by René, Dani
“I’m ready, Ash. You just need to take care of Kat.” He places a hand on my shoulder, much like a father would to a son. I want to shake him off, to tell him he’s full of shit and he’s not going anywhere. But I can’t.
I pull him into an embrace. I blink and a torrent streams down my face. My body shakes and his shivers. There’s agony gripping me in a fierce hold, and I know there’s no way I’ll be able to move on from this.
I don’t know how long we stand there, but when I finally move away, Ember nods, and leaves me in the place I always found solace. But this time, there’s none of that to be had, because right now, this room is a reminder of how alone I am.
* * *
“Hi.” Kat’s sweet voice stirs me from sleep, and I blink my eyes open to find her perched on the foot of my bed. She’s wearing a pair of shorts that look far too small for her, and a loose-fitting white top that hides her pretty tits.
“What are you—”
“Ember had to go somewhere. He said to wake you before ten and tell you to take me out somewhere nice,” she informs me with a smile. “He’s been acting rather strange lately. Do you think he has a girlfriend?”
Her question is innocent enough, but I find my throat closing at the memory of my brother’s confession. She doesn’t know. Of course, he’s going to leave the difficult part to me.
“No, he’s . . . There’s just a lot going on,” I tell her. Pushing off the bed, I turn to regard her, noticing how her gaze trails over my bare chest down to my boxers, and my very obvious morning hard-on.
“I . . . um . . . I guess I’ll wait in the kitchen.” She stumbles over her words, which make me smile.
And I now realize what my brother did. He was toying with Kat and me, pushing us together in his own way.
“You’re not shy, are you?” I smile, stepping closer to her, craving normalcy in this shit-show world of mine. “Kitten,” I coo, cupping her face in my palm, allowing my thumb to swipe along the apple of her cheek that’s turned pink. “Tell me.”
“Of course not,” she huffs, squaring her shoulders. She looks like a kitten wanting to swat at a toy. Cute, sweet, and playful.
I lean in, eating up the few inches between our faces, and plant my lips on hers. It’s a chaste kiss, soft and filled with promise. I don’t open my mouth. I don’t deepen it. I only offer her a lingering brush of my lips.
Her breaths are uneven. They become more ragged, the longer we stay in this position. Things are becoming serious between us, more so than I’d imagined, and I need to share everything with her today.
There can’t be any secrets between us. Or this will never work.
“We’ll go for a picnic,” I whisper along her cheek, hoping the fresh air will take away the sting of what I need to do. I hate that he’s left me to do this. But Ember knows I’d do anything for him. “We have lots to talk about.” My words flutter over her ear, and she trembles. “Wait in the kitchen. I’ll be out in twenty minutes.” I step back, noticing her cheeks have flushed a deep pink. I watch her turn and walk out of the room before I grab my cell phone from the nightstand. I hit call on my brother’s number and press the phone to my ear.
“Ash,” his voice is raspy as if he’s been screaming.
It’s only your imagination. He needs you to keep it together.
“I know you’re not here; I’m taking her to the picnic spot, and I’m going to tell her everything.”
“I didn’t say goodbye to her.” He sounds sleepy, could be the medication. He hasn’t even told me if they’ve put him on anything that could help.
Shaking my head, I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. “I can’t believe you just left this morning. I need time, Ember. You can’t—”
“Visiting hours are six to nine. Come by, and we’ll talk some more. I love you, brother.” He hangs up before I can respond, and I fling the phone against the wall causing it to shatter in a million pieces. Just like my heart and soul.
Katerina
The car is silent. Ash hasn’t turned on the stereo, and when I asked where we were going, all he said was “out.” I’m nervous about what’s going on, but I’ve left him to stew in whatever is bothering him.
He makes a left off the main road, and we head through the high oak trees that I’ve seen from the mansion. They’re stunning. We pull onto a dirt road which goes on for miles ahead of us. Ash abruptly turns off and cuts the engine. We sit for a moment before he glances at me, his expression is unreadable. Blue pierces through me looking right into the broken-hearted part of me.
“Thank you for coming out with me today,” he finally utters. His voice is husky with emotion, raspy, and he clears his throat as if to ward off the pain laced in his tone.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I question, watching for the hint of a negative response. But he only smiles. He pushes open the driver’s door before exiting, leaving me in the car for a moment. He opens my door and helps me out.
He grabs the basket from the trunk and offers me his hand, which I gratefully accept. We walk in more silence. It weighs on me.
Is he going to tell me to leave?
Are they done with me, and now I’m meant to go back to work for Maria?
Does he no longer want me in his life?
I’m nervous.
I’ve only ever been this scared once before, and it was the moment I was ripped from my childhood home by the state and put into foster care.
We exit the thick forest into a clearing and before us is a lake. It’s breathtaking.
“This is amazing.” I sigh, walking toward the water, and Ash releases my hand, allowing me to venture farther. I glance behind me and watching Ash set down the basket, then pull out the blanket. He’s thought of everything.
The sun is high in the sky now, which is bright blue while the water has taken on a dull navy, almost charcoal shade. I’ve never been somewhere so stunning before. With the trees surrounding the lake, it doesn’t feel like we’re merely forty minutes outside the city.
