She followed with her eyes as the young people separated in the hall, some climbing stairs, some disappearing down side halls, some entering adjoining doors. She saw the girl overtake the brown-eyed boy and speak to him. He glanced back at Elnora with a scowl on his face. Then she stood alone in the hall.
Presently a door opened and a young woman came out and entered another room. Elnora waited until she returned, and hurried to her. “Would you tell me where the Freshmen are?” she panted.
“Straight down the hall, three doors to your left,” was the answer, as the girl passed.
“One minute please, oh please,” begged Elnora: “Should I knock or just open the door?”
“Go in and take a seat,” replied the teacher.
“What if there aren’t any seats?” gasped Elnora.
“Classrooms are never half-filled, there will be plenty,” was the answer.
Elnora removed her hat. There was no place to put it, so she carried it in her hand. She looked infinitely better without it. After several efforts she at last opened the door and stepping inside faced a smaller and more concentrated battery of eyes.
“The superintendent sent me. He thinks I belong here,” she said to the professor in charge of the class, but she never before heard the voice with which she spoke. As she stood waiting, the girl of the hall passed on her way to the blackboard, and suppressed laughter told Elnora that her thrust had been repeated.
“Be seated,” said the professor, and then because he saw Elnora was desperately embarrassed he proceeded to lend her a book and to ask her if she had studied algebra. She said she had a little, but not the same book they were using. He asked her if she felt that she could do the work they were beginning, and she said she did.
That was how it happened, that three minutes after entering the room she was told to take her place beside the girl who had gone last to the board, and whose flushed face and angry eyes avoided meeting Elnora’s. Being compelled to concentrate on her proposition she forgot herself. When the professor asked that all pupils sign their work she firmly wrote “Elnora Comstock” under her demonstration. Then she took her seat and waited with white lips and trembling limbs, as one after another professor called the names on the board, while their owners arose and explained their propositions, or “flunked” if they had not found a correct solution. She was so eager to catch their forms of expression and prepare herself for her recitation, that she never looked from the work on the board, until clearly and distinctly, “Elnora Cornstock,” called the professor.
The dazed girl stared at the board. One tiny curl added to the top of the first curve of the m in her name, had transformed it from a good old English patronymic that any girl might bear proudly, to Cornstock. Elnora sat speechless. When and how did it happen? She could feel the wave of smothered laughter in the air around her. A rush of anger turned her face scarlet and her soul sick. The voice of the professor addressed her directly.
“This proposition seems to be beautifully demonstrated, Miss Cornstalk,” he said. “Surely, you can tell us how you did it.”
That word of praise saved her. She could do good work. They might wear their pretty clothes, have their friends and make life a greater misery than it ever before had been for her, but not one of them should do better work or be more womanly. That lay with her. She was tall, straight, and handsome as she arose.
“Of course I can explain my work,” she said in natural tones. “What I can’t explain is how I happened to be so stupid as to make a mistake in writing my own name. I must have been a little nervous. Please excuse me.”
She went to the board, swept off the signature with one stroke, then rewrote it plainly. “My name is Comstock,” she said distinctly. She returned to her seat and following the formula used by the others made her first high school recitation.
As Elnora resumed her seat Professor Henley looked at her steadily. “It puzzles me,” he said deliberately, “how you can write as beautiful a demonstration, and explain it as clearly as ever has been done in any of my classes and still be so disturbed as to make a mistake in your own name. Are you very sure you did that yourself, Miss Comstock?”
“It is impossible that any one else should have done it,” answered Elnora.
“I am very glad you think so,” said the professor. “Being Freshmen, all of you are strangers to me. I should dislike to begin the year with you feeling there was one among you small enough to do a trick like that. The next proposition, please.”
