“Many things are illegal. Many things that we do every day. If we gave up everything, followed every rule, what would we have left?” Ed asked.
I saw his point. “Not very freaking much.”
He smiled up at me as his thumb stroked the shell of my ear. “You’re not very much your father’s daughter, are you?”
I shook my head. “Are you kidding? My dad’s crazy. A total, raging, legal fanatic. The only thing we have in common is being nosy, wanting to get to the bottom of everything. The difference is, I just want to know. Dad wants to get people arrested.
“Example,” I said. “You wanted to know how I lost my virginity?”
Ed nodded. “I do.”
“Well, the same way as a lot of people, I suppose. My basement, in town, on a couch. I was sixteen, and my parents had left to go out to dinner. The guy’s name was Brian, he was in my chemistry class, and I’d invited him over to watch a movie.
“We were in the middle of the deed, when my dad walked in.”
Ed groaned.
“Yeah. And he didn’t spin around and shut the door behind him like a normal, polite person. No, he stormed into the room, grabbed Brian by the scruff of his neck, and dragged him off me. Poor Brian was buck naked, and he got dragged through the house, down the snowy driveway, and my dad stuffed him in his squad car. By the time I got my clothes on and ran after them, he was already pulling away. Dad drove him to the police station, and had him charged with trespassing and indecent exposure. Would have had him charged with assault if he could have convinced me to testify.”
“So you didn’t get to finish, either,” Ed said.
I grinned. “No, I guess I didn’t.”
He was giving me that soft look again. “Suzy, I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you. The very first moment. If it wasn’t for your dad, I would have acted on it.”
I threaded my fingers into his beard, tugged lightly.
“That’s not a handle,” he murmured.
I didn’t let him go.
He tugged on one of my curls.
I grinned. “What was I doing in this first moment?”
“Well, you were fifteen—”
I slapped his shoulder and he laughed. “What? I was barely older myself; I was allowed to admire a hot neighbor girl. You were at your parents’ dock, talking to a bunch of fishermen. Charming all of them. You had on these tiny denim shorts, and the sun was on your hair, turning it to gold. You were so animated, like a happy little ray of sunshine.”
I felt a goofy grin creeping across my face. “You really did notice me.”
“Of course I did. You’re amazing.”
I was lost in his kiss when my phone rang. Ed groaned as I went scrambling after it.
“Hello?” I tucked my hair behind my ear, listening intently to the man on the other end. “Uh-huh. Yes, of course. I’ll be there.” I hit End and started looking around for my clothes.
Ed had propped himself up on one elbow, and was giving me a questioning look.
“I gotta get home. The Troopers are en route.” Oh, right. I’d snagged my phone, but my clothes were still in the bathroom.
“Troopers? What Troopers?” He sat up.
“The ones I called about my gold nugget,” I said. “Your sister is being a real bitch about it. Hounding me. I need it found.”
“My sister? What does my sister have to do with Troopers?”
I frowned over at him, realizing that in all my hunting and questioning, I still hadn’t actually told him what was going on. “Your sister Chastity—”
“Half-sister,” Ed muttered. “Another of Ralph’s by-blows.”
That got my attention. “How many of you are there?”
“Five, that I know of. The other three, though, my dad never met.”
I snorted. Dirty old man, indeed. “Chastity’s attorney sent me a letter, saying that according to your dad’s most recent will, the gold nugget belongs to her. She says if I don’t get it to her in the next few days—I think I have a week now, maybe—she’s going to sue me for the value of the nugget.”
“Sue you? But that’s… Wait. The most recent will says it’s hers?”
I paused in pulling on my clothes. “She sent me a copy. It was dated five years ago, but yeah.”
Ed was frowning. “Dad never updated his will, that’s true. But I don’t remember that part.” He was up and digging in the papers on his dresser, more talking to himself than anything else. “But then, I wasn’t really paying attention because it had been taken care of. He’d put it in your hand, and that was good enough for me.”
