by Anne Fraser
The time they had been together had been spent in a flurry of activity. There had never seemed to be a right time to tell him about her father.
‘And then I left,’ Jamie said flatly.
‘Yes. I thought you were different. I never believed that you would do to me what my father did to my mother. Against my better judgement, I allowed myself to trust you and what we had.’
‘I had my reasons,’ Jamie reminded her. ‘I know now I was wrong, but I did what I did to protect you. I knew I was falling in love with you, and I guess I panicked.’ He turned her towards him. ‘You have to believe me when I tell you that I will never abandon my child.’
‘What if there’s no choice?’ Sarah’s voice broke. ‘What if we lose him, Jamie? I couldn’t bear it.’
‘Sarah, listen to me,’ Jamie said urgently. ‘That is not going to happen. I won’t let it.’
In the early hours of the morning Dr Carty came in to see them.
Sarah held her breath as she waited for him to bring them up to date.
‘The initial results are back. It is meningitis, but it looks like it’s most likely to be the viral strain. We’ll know for sure when we get the rest of the results later in the day.’ When she heard the news, Sarah was powerless to stop the tears. Although it was a less deadly strain than bacterial meningitis, Sarah knew that Calum was far from out of the woods. They couldn’t be sure he’d recover. Not yet.
Oblivious of the staff around them, Jamie pulled her into his arms and held her as sobs racked her body. ‘Shh.’ He stroked her hair. ‘It’s going to be all right, I promise you.’
Sarah looked into his eyes. He returned the look, his eyes grim, but whatever she saw there calmed her.
For the rest of the long night, Jamie and Sarah sat in silence, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. Neither could bring themselves to discuss what could happen to Calum. Every now and then Jamie would get up and fetch them both a coffee from the vending machine. Nurses recorded Calum’s vital signs at regular intervals. ‘He seems to be holding his own,’ they kept reassuring the worried parents. ‘And so far there doesn’t seem to be any signs that he’s developed septicaemia.’ Sarah shuddered at the thought of her tiny son battling the deadly blood infection. But if Calum survived, it would be the next big worry. With septicaemia there was always the possibility that amputation would be required. Sarah pushed the negative thoughts to the back of her mind. Calum was going to be all right—he had to be!
As dawn was breaking, Jamie left the ward. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can,’ he whispered. ‘Any change—even the slightest—get the ward to page me.’
Calum was still sleeping when Jamie arrived back a couple of hours later. He had changed into theatre greens and had shaved, but he still looked tired and drawn. Sarah couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so vulnerable.
‘I’ve arranged for the locum who was covering at the weekend to stay on and cover nights. I’ll manage the day shift on my own. The ward can easily page me here if I’m needed. In the meantime, management is trying to find us some extra cover.’
Sarah simply nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to care. All that mattered was her son.
As the hours wore on staff from the all over the hospital popped their heads in, asking about Calum, how he was, was there anything they could do? Although Sarah appreciated their concern, anything that took her attention away from Calum was a distraction she didn’t need.
Jamie was there most of the time, occasionally leaving the room to answer the phone or go to the ward. Jean had come and gone. Sarah had insisted she get some rest. Her mother couldn’t survive on no sleep. Sarah was used to it and while Calum’s life was still in danger, she couldn’t bear to close her eyes for a moment.
By late afternoon the next day, Calum’s condition was beginning to improve. ‘He’s responding well to treatment and you picked it up so quickly that, although it’s early days yet, I think he’s going to make a full recovery. He’s a tough little mite. Takes after his mother, obviously.’ Dr Carty smiled at Sarah’s relief. ‘We’re going to start reducing the sedation. He should wake up soon.’
Again Sarah broke down in tears. But this time, as she found comfort in Jamie’s arms once more, her tears were of relief. Calum had survived the first twenty-four hours without developing septicaemia. This was the news they had prayed for.
‘Thank God,’ Jamie whispered into her hair. His voice shook with suppressed emotion. Clearly the last hours had taken their toll on him too.
