Epilogue
In autumn 2001 Afghan and coalition forces ousted the Taliban from power and an interim government was set up with assistance from the international community. The expectations of Afghan people were raised, with the hope that at long last their country might find some peace and even prosperity. Women and men felt liberated. Men shaved off the beards they had been forced to grow by the Taliban and many women in cities swapped their burqas for a headscarf. Women once again could leave their homes to go to work or study. Now, a decade on, there is still the freedom for them to do this, but the question remains: how far have the lives of women improved since 2001? After all the lives which have been lost fighting against the Taliban and Al Qaeda and all the millions of dollars that have been spent on international aid, has the situation got much better for women?
There are undoubtedly advances: there are more than sixty women members of parliament and many women in powerful positions in local government, the judiciary and media, but this is a country that is still deeply religious and intensely traditional. At the beginning of 2009 a law was introduced by the Shia Mullah of Afghanistan – Shias make up a minority section of Muslims in Afghanistan, the majority are Sunni – and signed by President Karzai himself, which limited the rights of Shia women. The government argued that the law was being introduced to provide more protection for Shia women within the family, but others saw it as directly responsible for limiting the rights of women. For example, it gave a husband the right to starve his wife if she refused to have sex with him. She could only deny him this if she was ill. It also forbade a wife from leaving the house without the permission of her husband unless it was an emergency.
This new law became a major discussion point amongst my colleagues in the Afghan service at the BBC in London. I found myself arguing fiercely against male colleagues who believed that a wife should ask her husband’s permission before leaving the house. One day one of my colleagues said to me, ‘Zarghuna, you wouldn’t be arguing like this if you were still living in Afghanistan.’ I thought hard about his comment and realised he was right. Living in a country like Britain has made it much easier for me to stand up for women’s rights. Many women activists in Afghanistan also raised their voices against the law, but making any progress in a fight against society is difficult even for women who are lawyers or members of parliament. I realised I certainly wouldn’t have been able to leave my husband and face the shame it would bring upon my family had I still been living in Afghanistan. When I think back to the days when I was trapped in an unhappy marriage, I can still feel every moment of the pain I endured. At the time my future seemed very bleak, but I found the strength to fight and defend my rights even though it meant confronting my own community.
The women in this book, the women who have trusted me with their stories, have had far more strength and courage than me. They have stood up for their rights in much harsher conditions than I have ever known. Women like Janpary, who was denied her right of inheritance but nevertheless went to court to try to claim it, or Nasreen, whose crime was to fall in love with the boy next door; these women were not afraid to follow what they felt was right in spite of their family. Others like Shereenjan, who experienced cruelty almost beyond belief, or Anesa, whose marriage was for the benefit of appearance: these women were brave enough to tell us their stories.
When I put on the headphones and heard the words, ‘Dear Zari’, my heart would pound with expectation and emotion. I knew the voice wasn’t just speaking to me but to the thousands of women it would touch with its story of pain, courage and hope. This is what these stories do. It doesn’t matter if you are Zarghuna in London or Gulalai listening in Kabul, they have the power to change lives for the better. Fatima from Pul-e-Khumri told us: ‘Dear Zari, I have been listening to Afghan Woman’s Hour for almost four years. I have benefited from it so much. In my village women get together to listen to the programme. They finish their chores quickly so they have time to listen to the friendly words and interesting stories. I have learnt about other women’s lives. I heard the story about the woman who was given away to settle a dispute and from listening to the programme I realised there are other ways to end a disagreement, like giving animals or money. In my village, a local family had decided to give away their daughter to settle a dispute but after listening to your programme decided to offer the other family money instead. This is a big step that we women have made to stand up for our rights and understand that, even though we have suffered, there’s no reason for our daughters to have to go through the same experience. We can prevent it.’
The political changes in Afghanistan now mean that women’s voices are heard in parliament through female members of parliament and politicians. Women are nominating themselves in elections. Many that I’ve spoken to tell me that the first thing they will do if elected is give equal rights to women.
In some ways it’s easy for me to stand up for my rights because I work full time in a well-paid job and live in a country that has equal rights legislation, which is enforced. However, all this doesn’t protect you from gossip, judgemental comments and disapproving looks. Other Afghans would be critical of me for divorcing my husband. It was I who was always blamed for the marriage not working, not him. People would criticise me if they saw me enjoying myself and they would accuse me of becoming a western woman and forgetting my own culture. These remarks hurt less now but going through all this did enable me to identify more strongly with women like Layla.
In January 2010, the British government decided not to fund Afghan Woman’s Hour any longer and have turned their attention to other broadcasting projects. However, the programme has had a lasting effect on my life and I know it has changed the lives of other Afghan women and men. Suraya Parlika, an Afghan woman’s rights activist in Kabul who appeared on our programme several times, sent us this message:
Dear Zari, Afghan Woman’s Hour has been very successful in exploring human rights in our country. I went into a village and saw some women working; I asked then how they had learnt to do this and they said they had been taught to work by listening to Afghan Woman’s Hour. For the last six years this programme has had a positive impact on the lives of women. The stories have been very popular and enabled Afghans to learn about their own culture. The programme made it clear there should be respect for both women and men.