“Well not, apparently, for the lawyers. But do let me know if you find out otherwise.” I have no idea how long I stood there, staring at his lovely backside, before I remembered I had somewhere to be. “I gotta go. The Troopers are supposed to be at my place in less than half an hour.”
Ed spun around, giving me the full frontal view. “The Troopers are here just for the nugget, right?” he asked.
“What else would I call them for?”
“Are you going to tell them about the fight club?”
“Huh. I hadn’t really thought about it.” I tried to hold in my smile.
Ed groaned. He crossed to me and caught my chin. He tilted my face up, forcing me to look at him. “Are you going to tell them about my fight club?”
I grinned. “I hadn’t really decided.”
“I swear to God, Suzy, I’m going to lock you in a closet.”
I grinned wider. “Sounds like fun, someday. But not this morning,” I said. I pulled away from him and headed to the door, casting him one last smile as I walked through.
He let me go, as I knew he would. I threw my clothes on, and jogged out of his house. I started missing him the moment I stepped outside.
Then, just steps from his covered bridge, I remembered I didn’t have a boat. I poked my head back in Ed’s door.
He was already dressed and had his phone to his ear. He was long and slim, and rumpled, with a love bite on his neck. How had it taken me so many years to notice how freaking scrumptious he looked?
I waited until he ended the call to speak. “Where are you headed?” I asked.
“The bar. We’ve got a tournament today, starting early. I was just talking to Gary—he says he wants in.”
“Ah.”
“But before I head to the bar, I’m giving you a ride to your place,” he said with a grin.
My cabin had been tossed. I stood in the entryway for a full minute, just taking it in.
Every drawer was open, every item in my cabinets now out. Cereal everywhere. Books on the floor, cushion batting. My clothes dangled from the upstairs railing, from the light fixture. A mound of items spilled out of the closet. DVDs. Even the bathroom was trashed.
For a split second, I wondered if I’d been robbed again.
Then, realization came. The brothers. I’d told them to search the place… and they had.
I spun on my heel, and slammed back outside. As I rounded the cabin, I saw that, oh, God, they’d done the same to my shed. My organized—a point of pride for me—shed. It was an incredible mess. A nightmare.
I went and got my shotgun, ready to drive them off once and for all.
But quickly found that they were missing. Again.
“Fuck! Hell! Shit!” I let loose in a manner that would have made Helly proud, and when I ran out of classics, I started in on the obscure and inventive: “Damnable cousin-kissing perverted triceratops-loving nickel-pated asswipe, dickweed, inbred…” I threw my gun on the table, and continued my tirade for another few minutes as I toured the house.
Ceiling? Still fucked up. Windows? Still out.
And now there was the biggest mess I’d ever seen, covering every square inch of every horizontal surface.
I came back to myself standing on my deck, looking down at my overturned table. I realized I had ahold of a couple good-sized hanks of my hair, and was trying to tear them out.
I stopped. I sucked in a nice, long, deep breath. No wonder Helly had anger issues.
Okay. I had a Trooper showing up here in just a few minutes. I needed to get this cleaned up.
For the next fifteen minutes, that’s what I did. I got the worst of it.
I was trying to scrape crushed Cocoa Puffs out of the rug when someone banged on my door.
I found a Trooper on my step. He was wearing a crisp blue shirt under a dark jacket, and had very short light brown hair, matching brown eyes, and a mustache. “Good morning,” he said. “Suzanne Ramsey?”
I gulped. The uniform shouldn’t have intimidated me, because my dad wore one for the first twenty years of my life. But it did. Maybe it was because of my dad. “Yes.”
“I’m Officer Darcy Guileppe, Alaska State Troopers.” He’d probably already seen the mess outside the shed as he walked up. And as he stood there in my doorway, he surely saw the mess behind.
His eyes flicked back to me. He pulled out a little notebook. “You reported a stolen gold nugget?” he asked.
