by Helen Harper
‘Assuming this little human still has it. Passing it to a cleaner was not a wise move.’
Now it was my turn to bristle. ‘I used what means I had at my disposal to keep it safe.’
Monroe raised an eyebrow. ‘If you’d contacted us earlier, we could simply have taken this Fey Ruby maniac out of the equation. That still might be the best move. We could move on him now while the rest of you have sweet dreams.’
‘Except,’ Finn pointed out, ‘he’s stronger than you think and he has numerous others faeries at his disposal who are more than willing to sacrifice themselves on his behalf.’
‘And if he feels like he’s in danger,’ I added, ‘he’ll just let loose more magic and cause more havoc across the city. We have to tread carefully.’
‘He won’t be expecting us,’ Monroe said. ‘With the element of surprise on our side—’
Morgan interrupted him. ‘He will already know you are here and will be preparing. He’s not a moron. We do this our way, without alerting my brother to what we’re up to, or we won’t succeed.’
The werewolf shrugged. ‘Suit yourself.’ He looked around. ‘I suppose a few hours’ sleep won’t be a bad thing.’
‘Before you go,’ Julie asked, ‘how badly are you being affected by the magic within the city?’ There was a strained expression on her face. Given how reluctant she’d been to allow the werewolves access to her house, and how quiet she’d been, I knew that the question was important to her. She really was suffering from her vampire side. We were all in unknown territory; for once it wasn’t just me who didn’t have a clue what was happening.
Monroe gazed at her, assessingly. Part of me expected a flippant reply but when he spoke, his response was gentle. ‘I have extraordinary control over my wolf form,’ he said, ‘and even I’m finding it hard to keep the animal at bay. The magic in the air is seeping into my soul.’
Julie leaned forward. ‘But how does it make you feel?’
He held her eyes. ‘Like I could conquer the world.’ There was a murmur of agreement from the assembled werewolves.
Julie nodded, apparently satisfied. ‘I’ll show you to the bedrooms. Some of you will have to share. My house is large but it’s not that large.’
‘Ma’am,’ Monroe drawled, ‘we appreciate your hospitality.’ He paused. ‘Perhaps you could show us which room has a lock on it and we’ll sleep there.’
He didn’t need to add that he wanted the lock to keep us safe from him and his wolves. I shivered. This magic crap was potentially going to be the end of us.
***
Four hours later, we assembled outside the address I’d scraped up for Charlotte Page, employee of Pixie Dust Cleaning Services. Morgan, me, and the pack of werewolves. If this wasn’t enough back-up then we were screwed.
For a cleaning lady who probably worked for the minimum wage, she certainly lived in a genteel part of town. Her house didn’t quite match up to the grandiose standards of Julie’s but it wasn’t far off. The façade was red brick, with a trail of ivy climbing up one side and curling round several of the shuttered windows. I counted three storeys. Maybe Ms Page owned Pixie Dust Cleaning Services as well as working for them.
Monroe arched a long glance upwards. ‘I thought you said this chick was a cleaner? How many cleaners can afford digs like this?’
Morgan sniffed disdainfully. ‘Perhaps you shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Cleaning is an essential business. You shouldn’t look down your nose at it.’
Monroe gazed back at him. His arms were loose at his sides but I suspected he was already growing mightily tired of my green-eyed Fey. ‘I’m not denigrating her profession,’ he said. ‘I’m simply analysing the situation. We need to know what we’re walking into.’
Morgan opened his mouth to respond and I stepped in hastily. ‘I think perhaps it’s best if I handle this,’ I said. ‘You lot stay out here.’ Nice as it was to have my back covered by my lover and a pack of werewolves, sometimes it was easier to work alone.
This time both of them wanted to argue. ‘Listen, arsebadgers,’ I hissed. ‘Charlotte Page is just a human woman who I’ve pulled into this mess. She’s not the enemy. This will go much better if I deal with her. If she sees an army of angry men on her doorstep, she’s liable to run.’
I didn’t wait for either of them to answer but simply pulled back my shoulders, strode up to her doorstep and rang the doorbell. When I glanced back, Monroe, Morgan, Opulus, Vandrake and the rest had melted into the shadows. Good. It was about time someone paid attention to my superior strategic planning skills.
