I want to touch it.
No.
I need to touch it.
But then thoughts of becoming Sam worm their way to the front of my mind, breaking the connection this strange symbol has over me. I flip my wrist over, forcing myself to ignore it. The blood in my veins turns to ice flowing backwards to my chest putting out the flames leaving me feeling cold and hollow.
I leave my breakfast uneaten on the kitchen table and grab my keys to the Chevette. I have no place to go and no one to talk to, but maybe just driving around will help me to clear my head while also helping me to not touch the symbol. Because I want to—so bad, I want to.
It’s beginning to have this strange power over me, compelling me, and I don’t know how much longer I can resist it. Part of me wants to touch it to find out what it’s trying to show me, and the other part is terrified that I’ll get lost in becoming Sam and I won’t be able to find my way back.
House after house passes me by in a blur of colors until there’s nothing but green. My wrist is aching now and a war is brewing inside of me to touch the symbol or not touch the symbol. I roll down the window letting in fresh air. It helps some but the burning urge is still there.
I just need to focus on something else. Like where I am for starters. I drive for another mile and a half before a town comes into view. I read the sign as I cross over the threshold. Welcome to Belbridge.
Belbridge?
Why does that sound so familiar?
I slam my brakes coming to a stop in the middle of the street. Tires screech behind me followed by the loud blare of a car horn, but I can’t bring myself to care about that right now because I know why Belbridge sounds so familiar. It’s where Sam was from. The symbol burns hotter at my realization.
Did it lead me here?
CHAPTER SEVEN
A car door slams behind me followed by heavy footsteps. A string of words that would make even the most profane person blush tumble out of the mouth of a large man as he slams his big meaty hands with the words love and hate scrawled across his fingers down on my car door. Tattoos continue up his arms, snake around his neck, and cover the top of his baldhead. A long beard hangs from his chin, his eyes wild and angry.
I imagine him wrapping those mammoth hands around my neck as he digs his nails into the soft leather on the inside of my car door. “I’m sorry.” I pry the words from my throat before hitting the gas, leaving him standing in the road dumbfounded.
I make a left, go down two blocks then jerk the wheel making a sharp turn to the right. I glance in the rearview mirror every few seconds expecting to see Angry Tattooed Baldy following me, but thankfully he’s not. I sigh in relief that I’m alone only to start panicking again because I have no idea where I am. I’ve never been to Belbridge.
The road I’m on appears to dead end at a set of gates leading up to a large house, but as I look closer I see that it doesn’t dead end after all, but takes a sharp turn to the right. I don’t know why I follow it, but I do, and the further I go the fewer houses I see, until the only things left are hillsides. And after a while even those disappear giving way to a dense forest.
A nervous energy builds inside of me the further I drive like I’m heading for something. Sweat slicks the palms of my hands making it hard to keep my grip on the steering wheel. I know I should turn around and try to find my way back home, but I can’t. The compulsion to keep going is too strong, overriding all my thoughts of rationality. So I keep going further and further away, pulled towards something unknown.
Miles pass with nothing in sight. The symbol on my wrist warms my skin and I feel I’m close to whatever it is that I’m heading towards. Sunlight shines illuminating a narrow gravel road to my right like a sign pointing the way. I turn following its winding path into the forest.
I come to a stop in the middle of the road when I spot a large building sitting atop a hill hidden among the trees. It’s huge and gothic in design with the majority of it covered in overgrowth. Cracked and broken stone stairs flanked by two life-sized kneeling angel statues lead up to a set of heavy wooden doors.
My first thought is that a church out in the middle of nowhere is weird, and my second is that it’s breathtaking. Ivy grows along the surface obscuring most of the bricks underneath, covering everything except the massive stained glass windows.
I pull off to the side putting the car in park. The church looms up before me and a memory teases at the edge of my thoughts. It’s like I know this place though I can’t remember having ever been here.
My eyes find the stone angel at the base of the stairs. Its wings are arched and folded around its body, its head tilted in prayer. There’s something so familiar about it. I get out of the car not bothering to close the door. My feet begin to move as if being led by some invisible force.
Years of neglect and elemental forces have taken its toll, leaving small cracks that have spider webbed over the surface. Compelled, my hands take on a life of their own reaching out for the angel. The inside of my wrist begins to burn as blue light ignites along the intersecting lines of the symbol. Ripples of electricity surge up my arm as my fingers touch the praying hands.
White light explodes between my fingers and the statue forcing my eyes shut. A torrent of images rushes forward to meet me, two boys around my age, one with dark brown hair and the other with black who are teasing a girl with long black braids. Then the image shifts to the two boys huddled in a chapel whispering, while the girl searches for them.
The images come faster now focusing on the boy with dark brown hair until I can see what he sees, feel what he feels, until I am him.
I let go of the angel taking a step back. I’m not remembering this place. Sam is.
***
Night approaches by the time I make it back home. My headlights illuminate both Kat and Jared sitting along the retaining wall at the foot of the driveway as I pull in.
“Hey,” I say as I get out of the car.
They both stand at the same time. Jared looks worried while Kat looks irritated.
