by Joy Argento
It’s only her waist. I’m touching her waist and my fingers feel like they’re on fire. What have I been missing all these years? She willed herself to stop, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon. Her hands traveled up that warm, hot back and reached behind Sarah for her bra clasp. She unhooked it in one quick move. Her fingertips swept around to the front, reached up under the now loose bra, and cupped Sarah’s firm breasts in her hands.
It was Sarah’s turn to moan and she tipped her head back as the sound escaped her throat. Emily took the opportunity to kiss Sarah’s long neck. She kissed and licked down to the hollow at the base of her neck and lingered there. Sarah brought Emily’s face back up and kissed her again. Their tongues tumbled together inside Emily’s mouth and Emily began to feel light-headed. Her hands danced over Sarah’s breasts. Her palms rubbed against the tight nipples as her fingers squeezed the soft flesh surrounding them.
Sarah removed her own shirt and discarded it on the floor. Her bra quickly followed. She tugged Emily’s T-shirt from her waistband and pulled it up, leaving it gathered at Emily’s neck. Sarah wasted no time unhooking Emily’s bra and pushing it up as well. Sarah pushed Emily back on the couch and in one quick motion was on top of her, never breaking the contact of their lips. Emily could feel Sarah’s firm, round breasts covering hers. She delighted in the feeling. No wonder Andi likes… Her thoughts flashed to Andi and someone kissing Andi in the front seat of that car yesterday morning. Her breath caught in her throat. She needed to stop. She needed to breathe.
“We need to slow down,” she managed to say.
“Okay. Whatever you want,” Sarah said, with obvious difficulty. She slowed the roaming of her hands on Emily’s breasts and brought her mouth back to Emily’s and kissed her again, this time with less urgency and more tenderness.
Emily pulled her head back. “No, I mean we have to stop. We need to slow down on everything. This is going way too fast for me. I’m sorry.” Emily knew she was just as responsible for letting it get this far as Sarah was, maybe more so. The last thing she wanted to be was a tease. “I’m sorry,” Emily repeated.
Sarah sat up. “No, no, don’t apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry. You are just so beautiful that I got carried away. We can go as slow as you want.” Sarah picked up her shirt and bra and put them back on.
Emily remained lying back on the couch for several seconds, trying to get her thoughts together before sitting up. It took her another few moments to realize that her shirt was still up around her neck and her bra was hanging loose. In quick succession, she hooked her bra and pulled down her shirt. She could feel the heat seeping up from her chest into her face. She avoided eye contact with Sarah in a vain attempt to hide her embarrassment.
“It’s all right. Really.” Sarah smiled and gave Emily’s hand a squeeze. “Really,” she repeated. “Let’s finish breakfast.” She handed Emily her bagel, picked up her own, and took a bite. Her eyes never left Emily.
Emily took a sip of her orange juice, waiting for her heart to stop racing. She forced herself to make eye contact and nibbled on her bagel. They finished eating, making light conversation. The topic didn’t stray far from superficial.
“I’ll call you in a few days if that’s still all right,” Sarah said. She walked Emily to the door.
“Yes, please call.” Emily smiled. She gave Sarah a kiss on the cheek and left. Walking past the elevator, she chose the stairs in an attempt to work off some of the massive amount of energy coursing through her.
Back in her car, she leaned her head against the headrest and closed her eyes. Wow. She couldn’t believe that had happened. Couldn’t believe how it made her feel. Wow, wow, wow. She drove around aimlessly for about an hour before heading the car in the direction of her father’s house.
***
“So, how are you doing, Dad?” Emily passed him the salad, glad to be having dinner as a family.
“Not great. But, doing a little better every day. I have thirty-five days under my belt with AA.” He gave her a tired smile.
“That’s great, Dad,” Emily said.
“What is AA?” Mindy asked. “Is it like when your c-c-car breaks down?”
Emily couldn’t help but smile. “No, sweetie, that’s triple A. Remember we talked about Daddy having some problems with being so sad?” She looked at her father, and he nodded for her to continue. “He was drinking a little too much beer and stuff like that and it wasn’t good for him. AA is like a club that helps him get better.”
“You feel better, Daddy?” Mindy asked, between bites of food.
“I sure do, kiddo. But I miss you guys.”
“We will visit you lots so you don’t have to m-m-miss us too much. Okay, Daddy?” She got up and hugged him. “Don’t be sad.”
“Thanks, baby. Now go eat the rest of your dinner.”
Mindy released his neck and trotted back to her seat.
“I’m sorry, Dad. You know I never would have taken a job so far away if I had known what was going to happen to Mom. I needed a change after everything with Brian.” Guilt swept through her like a windstorm.
“I know. It was a good change for you. I’m glad you did it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t miss ya.” He winked at her. His eyes looked clearer than they had a couple of months ago. He’d even shaved before he and Mindy went to church that morning. “You also might be interested to know that I’ve taken care of all the paperwork from the funeral home, insurance policies and everything else. Well, most of it. There is just so much of it to do. I’ll tell ya, it has been quite a chore. But I am proud to say it’s almost done.” His smile looked genuine. “Your mother would have died if she knew it cost a hundred and fifty dollars to do her hair for the funeral.” It was a good sign that he was making light of it.