Charlotte answered the door far faster than I expected. The bright smile on her face disappeared almost immediately when she saw me. ‘You’re not the police,’ she said.
My spine stiffened. Police? I bit back the million questions on my tongue and quickly dissembled. I was the Madhatter, after all. ‘I’m the Community Liaison Officer responsible for this locality,’ I said, making up a job title that I hoped sounded official enough to pass muster. ‘The police, as I’m sure you can understand, are rather busy at the moment with the army in town and all the … strange goings-on over the last twenty-four hours. I’m here in their place until they can visit.’ I offered a perfunctory, business-like smile.
Charlotte frowned. ‘Show me your identification.’
Gasbudlikins. Why did I have to get the smart, wary human? ‘I don’t have it on me,’ I said, palms stretched outwards. ‘It was eaten by…’ I glanced around as if afraid that someone would hear me, ‘a pink elephant.’
Charlotte’s eyes went wide. ‘You saw a pink elephant?’ she breathed.
I wished. ‘Yeah,’ I nodded. ‘It snatched my ID and lanyard with its trunk and ran away.’ I leaned in. ‘I didn’t know elephants could run but that thing moved pretty darned fast.’
‘They might not look graceful,’ Charlotte told me, ‘but they can shift when they want to.’ She peered at me. ‘Hang on,’ she said. ‘I recognise you from the police station.’ She relaxed further. ‘I do know you. We met in the toilets.’
I smiled. ‘Yeah. You told me that weight lifters can lift more in blue-painted gyms.’
She shrugged. ‘I’m full of odd facts like that. It’s amazing what a little knowledge can do when you’re betting.’
‘Betting? You’re a gambler?’
The corner of her mouth lifted. ‘Only occasionally. And always legally, of course.’
‘Of course.’ I licked my lips. Learning more about her was all very well but it wasn’t getting me any closer to my goal. ‘So the reason you called the police…’
Her smile vanished. ‘I’ll show you,’ she said. ‘She’s this way.’ She stepped back into her house. With a surreptitious wave at Morgan and the others, who had no doubt been watching this entire exchange with bated breath, I hopped in after her.
The house was even grander on the inside. Morning sun streamed in through old stained-glass windows, creating pretty patterns on the bare floorboards. Unlike Liung, Charlotte had a discerning eye and there were only a few things dotted around. The minimalist style wasn’t exactly suited to this mansion but I kind of liked it all the same.
‘Nice place,’ I murmured.
‘I won it,’ she called from down the corridor. ‘Poker.’
Huh. Maybe I should have become a gambler instead of a fake superhero; it certainly paid better. Even villainy didn’t pay dividends like this.
‘It’s more trouble than it’s worth,’ Charlotte said, pausing in front of a closed door. ‘I can barely afford the council tax and something is always breaking down. The plumbing is a nightmare. And now there’s this.’ She put her hand on the doorknob and twisted it, revealing what was inside.
My mouth dropped open. What had once been a beautifully appointed room was now a scene of utter devastation, with torn curtains, slashed walls and overturned chairs. It wasn’t the mess that shocked me, though; it was the creature standing in the centre of the room and snarling that surprised me.
It was more than two metres long and one metre wide, and covered in dark fur. Two large horns sprouted from its head, curving to the sides in opposite directions. Its muzzle was elongated, like a duck’s bill. I’d have said it was some kind of deformed animal were it not for the empty plate in its large paws and the human expression in its eyes. It swung its head towards us and gazed at us with a tragically sad expression.
‘I’d have called the RSPCA,’ Charlotte said, ‘but they’ve got their hands full with other matters. I have a few friends in the police force who said they’d send someone to help.’ She bit her lip. ‘Besides, I don’t think this is an animal. I think it’s my housemate.’ She cast me a sidelong glance. ‘Unless it’s eaten her. That’s always possible.’
I blinked. This was entirely outside my experience. ‘Your housemate?’
‘Lizzy. She’s from Brisbane, Australia. She’s been studying in Manchester for a year or so and I let her kip here. I’ve got plenty of room and the rent, when she pays it, is welcome.’ She hesitated. ‘Watch her lips.’
