by Lee Miller
Once they made it inside the apartment, they had agreed on Chinese take out for dinner since Jackie couldn’t make it tonight. They had agreed on the next night, so the order to the Chinese place just around the corner was placed. They had also decided tonight would be a “Doctor Who” marathon. Sara had all the past seasons on DVD, staring with the 9th Doctor, Christopher Eccleston, and all the way up to Peter Capaldi’s first season. They wouldn’t get through them all tonight, but they’d make a hell of a dent in the collection. After dinner they both grabbed their own tub of their favorite Ben and Jerry’s ice cream that they had gotten on their last shopping trip before the severe weather kicked in. The night flew by to quickly for Sara. She wasn’t relishing bed time. She hadn’t looked forward to bedtime in almost a year. The night always brings about terrors that she can’t remember the next day or, according to Beth, odd behavior that she couldn’t remember doing the next day. Bed time was upon them, neither lady could keep their eyes open much longer. So, with trepidation she marched herself up and got ready for bed, she took longer than usual in the bathroom to try and prolong things, when she came out into her bedroom, Beth was already there, on what was Chris’s side of the bed. “Don’t worry Sara, I’ll keep you safe, I won’t let anything happen.” she said. Sara wondered if Beth realized just how much this time of day scared her. Sara crossed the room and climbed into bed. In true Beth fashion, she started listing of names as she said goodnight to them, a la ‘The Waltons’ TV show. She ended with “Goodnight Sara. Goodnight John Boy.” Both ladies giggled at the reference. Neither was old enough to even remember when the show was on network TV, but they watched a lot of it and other 70’s shows via TVLand and Netflix. “Thank you Beth. For everything. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it this past nine months without you.” Sara loved this woman more and more every day. She couldn’t have picked a better person to share the darkest days of her life with. She couldn’t imagine a sister by blood doing any more for her than Beth had done. She truly felt blessed to have her. “It’s nothing you haven’t or wouldn’t do for me if the roles were reversed.” Beth said while stiffening a yawn. Sara drifted off to sleep knowing Beth was there. It made the night seem not so scary.
Sara opened her eyes. Unsure of what sound it was that woke her up. She had no perception of time or where she was. She tried furiously to blink the sleep from her eyes. There was a sudden feeling of urgency and it scared her. Her surroundings seemed strange to her. She knew she wasn’t in her bed any more but she had no idea where she was. She felt the coolness of hardwood flooring beneath her cheek and the palms of her hands. Whatever room she was in was dark except for a soft pale blue light coming from somewhere above her. She laid there quietly trying to get her bearings until she heard the sound of hurried footsteps coming her way. As the strange ringing in her ears started subsiding, she could make it the sound that had woke her up, it was the sound of someone close by crying. She felt a strange movement in her chest. As sleep and whatever dream she was having departed she came to the realization that the sobbing sound was coming from her, her tears pooling on the floor beneath her and soaking the right side of her face. The strange movements in her chest was the sobs breaking free from her and going out into the dark room. She couldn’t remember what started her crying, but she couldn’t seem to make herself stop. It made no sense to her, where was she and why was she crying like this? She noticed the darkness around her shift and move, someone was in the room with her. A second sound came to her ears; it was Beth’s voice. “Sara! Sara, where are you?” the voice was close. She figured if Beth was nearby, it was safe to push herself off the floor. She slowly raised herself to a sitting position but it felt somewhat odd, like her legs were bound by something. She couldn’t quiet figure it out. Beth reached her side and looked at her tear-streaked face. “Sara! What’s wrong?” then Beth looked her up and down “And, why are you dressed like that?” The question puzzled Sara a bit. She was in her PJs what else did Beth expect her to be wearing. Yet, her PJs wouldn’t constrict the movement of her legs any. She looked down and was shocked to see she was fully dressed in a evening gown she had gotten for a function she attend with Chris. On her feet where the white