Although still poorly, Sarah knew that her baby was well on his way to recovery. She pulled free of Jamie’s arms and made a feeble attempt to smooth her ruffled hair.
‘The department’s quiet just now, SJ. Why don’t you go home and try and catch a couple of hours’ sleep? You look exhausted.’
‘You don’t look so hot yourself,’ Sarah teased wearily. But she felt a pang of sympathy for him. The lines around his eyes and brows seemed to have deepened overnight, and his eyes looked even darker with fatigue. After all, he had been running the department in between spending every spare moment at Calum’s bedside.
‘I’m all right. I’m more used to staying up all night than most. But you need to get some rest.’
‘I’ll have a shower in the department and maybe snatch a couple of hours in the side ward,’ Sarah compromised. ‘I’ll come and relieve you after that. But—’
‘I know, I know. If there’s any change, I’ll call you immediately. Now, shoo, woman, before I carry you out of here.’ Seeing Jamie taking a step towards her as if he had every intention of carrying out his threat, Sarah beat a hasty retreat.
When she returned a couple of hours, later feeling a whole lot better for her shower and nap, she found Jamie asleep with a sleeping Calum in his arms. As she looked at the two figures she felt her heart twist. Whatever she tried to tell herself, these were the two most important people in her world. She shivered at the thought that she had almost lost one permanently and would never truly have the other. As if conscious of her scrutiny, Jamie’s eyes flickered open.
‘Hi, there,’ he said softly. ‘Feeling better?’
‘Much,’ she said, her throat tight with emotion. ‘Why don’t I take over here and you get some rest?’
‘Perhaps in a little while,’ Jamie stalled.
Sarah sat down in the chair beside Jamie and Calum. Her son seemed so settled in his father’s embrace. She reached over and tenderly stroked his fine baby hair.
‘I’m going to miss him so much. The thought of being on the other side of the world from him doesn’t bear thinking about,’ Jamie said hoarsely.
Sarah felt tears well up as she watched him gaze, mesmerised, at his sleeping child.
‘Then stay,’ she said quietly
‘Don’t you know that’s what I want to do more than anything else in this world? But I have to go back. See Sibongele, work at the hospital at least until they find someone to replace me.’
‘And then? Will you come back?’
‘You leave me no choice, SJ.’ He looked down at his sleeping child. ‘I don’t want him to grow up not knowing his father.’
‘What about the hospital in Africa? Won’t you miss it? Won’t they miss you?’
For a moment she could see the sadness that clouded Jamie’s eyes.
‘Yes,’ he said heavily. ‘I’ll miss them and I know they will miss having an experienced doctor around. But…’ He hesitated, as if unsure whether to go on. ‘But it’s not just the work and the feeling that I’m letting the hospital down. It’s Sibongele. I feel as if I’m letting him down, too. I don’t know how he’ll feel when I tell him I’m leaving. I just know he’s going to think I’ve abandoned him as well.’ Jamie stood up with his son in his arms and strode towards the window. He looked out without saying anything.
‘But,’ he continued, his back still facing her, ‘if you and Calum won’t come back with me, and it’s the only way to be with you both, then I have no choice.’ He tu
rned and smiled briefly at her, as if to reassure her he felt no bitterness towards her.
He must love Calum, Sarah thought, if he was prepared to make such a sacrifice to be with his child. But where did that leave her? Why couldn’t she believe that he cared for her? But how could she when he was prepared to leave them both? Surely, if he meant what he said, if he really cared about her and Calum, he would put them first—no matter how he felt about his responsibilities in Africa. And perhaps if he had, she would have started to believe in him again. But this way, his insistence that he had to go back made her think that he only truly cared about those he had left in Africa, and his son, of course. She had no doubts that he loved his son and wanted to be with him. Her head was beginning to ache from asking herself questions that didn’t appear to have any answers.
‘When will you go?’
‘I’ve provisionally booked my flight for next Monday. They expect to discharge Calum home in a day or two and I want to make absolutely sure he’s well before I go. That will give you the rest of the week off to be at home with him.’