When the hour had gone the class filed back to the study room and Elnora followed in desperation, because she did not know where else to go. She could not study as she had no books, and when the class again left the room to go to another professor for the next recitation, she went also. At least they could put her out if she did not belong there. Noon came at last, and she kept with the others until they dispersed on the sidewalk. She was so abnormally self-conscious she fancied all the hundreds of that laughing, throng saw and jested at her. When she passed the brown-eyed boy walking with the girl of her encounter, she knew, for she heard him say: “Did you really let that gawky piece of calico get ahead of you?” The answer was indistinct.
Elnora hurried from the city. She intended to get her lunch, eat it in the shade of the first tree, and then decide whether she would go back or go home. She knelt on the bridge and reached for her box, but it was so very light that she was prepared for the fact that it was empty, before opening it. There was one thing for which to be thankful. The boy or tramp who had seen her hide it, had left the napkin. She would not have to face her mother and account for its loss. She put it in her pocket, and threw the box into the ditch. Then she sat on the bridge and tried to think, but her brain was confused.
“Perhaps the worst is over,” she said at last. “I will go back. What would mother say to me if I came home now?”
So she returned to the high school, followed some other pupils to the coat room, hung her hat, and found her way to the study where she had been in the morning. Twice that afternoon, with aching head and empty stomach, she faced strange professors, in different branches. Once she escaped notice; the second time the worst happened. She was asked a question she could not answer.
“Have you not decided on your course, and secured your books?” inquired the professor.
“I have decided on my course,” replied Elnora, “I do not know where to ask for my books.”
“Ask?” the professor was bewildered.
“I understood the books were furnished,” faltered Elnora.
“Only to those bringing an order from the township trustee,” replied the Professor.
“No! Oh no!” cried Elnora. “I will have them to-morrow,” and gripped her desk for support for she knew that was not true. Four books, ranging perhaps at a dollar and a half apiece; would her mother buy them? Of course she would not—could not.
Did not Elnora know the story of old. There was enough land, but no one to do clearing and farm. Tax on all those acres, recently the new gravel road tax added, the expense of living and only the work of two women to meet all of it. She was insane to think she could come to the city to school. Her mother had been right. The girl decided that if only she lived to reach home, she would stay there and lead any sort of life to avoid more of this torture. Bad as what she wished to escape had been, it was nothing like this. She never could live down the movement that went through the class when she inadvertently revealed the fact that she had expected books to be furnished. Her mother would not secure them; that settled the question.
But the end of misery is never in a hurry to come; before the day was over the superintendent entered the room and explained that pupils from the country were charged a tuition of twenty dollars a year. That really was the end. Previously Elnora had canvassed a dozen methods for securing the money for books, ranging all the way from offering to wash the superintendent’s dishes to breaking into the bank. This additional expense made her plans so wildly impossible, there was nothi
ng to do but hold up her head until she was from sight.
Down the long corridor alone among hundreds, down the long street alone among thousands, out into the country she came at last. Across the fence and field, along the old trail once trodden by a boy’s bitter agony, now stumbled a white-faced girl, sick at heart. She sat on a log and began to sob in spite of her efforts at self-control. At first it was physical breakdown, later, thought came crowding.
Oh the shame, the mortification! Why had she not known of the tuition? How did she happen to think that in the city books were furnished? Perhaps it was because she had read they were in several states. But why did she not know? Why did not her mother go with her? Other mothers—but when had her mother ever been or done anything at all like other mothers? Because she never had been it was useless to blame her now. Elnora realized she should have gone to town the week before, called on some one and learned all these things herself. She should have remembered how her clothing would look, before she wore it in public places. Now she knew, and her dreams were over. She must go home to feed chickens, calves, and pigs, wear calico and coarse shoes, and with averted head, pass a library all her life. She sobbed again.
“For pity’s sake, honey, what’s the matter?” asked the voice of the nearest neighbour, Wesley Sinton, as he seated himself beside Elnora. “There, there,” he continued, smearing tears all over her face in an effort to dry them. “Was it as bad as that, now? Maggie has been just wild over you all day. She’s got nervouser every minute. She said we were foolish to let you go. She said your clothes were not right, you ought not to carry that tin pail, and that they would laugh at you. By gum, I see they did!”
