ground but I will try, Papa, because you want me to. And because it is what Jesus would do. And because Nathaniel needs me.”
Her father smiled. “That is a good way back.”
“I must go find Davey. And talk to the surgeons.” She glanced at Nathaniel and Joshua and Levi. “The boys seem fine right now. Will you keep an eye on them until I return?”
“Of course.”
“I must see how Ham is doing as well. He was one of their closest friends.”
Lyndel started off. She was no more than halfway down the hall, when he watched her stop and bend over to help a man who was struggling with a canteen. Bishop Keim turned and knelt by the Amish soldiers and prayed. Then he went and knelt by each soldier in the room and prayed for them as well. When he was done he stood over Nathaniel, his broad-brimmed hat in his hands.
“Komm zurück…komm zurück zu uns,” he whispered. Come back… come back to us.
30
At one o’clock on Friday morning, Lyndel could go no further. She grabbed a clean blanket from a stack on a table and collapsed between Levi and Nathaniel, dropping into a deep sleep right away. Two hours later she emerged from a dream of baking bread in Elizabethtown to feel someone kissing and nuzzling her hair. She recoiled and sat up, pushing the person away.
“Excuse me, sir!” she spat out in a harsh voice. “Who are you and what do you think you are doing?”
A man laughed softly. “I am your husband, and your husband thinks he is kissing the woman he loves. The very beautiful woman he loves.”
Lyndel gasped. “Nathaniel!” She swiftly ran her hands over his face in the dark. “Your fever has broken! I thank God!”
“I remember the amputation. I didn’t think I’d find you lying beside me when I came back to my senses.”
“Nathaniel—praise God, thank God!” She put her arms around him.
“I didn’t think…when I felt the saw…I didn’t think I would make it.”
She kissed him on the mouth. “You had good nursing care. The best we could offer.”
“I believe it.”
“Levi is on the other side of me here,” she whispered. “Oh, Nathaniel, der Herr sei gelobt.” Praise the Lord.
Nathaniel leaned over her to take a look. “How is he?”
“He’s holding his own. So is Joshua.”
“Thank you, Lord. I saw Joshua there next to me. He seemed to be breathing well.” He stroked her hair. “Where’s Nip? Where’s Ham? In another room?”
“Ham is wounded at the neck. But every day he gets stronger. He is upstairs. Nip is…he is…” Lyndel let out her air quickly. “He’s gone, Nathaniel.”
“What?”
“An arm was amputated. Pneumonia set in. We buried him on Wednesday. Two days ago.”
Nathaniel released her and lay back down. She waited a moment and joined him.
“Ah, Lord,” he groaned. “It never stops. One after another after another.”
“You’re alive. And I believe Ham is going to make it. And Joshua and my brother.”
“Do you honestly think so? Or is it just wishful thinking?”
“Pray with me.”
“For what? The war to end? The killing to stop?”
“Yes. Yes. Why not? For the healing of the land and for the healing of Levi and Joshua and Ham.”
“Haven’t you and the others already been doing that?”
“But I haven’t prayed with you. Not for weeks.”
She could swear she suddenly heard him smile in the dark.
“Perhaps God can’t deny us,” he said. “Not two Kings.”
She whispered her praye
r in High German, her hand tight on his. When she stopped, he began. Once he’d finished, she prayed a second time. Then she grew quiet and he spoke the word Amen.
“Now I think I need to rest again,” he mumbled.
“I will be right beside you, love.”
“Yes, good, I was feeling chilled.”
“I…I worried that you might be sullen. Angry. Depressed. You have lost an arm, Nathaniel.”
“Believe me, I am grateful just to be alive. I have lost Nip and Corinth. But I have you. And my friends. I don’t know—perhaps I will be more upset about my arm later. But I have my left arm and it was always the stronger of the two.”
She covered her mouth with her hand but the laugh came through just the same. “I wish—I hope—the others will have your way of looking at things…but I don’t know…Joshua and Levi can both be so intense—”
“So pray about that too. Once I am asleep. I can’t hold my eyes open any longer.”
“I am not worried about Ham’s disposition.”
“Neither am I. I’m just worried my nurse will leave at any minute to take care of someone else.”
She drew her army blanket over both of them and snuggled against his side. “No. Here I am.”
Nathaniel was already breathing deeply. She wrapped her fingers around his. For half an hour she listened to him as well as to the gasps, whimpers, and moans of the men all about her. She realized they could not all live…not Levi and Joshua and Ham and everyone else as well. The world as it was, even with the possibility of miracles, could never offer that. But she prayed there would be more than a few. And fell asleep again, with her head on her husband’s chest so she could hear the beating of his heart.
Three days later, on Monday afternoon, she helped her brother out the door of the seminary as he leaned on his crutch, while Nathaniel gave Joshua a hand as he maneuvered his way down the steps on two. They made their way to a cluster of trees and lay down in the shade as the sun gleamed all around them and the heat worked its way into their backs and shoulders.
