by Amy Lane
Ethan breathed through him and then took over the kiss, rolling over, giving Jonah shelter from the chill in the room and the sudden somberness between them. Jonah closed his eyes and simply—let go. He opened his skin, his heart, to every touch, every caress, every wildfire nerve ending, every sizzle-pop-zing in his skin. Ethan palmed his chest and pinched his nipples, and Jonah gasped. Ethan nibbled his neck instead and murmured, “That’s right, make noise. Noises are sexy.” Then he closed his mouth over Jonah’s nipple and suckled.
Jonah gasped some more and moaned, tightening his fingers in Ethan’s hair and urging him on.
His erection returned full force, and he ground it up against Ethan’s hip. Ethan reached down between them and grasped them both together, then started to ripple the muscles in his core, his back, his ass, and Jonah put his hands on Ethan’s backside and held on.
“Oh God,” he muttered. “Your skin is so soft… and you’re so hard… and… oh man… Ethan….”
Because Ethan closed his eyes, Jonah saw it when it happened, the complete vulnerability, the terrible thing that happened when Ethan flew. He buried his face in Jonah’s neck and groaned from the pit of his stomach, and their cocks slid back and forth in the scald of his come.
Jonah gasped and bit his shoulder, overcome by the satin carnality of their skin skating back and forth in Ethan’s fluid, and soon his own added to the mess.
“I’m sorry,” he gasped, disjointed, out of sync. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, too early—”
The muscles in Ethan’s shoulders were shaking, but that didn’t make him seem weak as he let go of their cocks and pushed himself up to pin Jonah in place with a gaze that would have melted pewter.
“We’re not done,” he growled. “Hang on, Jonah, that was just the beginning of the ride.”
He lowered himself to Jonah’s still-erect cock, and Jonah shivered from the loss of his body heat, and then….
“Ahh….” God, Ethan’s mouth—he did impossible things with his tongue and his teeth, and then he just opened up his throat and—“Ethan!” The feeling of being swallowed, engulfed by all of him, and Jonah knotted his fingers in his hair and yanked, because he was going to come again. “Not so soon,” he begged. “Slower!”
Ethan came up and kissed him, his mouth slick and salty with the taste of their spill, and Jonah plunged his tongue inside, wanting all of that, all of them, wanting their taste so bad he didn’t mind the clash of teeth or the way Ethan’s love bites stung his neck and his jaw.
They were both hard again, rubbing against the creases in each other’s thighs, and Jonah was close again, so close—
“No!” he protested when Ethan pulled away, but Ethan put that commanding hand on his stomach again and reached under the pillow. He came back with a phallic-shaped container of lubricant, and Jonah gasped and spread his knees. He wanted this—demanded it—and when Ethan slicked up two fingers and slid one of them into his sphincter, Jonah knew enough to bear down and accept the burn.
“Unh… God… what’re you…?” Because Ethan wasn’t just sliding his finger in and out, he was pushing on Jonah’s rim, spreading lubricant, adding pressure—
“Stretching,” Ethan murmured, his brow wrinkled in concentration.
“Stretch—ing!”
Ethan’s chuckle sounded strained as he added another finger, and then, instead of scissoring them both together, he started to… to fiddle, and then he found that magic spot that Jonah’s computer research talked about, and it didn’t seem so special. It was just a little more sensitive, that was all. Ethan pressed a little harder, and Jonah hissed and spread his legs and arched his back, and then Ethan twisted his fingers and—
“Oh my God!”
Ethan chuckled harshly, and he reached across Jonah’s body for the cloth he’d dropped on the end table. Jonah was still catching his breath and counting the stars behind his eyes and wondering how he had managed not to come.
“Stretching?” he asked weakly.
Ethan wiped his fingers off before shoving them through Jonah’s hair and pulling him in for a kiss, and another, until Jonah was lost in it and had forgotten about the stupid human things. Another breath of air hissed between them as Ethan fumbled for the lube bottle again, and then Ethan’s cock poised there, right at his entrance, and he was pushing… so… so… slowly….
