by Liz K. Lorde
“I think you’re liking it.”
“I think that you like the idea of me liking it.”
Gabriel gave that charming, short, broken laugh, “It’s okay for you to like things, you know. You like it.”
“Ugh!” I shot my hands up to my face and pulled downwards, and then angrily folded my arms over my chest, “what kind of motorcycle riding jerk watches this shit anyway? You guys are supposed to be dark and edgy.”
“Oh, right,” Gabriel said dryly, “now that you’ve reminded me, it’s all clear to me now. I better go let the boys know. Shut up and watch the movie, okay?”
I pushed out a laugh and the image of what Gabriel had done to me earlier flickered through my mind, the thought heating me between my legs.
Could have drowned an infant down there I was so wet.
Shivers ran through me, and for as much as I focused on the movie – I felt like I had to resist this gravity that Gabriel had. Like he was pulling me towards him, with no effort on his own part; I was just a small blue star, circling his burning brightness.
Although there were plenty of laughs and emotions being tugged at before, I found myself on the edge of my seat when Dread Pirate Roberts and Inigo began their duel to the death. For some reason, it just wasn’t possible to not love the characters in this movie: My lips curled into a smile, the two men playing their dance of death amongst the stones and dirt, kicking up dust every second step. The swords came together in quick, intricate stabs, artful thrusts and testing slashes. The two of them were equally skilled, and I’d never witnessed such an eloquent use of swords in a movie before.
“Who’s going to win?” I asked, looking to Gabriel. My nails basically had to start paying rent for how often they lived just beneath my nibbling teeth.
Gabriel had the most smug, pleased look on his face. Those chocolate eyes, full of warmth now and not the biting chill that I’d seen previous; they struck lightning through me like Zeus. “You’re barking up the wrong tree for spoilers,” he said, and then I caught a glimpse of his white teeth, “still can’t believe you haven’t seen this,” the gorgeous man whispered.
The duel continued with a series of witty banter, each line of dialogue either making me chuckle or flooding me with a feel-good warmth. Damn, he was right, how come I’ve never seen this? This movie wasn’t lame at all. This was a nasty habit of mine, but I really couldn’t not ask someone what was going to happen – so I slid closer to Gabriel and kept my eyes on the screen, whispering, “That’s the farmboy, isn’t it?”
“You really can’t help yourself, can you?” Gabriel said.
Inigo’s sword flew high into the air. “The pirate has to be him,” I said, feeling that familiar chill start to sink into my bones.
Gabriel sighed and snaked an arm around my shoulder, holding me tightly against him, “Watch,” he rumbled.
Pinpricks of delight washed over me, and I just let myself sink into the gorgeous man’s touch.
As we watched and laughed, in the back of my mind I knew that it was coming – and sooner, rather than later, the withdrawals would be striking in full force. Still, it was clear that the man loved the movie; every time that I would comment on the smallest thing, he’d beam. When we got to the scene of Buttercup shoving Westley, sending him tumbling down the hill and shouting ‘as you wishhh’ I couldn’t contain my excitement. I shot up from the old green couch, and pointed at Gabriel: “I knew it!”
He just smirked and pulled me down laughing.
When the credits started to roll, I squeezed the man tightly, exclaiming how much I loved it.
“I don’t know if it’s the movie or the white shirt,” Gabriel said, “but you’re acting really nice.”
I tugged on the hem of the white shirt that he’d given me and gave him a wry look, “It could be both. What’re we watching next?” I immediately got up and began looking through his selection of DVD’s. That was when I heard Gabriel’s cellphone ring, which instantly brought me back to the thought of Damien’s text. I glanced over my shoulder just as he produced the phone, and he brought it to his ear.
“Sexton,” Gabriel practically boomed, and I was a little embarrassed to say that just hearing him speak so loudly sent a fresh wave of tingles for me. “What’s up? Yeah. Won’t be around for… less than a week, doing a favor for Luke and Jas.” It shouldn’t have annoyed me that he wasn’t paying attention to me, it should have been the last thing on my mind and the last thing in my heart – but still, it was there.
