Suddenly she gave a gasp of delight, crawling around on the bed, jostling everything. When she got as close as possible to his face, she put one small hand one each of his cheeks and looked him right in the eyes. “You can teach him, Uncle Nicholas. He’s a very nice papa, I suppose, but he’s got to lighten up.”
He was sure his face registered surprise at her choice of words. Lighten up? A phrase like that could only have come from Miss Eastman.
“I will speak to him about it, Muffin. I am sorry it’s taken so long for me to understand, and I hope you will forgive me.”
Amanda gave him a big hug. “Oh, Uncle Nicholas, I don’t have to forgive you; I love you.”
* * *
Nicholas didn’t realize the extent of his healing, at least the emotional side, until he accidentally overheard Cameron visiting with Jaci. The weather had turned unusually nice, and the two of them were walking outside. As was her penchant of late, she had opened his window slightly when she had brought in his breakfast. Nicholas didn’t consider it eavesdropping; he certainly couldn’t help but overhear considering his inability to get up and close the window.
“Why does she say that?” Cameron asked.
“Say what?” Jaci returned, and Nicholas debated for a moment to whom they referred.
“I love you, Papa. How can she love me?” Cam’s voice sounded anguished, and Nicholas began to understand that his brother wanted Amanda after all; he simply didn’t know how to go about it. “I haven’t seen her a dozen times since her birth.”
“A child’s love is unconditional, Cameron. She loves you, and Nicholas, because you are her family, not because of what you give her or how much attention you show her.” Although Jaci discussed Amanda, there was a wistful note in her voice. “She may crave that attention, but she doesn’t need it to love you. Love appears to be something that, once given, can’t be retracted or even re-channeled.”
“Is that the case with you?” Cameron asked the question, but suddenly the answer was very important to Nicholas, and he leaned forward in bed to hear her reply. Unfortunately, they were walking away from the windows, and he only caught snatches of the rest of the conversation.
“Right now, Nicholas is belligerent and far from giving, but — love — unconditional. It’s no wonder I steered clear — love — desperately.”
He laid back against the pillows. His heart pounded hard enough to make his head ache. He was frustrated at not hearing all of what she had to say, but told himself it didn’t matter. He had no right now, to ask her to love him, but how had she fallen in love with Cameron so fast, if in fact, that was their topic of discussion?
He thought over her words to Cameron, and wondered if love was as absolute for adults as it was for children. He felt an ache in the region of his heart, wishing for a happier world, where Jaci was his as he had wanted, and that he was whole.
If nothing else good had come from his accident, though, at least Cam was beginning to understand Amanda. It was time the two of them learned to be a family. He thought about never having children; babies to bounce on his knee and watch grow into adults to carry on the legacy of Wildwood. He groaned with the intensity of a stirring deep in his groin. He hated the fact that he still thought like a man and inwardly felt like a man, but couldn’t perform like one.
* * *
Jaci appeared at his bedside as usual the next day. Nicholas had wondered that, with Cameron home, perhaps she would find his brother more appealing. Of course, there was also the fact that he had two good legs. However, when he asked where Cam was, Jaci absentmindedly waved off in the distance, mumbling something about the stables.
He continued studying her as she began his therapy, rubbing the muscles of his legs until he knew her hands had to ache with the constant effort. Instead of chatting gaily, as was her want, she remained unusually quiet.
“Why so quiet? Did you use all your words with Cameron out in the garden yesterday?” He hadn’t meant to let that slip but jealousy made his words biting. “Do you find Cameron handsome; appealing in a manly way?” He girded himself for her answer. After all, he had no right to keep her from finding happiness.
She looked at him at last, but her expression wasn’t that of someone in love. Shadows circled her eyes, their vibrant emerald color somewhat dulled. When her shoulders sagged as though in defeat, he suddenly realized how tired she must be. He mentally kicked himself for adding to her workload and taking his frustrations out on her.
