Libby pulled her hand away. Ruth tried to gather her into her arms. “Grown-ups make mistakes too. I made a mistake. I have no excuse for my past behaviour. Will you forgive me?”
“I want to go to my room,” Libby said in a strangled voice. She wouldn’t look at Ruth. She stared doggedly at her feet.
“Let me come with you.”
Libby flung Ruth’s arms away. She ran. The stairs echoed with the impact of her footsteps. “I hate you. I am so ashamed!” she cried.
Ruth followed. She heard Libby draw the bolt on her door. She pressed her face to the door. “Please let me in. It is not your shame. It is mine.”
“Go away. Leave me alone.”
Ruth slid down on to the floor, her back pressed against the door. Evening was slowly turning to night. Still she sat with her back against the door begging Libby to let her in.
***
“I think we should all go back into the kitchen and have a cup of tea.” Sue believed firmly in the restorative effect of a nice strong brew. “Thank God that the two small ones are asleep.” She was utterly shocked by what transpired in the garden just minutes ago.
“We should do as Sue says. Ruth would appreciate some time with Libby on her own.” May could see James over Hugh’s shoulders. He was still rooted to the same spot in the garden. He was looking at Ruth’s cottage. “Hugh, get James to come in.”
“Could you throw some light over what happened?” Sue asked with a nod towards the garden as soon as May entered the kitchen. Outside in the garden, the trestle table still held remnants of the party they had held. It looked sad and forlorn as though its heart and soul had been torn out.
“Have you seen Craig? May asked in reply.
“He has gone for a little walk about,” Sue pointed towards the river. “I think he was embarrassed by it all. He said he felt guilty because he brought that awful man back. So are you going to tell me about this afternoon?” Sue was not going to be so easily sidetracked. She raised her eyebrows, challenging May to answer.
“I don’t know whether it is my place to tell.” May did not hear Hugh and James enter the kitchen.
“I have told James the gist of it. So you had better know what I said,” interrupted Hugh with a quick glance at his wife. “Ruth had an affair with Steve when her marriage was on the rocks. She ended it a long time ago. He wants to blackmail her and tarnish her reputation.”
“The thing is,” added May, “he has done it before, threatening her I mean. Ruth is only just recovering from the trauma of recent years. I hope this incident is not going to set her back.” May was very worried. It took all her resolve not to rush to the cottage. She thought of the times when Ruth had tried to punish herself by self-harm.
A furrow of lines appeared on Sue’s forehead. She looked at James who had not said a word. She suspected that there was a lot more to the story. She prayed that James would not be hurt.
***
May went in search of Craig. She found him sitting by the river. She sat down on the grass beside him and watched him pluck at the grass round him. The sun was gradually sinking below the horizon, softening the light in the sky to a sweet mellowness that she had grown to appreciate and love. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“I shouldn’t have brought that man back. Libby is very upset. Why does her mother give her so many problems? Remember the time we were in Kuala Lumpur? Libby thought that she was unloved. I hate it when she is upset.” He plucked another long blade of grass and chewed it. “Is her mother really a slut?”
“Don’t ever repeat that word. Of course she is not. She made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. As I have made mistakes. In life, we have to put what is bad behind us and work for the future. Ruth loves Libby. They were all so happy until today’s episode. Can you not try to tell Libby that no one, none of us, thinks badly of her mother?” May crossed her fingers and prayed that was true for James and Sue. “If anyone can, it’s you. It is better coming from someone of her age. It would help if you could convince her. Remember that everyone makes mistakes.”
Craig shrugged. He was unsure.
May put her arm around Craig and hugged him. “Let’s go back. It is getting dark. We are going to have a very light supper at Sue’s and James’s.”
“If you think that would make Libby feel better, I’ll talk to her,” Craig said after a while. “I’ll talk to her before supper. I don’t want her to be sad. I will go to her now.”
***
Ruth tied the belt snugly around the waist of her dressing gown and made her way down the stairs in the dark. She held on to the banister to ease her way. The floorboards creaked in protest, their noise magnified tenfold in the quiet of the night.
“I am right behind you,” whispered May. “I couldn’t sleep either. It is almost two o’clock in the morning.”
They padded into the kitchen. Moonlight crept through the window, turning the kitchen into a maze of shadows. Ruth perched herself onto a stool. May did the same on the one next to her.
“Have you told Libby?” May asked placing a hand on Ruth’s.
Ruth nodded. Her eyes swam with tears. “She is disgusted with me. I am disgusted with myself.” She lowered her voice and May bent her head closer to hear what she had to say. “I haven’t told her everything. She must not know that Steve is her biological father.”
“That is wise.”
“Promise me that you will not tell anyone. Not Hugh, not Craig, not James, not Sue, not anyone.”
“Of course.”
“I can’t stay here. I can’t face James and Sue.”
“But you must. You love it here. What about James?”