I focused on the creature’s mouth. I couldn’t hear any sound but it appeared that it was trying to say the same thing over and over again. I scratched my head. ‘Uh…’
‘I’m an expert in lip reading,’ Charlotte confided. ‘It helps with scoping out the lay of the land when I’m preparing for a big bet. I can read trainers’ words from a hundred metres away. I’ve managed to avoid several dodgy gambles as a result. There was this one horse that—’
I held up my hand. ‘Perhaps another time.’ I pointed at the bizarre, furry duck-dog creature-thing. ‘What’s it saying?’
‘She. Not it. I think.’ Charlotte grimaced and whispered in my ear. ‘Vegemite. We’ve run out.’
‘What’s Vegemite?’ I asked with a frown.
Lizzy, if that’s what the thing in front of us was, opened her mouth in a sudden scream and lunged forward. Charlotte yanked me back into the corridor and slammed the door shut. ‘Don’t say it aloud in front of her!’
‘What? Vegemite?’
Lizzy threw herself at the other side of the door, splintering the wood. I jumped back, alarmed. Charlotte glared at me. ‘You’re supposed to be helping.’
‘Sorry,’ I muttered. ‘This is my first time with an Australian monster.’
‘Lizzy’s not a monster. She’s just having a bad day.’
It wasn’t my job to deal with this. Even if I were some sort of police liaison officer – or the arsebadgering police commissioner – it wouldn’t be my job to deal with this. I was here to retrieve the sphere and get the hell out again. However, given that Lizzy’s transformation was no doubt caused by the build up of Fey magic in the Manchester atmosphere, it was arguable that it was my fault. And if it was my fault, I was honour-bound to help.
I tried to summon up my evil-bitch persona but Morgan had rubbed off on me too much. Either that or I was simply too wonderful to abandon both Charlotte and Lizzy to their fates – even though I had no idea how to help either of them.
My indecision must have been evident because Charlotte gazed at me, a frown marring her smooth, freckled forehead. ‘You’re not with the police. I’m usually good at reading people and your air of self-importance suggested you were a copper – but you’re not.’ She sighed. ‘Great. Who are you and what do you really want?’
She seemed more exasperated than anything. I raised my shoulders. ‘Okay, Charlotte,’ I agreed. ‘I’m not with the police but I reckon I can probably help. Or I know someone who can.’
‘Charley,’ she said.
‘Pardon.’
‘Call me Charley.’ She folded her arms. ‘How long will it take to get hold of this someone?’
I smiled. ‘Just give me a minute.’
Chapter Sixteen
Morgan wasn’t impressed at being left out in the cold when I beckoned in Monroe. I gave my love bunny a quick, reassuring smile and blew him a kiss. The fact that his jealousy was still affecting him was rather nice. Yes, I’d get tired of it fairly quickly but right now it showed that he cared for me.
I’d never thought of myself as someone who needed to be told repeatedly that I was loved. I was still learning about myself, I supposed. I still had amnesia, after all.
Monroe the werewolf swaggered inside the house as if he owned the place. As soon as he stepped across the threshold, he lifted his nose, sniffed and recoiled. ‘What is that?’
Charley appeared. Monroe looked her up and down, apparently unimpressed by her blue hair. ‘What are you?’ he hissed.
‘The woman whose house you’re in,’ she said. She looked at me. ‘Is this the best you can do? This guy with the ego the size of a blimp?’
I winced. ‘Give him a minute. He has, uh, a sensitive nose. It’s probably affecting him adversely.’
I’d barely finished speaking when Monroe stalked towards her. He paused in front of her, his nostrils flaring. ‘Sunshine,’ he muttered. ‘You smell of sunshine.’ He flashed her a disarming smile. ‘Despite your hair, you’re rather pretty,’ he purred. ‘I like the freckles.’
His abrupt volte-face did little to impress Charley. ‘Be still my beating heart,’ she said. ‘What a wondrous compliment.’
Monroe drew back and inspected her again. ‘Sarcasm doesn’t impress me.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Oh no. I’m devastated.’