heels she wore that night last January. Confusion muddled her thoughts and the lingering fear prevented her from moving any more. Beth sat there in the darkened entryway until Sara felt like moving. Beth slowly helped her stand and Sara looked around her. The ambient blue night lighting casting an eerie glow on both their faces. “Sara, why are you down here and why are you dressed?” Beth asked again. “Where you going to a ball and wasn’t gonna ask me?” Beth asked with fake hurt and shock in her voice. “No. I.” Sara started but her voice caught in the back of her throat. “I don’t know what’s going on.” She finally got out. “I woke up down here, crying, and I don’t know why.” Her sleep clouded mind finally clearing. Sara looked around her as if her own apartment was strange to her. “I won’t forget this in the morning.” She mumbled to herself as she made her way to the kitchen, turning the living room lights on. She looked at the clock on the microwave, it read 2:45AM. Great. To early to be up.” She said reaching for the wine in the fridge door. “I need a drink, I dunno bout you.” She said yet still pulled down two wine glasses from the cabinet. Sara took a seat at one of the barstools and the counter. “Sara.” She said quietly. “What happen?” Sara had no answers, only questions herself. Questions that apparently were locked up in the back of her mind somewhere. She vaguely remembered a part of the dream she was having. She and Chris were at the Christmas party two years ago, the night she wore this dress. They were dancing and laughing the night away, like that did that night. Then she woke up in the entryway fully dressed in the outfit from her dreams. The one she wore that night. “I was dreaming about a Christmas Party Chris and I attended two years ago. I wore this very outfit that night.” She told Beth, no emotion present in her voice. “Yet. I found you laying where he fell that night, crying.” Beth added, leaving the statement open ended. “I know.” was all Sara could say. They sipped their wine in the early morning hours in silence. Neither having any meaningful words to fill the quiet. Sara turned on her iPod and played it through the surround sound. Christina Perri’s ‘A Thousand Years’ filled the room. “What’s happening to me Beth?” Sara finally asked. Beth shook her head. She honestly had no clue. “You suffered a terrible loss in a very horrible way. That would be enough to break most. But you aren’t most. You still continued through life. When you came over to the apartment that day, I was coming off a 3 days drinking binge. I gave up. I curled up inside of myself and simply decided to quiet on life. I would have been content to drink myself to death. Yet, when I saw you and Jackie at the door. I saw an amazingly strong woman who went through worse than I did and here she was out checking on me. In that moment, you saved me. I swore I would do whatever it took to save you. Yes, I saw the strongest woman I have ever known, but I also saw the shattered look. I saw the woman who was barely holding it all together. I saw my best friend and she needed me. That doesn’t mean that even you can’t have some sort of psychotic episode from time to time. It’ll take years for you to heal Sara, and even then you’ll never be full ever again. Chris took a part of you to the grave with him. Part of you is with him now, it always will be. Yeah, you may go on and find someone new and maybe even get married someday, but you’ll never be 100% theirs, because a part of you will always belong with Chris. I wonder sometimes if you’re trying too hard to rush the healing; if you are pushing too hard to get past it all. If so, you are putting yourself under a massive strain for no reason. Let the healing take it’s time. When you feel like crying, cry. When you feel like moping, mope. Who can tell you how to grieve? Grieve in any way that feels natural and normal to you, to hell with what others expect from you. I think lately, you have been your own worst enemy. Stop it. I can’t save you all by myself, I’m not that strong. I need your help to help me save you.” Beth took a drink of her wine and Sara mulled over wh