“Are you hungry?” Ash questions, his body right behind mine, while strong arms snake around my middle, and he tugs me back against him enveloping me completely.
“I didn’t peg you for a romantic.” I smile, taking in the view. It’s the first time in a long while that I’ve truly felt at peace.
“I’m not, but I promised Ember I’d be nice. Normally I would’ve taken you to my bed, laid you down, and eaten your pretty pussy until you were gushing all over my face. Then, while you were still trembling, I’d slide into you and make you scream my name.” He tells me honestly, with mischief dancing in his eyes, and the Ash I know is back. But it’s only for a second before he’s trying to make light of whatever’s bothering him.
“You’re always so vulgar,” I sass. “So, why does Ember want you to be nice to me?” My question earns me a hard stare before he pulls me along to the blanket.
There’s a fire licking at the edges of my happiness. I have a gut feeling a blaze is about to tear through everything I’ve come to care for over the past couple of weeks. Ash’s mood has made me weary, and I turn in his arms to look at him directly. Hoping I can find the answers in his expression.
Once we’re settled, Ash opens the basket and pulls out sandwiches and two bottles of chilled water. “When I was younger, Ember was always my sanity. I would run riot, and he would calm me down.” He bites into his sandwich, staring out at the lake. His jaw works as he chews and his throat bob when he swallows. “I knew I’d always need him to be there, to be my foundation. He kept me grounded.”
“He has a special way about him,” I agree before biting into my bread roll.
“He does. Kindness follows him everywhere. Over the years, I’ve watched in awe as he’s interacted with his students, our company employees, and even strangers with patience and genuine kindness. Our father was different. I take after him, whereas my brother is like my mom.” He finishes his food, then opens the water to gulp down a couple o
f mouthfuls.
“You’ve lost a lot,” I respond, swallowing past the lump of emotion that’s threatening to choke me.
When Ash turns to me, those azure pools are shimmering with emotion. He blinks once, and a lone tear trickles down his cheek. He’s crying.
I’m on my knees beside him in seconds, wrapping my arms around him, holding him to my chest. I close my eyes, questioning myself, what has brought this on?
I’ve seen Ash act like a complete asshole, and I’ve accepted it. I knew he was closed off but watching him break down right before me, is more than I can take.
He pulls away. Reaching for my face, he cups my cheeks, holding me steady before kissing me. It’s not rushed, or hungry; it’s like he’s pouring his pain into me, and I swallow it without question.
If I can ease the heartache, I’ll do it. Our tongues dance slowly, tangling and twining around each other. His lips are hot on mine, and I can feel his tears falling freely. Something is drastically wrong.
Pulling away, I look into his eyes, “Tell me what’s wrong?”
He doesn’t say anything for such a long time. I don’t think he’ll respond.
“My brother is dying,” he croaks, choking on the words. And for the first time since we met, I see Ashton Addington completely shatter.
His torment, his pain, everything he’s kept hidden spills free, and my heart breaks in two.
Ash
She holds me.
Her tears soak my shirt, and I know she’s hurting too. They’ve grown close, and she’s come to care for Ember.
I don’t know how I’m meant to go on without him in my life.
“I’m so sorry,” she mumbles into the material, causing the murmur to get lost. There’s agony in every word, and for her to break like this, I know she’s special. Ember was right all along—she is going to be the one to hold me together. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Kat’s arms are warm around me, and mine twine around her. Her small frame fits perfectly under my arms. We hold each other for so long, I don’t notice the sun sinking between the trees. The sky has turned a fiery orange, and we’ll soon be in the dark if we don’t get a move on.
“We have to go,” I tell her, remembering the visiting hours. “We need to go see him.” I pull away, realizing I haven’t yet told her the one other thing I wanted to when I brought her out here.
How much I care for her.
But I needed her to know about Ember before it was too late.
My heart feels heavy. I can’t heal the pain in my chest, and I know nothing ever will, but Katerina eases it. She brings light to the darkest parts of my mind.
“Ash,” she calls to me, causing me to meet her gaze. “I’d like to take you up on the second part of the offer. I’m not going anywhere.” She doesn’t have to explain.
“I don’t expect you to live your life in the mansion. Your studies are paid for—there’s no going back. I’ve signed the agreement.”
“This has nothing to do with that,” she responds with confidence. “This is something more.” For the first time, she’s the one closing the distance. “I’ve come to care for you both. And I want to be there for you.” Her voice calms me like a balm.
“I can’t . . . There’s nothing I can offer you to make you happy,” I assure her. It’s true. I never thought I could make another person happy. As much as I may care for her, love her even, I want to see her happy, and I’m not sure that will be with me.
A forever is something I can never let myself have.
I’m too much like him.
My father was a cold man, frigid and distant, and I vowed to never bring anyone into my life and have them feel the loneliness I’m certain my mother felt. Both Ember and I certainly did.
“We aren’t our parents.” Her words still me for a moment.
I don’t know how to respond. Perhaps she’s right. But I’ve spent my life convinced that I’ve turned into the man who raised us. Even Ember’s said it over the years.