Another listener, from Khost, the same province as Bakhtawara, said that the programme was so popular people remembered the wavelength and the time of broadcast by heart. When Afghan Woman’s Hour ended many people contacted us to thank the programme for the contribution it had made to their lives. I too, want to thank the programme and the listeners but most of all I want to pay tribute to those who said ‘Dear Zari’ and told us their stories.
Glossary
Aayat – verses from the Quran
aeena misaf – the part of an Afghan wedding ceremony when the bride and groom see each other for the first time in a mirror
attan – local Khosti or Pashtun dance
awdas – ablutions
azadi – a kite flying free from its string
Azan – mullah’s call to prayer
bacha be reesh – ‘boys without beards’ (i.e. male prostitutes)
bailcha – spade
burqa – full-length robe worn by some Muslim women to cover their bodies in public places
chador – big scarf
chalak – clever
chapli – sandal imported from Khyber Pakhtunkhwa in Pakistan
charma kari – golden lace
charkha – wooden spool used for kite wire
charkha gir – person who holds the wire of a kite
charpoie – daybed
chiraghs – lights
daira – tambourine
degadaan – wood-burning stove made of clay
desterkhan – large plastic tablecloth
dohl – drum
dukhmany – the practice of using girls and women to settle disputes by o
ffering them as brides
Eid – three-day Muslim festival that marks the end of Ramadam
fahisha – whore
gahwara – cradle
gelim – carpet
Hajiani – a woman who’s been on a haj (pilgrimage)
hamam – steam bath
haram – something which is forbidden in Islam
hijab – headscarf
Inshallah – ‘God willing’
jirgah – gathering of leaders, or tribal or local elders
jongi – baby camel
kalema – verses from the Quran
kargah – loom
kheena paich – a triangle-shaped cloth made from glittery material used especially for weddings (usually green and silver), which is wrapped around a bride’s hands after henna has been applied
Khosti – people from the Khost province in the south-east of Afghanistan
khota – cunt
Khuda Hafiz – ‘May God be your guardian’
koza – water jug
Kuchi – nomadic Afghan tribes people
kuni – homosexual
kunjed – local sweet from the Balkh province
kus – cock
mahram – someone legally related to a woman, eg. brother, husband, father or uncle
mast – high on drugs or drunk
meeras – inheritance
narkhazak – eunuch
Nikkah ceremony – official Islamic wedding ceremony
Noor – grace
Nowrooz – Afghan New Year
paka – a paddle-shaped fan
pakol – afghan hat
roz afza – a sweet, perfumed drink
salamalikum – ‘Peace be with you’
shah salami – ritual where a groom goes to see his bride’s family the morning after their wedding to show the sign proving she was a virgin, and he is proud to have married her
shalwar kamiz – an outfit of loose trousers and dress or top
shamla – the part of an Afghan turban which fans out like a peacock’s tail
sheesha – paste used to coat kite wires
shorba – meat stew
shrombi – fresh sour yoghurt
tabla – percussion instrument
talaq – divorce
tanoor – oven
tar – kite wire
tava – shallow frying pan
taveez – amulets
toba – repentance; also used as an exclamation in speech, ‘Have mercy!’ or ‘Never ever again!’
tojar – trader
Acknowledgements
It is hard to believe that my once scattered notes and scattered feelings have become Dear Zari. If it wasn’t for the letter Elizabeth Foley wrote to me a few years ago, and her listening patiently to my story, I wouldn’t have this book in my hands today. Thanks to Liz for having the imagination to see the potential for a book in my life and these stories.
A special thanks goes to Imran Ali, the person who has stood by me all the way through, and helped me with my first draft. Imran is the man I have been able to trust with my story; I knew he would read the draft with care and correct the confusing words I had used in English, as my mind works better in Pashtu and Dari.
Thanks to my editors, Poppy Hampson and Juliet Brooke. Their creative ideas and guidance have been invaluable and I have learnt many things from them. Their experience has added to my knowledge.
My special thanks to all those Afghan women whose real life stories gave me such support and inspiration in my own life. These women have encouraged me to become a courageous woman and today I feel I can face the world.
I am grateful to all of the reporters on Afghan Woman’s Hour, whose names I have already mentioned in the book. I really appreciate their help and some of these stories are the direct result of their hard work.
Last but not least, I would like to thank Naomi Goldsmith, who has had a key role in Dear Zari. Naomi has worked with me on the project right from the beginning, from writing the synopsis, to finding a publisher, right up to the final stages of checking proofs. She has been helpful and understanding, and her knowledge has been a key component of the book. Naomi’s friendship and teamwork has been wonderful and the support she has given me will stay with me all my life.
This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Version 1.0
Epub ISBN 9781409029144
www.randomhouse.co.uk
Published by Chatto & Windus 2011
2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1
Copyright © Zarghuna Kargar 2011
Zarghuna Kargar has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser
First published in Great Britain in 2011 by
Chatto & Windus
Random House, 20 Vauxhall Bridge Road
London SW1V 2SA
www.rbooks.co.uk
Addresses for companies within The Random House Group Limited can be found at: www.randomhouse.co.uk/offices.htm
The Random House Group Limited Reg. No. 954009
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 9780701184704
www.vintage-books.co.uk
Dear Zari: Hidden Stories from Women of Afghanistan Page 28