“You look tired.”
She gave a little sigh as she put the cork back into the bottle of lotion and placed it on the table by his bed. “I am. Amanda has a slight cold, and fussed most of the night. Molly tried to get her to sleep, but she would have no one but me.” She yawned quite loudly, and Nicholas suppressed a smile. “When I rocked her, she finally slept, but I didn’t.”
“You should rest, instead of worrying about me.”
She looked at him with surprise, as though disbelieving he would tell her not to work hard. “You’re right.”
Before he had time to react, she crawled right over him and into his bed.
“What on earth?” he exclaimed.
She snuggled down with her buttocks right next to his hips, yawning loudly. “If I return to my room, they will find me.” She didn’t need to explain who she meant.
After he got over his initial shock, he settled back against the headboard and contented himself to watch her sleep. A warmth spread through him. He swore he felt it from his heart clear down to his toes, which was, of course, impossible. What a difference she had made in his life. From the moment she had stumbled into his horse pen, she had turned his world topsy-turvy. He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, pausing his movement to caress her cheek. She was letting her hair grow, he noticed, although it remained shorter than any woman he knew. Yet it wasn’t her physical appearance that made her special. She had a strange outlook on life, and the stories she told Amanda were preposterous. He probably should worry, but oddly enough he didn’t.
He recalled her peculiar comments about something called television and satellites while he clung to life at the pond. Was it delirium from the cold? Had she actually spoken of making moving pictures and flying through the air? He scrutinized her, trying to see something different, perhaps a mystic appeal. He actually considered for a moment that she might — perhaps that was why —
No, he dismissed the thought. No one traveled through time.
He lay in his bed, content for the first time in ages with Jaci beside him. He would doze only to awaken when she moved her hips, or an elbow, poking him in the side or the hip. Late in the afternoon, Selkirk came in to see to his needs, but Nicholas waved him away with a smile. Though the butler raised an eyebrow at the two of them in bed, he said not a word. Nicholas wondered exactly how many seconds it would take for that news to reach the rest of the staff.
As the sun began to set, he glanced out the window to where his horses raced about the paddock. Wind Dancer pranced, commanding the most attention, and indeed the mares did seem to stop and take notice of him. Nicholas smiled, for inside Wildwood, unlike the paddock, the females appeared to be in control rather than the males.
Even in her sleep, Jaci must have sensed his thoughts, for she rolled over one last time and awakened. She shot straight up in the bed, glancing wildly around as she brushed her hair from her eyes.
“Oh, my heavens. What did I do?” Her wide, green gaze met his and her cheeks blushed a delightful rosy pink. Obviously embarrassed, she bounded out of bed, at least not crawling over him this time.
“I do hope you feel quite rested. Do you know you toss around quite a lot when you sleep?”
“I do not,” she huffed as she flounced to the door.
“And you snore,” he couldn’t resist adding.
She turned sideways to look at him, her mouth gapping open. “I most certainly do not.”
He watched her quickly disappear and for the first time since h
is accident, he laughed outright. If the prickly Miss Eastman meant to stay around Wildwood, she had better get used to being teased.
His horses caught his attention again, and this time when he looked, his thoughts took a different turn. Amanda had told him that Miss Eastman had said he had to fight back to get better. Of course, everyone in the house quoted Miss Eastman, including Cameron, but it appeared to Nicholas, now that he had gotten past his initial bitterness, that perhaps she was right. She seemed to adjust, no matter the circumstances, and he supposed for the interest and welfare of his niece, and Wildwood, he must do the same.
However, if the inordinately stubborn female thought to rearrange his life without his permission, she had better think again. He rang for Selkirk. By the time the butler appeared, Nicholas already had a drawing of what he needed from Mackey.
Selkirk dryly asked what kind of mess Nicholas planned on making with the wood and tools he ordered, and Nicholas grinned.
“Quite a large mess, Selkirk. I trust you’ll take that news back to all concerned?