“Yes.” Better to keep the answers short, give them as little info as possible.
Wait. This cop was trying to help me, I reminded myself.
“May I come in?”
“Yes.” I stepped back, noting that his lips twitched a little when I gave him the same one-syllable answer. So maybe he wasn’t without a sense of humor.
They’re not all like your dad, Suzy, I told myself for about the umpteenth time. Lots of cops are not assholes. Maybe even most cops.
He looked around openly after stepping inside. “Did this happen in the theft?”
“No.” I sighed. “It’s complicated. Would you like to have a seat?” Luckily, I’d already righted my dining room chairs.
He sat, and I explained about the brothers; how they’d busted my cabin, and then I’d made the colossal mistake of asking them to search it.
“Do you want to press charges?” he asked. “This is vandalism.”
Oh, it was tempting. But if I did, I’d have to show up in court, when I’d really rather just take a branch of devil’s club to them. The Alaska Natives had used it as a cure for insanity, or so I’d heard. They just lashed the person with the prickly, stinging plant until they weren’t crazy anymore. Supposedly, it worked like a charm. I was eager to try it.
“No, thank you,” I said, knowing Helly would help me get justice.
He nodded, tapping his pen. “So about this gold nugget. When did you notice it missing?”
As I told him about it, as much as I knew, he took notes. When I handed him the letter and will, he started to look confused. I explained about Ralph giving me the nugget the day before he died.
“May I take a picture of each of these documents?” he asked.
“Please do.”
He took a couple shots, then looked up at me. “You say you kept it on your dresser?”
I nodded.
“I’d like to dust it for prints,” he said.
I led him up into my bedroom, and only then realized that my Passion Party suitcase was open, and sex paraphernalia was spilling everywhere. My cheeks burned.
And yeah, Officer Guileppe was looking.
“I’m a Passion Party consultant,” I said. Lamely.
He worked on the dresser while I shoved sex toys back into the suitcase. I finished before he did, and watched him work.
But I was thinking about Ed. I was thinking, I knew his secret. It was a delicious, illegal secret. One that could get him put in jail.
Of course I wasn’t going to tell. If Ed were in jail, then he couldn’t pin me to a wall, or make me scream, or help me try out all the chairs we could find. Also, if he were in jail, he wouldn’t be cruising around in his camouflage boat, keeping the neighborhood running. He wouldn’t be smiling through his beard, or doing my dishes, or making me feel...
I sucked in a deep, shaky, fortifying breath.
I loved Ed. That was the only conclusion I could reach. The conclusion.
I even loved his beard.
Of course I wasn’t going to tattle on him, no matter how I teased.
“That letter said 5.7 pounds,” Officer Guileppe said. He looked over at me. “Was that right?”
“Well, I never weighed it, but it was—” I showed him with my hands.
He nodded. “Do you have a picture of it?”
“I might be able to get one,” I said, thinking of Ed. Again.
He handed me his card. “I’d be happy to receive any and all information you can get. My direct line’s on the back.”
“You get any fingerprints?” I asked.
“We’ll have to process them, see what we’ve got.” He led the way back downstairs. “So, just to make sure I have all of my bases covered,” he said, looking at his notebook. “There were no signs of forced entry?”
“No. But I leave my door unlocked.”
He nodded. “And nothing else missing or out of place?”
“No. Not until—” I waved my hand around “—this.”
“Who knew you had the nugget?” he asked.
Dammit. This again. “Everybody,” I admitted. “I brought it to the local Memorial Day party, with most of the locals and guides in attendance, shortly after I got it.”
Officer Guileppe, unlike my friends, didn’t make fun of me. “Do you have anybody you suspect?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Why didn’t you call us sooner?” he asked, his eyes steady on me.
I sighed. “I thought I could figure out who’d done it. I know everyone who lives on this river. I thought I could just ask around.”
“But it could have been someone that doesn’t live here,” he pointed out.
“Yes,” I said simply. I didn’t even want to think about that.