“Let’s go see Ember,” I offer finally, unsure of what else to say.
Kat follows me to the car, and once we’re seated, I turn on the engine and pull out onto the road. It’s not dark yet, but the night is coming, the time I hate being alone. I turn on the stereo and the deep, melodic rap of NF filters through the speakers as he sings “Paralyzed.”
“I like this song,” Kat murmurs sadly. “I felt like that for a long time after my parents died.” Her voice is distant, and I’m certain memories are plaguing her as much as they haunt me.
How can two broken souls go through so much, yet find themselves again?
Is there any hope for us?
I can’t answer her because I’m not sure how to soothe her agony, so instead of speaking, I nod and watch the road before us.
It doesn’t take long to reach the hospital, to park, and for us to comfortably fall into step beside each other as we make our way to the building. The moment we step foot inside the entrance, Kat’s fingers twine through mine, her warm hand scorching me.
“I’m here to see Ember Addington,” I tell the nurse.
She offers a solemn nod before tapping the keys on her computer. “Yes, he’s on the third floor. Room 398C.”
She doesn’t tell me if he’s okay or not, and my heart lurches into my throat, threatening to choke me.
Kat and I make our way to the elevator, and once inside, she turns to me, pinning me with those gray eyes. “Don’t push me away,” she pleads. She fucking begs.
How on earth can this girl ever think I’ll be the one pushing her away?
She’s given me more in the time I’ve known her than any woman has ever done in a lifetime of seeking solace in them.
My mouth opens, but no words come out. There’s nothing I can say that will make this okay. I can’t offer assurance—not right now when it feels as if I’m floating above the clouds, almost dream-like because none of this feels real. I pull her into a hug, holding her slender frame within my arms. She’s so warm, it’s like she’s about to burst into flames.
The doors slide open, depositing us on the third floor with bright white linoleum that blinds me. Everything is sterile. It’s too white, too clean, too sickly.
The numbers take us down the hall until we reach the large silver ones for Ember’s ward. Kat steps forward, but I hold her back. I don’t know if I can walk inside. I don’t know if I can see my brother in there, breaking, getting weaker.
Swallowing and breathing become difficult the more I stare at the numbers. They start to blur. My lungs work harder to pull in air. When I glance down, blinking away the emotion, I see it—Katerina’s hand on my chest, right where my heart is.
“We both need to walk in there and be strong for him.” Her tone is low, her voice a whisper, but it sounds as if it’s surrounding me. “When we get home, you can fall apart. But not here. Not in front of him.”
Nodding, I swipe my hand at my face, making sure I’m respectable when I push open the door and tug her in behind me. Katerina is different. She’s burrowed her way into my heart so deeply, and so permanently. I can’t let her go.
Ember
“Look what the cat dragged in.” I chuckle, then fall into a bout of coughing which makes my throat burn. Ash has been crying. His lashes are wet but his hold on Kat’s hand assures me he’ll be okay.
They’re perfect together. I knew they would be.
I knew how conflicted she was when I kissed her. I had to know if her heart was his. If they could only sort their shit out and admit how they felt about each other, I’d be happy.
“You’re an asshole,” the little kitten bites out. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going? Tell me what was going on?” She rushes to my side before leaning in and placing a kiss on my cheek.
I feel like shit, the chemo is literally nauseating, and the food here is a joke, but I can’t help chuckling at her.
“If I told you, you may have killed me anyway,” I mumble into her ear causing her to
playfully swat at me. But when she pulls away, her cheeks are wet. “Hey,” I admonish. “None of that.” I reach for her face, wiping my thumb along her cheek and pressing it to my lips. “Mmm, sweetness.”
“What did they do today?” Kat questions, her voice cracking on the last word.
“They’re just pumping my veins full of drugs. It’s meant to make me comfortable, but it makes me feel worse. I can’t do it.” A cough wracks through me, causing me to splutter, and both Ash and Kat help me, holding me up. The pain shoots through every limb in my body, but I smile through it.
“How long have you known? I mean, how bad is it?” Kat’s questions are the ones I was expecting from Ash, but he’s silent. Watching, waiting.
Meeting Kat’s gaze, I offer a sad smile. “The tumor is inoperable,” I rasp, the emotion clogging up my words. I take a long inhale before continuing, “It’s grown too much. And chemo won’t cure it, it’ll only prolong the inevitable.”
I haven’t said it out loud to anyone. Not even when the doctor went through the results.
“But I don’t understand how this wasn’t caught earlier. And I mean, you don’t look like you’re . . .” Kat’s words taper into nothing, and I know what she wants to say. It’s so clear on her pretty face. She has such a delicate way about her and seeing her right here, perhaps it’s the drugs, but there’s something ethereal about her.
“Kat, sweetheart,” I whisper her name gently. “I knew for a while; I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”
“You hurt me by not telling me.” Ash perches on the bed, his hand holding mine like we used to do when we were children. “You were meant to confide in me.”
“I wanted you to remember me the way I was. If I’d have told you months ago, you would’ve looked at me with pity, with fear, and that was something I couldn’t bring myself to ever allow. I wanted you to see me, not cancer, not the tumor on my brain.”