“Oh, Uncle Wesley,” sobbed the girl, “why didn’t she tell me?”
“Well, you see, Elnora, she didn’t like to. You got such a way of holding up your head, and going through with things. She thought some way that you’d make it, till you got started, and then she begun to see a hundred things we should have done. I reckon you hadn’t reached that building before she remembered that your skirt should have been pleated instead of gathered, your shoes been low, and lighter for hot September weather, and a new hat. Were your clothes right, Elnora?”
The girl broke into hysterical laughter. “Right!” she cried. “Right! Uncle Wesley, you should have seen me among them! I was a picture! They’ll never forget me. No, they won’t get the chance, for they’ll see me again to-morrow!
“Now that is what I call spunk, Elnora! Downright grit,” said Wesley Sinton. “Don’t you let them laugh you out. You’ve helped Margaret and me for years at harvest and busy times, what you’ve earned must amount to quite a sum. You can get yourself a good many clothes with it.”
“Don’t mention clothes, Uncle Wesley,” sobbed Elnora, “I don’t care now how I look. If I don’t go back all of them will know it’s because I am so poor I can’t buy my books.”
“Oh, I don’t know as you are so dratted poor,” said Sinton meditatively. “There are three hundred acres of good land, with fine timber as ever grew on it.”
“It takes all we can earn to pay the tax, and mother wouldn’t cut a tree for her life.”
“Well then, maybe, I’ll be compelled to cut one for her,” suggested Sinton. “Anyway, stop tearing yourself to pieces and tell me. If it isn’t clothes, what is it?”
“It’s books and tuition. Over twenty dollars in all.”
“Humph! First time I ever knew you to be stumped by twenty dollars, Elnora,” said Sinton, patting her hand.
“It’s the first time you ever knew me to want money,” answered Elnora. “This is different from anything that ever happened to me. Oh, how can I get it, Uncle Wesley?”
“Drive to town with me in the morning and I’ll draw it from the bank for you. I owe you every cent of it.”
“You know you don’t owe me a penny, and I wouldn’t touch one from you, unless I really could earn it. For anything that’s past I owe you and Aunt Margaret for all the home life and love I’ve ever known. I know how you work, and I’ll not take your money.”
“Just a loan, Elnora, just a loan for a little while until you can earn it. You can be proud with all the rest of the world, but there are no secrets between us, are there, Elnora?”
“No,” said Elnora, “there are none. You and Aunt Margaret have given me all the love there has been in my life. That is the one reason above all others why you shall not give me charity. Hand me money because you find me crying for it! This isn’t the first time this old trail has known tears and heartache. All of us know that story. Freckles stuck to what he undertook and won out. I stick, too. When Duncan moved away he gave me all Freckles left in the swamp, and as I have inherited his property maybe his luck will come with it. I won’t touch your money, but I’ll win some way. First, I’m going home and try mother. It’s just possible I could find second-hand books, and perhaps all the tuition need not be paid at once. Maybe they would accept it quarterly. But oh, Uncle Wesley, you and Aunt Margaret keep on loving me! I’m so lonely, and no one else cares!”
Wesley Sinton’s jaws met with a click. He swallowed hard on bitter words and changed what he would have liked to say three times before it became articulate.
“Elnora,” he said at last, “if it hadn’t been for one thing I’d have tried to take legal steps to make you ours when you were three years old. Maggie said then it wasn’t any use, but I’ve always held on. You see, I was the first man there, honey, and there are things you see, that you can’t ever make anybody else understand. She loved him Elnora, she just made an idol of him. There was that oozy green hole, with the thick scum broke, and two or three big bubbles slowly rising that were the breath of his body. There she was in spasms of agony, and beside her the great heavy log she’d tried to throw him. I can’t ever forgive her for turning against you, and spoiling your childhood as she has, but I couldn’t forgive anybody else for abusing her. Maggie has got no mercy on her, but Maggie didn’t see what I did, and I’ve never tried to make it very clear to her. It’s been a little too plain for me ever since. Whenever I look at your mother’s face, I see what she saw, so I hold my tongue and say, in my heart, ‘Give her a mite more time.’ Some day it will come. She does love you, Elnora. Everybody does, honey. It’s just that she’s feeling so much, she can’t express herself. You be a patient girl and wait a little longer. After all, she’s your mother, and you’re all she’s got, but a memory, and it might do her good to let her know that she was fooled in that.”
