by Anne Fraser
‘He’s rather gorgeous, don’t you think? Half the female staff are smitten with him. I could fancy him myself if I wasn’t already in love.’
Good grief, Sarah thought, exasperated, was everyone determined to discuss Jamie with her? It was bad enough that she had to work with him without having him the subject of every conversation.
‘I hadn’t noticed,’ Sarah lied. ‘I’m not interested in men at the moment. Besides, he’s not really my type. Too good-looking and impossibly conceited.’
‘Conceited?’ Lizzie repeated, ‘I don’t think I’d call him conceited. In fact, I’d say he’s got very little idea of the effect he has on women.’
‘I think Jamie Campbell has a very good idea of the effect he has on women,’ Sarah said, a little more sharply than she’d intended. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go and slip these on.’ Leaving a bemused Lizzie in her wake, Sarah sought the relative sanctuary of the changing room.
The rest of the day was busy with a constant stream of patients requiring second opinions. She and Jamie fell into an easy working rhythm, dividing patients and the supervision of medical staff between them. When they spoke it was to discuss patients and treatment plans. It was late afternoon before Sarah managed to find time to stop for a sandwich. At least she’d have no problem losing a couple of pounds at this rate, she thought ruefully. She found a convenient vending machine and chose the least uninspiring sandwich she could find—chicken salad.
By the time she made her way back to the staffroom most of the other members of her team, including Jamie, had also taken advantage of the lull to grab a bite or a cup of coffee. Lizzie was happily filling everyone in on the details of her wedding, oblivious to the polite, resigned look on the faces around her. Clearly most, if not all, of the staff had heard it all before. She turned to Sarah, pleased to find a fresh pair of ears to regale.
‘The wedding itself is going to be held in the small church in the village I grew up in a few miles out of Glasgow. I’m sorry I can’t have you all there, but the church only holds around forty.’ Jamie shot Sarah an amused look. She caught herself smiling back. ‘The reception will be at a swish hotel on the banks of Loch Lomond.’ She named a place that Sarah knew well. It was a five-star establishment which was a favourite venue for wedding receptions amongst the well to do of the city.
‘I know somebody who had their wedding there. Cost an arm and a leg,’ Karen volunteered. ‘I plan on settling for the registry office for mine. Whenever that might be—seeing as I haven’t even met him yet!’ she added with a self-deprecating chuckle.
‘Well, you only get married once, and…’ Lizzie looked slightly sheepish, ‘I’m an only child and my father is determined to give me a wedding no one will ever forget.’
At the mention of fathers, Sarah felt a pang. She was an only child, too, but it was unlikely that her father would even be at her wedding. Not that she was ever going to get married, she reminded herself. She sneaked a look at Jamie. He was frowning, though whether at the turn the conversation was taking or at some news article in the paper he was reading that annoyed him Sarah couldn’t tell.
Lizzie turned to Sarah. ‘You will come to the reception, Sarah? Everyone else is. It’s on Saturday.’
‘I’d love to come, Lizzie. But I’m not sure. There’s Calum to think about. He’ll have done without me all week. And I need to give my mum a break!’
‘Can’t you get a babysitter? Oh, please, come even if it’s only for an hour or two,’ Lizzie cajoled, determined that no one was to miss out on her big day.
‘I don’t know, Lizzie. I see too little of Calum as it is. I really don’t like being away from him when I’m not working.’
Something in the set of Jamie’s posture told Sarah he was listening in to the conversation.
‘Then bring him,’ Lizzie said as irrepressible as ever. ‘I’m sure there will be plenty of volunteers to look after him. He’s such a beautiful baby.’
Jamie stood, irritably tossing the paper to one side. ‘I don’t think being dragged along to a wedding is the best place for a baby.’
Sarah stared at him, dumbfounded. The rest of the staff looked uncomfortable as if this was a side to their boss they had rarely seen. ‘I think it’s time we all went back to work and let Dr Carruthers have her break,’ Jamie continued, before leaving the room. The others, apart from Lizzie and Sarah, followed him out.