“So what have you been up to all day?” Jared is trying to sound like he could care less, but I can hear the hidden tone underneath. He cares very much. He just doesn’t want to alert Kat to that given that right now he’s the only one who knows my secrets.
“Nothing much. Just driving around,” I answer. He squints his eyes, slightly tilting his head. He doesn’t buy that one bit.
“Because I’m such a great friend.” Kat gives Jared an, ‘I’m better than you’ look before turning back to me. “I brought you your homework so you won’t fall behind.”
Kat turns her back to me to pick up a stack of books off the retaining wall and Jared takes this time to speak without sound silently mouthing, “What really happened today?”
I mouth back that I will explain later as Kat turns back around to thrust a stack of books into my arms.
“You should have enough to last you for a while.” She flips her ponytail over her shoulder giving Jared a smug look before turning back to me with a smile. “But lucky for you my night is wide open, so I can stay and help you. Besides, we could use some girl time.” She glares at Jared hinting not so subtly that he should go.
After the weird day I’ve had, I can barely think straight as it is let alone concentrate on homework. Homework seems so trivial compared to the other things out there I have to worry about. Things like having a glowing symbol on my wrist or the fact that Sam’s memories are starting to feel like my own. I recognized that church out in the woods today because Sam knew it, not because I’d been there before. It’s like Sam and I are mingling together into one person and it’s really starting to freak me out. But I can’t tell Kat this and I can’t tell Jared while Kat’s here so all I say is, “Thanks. Help with my homework would be great.”
Kat beams having clearly won some contest she perceives exists between her and Jared over me.
Standing with his thumbs hooked in the pockets of his khaki shorts, his trademar
k blue ball cap slightly askew, Jared ignores her. Kat starts to say something more to antagonize him further, but he silences her by covering her face with his hand as he walks past her. He smirks at her stunned silence then catching my eye, fully grins showing the dimple in his cheek. Lately every time he smiles like that my knees have a tendency to weaken. Now is no exception. With Kat fuming in the background he stands in front of me and like a punch to the gut, I’m suddenly hit with an overwhelming urge to take off his hat so I can run my fingers through his messy hair.
He snaps his fingers in front of my eyes.
“Huh?” I say stupidly. What is wrong with me? I already agreed with myself that I am not going to go there. Jared is off limits. We are friends and nothing more.
He grins again. “I said, call me later when you’re all done with homework.” Glancing over at Kat he sticks his tongue out eliciting one of her eye rolls.
“Right. Sure.”
Thumbs hooked back in his pockets; Jared walks backwards down my drive. Kat sticks her tongue out mocking him. He replies by raising a certain finger, which is clearly the reaction she was hoping for given the smile on her face.
I steal one last glance at Jared as he crosses the street before unlocking my door. Kat barrels past me nearly knocking the books out of my arms as she heads for the kitchen.
“Where’s Adam?” Kat beelines to the fridge, opens it up, pulls out a can of Dr. Pepper. “Want one?”
“Sure.” I sit the pile of books down on the kitchen table, my neck and back rejoicing. “He works at the campus library on Thursday nights. He probably won’t be back ‘til late.”
“Bummer. He’s so cute to look at. Heads up.” Kat tosses the can of soda over her shoulder before shutting the fridge door. Thankfully I have the reflexes of a cat now or that can of soda would be splattered all over the floor.
“For starters, Adam is my brother so, eew.” I pop the top and take a long swig. “And second, you think every guy is cute to look at.”
She raises an eyebrow scrunching up her face like she’s deeply considering this. “Tis true,” she confirms, and we both laugh.
“Speaking of cute. How’s it going with the new guy you were going on and on and on about last night?”
Her face lights up like a child being handed her favorite candy. “Oh my gosh, he is just so cute…and mysterious. He’s supposed to meet us tomorrow at the candlelight vigil. That’s okay isn’t it? He wants to meet you.”
“Me? Why would he want to meet me?”
Kat draws her shoulders up in a half shrug. “I don’t know, probably because I told him all about you. You are my best friend after all.”
A feeling of trepidation settles over me raising the hairs on the back of my neck. I choose to ignore it, deciding to focus on my stack of homework instead. “So, are you ready to help me get started on this?”
Kat helps gather up the books; together we head upstairs to my room. Over the next few hours with one break for pizza, she goes over several days worth of lessons getting me caught up for when I plan to return on Monday. Now that I’m finished I’m betting my eyes are a lovely shade of bloodshot, which should go nicely with the wicked cramp my hand has developed from all the writing. It’s all worth it though, because for a few hours it felt like old times. Simpler times. Doing homework, talking about boys with Kat—it was exactly what I needed to get out of my own head for a while.
“Finished,” I declare, dropping my pencil onto the tabletop.
“Took you long enough.” Rolling onto her side Kat tosses the magazine she was reading onto the nightstand then props her head up on her hand. “Thought I was going to fall asleep over here,” she teases then rolls onto her back to stare up at the night sky painted on my ceiling. “Remember when the three of us, you, me, and Jared painted this?”
I hop onto the bed lying down beside her. “Yeah.”