A plop of sweat dropped from Ethan’s forehead to Jonah’s cheek. Jonah opened his eyes and saw the strain, the exquisite care, all to make this good, to keep the burning stretch just that, bearable. He held himself up on massively muscled arms, and they were shaking, and he was biting his lip hard enough to turn it white, and pain was manageable—but Ethan’s worry, that hurt!
“Ethan!” he gasped, just when the head of Ethan’s cock popped in.
The relief on Ethan’s face helped Jonah breathe out, and Ethan began to slide inside him, slowly, slowly, slowly, until Jonah wrapped his legs around Ethan’s thighs and whispered, “All the way.”
Ethan did, and Jonah cried out, because Ethan was huge, and it hurt, but more than that.
Because he had another human being inside him, and for a minute the fear of that, of screwing that up, was enough to rob his breath, to stop his chest. He wrapped his arms and legs more tightly and let go.
“Augh, God, oh God—no, don’t go!” he breathed at the end, suddenly more afraid of losing him.
“Jonah, I’ve got to, man—let me move.” Ethan pulled back a little more quickly, and Jonah could breathe again, and then Ethan thrust forward and all breath stopped and stars exploded behind Jonah’s eyes as that thing he didn’t think was that sensitive detonated in the pit of his body.
Jonah cried out again, and Ethan pumped in and out, and again, and again. Jonah heard his own grunts and cries and pleas for more, more, faster, harder, and they sounded surreal, like Ethan’s body felt, and he had to close his eyes, had to shut out Ethan’s intensity, shut out the real and drown in the pleasure of now. And now his cock rubbed between their bodies, and now Ethan fucked him with strength and tenderness and anything Jonah might have dreamed of, and now his ass stretched open and aching and needing, and now… oh God, now… now….
“Oh God, Ethan, I’m gonna—”
“I’m gonna fuckin’… holy shit!”
Ethan pushed up, and Jonah had enough room to grab his cock and jerk on it feverishly while Ethan pounded into him until the cheeks of his ass felt numb.
“Ah—” And for orgasm, Jonah couldn’t talk, couldn’t breathe, as every muscle in his body clenched, tightened until pain, and then released all at once in a climax so sudden, so harsh, it was exquisite agony.
Ethan was still inside him, thrusting, when Jonah took his first breath, and as Jonah’s body relaxed around Ethan’s cock, Ethan let loose with a roar that burned in Jonah’s ears for hours. Jonah felt him shuddering inside his asshole, felt the spend spilling, slipping out of Jonah’s body between their skins, and his cock gave a furious little afterspurt in his hand.
“Move,” Ethan grunted, and Jonah moved his hand enough to catch Ethan as he collapsed on top of him, and suddenly they couldn’t kiss enough—cheeks, chins, noses, jaws—and when their mouths finally met, Jonah opened his and welcomed Ethan inside.
Ethan took the kiss over, and when it looked like it might heat up again, he pulled back a little.
He was shaking.
Jonah’s hand was shaking too as he stroked Ethan’s sweaty shoulder, and he felt just a little bit teary.
“Damn,” he muttered.
Ethan shook his head. “Damn,” he repeated after Jonah. “That was… God. That was special. Thank you.”
Jonah jerked his attention to Ethan’s face, saw those brown eyes as open and as guileless as a child’s. He paused for a second to wipe his hand off on the sheets before he held it up to Ethan’s cheek. Stupid human things. “Thanks back,” he whispered, and his eyes burned. Wetness slid down the corners, and for a minute he felt like a weenie, crying in bed beca
use he got his cherry popped, but Ethan didn’t let him do that.
He kissed the tears, and his cheeks, and his forehead, and then he rolled over on his back and pulled Jonah with him and held him. Just held him. Jonah put his head on Ethan’s shoulder and allowed his freed soul to float back down and join his soiled, happy body with Ethan in the bed.
Step 4—falling in
ETHAN wanted to hold him there forever.
Jonah fell asleep on his chest, mouth open, a little puddle of drool forming in the crease of Ethan’s shoulder. Stupid human things. Ethan lay there and stroked his curly sandy hair, separating each strand and cataloguing—dark and coarse, blond and smooth, brown and fine—with each stroke of his fingers.