Sarah was furious. He had no right to tell her how to bring up her child. He may be the genetic father, but that didn’t earn him the right to have a say in how Jamie was raised. Lizzie looked a little stricken.
‘I’ll see what I can do, Lizzie,’ she said, ‘but I can’t promise anything.’
‘Look, I’d love to have you there, but if it’s no go then too bad.’
Sarah finished rinsing her cup before smiling at Lizzie. ‘Come on, let’s get back to the fray. Hopefully the patient with the suspected wrist fracture will be back from X-Ray by now.’
* * *
Sarah decided to head off at five-thirty. The department was quiet and if she left now she’d have a couple of hours to spend with Calum before bedtime. If she hurried, she just had time to pop in and see Bill on her way out. She changed out of her theatre greens and was calling out goodbye to the nursing staff when Jamie, his face sombre, called her into the duty room.
‘Can’t it wait, Jamie? I was just about to leave.’
Jamie looked at her, his eyes warm with sympathy.
‘What is it, Jamie? What’s happened?’ she felt her heart begin to thud in her chest.
‘I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news, SJ,’ he said quietly.
CHAPTER FOUR
‘WHAT is it? What’s happened?’ Sarah asked.
‘I’m afraid Mr James—Bill—has taken a turn for the worse. The staff had thought he was doing well enough to have transferred him out of Intensive Care and into the cardiology ward, but he arrested shortly afterwards. They managed to resuscitate him, but I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time. They have decided, with the agreement of Mary, that there is no point in taking him back to Intensive Care, and are going to make him comfortable on the ward.’
‘Poor Bill—but I half expected this from the start. His age and the fact that his condition had obviously gone untreated for some time really counted against him. And poor Mary!’ Sarah continued, picking up her coat. ‘I was planning to go up and see them both before I went home. I’ll go up now.’
‘Do you have time? Aren’t you in a rush to get back to Calum? I’m on call tonight. Why don’t you go on home and I’ll phone you if there is any change?’
Sarah felt torn. She wanted to go home. She missed her son, and missed spending time with him, even though she had only been back at work a couple of days.
‘We both know that being a doctor isn’t a nine-to-five job.’ Sarah smiled tiredly. ‘But neither is being a mother,’ she continued with a rueful shake of her head. ‘Now I know what these working mothers mean when they wish for a thirty-hour day.’ She had always known that it would be difficult, balancing her career with being a single parent, but until today she hadn’t realised just how hard it was going to be. Was she always going to feel like this? Torn between her child and her patients, even though Calum would always be her priority. Wearily she got to her feet.
‘I’m going to pop up and see Mary for a few minutes at least. Maybe by the time I head off the rush-hour traffic will have eased and I’ll get home at the same time anyway. And, yes, if you could ring me if there is any change—it doesn’t matter what time—I’d be grateful.’
Jamie looked at her searchingly before replying. ‘Of course. Would you like me to come up with you?’
‘Thank you but no,’ she said formally. ‘I know you’ve got work to finish here. And anyway,’ she added dryly, ‘don’t you have to get ready for your date?’
‘Hell, I’d forgotten.’ Jamie said. Sarah couldn’t help a small pang of pleasure that the voluptuous Nurse Walker
could be so easily dismissed from his mind. Serve the vamp right, she thought waspishly.
With a final reminder to Jamie to call her, she made her way to Cardiology where she found Mary sitting in the dim glow of the night-light, holding her husband’s hand. She was talking to him in a soft voice.
‘Hold on a little longer, Bill,’ she was whispering. ‘Jack’s on his way. He won’t be long. Hold on just a little while longer.’
She looked up as Sarah entered the room and managed a wan smile. ‘I was just telling him to wait for Jack,’ she said simply.
Sarah pulled up a chair and sat down next to the old lady. She took her free hand in hers feeling the delicate, almost papery skin under her fingers.
‘Who’s Jack?’ she asked softly.