He cocked a brow. “Learn anything?”
“Not much. I’ve pretty much ruled out most of the locals, because they didn’t have the means for transportation, or because they’re busy, or rich, or old, or honest, or lazy, or a half dozen other reasons. Most recently, I’ve been working on questioning the guides. But they don’t seem to do much except fish and drink.” I looked down at my hands as I willfully kept my mouth shut about the bar.
“Well… I’ll put the word out to local gold-sellers, and will definitely notify you if I hear anything. Feel free to call or email me.”
I nodded.
“Any last questions for me?”
“No,” I said, watching him work his way over to the front door.
“Thank you for your time,” he said. “I’ll keep in touch.” He let himself out.
I looked beyond him, at his boat parked at my dock. Now that the law enforcement official was out of my house, my tongue loosened. “You drove all the way out here, just for me?” I asked.
He paused and looked back at me. “I’ve got some business at the bar as well,” he said. “I’m headed there next.”
I froze. The bar? Did he know? Had someone told?
My heart sped. Ed was at the bar. Ed was probably officiating at his fight club, right now. This guy would arrest Ed.
“Oh,” I managed. I needed to call the bar and let them know. Right now.
The Trooper nodded, and went to his boat.
I got my phone, and dialed Ed. As it rang, I heard the Trooper’s boat motor fire up.
C’mon. C’mon!
It rang all the way through to voicemail. “The Troopers are coming to the bar, right now!” I barked into the phone. I didn’t text him; I didn’t have time for that shit.
I pushed my arms into my float coat. That Trooper was headed to the bar, where the man I loved was running an illegal fight club. I needed to get my ass over there and do my best to distract him. Depending on what Guileppe already knew, I might be able to make a difference. At least buy them some time…
Ed had said Gary would be at the fight club today. I dialed him as I jammed my feet in my boots. I ran toward the dock, shoelaces flapping.
&
nbsp; The phone rang. And rang. And rang. Again, no fucking answer. They probably couldn’t hear a damn thing over that rabid cheering.
I vaulted into my boat, and started it with a vicious turn of the key. Out in the current, I swung my bow downstream.
I didn’t fuck around with a smooth acceleration. Instead, I jammed the throttle lever forward.
Since my other boat was a barge, I’d gone completely opposite on this one. It was small and maneuverable, with an aero- and hydro-dynamic hull. The 90 horses mounted on the back were absolutely, without a doubt, overkill. They also made it the fastest boat on the river. So, when I jammed the throttle forward, my little bullet of a boat almost jumped out from under me.
I caught the Trooper just as we pulled up to the bar. The dock was full, teeming with most of the fishing boats on the river. At this point, it was shore parking only.
The Trooper parked at the far end.
Saving myself a precious few seconds, I pulled in to the near shore. I burst out of my float coat while throwing out the anchor. Heart thumping, jumping anchor lines like a deer, I ran along the beach.
I beat the Trooper up onto the ramp from the dock, and stopped. Officer Guileppe peered up at me as he approached. I didn’t move, effectively blocking his path.
“Fast boat you got there,” he said.
“I don’t think the bar has a permit for their dock,” I blurted. I needed a way to stall him, and a ticket was preferable to jail time, right?
Guileppe paused. “Is that right?” He looked at the dock, then back at me.
Behind me, I heard the faint sound of cheering. Oh no, oh no. They hadn’t shut down the fight.
This guy was a trained investigator. He wasn’t gonna walk into the bar and think it was totally normal that the dock was full of boats, and yet no one was inside. He was going to hear the sounds of those phantom cheers, find the door, go to the basement… and it’d all be over. I’d lose Ed before I ever really had him.
I firmed my resolve. I wasn’t going to let that happen. No way.
I made an error, though, thinking the ramp I was hogging was the only way up from the beach. Guileppe bypassed me entirely, and took a set of steps instead.
Two Captains, One Chair: An Alaskan Romantic Comedy Page 29