I watched the pair of them. I knew next to nothing about either of them but I’d seen a gentler side to Monroe already. The fact that he was ramping up the machismo factor suggested to me that Charley’s ‘sunshine’ affected him more than he wanted to admit. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. No wonder she was a gambler; she really did possess a poker face.
Apparently realising that he was laying it on too thick, Monroe stepped back and gave her room to breathe. ‘I apologise,’ he said. ‘The magic in the air is causing my … animalistic side to gain dominance.’ He grinned at her. ‘Next time I’m rude, feel free to slap me around.’ He bowed. ‘Thank you for inviting me in. I’m only here to help.’
Charley looked slightly confused. ‘Magic? Is that what you’re calling all this spooky shit?’
Monroe waved a hand around. ‘It’s just what I call it.’
Charley’s eyes narrowed. Yep, she was far too smart for our good – and Monroe was far too careless.
Taking a breath, I pointed at the closed door. ‘The problem is in there,’ I told him.
The werewolf squared his shoulders. ‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘This won’t take long.’ He strode past Charley and opened the door, his face dropping in shock when he spotted Lizzy.
‘Maybe I should wait for the real police,’ Charley said to me.
‘They won’t be able to help your housemate.’ I glanced around. ‘Do you mind if I use your toilet while Monroe sorts this out?’
Charley flicked a look over her shoulder. ‘Your Monroe doesn’t look like he’s sorting anything out at all.’
She had a point. He hadn’t moved a muscle; he was still staring into the room, with a blank look on his face.
‘Anyway,’ Charley continued, ‘help yourself. Top of the stairs, turn right. If you want to snoop around, my bedroom is the next floor up.’ I blinked at her and she laughed. ‘You’re here for a reason and it’s not to help Lizzy. Even if I weren’t a gambling girl, I’d bet my eyeteeth that you want something from me. Just be warned,’ she said, ‘I don’t have much to take. It’s not been a very productive month.’
‘I’m not here to steal anything.’ I was taking back what was already mine. Sort of. ‘Neither am I here to hurt you. Or do anything bad. Or mess up your life. Or…’
‘I get it,’ she said drily. ‘If that caveman friend of yours helps Lizzy, I don’t really care why you’re here. Do what you want.’
I stared at her. ‘Really?’ This was a nice house; it would be kind of fun to mess around for a bit and let off some steam. The thought of sliding down the banister of the grand staircase was particularly tempting.
Charley shrugged. ‘After the last twenty-four hours, and with half of the British Army currently patrolling the streets, I’m not sure I have any worry left. What will be will be.’
I could learn a thing or two from this woman. I stuck out my hand. ‘I’m Madrona,’ I said.
She took my hand and shook it. ‘Hi.’
I gave her an awkward smile. ‘In the interests of honesty,’ I said, ‘I’ve not actually seen a pink elephant. Just on television. But if you know where one is, tell me. I’d love to get up close.’
‘Yeah,’ Charley admitted. ‘Me too.’ She grinned at me and I grinned back.
I was tempted to ask her for a cup of tea then we could sit down and properly chin wag, but I reminded myself that I had an apocalypse to avert. I could make new friends later.
I headed for the stairs. I’d been under the impression that Monroe, for all his swagger, had been stunned into a shock by Lizzy. He hadn’t moved or even twitched since he’d opened the door and seen her. As I passed by, however, I could see that Lizzy was lying on her back, her belly presented towards him in submission.
‘Bunyip,’ he muttered.
I raised an eyebrow. ‘Pardon you.’
He tutted. ‘No. She’s a bunyip. An Australian creature. I’ve not heard of one existing for centuries. It must be in her ancestry – the magic has drawn the beast out of her.’ He shook his head. ‘Amazing.’
I thought she looked like an overgrown mastiff who’d been mated with a giant duck. I patted Monroe on the shoulder. ‘Great. Continue with the fabulous work.’ It was important to keep the staff happy. I tripped up the stairs and left him to it.
I could have asked Charley to find the sphere for me but it seemed prudent not to give away too much of the game unless I really had to. With her relaxed nature and her invitation to look around, she’d proved amenable – but the lady was a gambler at heart. If she knew she had an object in her possession that had unquenchable power, she might be tempted to do something stupid with it. I was no longer taking any chances – not when I had the future of the whole world in my dainty hands.