Ruth stared out of the window. The moonlight had turned the trees to pale silver. She had found such peace here. Yesterday in the garden where everything fell apart, she had realised that she had fallen in love with James, a process that must had been so slow and imperceptible that it had taken her by surprise. She swallowed hard, overwhelmed by a sense of loss. It was not the love she had felt for Mark when she was a young girl, nor was it the passionate, defiant love she had for Omar when she was on the rebound. It was much more than all that put together. He wouldn’t want her after today. She could see his grim face and imagined his eyes boring into her back when she walked with Libby to the cottage. How could he not be disgusted? How could he trust her after what he had heard?
May stood up and wrapped her arms around Ruth. She was worried, very worried that Ruth would return to self-harming. “Then you must come back with us to London. We leave tomorrow morning. You know you will always have a home with us.”
Chapter 46
THE FIRST THING James saw when he came down the stairs the following morning was the envelope on the mat. He picked it up, trepidation in his heart. It was too early for the postman. He opened the front door. Hugh’s car was gone. Hugh and May had bidden him farewell the previous evening. Even then he had not expected them to leave so early. He stood on the doorstep. A trickle of sunlight was struggling through the morning mist. He had not spoken to Ruth since yesterday. She had not reappeared after she had left with Libby. Should he go to her now? He looked at the envelope. He recognised her writing. Slowly he tore it open, reluctant to read what was inside. He had hardly slept the previous night. Instead he had stood by his bedroom window and watched Ruth’s house. He slipped the piece of paper out of the envelope.
Dear James,
I am sorry for all the trouble and distress I caused you and Sue. Please accept my apologies. Do not think badly of me though I could hardly blame you if you did. I have done many unforgiveable things in my past. I am ashamed.
I thank you for standing by me yesterday and for the trust and help you have given me in the past year. I have been happy in Footman’s Cottage. However, I cannot stay on. I will return to pack and pay my rent once I have a clearer idea of what I should do.
Ruth
James rushed out of the house. He pushed open the blue gate with a clang and knocked on Ruth
’s front door. He knocked and knocked again. There was no answer. He peered through the front windows. No one was there. He went to the back and peered into the kitchen window. Empty milk bottles lined the windowsill. The kitchen was empty. Deserted! James growled in frustration. He should have acted faster. Now she was gone. He blamed himself. He walked at a furious pace back to his own house. Sue was standing by the front door.
“She’s gone!” The pain in his face was like an open wound for all to see. A moan escaped his lips.
Sue had never seen her gentle steady brother like that, not even when he lost his fiancée. “She must have left with May.”
***
May saw James even before he rang the bell. She had been standing by the window when she spotted him walking towards the house. She ran to the front door and opened it. He stood before her with his hair uncombed and face unshaved. He looked as though he had put on his clothes in great haste. A corner of his shirt had come un-tucked. He gave her a nervous smile. “Hello!” he said. The dark shadows under his eyes spoke of worries and sleeplessness. “May I see Ruth?”
May nodded, glad that he had come. “She’s upstairs in her room. She has not eaten nor slept nor spoken since we left the cottage. It is good that you are here.”
“I’ll go to her.” James took a step into the house. May placed a hand on his arm to stop him.
“Please don’t say anything that will hurt her. She blames herself for everything. That is why she left you a note instead. She is,” May hesitated, “delicate.”
“I know.” James went into the house.
“She is in the first room on the left by the landing. It is unlocked.”
James walked up the stairs. May stood at the bottom. She watched him. She prayed silently that everything would go well. She had hidden everything that Ruth could possibly use to hurt herself despite Ruth’s assurance that she would not do anything silly. She had even taken the key to Ruth’s door, worried that she would lock herself in. At the top of the stair, James turned. May gave him an encouraging smile.
***
James paused in front of Ruth’s bedroom. All the way to London, he had practised what he should say. Now his thoughts were a jumble. He pulled his shoulders back. It was now or never. He had procrastinated long enough. He knocked and went in without waiting for an answer.
Ruth did not turn around. She was sitting on the ledge by the bay window with her knees up and her arms clasped round them. Her thin cotton dress fell round her like wisps of inconsequential petals. She looked so desolate that James wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her.
“Ruth,” he said softly, a catch in his throat.
She spun round and rose to her feet. Tears welled up in her eyes. He took two steps towards her and gathered her in his arms. “I love you,” he said, his lips on her head. “I don’t care about your past. I don’t care that you have had previous lovers. I only care that you should love me.” He placed a finger on her chin to tilt her face towards him. “Can you love me a bit?”
Her lips trembled. Tears coursed down her cheeks and her eyes were bright with the wetness of them.
“If you don’t, might you give me a chance?”
She buried her face in his chest, soaking it with her tears. “You won’t want me if you know all the things I did in the past.”
“I don’t need to know.” He hugged her close, his arms wrapped round her waist. “Look at me. I love you. It is the present and the future that I care about.” His heart felt as though it was going to burst. Then he kissed her. Her lips were soft and moist against his. She kissed him back. Her arms went up and encircled his neck. They did not know how long they stood there, locked in each other’s arms. Somewhere a clock struck. Ruth stopped suddenly. “I want you to know everything,” she said, her hands against his chest to keep some distance between them. “I don’t want any secrets between us. I want to tell you about Libby and Michael.”