‘And when will you be back?’ Suddenly Sarah couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing him every day.
‘Why? Will you miss me?’ he teased, a wicked glint in his brown eyes. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can, but it may some time—several weeks, even a few months.’
A few months? Sarah was aghast. She had been thinking a couple of weeks, three at the most.
‘Calum will miss you. And, besides, we’ll be a doctor down before you come back.’ Sarah wasn’t prepared to admit just how much she was going to miss him.
‘I know. I’m sorry about that. But the other locum will continue to cover while I’m away. And the interviews for the third post are next week. Apparently they’ve got a couple of outstanding candidates lined up who are ready to start straight away.’
Sarah couldn’t tell him that she didn’t care how outstanding the potential appointees were, it was Jamie she wanted working beside her. More than just working beside her.
‘I’ll be back for a visit in two, maximum three weeks. I don’t want to be away from this little lad any longer than I have to. I’ve missed enough of his life already and if I have my way, once I return for good, he and I will have a lot of catching up to do.’ He looked at Sarah, his dark eyes serious. ‘And you and I have some unfinished business, too.’
* * *
As Jamie had predicted, Calum was pronounced fit and healthy and discharged home a couple of days later. Jamie was a frequent visitor to the flat in the days leading up to his departure for Africa, but Sarah rarely found herself alone with him. And when she did, he talked about work, keeping her informed about the department, the type of cases they had been dealing with and gossip about the staff.
They had appointed the new consultant. Sarah had left Calum with her mother and attended the interviews. Two of the three candidates had been a husband-and-wife team who were on a two-year working visa from Australia. They had been keen to get jobs in the same hospital. The wife, a pretty woman with an outgoing manner, had indicated that she would prefer part-time hours in the future, if possible, as they were trying for their first child. ‘And I’d love to be at home at least for the first year or two.’ she had confided to Sarah.
At her words a germ of an idea was beginning to form in Sarah’s mind. Calum’s illness had shaken her badly. Part of her still felt guilty, although she knew there was nothing more she could have done to prevent Calum becoming unwell. Perhaps she could reduce her hours and do a job share? Spend more time being a mother yet still have a career? She made up her mind to give the thought some serious consideration before discussing it with the personnel department. The hospital had appointed the husband, and the wife had another interview lined up at one of the smaller hospitals on the outskirts of the city in a couple of weeks’ time, so she’d have to make a decision soon.
Shortly before Jamie left for Africa, Lizzie returned from honeymoon. She was horrified and sympathetic to learn about Calum’s illness.
‘Poor you,’ she sympathised. ‘You must have got a terrible fright.’
Sarah could feel a lump come to her throat at the memory.
‘I really thought I was going to lose him, Lizzie,’ she confided, a break in her voice.
‘But you didn’t,’ Lizzie said firmly. ‘I heard that Jamie was distraught. Obviously everyone knows now.’
‘Funny how little it matters. It probably caused some gossip at the time, but everyone was fantastic, really concerned and offering help any chance they got.’
‘And you and Jamie?’ Lizzie’s hazel eyes were lit up with curiosity. ‘I gather he’s thinking of applying for a permanent consultant post. The staff are over the moon. Absolutely delighted that he’s planning to be a permanent feature in the department. And,’ she added impishly, ‘there is probably more than one who is working out how they can become a permanent feature in his life. Although I suspect that slot is already taken.’ She arched an eye brow at Sarah, making her meaning clear.
Sarah chewed her lip. ‘He’s going back to Africa and it could be some time before he returns…if he ever does come back.’ She swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in her throat. ‘And there is no Jamie and me. There never will be. Oh, I think Jamie will be back…to see his son, if for no other reason. But how long for?’ She shook her head sadly. ‘I can’t deny Calum his father, just because we couldn’t work things out. I know only too well the heartache of not knowing your own dad…’ Sarah trailed off.