Bittersweet memories come back to me about that day. It had only been a few months after my parents passed away and Kat and Jared surprised me with a painting project. They had most of it done by the time I got home. I remember Jared telling me that when I look up to imagine that my parents are there among the stars watching over me. “You and Jared used to be friends then. We used to all be so close and have so much fun together,” I say with a sad wistfulness.
“We did have some fun times together didn’t we?” Kat’s voice takes on a note of nostalgia. “I miss that sometimes, all of us hanging out together.”
“Me too.”
“Too bad I can’t stand to be in the same room with him anymore.” There’s the Kat I know and love. “What time is it anyway?” She turns her head to get a better look at the clock on the stand. “Wow it’s almost 11pm already.” Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed she sits up. “I probably better head home. Some of us have school tomorrow.”
I playfully kick at her, but miss as she stands. “I’ll be back on Monday.”
“School is so boring without you there.” She pouts sticking out her bottom lip. “Don’t you want to come back sooner?”
“I could…but I won’t.”
“Fine. Leave me to suffer through my classes with no one to gossip to.”
***
Locking the door after Kat leaves; I go through the rest of the house making sure everything else is locked also. Adam won’t get home until sometime later and after the break in, I don’t want to take any chances. I hope he really does look into getting a home security system.
I change into my pajamas not really wanting to climb into bed, but do so anyway. With the nightmares I’ve been having I’m not really relishing the idea of going to sleep. I glance over at the clock, 11:15pm, too late to call Jared. If I can just hold off sleep until Adam gets home maybe the nightmares will stay away because he’ll be here and I won’t be in this big house all by myself.
Blondie’s eyes are ice blue again. They roam over my skin leaving icy trails in their wake. His lips curve slightly, but his smile’s not friendly. It never is.
I stand tall, tilting my chin upwards in defiance. My heart pounds fast behind my rib cage betraying my false confidence, but Blondie doesn’t seem to notice. I don’t think? Or maybe he does and I’m only adding to his fun. Whatever, it doesn’t matter because this time I’m not going to show any fear on the outside no matter what my insides say.
Blondie circles around me running his finger through my hair. “What did he show you Hanna?”
“No one showed me anything.” I steady my voice, willing myself to stay calm. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Are you sure about that Hanna?” Winter blue eyes tear through my façade like sharp pointed icicles. He trails a finger down the side of my face stopping at my chin where he leans in, his face a breath away from mine. “I could remind you.”
Every inch of me wants to flee, but like usual there’s nowhere to go. “You mentioned The Order last time. Who are they?”
He pulls a long knife out from behind his back causing my pounding heart to pick up the pace. Thump-thump, thump-thump. Any moment now it’s going to break free of its cage. Ignoring the urge to flee, I focus on the midnight blackness of the blade he twists in his hand. Blood red rubies adorn the hilt pulsing like they’re alive in some way. His head is bent toward the knife in his hand, his eyes, either icy blue or black and bottomless, are hidden beneath long dark lashes.
“You’re changing the subject again Hanna.” He’s losing patience with me.
With the tip of the blade pressed to his finger he pushes until it bleeds, smiling the whole time. Afterwards he licks the blood away then places the blade on my neck just under my ear. Circling around me, he drags the blade across my throat gentle enough to not cut, but hard enough to make his point. “Hanna, Hanna, Hanna.” He stops so we’re face to face. “You disappoint me.” Blackness rises up from the depths of his pupils crushing the icy blue. “I could take it from you.” He leans in until we’re cheek to cheek, his mouth at my ear. “But what
fun would that be?”
The threat of tears sting my eyes, but I can’t let them fall because I can’t let him see me cry. I can’t let him see how scared I really am because I need to be strong. I need to fight back. No, I have to fight back, so when he pulls away I head butt him as hard as I can. Pain explodes through my skull as his nose crunches. Blondie stumbles back, a river of blood gushing from his nose. Without hesitation, I run.
Laughter rings out behind me. “There’s nowhere to go Hanna.”
I dare a look behind me expecting him to be there. He isn’t. There is nothing except darkness and shadows. I run into something hard and warm. Strong hands wrap around my upper arms keeping me from falling. Blondie squeezes so hard I cry out as he pushes me up against a wall, his fingers digging down to the bone.
“This is my world Hanna.” Like a vampire from some horror movie that’s just fed, the lower half of his face is covered in blood. My body trembles as I feel the familiar sharpness of the blade pressed against my belly. “You can only go if I say you can.”
His eyes are black holes now, sucking in the world until there’s nothing left of it. I turn my head away, squeezing my eyes shut. But he won’t have that. With the knife held steady at my stomach, he uses the thumb of his free hand to pry one of my eyes open, making me look.
“Now.” He forces his conscience into my head, tearing through all of my thoughts and memories. “Show me what you know.” My whole life unfolds out before him. Memories of my parents, of Adam, of Jared and Kat, everything he wants to see rushes forward. Warm tears fall, and just like the memories he’s stealing, I’m helpless to stop them.
The pressure in my head eases momentarily as he gets to the night we first met. He takes his time re-experiencing my fear like it’s a drug he can’t get enough of. Bile raises in my throat and part of me hopes that I’ll choke to death on it if it means he’ll stop.
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