They sat and talked, he holding her hands in his. He listened. At times he would comfort her. Ruth saw no censure on his face. Dusk came and still they sat, their heads closed together. “Ruth,” he said, “I shall love Libby as my own, as I would Michael. A time might come when you would need or wish to disclose to them their true parentage or they might ask you. You will know when or if that time comes. Do not make any precipitous decision. They are very young. For me, Libby and Michael are yours and that is all that matters to me.”
***
It was a bright sunny day in August. The sky was a clear blue with not a cloud in sight. The village had come out in full force for the wedding. The air was filled with the scent of blossom. People gathered outside the church to wait to see the couple. A loud cheer rose from the crowd when the couple appeared from the church. James leaned over to kiss his bride. The eager crowd gave a sigh. Libby smiled and turned to Craig standing next to her. “Mum doesn’t know,” she whispered, “but I had often wished that James would be my father. Now my wish has come true.”
Hugh and May stood well back and watched on. “I am so, so happy that everything has turned out well for Ruth,” said May. “At last, I feel at peace.”
“Yes. It is time for us to move on.” Hugh gazed fondly at May. He stooped to whisper into her ear. “I have found a house in the country. I want you to see it. It could be ours if you like it.”
May smiled and squeezed his hand. “I would like that very much,” she said. She looked across at Ruth. Their eyes met. The sun was high up in the sky. She squeezed her eyes tight and breathed in deeply the perfumed air. She remembered another sun, one that was fiery red. Yes, she thought. It was time to move on.
Historical Background
On 8 December 1941, the Japanese Imperial Army landed in Kota Baru on the north east coast of Malaya and began its advance to the south. One by one the various states and cities in Malaya fell to the Japanese. Its conquest of Malaya took two months. On 16 February 1942, the Allied troops surrendered to the Japanese, marking the start of full Japanese occupation of the entire country. The Japanese remained as the occupying force until their surrender to the Allies on 4 September 1945.
During the period of Japanese occupation, tension between the different ethnic groups in Malaya intensified. Before leaving Malaya, the British military trained the Malayan Communist Party (MCP) to conduct guerrilla warfare against the Japanese. Most of the MCP members were ethnic Chinese. This resistance movement came to be known as the Malayan Peoples’ Anti-Japanese Army (MPAJA). In retaliation the Japanese conducted a massive programme of repression, torture and massacre against Chinese civilians. An estimated 50 000 or more ethnic Chinese were killed. Many Chinese fled the cities to live as squatters around forests and jungles. In return for protection against the Japanese, the squatters provided food and assistance to this anti Japanese army.
To win local support, the Japanese launched a propaganda programme ‘Asia untuk orang Asia’ or ‘Asia for Asians’ and projected themselves as saviours of Malaya. Their policy was to favour one ethnic group against the other, in part by incorporating many pre-war civil servants into their administration. This divided the people and fostered friction between the different sectors that comprised the Malayan population.
When the Allied forces returned to Malaya, the economy of the country was in disrepair. Rubber plantations and tin mines had been abandoned and rice planting had ground to a halt during the war. As a result, the immediate post war years witnessed soaring food prices, wide spread food shortages and hunger, unemployment and low wages. Labour unrest grew to a peak. But perhaps more significantly was the awakening of politics and nationalism in Malaya.
On 1 April 1946, seven months after its return, the British Government established the Malay Union. This was a union of nine Malay states and the British Straits Settlements of Penang, Malacca and Singapore under a single administration with Sir Edward Gent as its governor. Up until then, only Penang, Malacca and Singapore came under direct British administration. With the Union, the powers o
f the nine Malay sultans were to be diminished. All those born in Malaya or living in British Malaya in the previous ten years were to be granted citizenship irrespective of their ethnicity.
A huge outcry by the sultans and their subjects against the Malay Union forced the British Government to retract. The negotiations that followed resulted in the establishment of the Federation of Malaya on 1 February 1948. Under this the rights of Malays and the positions of the sultans were guaranteed. The conditions for the automatic granting of citizenships to other ethnic groups were tightened and modified. Only those born in and had lived continuously for fifteen years (or whose fathers were born in and had lived fifteen years continuously) in the country qualified.
Discontent in the country rose. The Malayan Communist Party organised hundreds of strikes. Three hundred strikes were recorded in 1947 alone. In response, the British authorities arrested and deported the strikers. The MPAJA, initially hailed as heroes after the Second World War, went back to the jungle.
On 16 June 1948, three European plantation managers were killed, precipitating the introduction of Emergency laws. The Malayan Communist Party was outlawed. Chin Peng, its leader, formed the Malayan People’s Liberation Army (MPLA) and began a guerrilla campaign against the Establishment. Many of its supporters came from the former MPAJA. Rubber plantations and tin mines were specially targeted because they formed the backbone of the economy.
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