Chapter Fifteen
Jaci smiled as she exited Nicholas’s room. She had no idea what he was carving out of the wood Mackey and Sam had hauled into the study last week. She didn’t care, either, for at least he had decided to do something. The first day it happened, she had hollered about the wood shavings scattered across the floor. The second day, an even bigger mess had appeared. She nagged again and he simply grinned at her. It was then she realized the game he played.
He had very little control over his life at the moment. No doubt this was one way of getting back at her for taking charge. The more she hollered, the larger mess he made. It was childish, to be sure, but she decided to play along, for it was good to see him sitting in a chair instead of lying on his bed. In the event he never did walk again, carving would serve him well and allow him to find a usefulness for his life.
Of course, she hadn’t given up on his walking, for she saw evidence every day that his nerves responded to her therapy. Sometimes, she swore a muscle twitched, or that his toes curled in response to her massage. Whenever she mentioned it, though, he would become agitated, she soon kept quiet. It seemed if he couldn’t jump out of bed and run as fast as Wind Dancer, he wouldn’t acknowledge any change.
She deposited his breakfast tray in the kitchen. Her smile stayed in place, for she knew in her heart that he would get well. Then, he would decide he loved her after all, and they would live happily ever after. She almost laughed outright, for her attitude had taken quite a turn over the past several months. She didn’t mind, for love did that to a person.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of voices. Selkirk was speaking to someone — a female. Jaci hurried toward the front of the house, rounding the staircase as a skirt disappeared into the parlor.
“Selkirk, who just arrived?”
“Miss Edwardson.” The butler responded, but appeared a little out of sorts.
Her heart started pounding. Lycinda. It had been months since she had thought of the woman Nicholas was supposed to marry. The woman who hadn’t even shown up to find out how he fared. She instinctively lowered her voice. “What’s she doing here?”
“I don’t know, Miss. It’s not my place to ask. I put her in the parlor for the moment. I wasn’t sure if she should go to the study, since it is now Mr. Westbrooke’s bedroom.”
“Well, she can’t see him.” Jaci squared her shoulders, ready for a fight.
“Excuse me?” Selkirk looked at her askew.
She paced back and forth. “I won’t have her upsetting Nicholas.” She actually didn’t know whether that would happen. She only knew that Nicholas didn’t need anyone else in his life for whom he felt responsible, but unable to help at the moment. “Oh, where is Cameron when I need him?” she muttered to herself before grabbing Selkirk’s arm.
“Stall her.” She grabbed her cloak and flew out the front door, hoping Cameron was by the track and not clear down at the barn.
The warmer weather had begun melting the snow, and she tried sidestepping the puddles, for her slippers weren’t the kind of shoes to wear outdoors, even on fair days. She finally gave up, grabbed her skirts high and walked in a straight line, regardless of the water.
Her gaze darted back and forth, looking for Nicholas’s brother, but her mind was back at the house, trying to guess what would happen. She envisioned Lycinda, remorseful and sympathetic about the accident and Nicholas marrying her out of gratitude. Jealousy bit, and Jaci decided Lycinda had come instead to demand Nicholas fulfill his obligation and marry her, but all the woman really wanted was his money and Wildwood.
She stopped and turned in a circle. Not finding Cameron anywhere within her vision, she started back to the house. Lycinda’s arrival at this particular time might cause irreversible damage, crushing Nicholas’s fragile ego, right when he had begun to think himself capable again. She was not about to let that happen.
Her foot slipped coming up the steps and she had just recovered her balance when the door opened and Lycinda hurried out. The other woman didn’t acknowledge her presence, but Jaci saw her watery eyes and evidence of crying on her face. She watched as Lycinda climbed into her carriage and the driver whipped the horses into action. The carriage rumbled down the drive and out of sight.