So hopeful. He had such ridiculous amounts of hope in him, even though Ethan knew he’d left his sister’s deathwatch for some blessed relief.
Well, Ethan could give that to him, right?
Carefully, he scooted Jonah off his chest and pulled the covers up over his narrow shoulders. He resisted the urge to run his palm down his slender back from his neck to the soft curve of his smooth bottom. Jonah had shorter legs and a longer body, and it made him fluid to look at, as though he could just swim through the air with that geeky enthusiasm and surprising humor. His skin was smooth and pale, with a few flat moles patterning his back. So many of the Johnnies guys were bronzed and tatted, and that pale skin was… sweet. Ethan wanted the freedom to touch it, know it was real under his palms.
But it was eight o’clock, and Ethan was betting Jonah hadn’t eaten since he’d left in the morning. He wasn’t sure what had driven Jonah away from the hospital, but he did know Jonah needed him. Ethan had never been needed before. He wanted to do it right.
He pulled on his boxers and sweats and then went to scope out the kitchen. One thing he could say for Dex—that boy did know how to eat healthy. Unfortunately, Ethan sort of craved carbs, so he’d stocked up on frozen pizza dough and shredded cheese and pasta sauce so he could cook, but cook something that wouldn’t leave him hungry again. He also had turkey pepperoni, so that was good too. Dex had the cookie sheets, because really, there was no rule that said pizza had to be round.
Forty-five minutes later, the pizza only had ten minutes to go and he started the salad. He’d just pulled the little bag of mix out of the fridge and was adding shredded cheese and raisins, when Jonah padded out of the bedroom, wearing his jeans and Ethan’s giant football jersey, the red one with Mickey Mouse on it.
Ethan blinked at him. “You went through my suitcases.”
Jonah smiled unrepentantly. “Yup. I’m stealing this. Forever.”
“Ookay….”
Jonah sat down at the little island in the middle of the kitchen and leaned on his elbows. “No, seriously. I’m keeping it. No matter what happens, this is the T-shirt of the guy who first”—he blushed—“first loved… made love to me. All mine.”
Ethan smiled and blushed too. He took his hands out of the salad and grabbed a dishcloth to wipe them off. Then he turned around and kissed Jonah pertly on the cheek.
“Loved,” he said, keeping his voice light. “I’m the guy who first loved you.”
But Jonah wouldn’t let him get away with light. He grabbed Ethan’s hand and kissed it and then licked off the little shred of cheese on the back.
Then he wrinkled his nose and stuck out his tongue. “Did you put cheese in that salad?”
“Yeah—it’s good. We’re doing Italian dressing, the cheese works.”
“And raisins.”
“I love you too.”
“Because of the raisins?” Ethan was still tingling from that sweet little caress. That wasn’t something you did with a friend or a hookup. A sock in the arm, maybe, but not a kiss. Something so simple.
“No. You said you loved me. Did you think I was going to let that slide?”
Ethan’s mouth quirked up at the corners, but he could tell it didn’t reach his eyes. “No,” he said softly. “I meant it. I’m not sure if it’s what’s best for you, but, you know. If I was real bright, I wouldn’t be here—”
Jonah stood slowly, and Ethan concentrated on the salad and the dressing and the tongs and tried really hard not to make the dirty pun, because that might put them right back in bed, and he really wanted to make the guy dinner.
“Wouldn’t be where? In Dex’s house? With me?”
Ethan darted a glance at his face and saw he was fighting hurt. “Naw, Jonah. Smart guy would be with you. A stupid guy wouldn’t know what to do with that.”
Jonah’s eyes unsquinched, and he started stroking the white tile of Dex’s countertop. “You’re a smart guy, Evan. You’ll figure it out.”
Ethan smiled, pleased. “Yeah. I forgot that. You know who I am.”
Jonah moved behind him then, pressed that slight body against his spine, the disputed shirt abrading Ethan’s bare back. Ethan felt the gentleness of a dropped kiss against the bow of his neck.
“I love who you are.”
Ethan wiped his hands on the cloth again, turned around, and tucked his hands in the back pockets of Jonah’s jeans. “What set you off?” he asked, not wanting to talk about why they wouldn’t work. “Why? You came here, and you were just so sad….”
