by Joy Argento
“Oh, Emily. I am so sorry. Was it sudden?” Andi’s face showed true concern.
“Yes. It was very sudden. Brain aneurysm. She was gone before we even knew what was happening.”
“It must have been so hard for you.” Andi reached across the table and squeezed Emily’s hand. It radiated warmth, and Emily liked the comfort of it. Andi seemed to be waiting for Emily to continue.
“It was. I still miss her every day. But having my sister around helps. My dad was having trouble with his own grief, so we thought Mindy would be better off with me for now.”
Andi let go of her hand. Emily missed the feeling of it immediately, but it didn’t seem appropriate to reach for it back.
“How old is Mindy?”
“Twenty-three.” Emily liked having someone to talk to, someone who really seemed to care. “Mindy has Down syndrome. She’s very self-reliant and what you would call high functioning, but she still needs someone to look after her. In many ways, she is like a child, and in some ways, she’s more of an adult than I am. There is a wisdom about her that a lot of people don’t have, and she is so full of love for everyone. I do my best to make sure she has what she needs.”
“It’s wonderful that you do that for her.”
“I don’t feel like I’m doing anything special. She’s my sister. We take care of each other.” Emily continued to eat and sip her coffee while she talked. “I like having her around. I like taking care of her, although she thinks I try to do too much. But she’s a great kid—young woman. I guess she will always be a kid in a lot of ways.”
“Sounds like you love her a lot.”
“I do.”
“So, your last name—Sanders. Is that English? Scottish?”
“Very good, I’m impressed. It is a Scottish name. But I am a mutt, Scottish, French, and Italian.”
“Wow, your people really got around,” Andi joked.
Emily couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, I guess you can say that. You’re Italian, right?”
“Yep. One hundred percent.”
That explains the beautiful brown eyes. “How long have you been teaching?” Emily took the last bite of her food.
“Hmm, let’s see…this is my thirteenth year. Wow, does that make me feel old.”
“Have you been at the same school the whole time?”
“Started here pretty much out of college and never left. I complain about the kids sometimes, but I do love it. The school district is good,” Andi continued. “We have some great teachers. It’s the school I graduated from.”
“Wow!” Emily was surprised. “You didn’t stray far from home, then. Did you go to college here too?”
“No, I went to college in Buffalo. I loved it there, but it didn’t feel like home. You know?”
The waitress came back to refill their coffees. Emily put her hand over her cup and shook her head. She knew that any more caffeine and she would have trouble sleeping that night. Andi accepted the refill.
Emily waited until the waitress left before continuing her questions. “So, what about your personal life? Married? Boyfriend?” Emily noted that there were no rings on Andi’s fingers.
“No,” was her simple answer.
“Oh, you aren’t getting off that easy. As pretty and friendly as you are, there must be someone special in your life.” Emily couldn’t believe someone hadn’t snatched her up yet.
“Well, I ended a four-year relationship last year.” Andi averted her eyes.
Emily thought maybe she had overstepped. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to press. I am just interested in knowing more about you.”
“No big deal. It simply wasn’t working. I think the relationship really ended about a year before I left.”
“So, what happened, if you don’t mind me asking? How come it didn’t work out? He just wasn’t right for you?” Emily asked.
Andi hesitated. “She…is a nice person and we’re still friends, but we weren’t right together.” She paused, her eyes never leaving Emily’s.
Emily let the information sink in.
“Does it bother you that I’m gay?”
“Hmm. Well, to be honest, I’m a bit confused.”
“I’ve heard the questions before. Yes, I’m sure and no, it isn’t because I haven’t met the right man yet. I get asked that a lot.” Andi’s voice was lighthearted but her eyes intense.
Emily assumed she was watching for her reaction. “No, that wasn’t what I was confused about.” Emily sipped her coffee, forcing Andi to wait. “What confuses me is how come you teach math? Shouldn’t you be a gym teacher?” She smiled at her own joke, hoping the humor would ease the tension she saw in Andi’s eyes.
“Oh, aren’t you just so funny?” Andi smiled back. “I was very nervous about telling you. I’ve lost a couple of friends in the past when I came out to them.”
“They couldn’t have been very good friends, then.” Emily couldn’t believe someone would pull away from Andi for that.
Andi seemed visibly relieved.
“Relax,” Emily said, with a wink. “I know lesbians are almost like real people.”
Andi shook her head. A smile lit up her face and she let out a laugh.
She’s even prettier when she smiles. Emily was intrigued.
“Okay, so your turn now. Anyone special in your life?”
“Oh, no. We aren’t done talking about you.” She wanted to know more about this lovely woman sitting across from her.
“What else do you want to know?”
“Well, let’s start with your name. Where did Andi come from? Did your dad want a boy?”
“Considering he already had four of them by the time I was born, I doubt it. I was named after his mother. My real name is Andreina. My mom was never crazy about that name but named me that because it was important to my father. Anyway, she’s called me Andi since I was born. I like it much better. And just so you know, I don’t usually tell people my real name.”
“But you told me?”
“Must be because you’re so easy to talk to.”
Emily smiled. She found Andi easy to talk to as well.