Great. All her work; all the energy she had spent getting Nicholas to take hold of life again. If Lycinda left in tears, Jaci had no doubts that Nicholas was in just as fine a mood. She kicked off her slippers and tossed her cloak at the rack, determined to get to the bottom of their conversation as quickly as possible. There was no sense letting him brood too much.
She entered the study to find the curtains closed and Nicholas back in bed. He hadn’t spent a day in bed all week. It must be worse than she imagined.
She got right to the point. “What did Lycinda say?”
“Nothing; get out.”
She jerked open the curtains. “Don’t even think about starting that with me again.” She turned back to him, but he faced the wall and she couldn’t read his expression.
“Nicholas, talk to me.” She didn’t touch him. His body was taut and she knew he would only pull away.
He still wouldn’t look at her as he spoke, his voice anguished, even though he tried to sound nonchalant. “Who would want to be saddled with a husband who can’t make lo. . .fulfill his duties to sire offspring?”
“She broke up with you?” That was one scene she hadn’t contemplated.
Nicholas scoffed. “It seems the lady wants a whole man for her husband, not an invalid.”
“Well, it’s her loss,” Jaci stated emphatically. “She doesn’t deserve such a man as you.”
“And what kind of woman would?”
“I don’t understand. You are a good, kind, loving person, and soon you’ll be well and on your feet again—”
“That seemed to be the other part of the lady’s dilemma.” Nicholas interrupted her as he dragged himself upright. She saw the anger in his eyes, and wondered if perhaps it was a good sign, rather than bad, that he was showing some spirit. “Apparently Miss Edwardson’s father is very concerned for my health.”
From the insinuation in his voice, she knew his words weren’t to be taken at face value. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“If I can’t be on my feet, Wildwood horses won’t be trained to win races, and Wildwood studs won’t breed colts to sell.” He wouldn’t look her in the eye, trying to preserve some of his dignity. “Since Lycinda’s father holds bank notes to this place, it might very well be the end of Wildwood.”
“We’ll see about that.” She was livid and marched right over to the door, intent on seeing justice done. Nobody was going to take Nicholas’s home away.
“Ironic, isn’t it?” His voice caught her attention. She turned back. “Lycinda beat me to the punch by breaking our engagement. Although I was going at it for entirely different...well, never mind. It doesn’t matter now.”
“You me
an you don’t love me anymore?” Jaci knew she pushed him, but felt they had reached a real turning point in his recovery.
“I never meant to say that. It makes no difference now.”
“Like hell,” she muttered as she slammed out the door, plans already racing around in her head. They had not come this far to have Nicholas give up on himself, and her.
* * *
That evening, Jaci had Cameron take Nicholas’s dinner to him with explicit instructions that he discuss the horse racing and breeding aspects of Wildwood. If they were to keep Wildwood profitable, Nicholas’s work would have to continue until he could see to it himself.
In the meantime, she visited with Mackey and Selkirk about a different project. Mackey started shaking his head the moment he entered the parlor.
“What is it, Mackey? I haven’t even told you what we’re going to do.” She questioned the old trainer.
“Doesn’t make no difference, Miss, if you’ll pardon my saying so. Your schemes tend to raise the roof right off this place.” He doffed his hat and stood there twisting it in his big hands, clearly uncomfortable in the formal sitting room.
“Mackey, would I do anything to upset — well, never mind; of course I would — but it’s for his own good.”
Both Selkirk and Mackey groaned at this, but she proceeded to lay out the plans for her newest project to help Nicholas. Both men left the room shaking their heads, but assuring her they would do as she wanted.
Now, it was up to her. That night, she soaked in a warm bath in front of the fire in her room, daydreaming about the plot she has concocted. If Nicholas thought to roll over and ignore her, he had another thought coming.
She had refused all her life to give her heart away, and now that she had, she wasn’t about to let any man stomp on it. She chewed her bottom lip. Was Nicholas ready for her latest scheme? What if she were wrong?
Spinning Through Time Page 21