at she had said. Perhaps her fracturing mental state may be over something as simple as that. Maybe she was putting too much pressure on herself to be whole again. She gazed at her friend, wondering why she never truly realized just how brilliant of mind she really had. Beth was something special. Something pure and right in this world. She had stuck by her almost this entire year of insanity. The moments of levity she found, came from Beth. Her grasp on sanity was because of Beth, her fear of going crazy showed how much she was aware of the onset of it, that clarity came from Beth. Beth looked up to see the weird look on Sara’s face “What? Not planning on hitting on me are ya?” She asked smiling. “If I ever decided to ’hit on you’, you’d be the first to know Beth.” She said smiling back. She really was quite fond of this woman. They finished their glasses of wind, but neither felt the least bit tired. “Hey Beth, you want to pour us another glass? I’m going to go change. The dress is comfortable, but not exactly practical to wear around the house.” Sara figured she find her PJs and just through them back on. She went to the foot of the stairs and Beth stopped her in her tracks with a simple question that she had never asked before. “Sara? What all happen in here with Tommy that night?” Sara looked down at the first rung of the staircase and wondered if she should tell Beth everything. “I mean, I know you fought him, and sent him to the concrete below. But that’s all I’ve ever known.” Sara looked back at her friend, isn’t that enough Beth?” She asked. Beth stood there thinking about how to answer. “No. It isn’t Sara. I have suspicions, but I want to hear it from you.” Sara thought if Beth really wanted to know everything, she should tell her. She had a right. “Well, you know he went on a rant before shooting Chris. When Chris fell, I saw red. I went for him. He tried firing a second and third shot at me, but every other bullet in the gun was a blank. HE only came in here with one round. I’m still surprised to this day that he never checked his own ammo before coming here. Someone gave him that gun and put the 5 dead rounds in it. As you know, the day after Chris, an old man who ran a bakery was found dead in his shop. Police searched the place and they found a separate back room that had weapons and ammunition in it. They were able to trace Tommy’s gun back to that location, but no further. Least I never heard if they had.” Sara stopped to try and ascertain Beth’s reaction to all of this. She left the stairs and went to her friend. Beth had tears streaming down her cheeks. “Do you really want to hear the rest Beth?” She simply nodded. “We fought. You know the training I’ve had but he was almost too much for me. Being in an evening gown didn’t help me much.” Sara turned back towards the master bedroom. We made it all the way up there; he was trying to get to the window so he could escape. I guess I could have let him and then reported him to the police.” “But you didn’t want to.” Beth interjected. Sara turned back to face her friend. “No Beth, I didn’t. I wanted to kill him. My bloodlust and desire for revenge almost backfired. He somehow got me pinned down and thinking he had me over powered.” Sara stopped, the pain of the night rearing its ugly head again. The humiliation she almost suffered at his hands.
When he was done, he would have killed her. She knew that then as she knew that now. The two women looked at each other for what felt like a long time. Beth could easily figure out the words Sara didn’t really want to say. Tommy tried to rape her. “So, you somehow got him off of you and he made it to the fire escape.” She prompted Sara, showing her it was okay to skip the ugly part. “Yes, I got back to my feet and lunged at him through the open window, knocking him over the rail. I reached back in through the window and grabbed one of my shoes that was sitting there and began to smash his fingers till everyone was broken and he lost his grip.” Sara finished. Sara looked pleadingly at her friend. All she saw in Beth’s eyes was remorse, sadness and anger. “And here I was planning on giving him my virginity that night.” She said wiping away the tears running down her face. “God, what an idiot I was.” Beth turned and walked back to the kitchen to retrieve the two glasses of wine. “Go change, I’ll meet you on the couch.” Sara hugged Beth and kissed her tear stained cheek. “You asked Beth.” Sara said softly. “I know. It’s nothing more than what I had thought happen, but I was never sure. I was never positive about just how big of a monster he was.” Beth looked Sara in the eyes. “Thank you Sara.” and then went to take her seat. Sara returned a short while later, having traded the evening dress and heels for PJs and slippers. She took her seat next to Beth and they flicked on the TV. Nothing on at this hour but infomercials and paid advertisement. They didn’t really watch the TV, both were lost in their own thoughts about everything that had happen on this night, and the one almost a year ago.
