“No, I understand what you’re saying.”
“They’re so happy together. I saw it when I was looking through the camera lens. I’m so used to viewing the world that way, I swear I see more through that lens than I do with my own eyes.”
Either that, or she was more comfortable with the lens between her and other people, maybe between her and other people’s emotions, Mitch decided. She’d just told him something very important about her, he thought. She’d rather look at the world through a camera lens. To hold herself apart from everyone and everything? He suspected that was the reason.
“What do you see through the lens?” he said, thinking about all the times in the past when he’d plowed right over her tender emotions.
“You can see magic sometimes,” she explained. “You can tell when something’s genuine and you’ve captured a bit of it forever on film. Marc loves Hannah, and she loves him. It’s going to come through on the print. I’ll show you. ”
“I’d rather you tell me why that’s such a surprise to you. Even better, you could tell me why it worries you.” That part absolutely baffled Mitch.
“Worries me?”
He nodded, watching her withdraw from him and cursing himself for confronting her this way. He should know better than to come right out and ask Leanne about something that frightened her.
“I don’t...” she began, then let the words trail off.
“It’s all right,” he insisted, when it really wasn’t. But he could see in her eyes that she was practically begging him to let her off the hook.
He’d only asked for a year, Mitch reminded himself. She’d agreed to nothing more than that. And he hadn’t bothered to renegotiate the deal, even after he’d taken her into his bed.
What would it take, he wondered, to make Leanne happy enough to stay? Because suddenly, he couldn’t imagine living the rest of his life without her.
Chapter 14
Five days later, after Leanne had put the boys down for their nap, she heard the doorbell ring. Praying that the noise hadn’t woken up the boys, she pulled open the door to find her little brother standing on the porch.
“Alex.” She. hadn’t seen him since the night of her engagement party, when Amy had found her and Mitch kissing in the kitchen. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
He looked a little uneasy, and incredibly grown up.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course.” She stepped back and held the door open for him. “Have a seat. Is something wrong?”
“No. Nothing. I was just...heading back to school, and I thought I’d stop by.”
“Oh.” Leanne was too surprised to say anything for a minute.
“Rena’s really going off the deep end about this... marriage of yours and Mitch’s,” he began.
“I know.” And it frightened her. It hadn’t occurred to Leanne that for Rena to lose the boys to Mitch would be difficult, but to lose them to Mitch and Leanne was something entirely worse.
Leanne feared the whole thing would turn into a vendetta as far as Rena was concerned, that Leanne might somehow make the whole custody fight even worse by making herself a part of it. After all, Rena hated Leanne. She would also hate the idea of Leanne having the boys.
Trying with everything in her to smile, when all she felt like doing was crying, Leanne said, “To hear Rena tell it, I tried to take you and Amy and Kelly away from her all those years ago. Not the other way around.”
It was, she realized, the first time she’d ever tried to talk directly about this with Alex. He looked surprised and skeptical, maybe even hopeful.
“Was that the way it was, Leanne?”
“Yes.”
“Because I don’t remember anything except being scared. I was scared because you were going away. I don’t remember our mother at all. I don’t remember when she died. But I remember the day you walked away from us.”
“Alex, I was eighteen,” she said, thinking about saying goodbye to a beautiful, sad-eyed little boy. Why was it she always ended up having to say goodbye to the people she loved?
“I was eight,” he said. “And you were the only mother I’d ever known.”
“Alex, I wish I had been your mother, because then I might have stood a chance against Rena. But I wasn’t. I was a scared, lonely teenage girl. Think about it,” she begged. “I was four years younger than you are now, and Rena scared me to death. She scares me now.”
“Are you doing this to get back at her?” he asked.
“Doing what?”
“Did you marry Mitch just to spite her?”
“No.”
“To keep her from getting the boys?”
“No,” she said. She had reasons too numerous to count for marrying Mitch.
“I don’t know what’s worse,” Alex said. “Your marrying Mitch to keep Rena from getting the boys or your marrying him because you wanted him for yourself. Leanne, he’s Kelly’s husband.”
To that, Leanne didn’t think she could say anything. She let her gaze drop to the floor and turned away. All the while, she wanted to scream and to shout and to somehow make him understand.
Any other time, she would have simply left. She would have been on one of those incredibly uncomfortable, but brief, visits home, wishing things would be different this time, but sure that they wouldn’t.
And it wouldn’t take long for her expectations to be proven correct. At the first real sign of trouble, she would have packed her bag and left. Months later, maybe even years, she would have tried again. The results were always the same.
Except this time she couldn’t leave. She’d promised Mitch a year, and she couldn’t go back on that promise to him, no matter how painful it was to be there.
She wondered now how different things might have been if she’d stood up for herself, no matter how ugly the scene became, and honestly tried to patch things up with her sister years ago.
And if she’d learned anything from her sister’s death, it was that she couldn’t let Alex go like this, because she couldn’t be sure she’d ever have another chance with him.