“Holy c-c-cow,” Mindy said. “A hundred and fifty d-d-dollars? When I have a funeral, somebody better bring a brush to brush my hair.” Everyone laughed.
“That won’t be for a long, long time, kiddo.”
“Okay, Daddy. Do I have to eat these b-b-beans? They are all mushy.” Mindy made a face.
“They’re supposed to be mushy. They’re baked beans. But no, you don’t have to eat them if you don’t like ’em. It won’t hurt my feelings none, even though I did spend all of three minutes opening the can and heating them up. But that’s okay, don’t eat ’em if ya don’t like ’em,” he teased.
“Oh, Daddy, you are funny.”
Emily tuned out of the conversation as her mind skipped ahead. Tomorrow was Monday and she couldn’t wait to talk to Andi and tell her about Sarah.
Chapter Nine
It was tough getting through the first three periods at school Monday morning. Nerves, anxiety, and excitement took turns coursing through Emily’s body and mind. The message she’d left on Andi’s voice mail said to meet her in the art room at lunchtime. She wanted so badly to talk to her. Emily decided not to ask Andi about the kiss she’d witnessed in the parking lot on Saturday morning. In fact, she decided not to think about it at all. It was time to concentrate on her own life. Emily hadn’t told anyone about her self-revelation, and she wanted—no, she needed—to talk to someone. And her first choice, maybe her only choice, was Andi.
Andi knocked once and let herself into the art room. “What’s up?” she asked. “You sounded a little weird on the phone. Is everything all right?” She shut the door behind her.
Emily didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure how to start.
Andi plopped down on a table across from Emily and waited. No coherent sentences formed in Emily’s mind.
“So? Are you going to talk to me? I’m starting to get a little worried here. Em?”
Emily moved to the front of the desk and faced Andi. She looked down and focused on the floor for several long moments as she gathered her thoughts. She lifted her head and looked into Andi’s deep brown eyes for a moment. Then she looked at the floor again. This wasn’t going to be as easy as she thought. She had nev
er said the words I’m gay to anyone before. Hell, she hadn’t even considered it as a possibility a week ago.
Emily spoke in hushed tones even though the door was closed. “I think I’m gay,” she said meeting Andi’s eyes.
Andi paused before speaking. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
Andi visibly swallowed. She took Emily’s hand. “Em, I—”
“I met someone,” Emily interrupted her. She waited for Andi’s response. When she didn’t get one, she went on. “Well, what do you think? Tell me what you’re thinking.”
A look of disappointment crossed Andi’s face, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. She smiled, but the smile never quite reached her eyes. “Who is she? Where did you meet her?”
Emily thought about it for a second. She realized that she didn’t have a whole lot to tell because she didn’t know that much about Sarah. “She’s an artist and I met her at an art festival in Rochester this past weekend. She’s blond and pretty, and her sister lives across the street from my dad.”
“That’s great.” Andi’s eyes lacked their usual sparkle. Emily didn’t know what to make of it. “An artist, huh? So you have something in common.”
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
“No, I didn’t sleep with her, but we did kiss and it was, well…it was surprising and it was wonderful.”
Andi struggled to keep any hint of emotion from her voice. She was confused and more than a little disappointed. “Thanks for sharing, but that wasn’t going to be my question. I was going to ask you how come all of a sudden you are interested in women. In this woman?” This woman? What is it about this woman?
“I’m not sure. I guess I’ve had feelings for women all my life but never let myself realize what it all meant. I don’t think I ever allowed it to be a possibility in my mind before. I met Sarah at the festival and she asked me out. Well, I wasn’t sure if she was asking me out or to have a drink with her as a friend. Anyway, I went, and she kissed me. Andi, I have never had my body react like that before. I have never—I mean, it was just a kiss, and my body, I mean my whole body…” A deep blush crept up Emily’s neck to her face.
“I know what you mean,” Andi said. “I know how it feels when that happens, especially if the only experience you’ve had up to this point is with the wrong gender.” Could it be true? Could Emily really be gay or was she just—
“Yes, I knew if anyone would understand, it would be you.”
“So, you really like this woman?” Andi asked, hoping the answer would be no. But she could tell by the look on Emily’s face that she did.
“Yes. I mean, I like what I know so far. She seems nice. I don’t really know a lot about her, but I want to get to know her better.”
“I am very happy for you, Emily. You deserve the best.” Andi meant it. Most of it.
Emily hugged her tightly. “Thank you. She may come to visit this weekend.”
“This weekend, huh?”
“Yes. Do you want to meet her?”
Not really. “Sure, at some point. But why don’t you take this weekend for yourselves? I can take Mindy if you want me to. I have to help my friend, Taylor, with a few things right after work on Friday, but I can pick Mindy up after that.” Andi’s voice cracked the slightest bit. She cleared her throat.
“Wow. That would be great. You wouldn’t mind? Are you sure?” Emily sounded downright giddy.
Yeah. No. Actually I don’t want to take Mindy. I don’t want you to see this woman. I want you to see me.
“Are you sure?” Emily repeated.