‘Our son.’ She went on in response to Sarah’s look of surprise. ‘Oh, yes, we have a son. He lives in the Lake District. Sadly he and his father have never hit it off. Bill was in the army and we always had to move around from place to place. We left Jack in boarding school, we thought it was for the best, but he was really unhappy and always blamed his father. It wasn’t fair or right even, but I have two stubborn men. They fell out badly a couple of years ago and neither of them has been prepared to make peace. Each felt it was up to the other. Thankfully, Jack and I have always kept in touch. Occasionally I go and stay with him and his family for a few days. Bill knows and although he has always feigned disinterest, I know he likes to hear about his son and the grandchildren. I keep in touch for both of us. I phoned Jack to let him know about his dad. He’s on his way. He just wants a chance to say sorry and to tell his dad that he loves him.’ Mary turned back to her sick husband. ‘But you know that already, don’t you, Bill?’ Apart from the flutter of eyelids, there was no response from the sick man.
‘I am so sorry.’ Sarah said. ‘I thought we had managed to save him.’
‘Och, don’t you worry, dear—I know it’s not your fault. We both know that. It’s just that Bill’s time has come. If you’ve managed to give him a little longer—just enough to see his son and for Jack to see him one last time—we’ll be forever grateful.’
Sarah swallowed the lump in her throat, at a loss for words.
The two women sat in silence for a few moments.
‘Do you have anyone special in your life?’ Mary asked.
‘A son. Just over six months old,’ Sarah replied.
‘And the father?’ Mary prompted gently.
‘He doesn’t live with us.’ The dark room and the soft light made Sarah feel that she could confide in the woman looking at her with keen interest. ‘He didn’t—doesn’t—want children,’ she said, a slight break in her voice.
‘Fathers are important no matter what anyone says. Every child needs a father in their life, and every father…’ She hesitated, glancing at her husband’s sleeping form. ‘Needs his child.’
Sarah’s lips twisted. Fathers needing their children? Not in her experience.
Before Sarah could formulate a suitable response, Mary looked past her to the doorway. Her faded blue eyes lit up as she saw who was standing there.
‘Jack. My dearest boy, you made it!’
Jack, a man in his early forties, cast an anguished look towards the still form lying in the bed. ‘Is he…?’ He broke off, clearly unable to formulate the words.
‘He’s still alive, Jack. But he hasn’t got long.’
As Jack enfolded his mother in his arms, Sarah slipped away with a few whispered words to Bill. There was no longer any reason for her to stay. The family needed their privacy now more than anything else.
As she tiptoed away pictures of her father tossing her into the air and her subsequent shrieks of laughter came trickling back. Seeing Bill and his son together after hearing about their long estrangement brought memories to the surface she had kept hidden for a long time. The hurt of his abandonment had been so profound that she had been unable to think of him in anything but the most painful way. But, she realised, it hadn’t always been like that. It hadn’t always been disappointment and sadness. Her father had been a charismatic man and, she was forced to admit, at least some of her memories involved laughter and fun. Perhaps if he’d been a cruel man she could have borne it better, but he hadn’t been cruel, just careless of her and her feelings. Like Jamie.
* * *
Before Jamie went to check on Bill and Mary, he called into the postnatal ward to see Annie. They had agreed that she would go over to Jamie’s flat after she finished her shift at eight. That way if Jamie was called out he’d be able to go back to work at a moment’s notice. But he knew it wasn’t fair on Annie to let her continue to believe that there was anything more than friendship on his side. Although at the beginning the attractive midwife had said that she was only interested in a casual relationship, Jamie wondered if her feelings had changed. She had flirted outrageously with him yesterday in front of Sarah and he had to admit he had been slightly disconcerted. Annie had confided in him early on in their friendship that she had recently broken off her relationship with her boyfriend of four years.
‘I just got fed up with the amount of time he was playing rugby. Every night and then at weekends. I hardly ever saw him. So I told him it was either rugby or me. And—’ he could hear the hurt and indignation under the outrage ‘—he chose rugby.’
Jamie found Annie in the staffroom, catching up on her notes before going off duty. Not expecting to see him till their date later that evening, Annie grinned wickedly.
‘Couldn’t wait to see me, Dr Campbell?’ she asked teasingly.