He was almost to the door, when Leanne stopped him. “I love the boys,” she said. “I love Mitch, too, although I haven’t found a way to tell him that yet. I loved Kelly. And I loved you, Alex. From the minute you were born. And if you could remember anything about the night our mother died, you’d remember that I was the one who held you tight and tried to explain. When you called out her name late at night, I was the one who came and got you out of your crib and dried your tears. I was the one you hung on to when you were scared. I was the one who made sure you got fed and dressed and bathed. I played silly games with you and made faces, even stood on my head, all because it made you laugh just for a minute.
“I would have done anything for you,” she vowed. “I still would.”
Alex looked at her as if he couldn’t quite believe her. And he was still perilously close to the front door.
“It’s true,” she said, telling herself that she had to be the one to make the first move, to ask for what she so desperately wanted. “Please don’t go. Please don’t push me away.”
He didn’t say he believed her. But he didn’t leave, either.
It was a beginning, Leanne decided.
As always, Mitch was eager to get home. He wanted the boys exploding with excitement just because he walked through the door. They’d break into a run to get to him and then practically dance in circles around him until he picked them up. And then they’d babble on about whatever was inside their little heads at the moment.
And he wanted to see what sort of mood his wife was in. He wanted to pull her aside, out of the chaos, and kiss her sweet lips, maybe put a smile on her pretty face.
He wanted her to stay and to be happy with him.
She’d been quiet since Will’s party five days before, and he’d made love to her every night so he could hold her close, feel her arms around him, feel for a while that he was a part of her and that she could
not deny the connection between them.
She slept with her head on his chest; her hair falling across his shoulder, and he would lie awake, stroking her hair, holding her hand and listening to her breathe.
Her silence and her sad little smiles were eating away at him. Something was desperately wrong, and he had to get her to tell him.
He saw the minute he walked in the door that she’d been crying. Her eyes were tinged red, and she tried to hide her face from him, but he saw anyway.
Mitch played with the boys for a little while, let them burn off the worst of that burst of energy they got when he walked in the door, then went to find Leanne.
She was in the kitchen, beside an old desk stashed away in the corner where she’d been keeping some of her photographic equipment and some business papers that he didn’t understand, ones he’d been afraid to ask about.
He walked up behind her, slid his arms around her waist and relaxed a little as she leaned back against him, her head falling against his shoulder. He kissed her cheek, then found her mouth, thinking to soothe her with his touch.
Make her happy.
Make her stay...
“I spoke with Alex this morning,” he said, though he hadn’t been sure he should even mention that to her, because he didn’t know if anything would come of it. “He’s still mad, but I think he may stop by sometime. Maybe the two of you could talk.”
“You did that?” She turned in his arms so that she was facing him. And she was smiling, a genuinely happy smile.
“Yes.”
“He came by this afternoon. It was some sort of school holiday.”
“And?”
“And...I thought for a minute it was going to be like every lousy half argument we ever had over the years, the kind that ended with me walking away and not coming back for another year or so to try it again. And then I thought about Kelly and everything I wish I’d said to her. And I thought, what if I don’t get another chance to say any of this to Alex, either? So I told him. I told him I loved him, and that I would do anything in the world for him.”
Mitch used the pad of his fingers to wipe away her tears.
“He didn’t say much to me. Mostly that he was so angry when I left and so hurt.”
“That’s okay,” Mitch said, trying to reassure her. “He needs to get that out on the table, and it’s always easier to tell someone how mad you are than to tell her you really care.”
She nodded. “I told him I was angry and hurt and lonely, too, that for the longest time I just couldn’t seem to say that to him. But I did today, and I think it’s going to make a difference. I think Alex and I might be able to work through this.”
Mitch dried a few more of her tears, and she leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips.
“I should have known it was you who talked him into coming to see me. Thank you.” She took him into her arms and squeezed him to her. “You’re so good to me, Mitch.”
“I want you to be happy here,” he said, needing so much to hear that she was.
He’d never asked her straight out, never come as close to asking as he had just now. And she’d never told him how she felt, except to say that she loved the boys and loved being with them.
But that had been weeks ago, before he’d made her his wife, before a whole myriad of emotions had sprung up between them.
Mitch held on to her when she went to pull away, because she hadn’t said what he wanted to hear yet. He thought about what she’d told him about never having a chance to tell Kelly how she felt, about deciding to talk to Alex today because she didn’t know when or if she’d get another chance.
Maybe Mitch should do the same thing. Maybe it was time he told Leanne that he cared about her, that he needed her, that he didn’t want her to leave.
He was about to do so, when the doorbell rang. “Damn,” he muttered, hearing the boys take off running for the door. They loved to see who was on the other side.
Leanne slid out of his arms. “I think I’d better save whoever’s there from the wild ones. And keep them from escaping.”