Andi silently reprimanded herself. Emily is your friend. You want her to be happy. Apparently this woman makes her happy. Andi straightened her back and sucked in her feelings. “No problem at all. I love that kid, you know. We can go to the movies and eat popcorn till we’re sick.”
Emily gave her a look that spoke volumes.
“Okay, maybe that last part isn’t a good idea. How about I take her to a movie and buy her a little popcorn?”
“You’re the best.” Emily hugged her again. Andi found herself leaning into it, feeling the heat from Emily’s body mixing with her own. She knew a few more seconds in this position, and she would have a problem letting go. She pulled back and looked into Emily’s eyes, saw the excitement radiating out. She cared about Emily enough to want her to be happy. Andi decided to do whatever she could to make sure that happened.
Chapter Ten
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Taylor said, as she handed a box labeled DISHES to Andi. Andi set it on the counter and opened the top.
“Nope. She said she’s gay, and she found someone she likes.” Andi shook her head.
“Oh man, I’m so sorry. I could tell from the way you talked about her that you like her.”
“I did my best not to, but yeah, I did. I do. I mean, what the hell?” She took a stack of dessert plates out of the box and carefully removed the packing paper around them. “I had no idea she was gay, so there was no way I was going to tell her that.”
“Why don’t you tell her now?” Taylor grabbed another box from the stack on the floor and put it on the table. She leaned on it as she waited for Andi’s answer.
“No way. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do. She seems to really like this woman. Sarah.”
Taylor opened her mouth and put her finger in it, pretending to vomit. “Sarah smara. The hell with Sarah. Tell her.”
This conversation wasn’t what she needed right now. Andi just needed someone to listen. She had already decided she wasn’t going to tell Emily about her feelings. Emily had enough confusing stuff going on. Andi wasn’t going to add to that. “How come I’m the only one unpacking boxes?” Andi asked in an effort to change the subject.
“Because this is more important.” Taylor wasn’t about to let this go. “You didn’t have any idea that she played on our team?”
“She didn’t even have an idea. How was I supposed to?” Andi continued unpacking the box in front of her. She nodded to the box in front of Taylor in a weak attempt to get her do the same.
This was the third time in two years that Taylor had moved into a new apartment, and her other friends were apparently tired of helping her unpack. Andi had to leave soon to pick up Mindy, and she wanted to get as much done here as possible.
Besides, she had already spent the last four days turning this over in her mind. She couldn’t tell Emily about her feelings when she thought Emily was straight and she couldn’t tell her now because she was dating someone. Life was so unfair sometimes.
“So what are you going to do?” Taylor asked.
“I’m going to unpack this box.” She knew damn well that wasn’t what Taylor meant.
“About Emily.” She let out an exasperated breath.
“I’m going to be her friend. I’m going to support her in whatever she decides.” And I’m going to hope my heart can take it.
***
Emily was both excited and nervous to see Sarah again. It was all arranged. Andi said she would pick Mindy up at six, and Sarah was expected around seven. Emily wanted to take this weekend to really get to know Sarah better. She decided that she would sleep in Mindy’s room and give Sarah her room. She didn’t want anything to get out of hand. She’d waited this long to figure out she was gay. She could wait a little longer to make love with a woman. She wanted to be in love, or at least in strong like, before she did.
Mindy was already home and packing an overnight bag when Emily got home from work. Emily could hear her singing in her room.
“Do you have your toothbrush packed?” Emily asked, leaning against the doorjamb of Mindy’s room.
“Yes.” Her annoyance was evident in the look she gave Emily.
Emily ignored the look. “How about clean underwear?”
“Umm, I was getting that.” Mindy opened her dresser drawer and pawed through her underwear until she came upon her purple pair. She unzipped the c
anvas duffel bag, stuffed the underwear in, and zipped the bag closed again.
“How about clean socks?”
Mindy walked back to her dresser and pulled out a pair of pink socks and added them to the duffel bag.
“How about pajamas?” Mindy gave her that look again.
“Of course I have my p-p-pajamas. I not a little kid, you know.” She picked up the duffel bag and grabbed her Dora the Explorer pillow from the bed. Mindy pushed past Emily to wait for Andi in the living room.
Emily followed and handed her two twenty-dollar bills. “Use this to pay for the movie and popcorn. Tell Andi it’s your treat.”
Mindy looked confused. “My tweet?”
Emily couldn’t help but laugh. “You say, it’s my treat. Never mind. Just tell Andi that you are paying for the movie and popcorn. Okay?”
“Okay. Can I keep the change?”
“You can keep the change, but don’t use it to buy candy or anything else at the theater. You can get a small popcorn and a soda and let Andi get anything she wants.”
“How come she gets anything s-s-she wants and I only can get small popcorn and soda?”
“Mindy.” Emily tried to say it with authority, but it came out a little weak. “Please do what I ask you, okay? Promise?”
“Okay, okay, okay, I p-promise. Get off my case.” Mindy giggled, unable to pull off the authoritative voice she obviously strived for.
The doorbell rang. “Andi!” Mindy yelled and ran to let her in. She shook Andi’s hand politely before giving her a big hug.