As Gabriel continued speaking with his friend, I gave him a slightly pouty look and sidled over to him, catching his warning eyes just before I sat on his lap.
Like warnings had ever stopped me from doing something.
His eyes rounded at my bold and flagrant disregard for the man’s wishes. But he didn’t shoo me away, “You shouldn’t do that, brother.”
I was feeling the beginnings of a fever in my head, and not the fun kind that starts between my legs. I tilted my head at the man and traced my fingers along the scruff of his powerful jaw; but still he remained, nearly motionless as a statue. He was trying so damn hard to resist me; I pressed my ass against his lap and lackadaisically moved, mouthing to him, “You have work to do. Am I not distracting?”
Gabriel sucked in a tight breath, and I could feel him growing hard beneath me – sending pinpricks of excitement and satisfaction up my spine. “Dude,” he breathed, a glimmer of anger and lust dancing in those dark eyes, “just settle down your dick gets wet plenty enough. Look,” he then mouthed to me, “bend over.” “I can’t—“
I shook my head playfully, continuing to slowly grind up against his crotch. Jesus he really must be packing some serious heat down there. This little game was starting to prove an excellent distraction to the self-destruction that was, well, me.
This clearly frustrated the man, as he moved his hand to my waist and shoved me off to the side of the couch. He cradled the phone against his ear and moved quickly against me, I could hear his buddy talking into his ear – but Gabriel wasn’t responding anymore. He was too focused on me. It was impossible for me not to smile when he unbuttoned my pants and peeled them off of me; throwing them to the floor and revealing my white cotton panties, with musical notes scattered around them.
He told his friend “mhm” and with the utmost casualness, forcibly flipped me onto my stomach – causing me to squeak, probably louder than I should have. A part of me found it hot and exciting at the idea of someone hearing, though. His hands maneuvered me so that my ass, in all of it’s pale, bubbly glory, was sticking out, presented for him. Gabriel brought his face down to me and pulled the phone away from his person, “new rule,” he whispered in some sexy, authoritative voice, “anytime you get on my nerves, I’m spanking your ass.”
I just laughed at him, I was used to pissing men off. Like it was a kind of addiction that I couldn’t quit.
Crackling little jolts of ecstasy swam through me when his hand rubbed along my cheeks. His hands were rough and well calloused, a real man’s kind of hand. From that alone I could feel the wetness beginning to pool again.
Crack.
His hand snapped loudly against my ass. Pain bloomed against the cheek of my ass, and I let out a stifled cry of pleasure-pain; followed by a whimper. Gabriel rubbed at the spot he had struck and mentioned offhandedly, “I didn’t hear anything, brother. Look, just, leave the clubhouse if you have to – I don’t want you fuckin’ things up for that sweet girl, alright? Unless you intend to bed and wed her, you need to find some other hole to fill. I’m out, don’t call me for a few days unless it’s legit, alright?”
Something dark twisted in my chest when he mentioned this woman, in the way that he did. Did she mean something to him? No, no I shouldn’t even care – this is just an arrangement to get me better. I shouldn’t be treating this like it’s some sexed up fantasy.
But fuck, that felt so good. The desire for more swelled in me, and I wiggled my ass a bit for him – hoping to te
mpt.
Gabriel tossed his phone loudly to the coffee table next to us and stepped forward. His hand reached down to my face and moved me, to get a better look. It felt like his thumb wiped something wet away from me, and the lines of his face tightened in concern. “You feel okay?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” It was becoming harder to ignore the not-so-fun needs of my body; I’d lied to myself for a long time that I hadn’t come dependent on the shit. I just wanted a little bit longer with Gabriel, a little more time without having to dance with my demons.
“Don’t lie to me, Madeline,” he said. “You are flushed, seriously. And you’re sweating, can’t you feel that?”
“I felt your hand on my ass,” I teased.
“Only because you’re giving my ass such fucking grief,” Gabriel japed, and to my surprise, his thumb that pet me in soft circles probed my lips. I greedily accepted his finger into my mouth, and sucked it long and slow, giving him a couple of low moans. “Quit enticing me now,” he said, and removed his thumb from the warmth of my mouth.