‘I’m sorry to do this at the last minute, Annie, but something’s come up and I can’t make it tonight.’
Annie was philosophical about their broken date. ‘Only one thing worse than going out with an addicted rugby player—and that’s going out with a doctor.’
Jamie was taken aback. Although they had dated once or twice, he had been upfront with Annie right from the start. She knew he would be going back to Africa and wasn’t up for a long-term relationship.
‘I’m sorry, Annie, I think it’s best that we don’t see each other again, at least not romantically. I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, you’re great company, but you know I’m going back to Africa soon and, besides, my life is just too complicated at the moment. Anyway I suspect, however much you try to pretend otherwise, that your heart lies elsewhere.’
Instead of appearing hurt by his words, Annie shook her head.
‘Don’t worry, I always knew that our relationship was never going anywhere. It’s not as if you were anything less than honest about that.’ She looked at him ruefully ‘And you’re right, if I’m honest with myself, I guess I’m still in love with Mark.’ She smiled to show him there were no hard feelings. ‘Actually, Mark has been on the phone several times over the last few days—I guess he heard on the hospital grapevine that I’ve being seeing the gorgeous Dr Campbell, and it seems that rugby doesn’t have the same allure as it once had!’
Jamie looked at her suspiciously. ‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but is that what yesterday’s performance was about?’
Annie dropped her eyes, looking shamefaced, before her face creased into a broad smile. ‘Well, it seems to have worked. You don’t mind, do you?’
‘Of course not. Not if it helped get you and Mark back together. But don’t you think those kinds of games can be dangerous?’
‘All’s fair in love and war. Or so they tell me. You know if ever you need me to do the same for you, I’d be happy to oblige.’
Jamie looked into Annie’s twinkling eyes. ‘As I said, my life is complicated enough. I only wish I could be honest…’ He left the sentence unfinished.
Annie looked at him searchingly. She sensed that there was a great deal that Jamie wasn’t telling her, but the look in his eyes stopped her from asking. ‘If ever you need a friendly ear, Jamie, you know where to find me.’
On impulse Jamie put his arm around her and squeezed her shoulders. ‘Thanks,
but at the moment there is nothing anyone can do to help.’
* * *
Sarah gazed lovingly at her son as he lay in his cot, his long eyelashes casting shadows on his fat pink cheeks as he drifted off to sleep for the night. Her heart felt as if it would burst with love and pride for Calum, and for the thousandth time since his birth she was glad she had made the right decision in having him. If only Jamie would allow himself to love Calum, she thought, he too could experience the wonder of their child.
Leaving the door of the bathroom open in case Calum woke up, Sarah had a quick shower. As she pulled on pyjama shorts and a camisole top, the doorbell rang. Belting up her short cotton dressing-gown, Sarah frowned as she tiptoed barefoot to the front door. Who on earth could be calling at this time of night? Keeping the chain on, she opened the door just enough to see who was standing there.
‘Jamie! What are you doing here?’ she asked, although from the sympathetic expression in his deep brown eyes she thought she knew.
‘Can I come in for a minute? I know you said to phone, but some news is better delivered in person,’ he said quietly.
Sarah unhooked the security chain and opened the door.
‘It’s Bill isn’t it?’ she stated. ‘He’s worse?’ She felt her heart begin to thud in her chest.
‘I’m so sorry, SJ, but he arrested just before ten. The ward phoned me. They did everything they could but they were unable to bring him around. He died a short while ago.’
Although Sarah had expected the news, it was still a shock. ‘Oh, no!’ she whispered. She was used to patients dying. She had to be, working as an A and E doctor. But Bill and his wife, and their bittersweet reunion with their estranged son, had crept under her skin. She had hoped against all odds that this was one story with a happy ending. She tried to blink away the tears blurring her vision.
Jamie stepped closer. ‘Everybody did everything they could. You did everything you could, and gave him precious extra time to spend with his family.’ Without knowing how it happened, Sarah found herself in Jamie’s arms. She smelled the leather of his jacket as she rested her head against his chest.