So that’s the way the land lay, thought Lizzie, but she was wise enough to keep her own counsel. From what she had gathered from the nursing staff, Jamie was besotted not only with his son but the son’s very beautiful mother. Was Sarah the only one in the department who didn’t know how Jamie felt?
CHAPTER NINE
‘OF COURSE I can’t go. How can you possibly manage without me?’ Jean said.
‘I’ll try and change my weekend on call,’ said Sarah. ‘Although I’ve already had so much time off.’ Sarah let her words tail off. Since Calum had been discharged from hospital she had been at home with him. But now that he had made a full recovery, she needed to get back to work and share some of the load. She knew from Lizzie that every moment that Jamie hadn’t being spending with Calum had been spent in the department, picking up the extra work that her enforced absence had left. Sarah’s mother had won a weekend break at an exclusive new health spa that had opened just south of the border. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and sharing the worry of Calum’s illness had tired her mother. She deserved—no, needed—some time off to relax.
When the phone rang she picked it up, still thinking of what to do.
‘Oh, hello, Jamie,’ she said, recognising his deep voice immediately. ‘Calum’s fine. He’s just about to have his lunch.’ Jamie phoned regularly to check up on his son.
‘What’s up? Are you sure Calum’s fine?’ he asked, as usual immediately picking up when something was bothering her.
‘Honestly, he’s perfectly all right. It’s just…’ She hesitated, then decided to share her problem After all, it did concern him, too, both as Calum’s father and as a fellow colleague. ‘Mum’s had this opportunity to go on a weekend break to a spa, but I’m supposed to be on call this weekend. Normally she’d move into my flat so she can be here for Calum if I’m called out. She’s said she won’t go but I really think she should,’ she said, ignoring her mother’s frantic gestures.
‘Of course she should go.’ Jamie agreed at once. ‘I’ll do your weekend on call. It’s no problem.’
‘I really don’t want to take more time off work. Besides, you’ve done more than your fair share of being on call. You’re not superhuman, Jamie.’ Although, as she said this, she wondered if he was. Over the last week it had definitely seemed as if Jamie was superhuman. Heaven only knew when he had found the time to sleep. Slowly an idea was beginning to formulate in her mind.
‘Unless…’ she sai
d slowly.
‘Unless?’ Jamie prompted.
‘Unless you move in here for the weekend. You could look after Calum if I get called out. You can have the spare bedroom. It’ll give you a chance to spend some time with your son before you leave, and an opportunity to get a break from work.’
There was a brief silence at the other end of the phone.
‘Perhaps you don’t think you are up to it? After all, a young baby can be hard work,’ she added.
‘Of course I can manage,’ Jamie said briskly. ‘How hard can it be? If that’s what you’d rather do, SJ, it’s no problem. I’ll bring some stuff over tonight. You can take me through his routine and I can be there when you go to work in the morning.’
As she put down the phone, Sarah felt a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She rather thought that Jamie Campbell was going to get a bit of a shock. She ignored the little tingle of pleasure that accompanied the thought of Jamie being in her flat for the weekend. She was doing this for Calum, she told herself firmly. Father and son needed some time together before Jamie went away. As for her, it was nothing to do with storing up memories for the future—it was simply that she and Jamie needed to stay on friendly terms, for Calum’s sake. She turned to her mother who was looking at her enquiringly.
‘That’s settled, Mum. You can go for your weekend. You’ll have gathered that Jamie is going to come and stay while you’re away.’
Sarah’s mother looked thoughtful. ‘Are you sure he can manage?’
‘He’ll have to. If he wants to be a father to Calum, he’s going to have to learn how.’
* * *
The next morning, as Sarah closed the door behind her, Jamie looked at his son. Calum was sitting in his high chair, waving his spoon around. Drops of what Jamie could only think of as gunk was flying from the spoon, spreading around the kitchen.
‘Hey,’ he said in surprise as a splodge landed on his face. ‘Good aim.’ Maybe Calum was destined to be a cricket player rather than a climber with that kind of throwing technique. But how had he managed to get so much in his hair? And all over his night things?