The exchange continued freely until Andi glanced at her watch. “I hate to say it, but it’s twenty to five. We need to get going if you are going to be home on time.”
“Wow, the time flew by.” Unexpected disappointment seeped in. “Yes, I do need to get going. I have thoroughly enjoyed our conversation. Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure. I’ll walk you to your car.”
Andi stopped at the cash register to pay the bill and refused to take the money Emily tried to hand her. “I’ve got it,” she said. “We’ll have to do this again sometime,” she added.
“I would like that.”
“How about this weekend? My place?”
“I look forward to it,” Emily said. And she meant it.
***
Andi slid into her car and watched Emily do the same a few parking spots over. She let out an audible sigh. She never knew how someone would react when she came out to them, and Emily had responded in the best possible way.
She wasn’t being overly dramatic when she told Emily that she’d lost friends over this. Mary Wilkins, her best friend since sixth grade, called her a lezzy, a dyke, and fucking liar when Andi came out to her halfway through her senior year in high school. When she asked Andi if she had feelings for her, Andi should have lied. But she didn’t. She’d had feelings that she’d kept hidden for years. She confessed them to Mary. In return Mary told her the thought of Andi sleeping next to her all those times they’d had sleepovers made her want to vomit. She accused Andi of using her for her perverted fantasies. Andi would never make that mistake again. No. Nothing good could ever come from telling a straight girl you were in love with them.
The thought of that conversation—more like a one-way rant—still weighed heavy on Andi’s heart, even after all these years. It definitely made her wary of sharing too much of herself with people. But Emily seemed dif
ferent from most people. For whatever reason, Andi felt safe revealing her truth to Emily and letting the chips fall where they may. She knew there was a risk that Emily would run screaming and she would lose the possibility of friendship. But what good was a friendship if you couldn’t be yourself anyway? But Emily hadn’t run. In fact she made a joke, eliminating the possibility of tension. For that, Andi was grateful. They say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Andi believed the best way to anyone’s heart was through humor. Emily made her laugh, and Andi was already carving out a special place in her heart for her.
Chapter Four
“Hi there, come on in,” Andi pushed the screen door open and stepped out of the way to let Emily pass. Emily noticed she smelled like warm vanilla spice, one of her favorite scents. She stopped in the foyer and looked around on the floor, doing her best not to smirk.
“What are you doing?” Andi asked.
“You don’t have any cats?” Emily brought her eyes up to Andi’s.
“Why? Are you allergic to cats?”
“No, I thought it was a prerequisite for lesbians.”
Andi laughed. “You are just so funny, aren’t you? No, it isn’t a prerequisite.” Almost as if on cue, Emily felt something rub up against her leg. She looked down at a very large orange and white striped cat. She gave Andi an amused look.
“It isn’t a prerequisite,” Andi repeated more forcefully. “It’s an option.” She grinned at Emily. Andi picked up the hefty feline, who offered no resistance. “Emily, this is Butch. Butch, meet my new friend Emily.” She leaned close to the cat and whispered loud enough for Emily to hear, “I think you’re going to like her.”
“Hi, Butch,” Emily said to the cat, rubbing her hand over the animal’s head. “What a big boy you are.”
“Big girl. Butch is a big girl. She was a very butchy kitten when I got her, very rough and tumble, so I thought the name fit.”
Emily raised one eyebrow.
“And how do you know so much about lesbians?” Andi teased.
“Hey, I read. And watch TV. I binge-watched Orange Is the New Black.”
“So you know about lesbians in prison? I’m pretty sure none of them have cats.”
“I figured they just left them home.”
Andi deposited the large feline on a chair as they passed through the open living room and into the kitchen. “I thought maybe we would sit on the back deck, seeing as it’s such a nice evening,” Andi said. She took two beers out of the refrigerator and held one up to Emily for her approval. Emily nodded and reached for a bottle. Andi opened a bag of potato chips and poured them into a glass bowl. She handed the bowl to Emily and went back to the refrigerator, this time pulling out a container of French onion dip.
The late summer evening air was warm on Emily’s bare arms as she stepped out onto the deck. Four cushioned chairs surrounded a glass-topped table trimmed with dark green metal. The chairs were starting to show some wear and the green floral print fabric was beginning to fade from the sun. The redwood deck ran the entire length of the house, and a small hot tub sat in the far corner, the padded top locked down securely.
Andi set her beer and the container of dip down on the table. “Have a seat,” she said.
Emily plopped down and looked around. The grass was still very green and lush for the beginning of September in central New York. Large ash trees that were beginning to shed their leaves trimmed the property in the back and pine trees lined it on each side, creating a sense of privacy and a feeling of peacefulness. A large flower garden, surrounded by a ring of natural brown stones, sat almost dead center on the big lawn. There wasn’t a weed in sight. “What a nice backyard you have,” Emily said.
“Thank you.” Andi twisted the cap off of her beer and took a sip.
“Your garden reminds me of my mom. She had flowers planted everywhere.” So many things made her think of her mother.
“You must miss her a lot.” It was more of a statement than a question.