“It would kill her!” cried the girl swiftly. “Uncle Wesley, it would kill her! What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” said Wesley Sinton soothingly. “Nothing, honey. That was just one of them fool things a man says, when he is trying his best to be wise. You see, she loved him mightily, and they’d been married only a year, and what she was loving was what she thought he was. She hadn’t really got acquainted with the man yet. If it had been even one more year, she could have borne it, and you’d have got justice. Having been a teacher she was better educated and smarter than the rest of us, and so she was more sensitive like. She can’t understand she was loving a dream. So I say it might do her good if somebody that knew, could tell her, but I swear to gracious, I never could. I’ve heard her out at the edge of that quagmire calling in them wild spells of hers off and on for the last sixteen years, and imploring the swamp to give him back to her, and I’ve got out of bed when I was pretty tired, and come down to see she didn’t go in herself, or harm you. What she feels is too deep for me. I’ve got to respectin’ her grief, and I can’t get over it. Go home and tell your ma, honey, and ask her nice and kind to help you. If she won’t, then you got to swallow that little lump of pride in your neck, and come to Aunt Maggie, like you been a-coming all your life.”
“I’ll ask mother, but I can’t take your money, Uncle Wesley, indeed I can’t. I’ll wait a year, and earn some, and enter next year.”
“There’s one thing you don’t consider, Elnora,” said the man earne
stly. “And that’s what you are to Maggie. She’s a little like your ma. She hasn’t given up to it, and she’s struggling on brave, but when we buried our second little girl the light went out of Maggie’s eyes, and it’s not come back. The only time I ever see a hint of it is when she thinks she’s done something that makes you happy, Elnora. Now, you go easy about refusing her anything she wants to do for you. There’s times in this world when it’s our bounden duty to forget ourselves, and think what will help other people. Young woman, you owe me and Maggie all the comfort we can get out of you. There’s the two of our own we can’t ever do anything for. Don’t you get the idea into your head that a fool thing you call pride is going to cut us out of all the pleasure we have in life beside ourselves.”
“Uncle Wesley, you are a dear,” said Elnora. “Just a dear! If I can’t possibly get that money any way else on earth, I’ll come and borrow it of you, and then I’ll pay it back if I must dig ferns from the swamp and sell them from door to door in the city. I’ll even plant them, so that they will be sure to come up in the spring. I have been sort of panic stricken all day and couldn’t think. I can gather nuts and sell them. Freckles sold moths and butterflies, and I’ve a lot collected. Of course, I am going back to-morrow! I can find a way to get the books. Don’t you worry about me. I am all right!
“Now, what do you think of that?” inquired Wesley Sinton of the swamp in general. “Here’s our Elnora come back to stay. Head high and right as a trivet! You’ve named three ways in three minutes that you could earn ten dollars, which I figure would be enough, to start you. Let’s go to supper and stop worrying!”
Elnora unlocked the case, took out the pail, put the napkin in it, pulled the ribbon from her hair, binding it down tightly again and followed to the road. From afar she could see her mother in the doorway. She blinked her eyes, and tried to smile as she answered Wesley Sinton, and indeed she did feel better. She knew now what she had to expect, where to go, and what to do. Get the books she must; when she had them, she would show those city girls and boys how to prepare and recite lessons, how to walk with a brave heart; and they could show her how to wear pretty clothes and have good times.
Wonder, Hope, Love, and Loss Page 26