Mitch let her go.
Tonight, he told himself. He could tell her how he felt tonight.
Following her into the living room, he watched her take an overnight letter into her hand and sign the delivery-man’s clipboard. Walking to her, Mitch asked, “What is it?”
This wasn’t the first special delivery letter she’d received. She’d always brushed them off, as if they were nothing. But Mitch was starting to wonder how significant they were, as the envelopes piled up on the desk.
Leanne ripped open the oversize cardboard envelope and pulled out a letter. Mitch saw the New York City address on the letterhead and his stomach began to turn.
“It’s more of the same.” She shrugged the letter off, sliding the papers back into the envelope. “From my agent. He’s having trouble accepting the fact that I’ve turned down all the job offers he’s found for me lately.”
“He has job offers for you?” Mitch asked.
Leanne sighed. “Yes. I may have to go and talk to him face-to-face.”
“He’s in New York,” Mitch said stupidly.
“I could fly up for the weekend. I still have a lot of things to settle there. I have to do something about my apartment. Move my bank accounts. Either ship the rest of my photography equipment or store it. It might be easier just to go there and get it all done.”
And come back to him, Mitch told himself. She was only going for a few days, and then she was going to come back to him and the boys.
Except, what if she got there and the visit reminded her of all she was missing by staying in Chicago and mothering two little boys all day?
Looking after the boys was exhausting work, Mitch knew. As frustrating and as tiring, even monotonous, as it was rewarding and wonderful to watch them grow and change every day.
And she was a woman who’d been all over the world, who’d seen things he could only imagine. How could what he had to offer her compete?
“Mitch? Are you all right?”
“Sure,” he said, knowing he couldn’t tell her how he felt now. He would wait and see whether she would come back to them. “When are you leaving,” he asked carefully.
“I don’t know. Maybe next weekend? If I could get out of here Friday afternoon, I could be back Sunday night.”
Seven days, he thought.
Nine until she came back.
“I’ll make arrangements to get away early Friday.” He would take her to the airport, watch her leave and try not to panic.
While he was at work the following Wednesday, Mitch got a message to call his attorney. When he returned the call. Jane was in court. All her secretary could tell him was that she’d likely be there all day, but that she’d try to call him back.
They played phone tag all day. He finally took a chance by showing up at her office shortly after six, and found her there.
Mitch settled himself in the chair in front of her desk and told himself to be prepared for just about anything. But Jane still managed to surprise him.
“Good news,” she said. “Social services is finally done with their investigation. They’re satisfied that the boys are fine right where they are. I’m sorry it took so long, but it was just as I suspected—they’re drowning in paperwork over there, and yours isn’t the kind of case they’re going to give priority to, because your boys are fine, according to the agency.”
“Good,” Mitch said, thinking that was it.
“And—even better—your mother-in-law has lost her attorney.”
“What do you mean lost her attorney?”
“I mean he’s not handling her case anymore. I told you we had to file our official answer to the charges they made in their custody suit. I did so and mailed a copy to Mr. Richardson’s office. It was returned with a letter saying he no longer represented your mother-in-law.”
“Which means?”
“Well, I’m speculating, but I know Ted Richardson, and
he doesn’t take on a case he’s certain barely has a prayer of winning, particularly something as nasty as a custody case. I’d say he talked to someone at social services, found out that you were married now and told his client she was probably wasting her time and her money with her suit.”
“But Rena could just find someone else to represent her, couldn’t she?” Mitch asked.
“She could. So don’t go thinking this is over just yet. But it’s very good news, Mitch. I don’t think there’s a reputable attorney in this town who’d be eager to handle this case and be optimistic about the chances of winning. Maybe that will be enough to discourage your mother-in-law from taking this any further.”
Jane stared at him for a moment, then said, “You don’t look very happy about this.”
“I’m surprised,” Mitch announced carefully. He leaned back in his chair, feeling as if someone had knocked the breath out of him. He’d expected relief at the news that the custody mess was over, and he was relieved. But Leanne had married him to keep Rena from getting the boys. And if Rena was done trying to take the boys away from him, he didn’t need to be married to Leanne anymore.
Of course, he did need her, very much. And she had a whole other life calling to her. She was leaving for New York Friday. He was going to watch her leave.
How could he tell her Rena might be giving up? What would Leanne say?
Mitch turned back to his attorney. “Is that all?”
“Yes. You sure you’re okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” he said—one of those polite little lies. He would not be fine without Leanne.
“Well, I’ll call you if I hear anything else.”
Mitch got to his feet. “Thank you.”
“And, Mitch? Congratulations.”
“What?”
“On your marriage. I hope the four of you will be very happy together.”
“We are,” he said, praying that it was true.
Marc and Leanne planned to run in the park that night. Leanne stood just inside the doorway, chatting with Ginny while she waited for Marc to find his running shoes.
Wife, Mother...Lover? Page 20