“You like it, don’t you?” I felt my lips curl into a tight, mischievous smile. “You should have taken me when you had the chance,” I teased, straightening out flat on the couch – like some sort of cat. “We won’t see each other anymore when this is done.”
Gabriel shot me the sexiest fucking look I’d ever seen, his brows tightening and the lines of his face drawing taut in a subtle manner; the man’s jaw jumped, and in that moment I knew exactly what he was thinking. That he could have me just like he was going to earlier.
Anytime that he wanted. And my pussy quivered at the delightful thought, of that.
“I shouldn’t,” his mouth insisted, but his eyes told me a different tale. He sucked in a breath, his broad, amazing chest moving as he did.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and used his strong body as support to pull myself up, not realizing until now how weak my legs felt. Weather it was from the lack of drugs, or the smoldering look he’d just given me, I couldn’t quite say. “I think you should,” I murmured, looking up into his chocolate eyes, “come on Gabriel. What’s holding you back?” My hand reached for his crotch, but he moved to block me – still, I pressed on and rubbed against the bulge in his pants. Heat flooded me, and even for as much as I was turning myself on; something kept coming back to me, the terrible thought of using again – of getting what I’d let myself fall victim to.
Guilt and shame cloaked me then. And I thought about Josie, and how much I missed her. Thought of Brandon, and the ways in which I never properly grieved for him.
“I don’t do love anymore,” Gabriel insisted, steadying me with his hands.
“I’m not asking you to,” I panted, the streaks of heat in my head hitting me harder with each beating of my heart. “I want to screw you – no, I want you to screw me. Hard. So that I forget how fucked up I let everything get,” I confessed, sucking in some quicker breaths now and again. “Don’t count me as some prude, women like it just as much as men.”
“Madeline,” he urged sharply, “sit down. Now.” I liked it when he bossed me around, why did I like that?
“Only if it’s on you,” I said, hoping to rouse his ire.
“No,” he gruffed and insisted, shooting an arrow of disappointment into my chest. He carefully brought me back down to the couch, and I promptly sunk into it. “Stay here, I’m going to hit the kitchen and bathroom. Don’t be a brat.”
I make no promises, to anything, or anyone.
My vision was starting to blur at the edges, and I found myself chuckling about nothing in particular it seemed; holding at the cramps in my belly.
Something wasn’t right, I could feel it in my bones. Something beyond the drugs.
Shivers danced through my body. Cold, consuming, and demanding.
I looked up at Gabriel as he cautiously stepped back and away from me, “Thought I was just some junkie. Isn’t that what you said?” I asked plaintively, my heart thumping in my chest – muscles all along me began to gently twitch. “I’m just some junkie,” I repeated. I could only barely feel his hand on mine. It was like I was watching things from outside myself. “That’s what they think,” I confessed weakly, slumping further against the couch – thoughts of my big brother rolling through my head. That one Fall evening swam through me; where we played on my electric guitar at his buddy Seth’s, and how we burned the night away listening to music. Making music, listening, arguing over who was getting better at learning to rock.
Guess the good times weren’t meant to be. I turned my head, feeling how slack my jaw was becoming.
God, oh God. Brandon. All of that red. I felt the burning urge to scream, to scream like I had that night.
“You’re not just some junkie,” Gabriel soothed, his hand holding mine tighter. “I will get you through this. I promise.”
It had felt as if I’d only blinked and my arrogant savior came back to me. Gabriel sat down the assortment of medicines, along with a glass of water; tucked beneath the shoulder of his other arm, was a yellow blanket. He wrapped the thick blanket around me, and offered two painkillers to me in the palm of his big hand. “Take these,” he insisted.
Dull pain throbbed at the sides of my head. I wasn’t going to fight him on this. I grabbed the two pills, and swallowed.
Gabriel nodded in satisfaction and then poured me a spoonful of Nyquil, feeding it into my mouth. “This shit ain’t gonna do you much good,” he admitted, cupping his hand below the end of the spoon. I drank the nastiness in and nodded my head, weakly wiping at my mouth afterwards. “Take it you’re not a fan of actual rehab. You know, where they know what they’re doing.”