Sara and Beth woke up on the couch. Neither could remember falling asleep there but both were a little stiff and had sore necks from the awkward positions. The rest of the day went by without much of anything really happening. Both ladies were quiet and didn’t bring up the event of the night before again. As the afternoon wore on, Sara remembered that Jackie was coming for dinner. “What are we gonna do about dinner? Jackie is coming, remember?” She asked Beth as they were doing some spot house cleaning. “Oh ya! Almost forgot about that…hmm…too late to throw in that pot roast, spaghetti?” Beth offered. “hmm…I could make my mom’s homemade sauce.” Sara started running the ingredients in her mind to make sure she had everything. They busied themselves with the dinner preparations and getting themselves ready for a houseguest. Nothing fancy, but Sara was pretty sure Jackie would expect better than hair curlers and sweats when she arrived. The night went by in blissful peace. Jackie was as quirky as ever. She filled the ladies in on what had been happening in her life since they saw her last. Her corky, Mutton, had himself a girlfriend. A schnauzer that moved in just down the hall. “Sara thought how normal a life this must appear to anyone looking in. She missed these simple pleasures. She missed the simple things in life. She once again considered the notion of moving out into the country. Maybe somewhere in Tennessee or Kentucky. She didn’t need to work. Money was a non-issue. Besides she could work from home and email her stuff to the editors. She fantasized about having a big house with a lot of land, and green grass and trees everywhere. She would approach the subject with Beth when Jackie had left. Sara was sick of this city. It was time for a change.
October gently slid into November and Beth, Sara and Jackie were starting to make plans for the holidays. All three wanted to spend at least Thanksgiving or Christmas together. All three quickly realized, they really had no one else close enough so they decided that they would spend both together. Sara and Beth were making plans to go out on New Year’s Eve. Neither wanted to just sit around the house. Not on that night. Through the last few days, Sara kept getting the feeling that something was watching her. She couldn’t quiet place it, but something was a little off. Beth was doing her best to bring in enough holiday cheer for both of them. Sara found herself setting her problems aside, if for no other reason, that the sheer will of Beth would make her. Still, she found herself constantly looking over her shoulder. Especially any time she was out on the town. The crappy weather had refused to relent. They had one snowstorm towards the end of October that forced them to cancel the Halloween party they were going to go to. They were stuck in their apartment already dressed up and ready to go. Beth was in an exceptionally foul mood about it. “It took me weeks to figure out the perfect custom and now I’m looked inside! How depressing.” Sara looked at her and couldn’t figure out exactly what her custom was supposed to be. It look like the main characters from all the shows from the 70’sjust kind of blew up on her and Beth was what was left. Sara had decided on something simple and easy to put together. A seductress vampire. Neither one were going to get to show off their customs now. “Ah well, we’d probably get drinks spilled on us and groped by random guys most the night.” Sara concluded. Beth looked at her whimsically “You find the best way to put the worst possible outcome in the most positive of lights.” Beth grumbled. “No seriously, you have a real knack for that.” She
added when she saw the look of doubt on Sara’s face. Sara thought about that for a minute. “I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted.” she finally said. “Umm…probably both, that would be my guess. Or neither. Depending on your outlook on things.” Beth went back to sipping her wine and looking out the window, praying the storm would ease up enough for them to go out. “Give it up Beth. That storm is here to stay. We aren’t going anywhere in that crap.” Sara said as she returned to her seat, she kicked her heels off and propped her feet up on the coffee table. “So what’ll it be tonight? Doctor Who? Walking Dead or Game of Thrones?” Sara asked? Completely okay with missing a party that was going to have a bunch of drunk people she didn’t know at it. Come to think of it, she wasn’t sure how they even got a invite. “Did you know anyone at the party we were supposed to go to?” She asked her sulking friend. “No but that’s beside the point!” “Wait, if you didn’t know anyone, how did we get invited?” Sara asked, more than a little suspicious. “Well, I invited myself, then I invited you.” She said, as if that was the most natural, and obvious, course of action. “Beth. You wanted to take us to a party where we knew nobody? Doesn’t that seem a little dangerous?” Sara stared at her friend’s backside and was left scratching her head. “Nah. What could have possibly gone wrong?” Beth asked, innocent tinting her words.