Emily swallowed hard and paused before answering. She needed to rein in the feeling of loss her mother’s death left in its wake. “I do.” Terribly. “But I’m grateful for the time I did have her in my life.”
“That’s a great attitude.”
Emily took a swig of her beer, feeling the bubbles and cool liquid tickle down her throat. She took the moment to compose herself. “I really do feel that way, but it was a process getting there. I was very angry when she first died. You know—the ‘why her, why me, why us’ kind of stuff. I felt cheated.” Cheated was an understatement. Emily had felt like the rug had been pulled out from under her. She lost her mother, her support, her best friend in an instant.
Andi kept her eyes on Emily as she talked. “So, what helped you get over the anger?”
She wasn’t totally over it. But well on her way. “Some of it was the passing of time, but mostly it was Mindy. She helped me get through it. She doesn’t quite understand death, I think, but she understands life, and she knows Mom had life and we were lucky that she shared it with us. I’m not explaining it very well. Mindy just kind of has a way of telling you that everything is okay and making you believe it.”
“Wow. I thought Mindy was lucky to have you, but it sounds like you are both very lucky to have each other.”
“We are. I’m getting to know my sister again. She was still pretty young when I went away to college, and I only saw her when I was home on break. I moved into my own place right after I graduated.” Emily felt comfortable around Andi. “Oh, by the way, Mindy and I are having a little get-together next week. Mindy invited one of her friends and I was hoping you could join us.”
“Of course. I would love to meet Mindy.”
“Excellent.” Emily couldn’t help but smile. “I seem to be hogging the conversation here. I want to hear more about you.”
“No, no, I enjoy your hogging. Go on.” Andi smiled broadly. “Hog away.”
“No, seriously, your turn. Tell me about your life.” Emily truly wanted to know more about Andi, as well as feeling the need to change the subject before she started crying.
“What do you want to know?”
“You grew up with four older brothers. What was that like?”
Andi smiled. “When I was very young, I was the little princess. I could do no wrong. But as I got older and wanted to do stuff with them, hang around them and their friends, they thought of me more as a nuisance, you know? They were doing all the fun things, playing basketball, going to movies, getting into trouble. I wanted to tag along.”
“That must have been hard for you.” Emily pictured a young Andi, with those beautiful brown eyes, looking forlorn as her brothers trotted off on an adventure without her. The image tugged at Emily’s heart, and she had the urge to wrap her arms around the imagined Andi and comfort her.
“It was, for a while. My dad thought that girls shouldn’t be doing ‘boy’ things.” Andi made air quotes with her fingers. “And my mother was so overwhelmed trying to raise them and keep them in line and out of trouble that she didn’t have a whole lot of time left over for me.”
Emily reached over and rubbed Andi’s shoulder.
“I spent a lot of time at my grandmother’s. She was my escape, a really great lady. She taught me a lot about life, all the important stuff like making chicken soup and how to sew—and I guess, just being myself. She taught me it was okay to be me. She gave me a great sense of self-worth.”
“She sounds wonderful. This was your father’s mother?”
“Yes, the one I was named after.”
“How old were you when she died?” Emily asked.
Emily could see Andi smile through the fading light of day. “Oh, she didn’t die. At the age of seventy-nine, she got herself a boyfriend, and they decided to travel around the world. They’re in Sicily right now. I’m sure she’s over there teaching them all how to cook.” Andi laughed.
“Wow, that’s great.”
“It is. She sends me pos
tcards from wherever they are. They come home every couple of months, but they don’t stay home long before they’re off globe-trotting again.”
“How about the rest of your family? How is your relationship with them now?” Emily asked. “Do they know you’re gay?”
“Yeah, they know,” Andi said, answering the last question first. “They weren’t too happy about it at first. My mother was convinced that it was her fault because she didn’t spend enough time with me when I was a kid. She has that classic mother guilt that somehow makes you feel guilty for making her feel guilty.” Andi absently ran her finger up the side of her beer bottle to catch a drip before setting it down on the table. “They’re all right with it for the most part. I see them from time to time and things are fine. We don’t talk about it much. My brothers are all married now with families of their own. I guess God must have thought there were enough boys in our family because every single one of them has only daughters. I have seven nieces.”
“I guess they have a lot of little girls tagging along now.”
“Poetic justice.”
“Does anyone at work know you’re gay?” Emily paused. “I hope I’m not getting too personal with the questions.”
“Not at all, I don’t mind talking about it.” She smiled. “With you.”
Emily smiled in return. She wasn’t sure the warm feeling that was enveloping her was from the conversation and company or from the beer. Either way, she liked it.
“Some people at work know. I don’t advertise my sexuality but I don’t hide it either. They seem cool with it. I haven’t heard any negative remarks from anyone. The students, of course, don’t know. At least, as far as I know, they don’t.”
“I’m glad no one gives you a hard time. I’d have to defend your honor and beat the crap out of them for you.”
“You would, would you? Somehow I can’t picture you beating anyone up.” She laughed.
“Alright, maybe I would just give them a good tongue-lashing.” Now that she could do for Andi if it was called for. Not that Andi couldn’t take care of herself. Emily was sure she could.