Wrapping the blanket tighter around myself, I silently thanked Gabriel in my head. “I shouldn’t have to go,” I breathed, “I’m tired of going. This is my different,” I told him, “my escape. No more shame, no more pity, no more prying eyes and judging—“I caught myself then.
His lips twisted into a small, sad smile. “I get it,” he crooned, and then handed me the cold glass of water – its icy contents clinking at the rim. It was positively freezing to the touch, but my lips greedily accepted the familiar cold – even if only just to get that disgusting, medicine taste out of my mouth. He moved over to the other side of the couch and snatched up one of the cushions, carefully lifting up my head and placing it behind me.
“Thanks,” I muttered, my chest rising in a breath. I was already missing his fingers on me.
Those chocolate eyes dipped downwards, and the features of his face tightened. He looked up at me, “I’m sorry,” he susurrated. “For saying the shit that I did, like I said, you’re not just a junkie.”
I gave him as much of a smile as I could muster, feeling a drop of sweat roll down the side of my face and another fresh set of shivers roll across me. “You’re not so good with apologies.”
“And you’re not so nice with that tongue, so that makes us even,” the usual edge to his smoky voice was playful now. He brushed back a strand of his hair.
“Y-ou,” I pushed out a breath through my nose, God, just existing was exhausting in and of itself. “Don’t even know… how nice—“ I stuck my tongue out at him, “I am with it.”
He gave me a look of disapproval. I couldn’t understand why he was so reluctant. It was clear that I could tempt him, could stir him into chasing after me – but something, something I couldn’t put my finger on, was holding the man back. I just wanted some fun… right?
I closed my eyes, and felt my body melt away when I sensed Gabriel sit beside me.
16
Gabriel
Madeline had been in and out of sleep for most of the day, and when she was feeling good enough to keep her eyes open – I made sure to put on some good flicks for her to watch. She was suffering from some serious cold sweats, and I’d never seen someone mutter so much even in a broken sleep. I was impressed that she hadn’t yet asked me to get her any of the crack her body craved. That was a good sign,
but I knew that it was only a matter of time before she reached rock bottom.
When it was clear that she was going to be out for an hour at least, I scooped her up quietly and carefully – cradling her in my arms. She made some low, agitated, whining noise and shifted in my clutch. As I carried her over to my bedroom, I found it entirely too discomforting. The way she made me feel. Just holding her in my arms made my chest flutter
It was stupid, to be so frightened of a feeling or a thought. Still, I pushed them from mind and heart, and laid Madeline down into my bed – covering her up and tucking her beautiful, worn-out body into some kind of state of comfort.
I lingered over her for a moment, drinking in the paleness of her gorgeous face – I’d looked her way a number of times during our movie moment.
Made me feel like some kind of fuckin’ boy.
But I couldn’t help myself. Now I was acting like some kind of creep, counting her freckles in the dark. Angry with myself, I huffed out a breath and stormed my way through the house; I grabbed my phone and went outside for a bit, checking my phone and dicking around for a moment. Then I called Luke.
“Speak,” he said.
“Finally caught a moment to myself,” I announced.
“Heh, pull your hair out yet?”
“Getting there. She’s sleepin’ now. How’s things over there?” I could hear Jasmine in the background yelling that supper was ready.
“Here, here? Better now that I’m getting cooked a couple dozen meals a week – don’t ask me how she does it. Club side?” Luke pushed out a breath and called out to Jasmine, telling her that he’d be a minute. “Sorry, you know how her temper can be when I get all quiet on her. Club side… Sexton and Madwild went down to Lustmord, spoke to a couple of the girls there.”
“Shayla?”
“Yeah, few others too. Shayla’s good people.”
“For sure. Allen’s boys talking the talk?”
Luke snorted, “Yeah, yeah they are. Girls talk up our business to the locals and tourists, but soon as they’re out of sight the Steel Knights’ll toss our name in the dumpster. Getting less face-to-face meets, less business on courier work, some of the pushers, scared ass college boys they may be, are afraid to work with us.”