Jonah shook his head. “I just… you know? We spent Melly’s whole life trying to badger her into being a fighter. She’s not. She’s….” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they were red and spilling over, but Jonah kept talking, because he was brave like that. “My sister will never be a fighter. She may have become one if she had enough time, but she doesn’t, and that’s just who she is.” His voice trembled and broke, but he just kept talking like that was how human beings functioned, with their hearts on their sleeves and all their pain there for people to see. “But I’m not going to love her any less, and I’m not going to….” He took a breath, and Ethan raised his hands to Jonah’s jaw and neck, which were tight and working while he talked past them. “… miss her any less because of who she is. I’m….” His chest heaved against Ethan’s, and Ethan nuzzled his temple, because this was hard, so hard, but he needed to say it, and who else was going to listen? “I’m not going to love you any less because of who you are,” Jonah said at last on a sob. “I can’t even try….”
Ethan rocked him while he sobbed in Ethan’s arms, and it was miserable, because Ethan couldn’t fix it, but he could be there, and that would have to be enough.
The pizza timer went off behind him, and Ethan gave Jonah an extra-strong hug. “I gotta get that,” he muttered. “It’s dinner.”
He turned off the oven and fumbled with the oven mitt, pulled out the pizza, and set it back on the stove to cool. Then he turned to Jonah, who was dashing his eyes with the back of his hand, and sort of smiled tentatively. “You, uh, want to do the hugging thing some more? I’m always good for that—free, as many as you need.”
Jonah laughed genuinely, even though he was still crying a little. “No,” he said, sniffling. Ethan reached to that little pole thing that held the paper towels in Dex’s kitchen and ripped off a sheet, which he handed to Jonah, who took it and blew his nose and then smiled some more.
“You’re awesome,” Jonah said, and he sounded wobbly but sincere. “Show me the animals—I’m dying to see them.”
Ethan, Tommy, Chase, and even Kelsey, who was getting more pregnant by the day, had all worked double time moving all the animals out and moving them back in so workers could install two double-paned giant terrariums for the biggest of the critters at the end of the guest room. Tomas the king snake got his own habitat, and he hung in gold-and-black coils over his climbing tree. When Ethan turned on the light, the snake extended his body and tapped the glass of his giant floor-to-ceiling enclosure with his head. When nothing happened, he flickered out a tongue and returned to his coil with what looked like a pout.
“Oh my God!” Jonah rushed over to the side of the terrarium and stood inches away, checking out the freaky thing. “He’s huge!”
“Oh my God! I remember that. He about lost his mind, coming in and looking for a fucking turtle!”
“Right? And I guess Kane was just fucked up because of that little lizard guy, and Dex was… man, he was stressed, but anyway, he almost cried. He was like, ‘For Christ’s sake, man, make sure that fucking snake doesn’t get out!’ Anyway, that snake has been checking the enclosure for weaknesses, right? And one side of it goes outside, but it’s frickin’ freezing out there, so he keeps knocking on the glass to see if he can get in.” Ethan shuddered. “Man, if I wake up and he’s tucked in my balls, I swear I’m gonna fucking lose it.”
Jonah laughed a little, and his voice was clearing up, so Ethan thought this was a good thing. This was a healing thing, something to take his mind off the sad. “Yeah? Who’s his roommate here?”
Ethan looked at the other enclosure and shuddered. “That there is Mrs. Quincy, but they should have named her Carolina after my mother, ’cause that bitch hates my guts, I am not shitting around.”
Jonah looked at him sideways. “You’ve said that before,” he said.
Ethan shrugged. Yeah, he hadn’t made a secret of it. “She just got all twisted inside,” Ethan said into a silence punctuated by the rustling of feeder mice and the chirping of cricket kibble. “It’s like you said. You gotta love people for who they are and not who you think they should be. She couldn’t love me dirty—”
“You’re not dirty,” Jonah said, looking at him quickly, and Ethan shrugged again.
“I’m not clean—”
“What we did wasn’t dirty.” Jonah was looking at him stubbornly.
