by Pen Name
“I get it,” I told him, uncharacteristically speaking my mind. “You’re a big, bad cowboy who has something to prove and doesn’t want me here. Okay, fine. But since I’m here, why don’t you let me help instead of going out of your way to be rude to me?”
The corners of Nate’s mouth turned upwards as though he found what I’d said humorous. I hadn’t been expecting that reaction and it threw me for a loop. “That’s really what you think?” he asked curiously, his eyes searching mine.
“Huh?”
“You think I’m a big, bad cowboy with something to prove?”
“Aren’t you?”
Nate shrugged. “I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know a thing about me. And I don’t need you barging in here telling me what to do, either,” he added almost as an afterthought, his voice growing gruff. “You work for me, got it?”
“Then let me work for you,” I shot back, hands on my hips. I felt like I was channeling ballsy, no-nonsense Mina Sinclair rather than being myself but hey, whatever works. “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Just stop being such a jerk!”
For a moment I was afraid I’d gone too far. After all, I’d only just met Nate Avery and even if he didn’t act like one, technically he was my boss. But he simply looked me up and down and then nodded his head toward a nearby wheelbarrow. “We need to take that to the barn with us.”
Triumphantly, I retrieved the wheelbarrow. Even though I hated confrontation I’d stood up for myself...and it had paid off! Instead of getting angry with me for speaking my mind, Nate had given me what I asked for. It was a satisfying realization.
When I returned to Nate’s side with the wheelbarrow a few moments later, he’d slung a couple of burlap sacks over his shoulder. Wordlessly, he took off walking toward the barn at the edge of the property. I followed, dutifully pushing the wheelbarrow in front of me.
This time I couldn’t help but notice that Nate had slowed down his pace.
*****
Penny was a beautiful white mare with fire running through her veins. Standing proud and tall in a large, grassy outdoor enclosure, she eyed us warily. She reared up on her hind legs as we approached, throwing her head back and whinnying.
“Easy, girl,” Nate said as we approached her. His voice was gentler and kinder than I’d ever heard it before, and she seemed to respond well to his quiet reassurances. He motioned for me to stay where I was and then took a few steps closer to her. She stilled then and allowed him to carefully stroke her mane.
“She’ll be afraid of you at first,” Nate cautioned as he soothed the finicky mare. “She doesn’t like strangers and is distrustful of everyone new. You’ll need to approach her very slowly and be prepared to get out of the way if she rears. You don’t want her to come down on your foot and you don’t want to cause her to lose her balance,” he advised. “You can come a little closer now but don’t make any sudden movements.”
It was clear that Nate was protective of Penny. Cautiously, I took a step forward. Penny appeared hesitant and for a moment I thought she would shy away from me. But after a brief deliberation, she seemed to conclude I wasn’t a threat and stayed where she was.
“Huh,” Nate remarked, turning away to get his grooming equipment ready. “She must like you; most people can’t even get that close to her when they first meet her.” When he turned back around his jaw dropped. “What are you doing?” he demanded, clearly shocked by what he saw.
Almost instinctually, I’d taken another step forward and had extended my hand. Instead of balking, Penny was sniffing it curiously. Then her tongue came out and she tentatively licked my open palm, enjoying the slightly salty taste of my skin.
“I don’t believe it,” Nate exclaimed as Penny allowed me to reach out and run my hand over her sleek coat. “She’s never let any stranger do that before. If anyone else had tried that, she’d be going ballistic right now. That’s insane. You’ve been around horses before, haven’t you?”
I nodded and then whispered soothing words in Penny’s ear. It twitched in response and she gazed into my eyes like she understood me.
“Wild horses?” he pressed, perplexed.
“No.”
“Huh.” Nate was quite obviously amazed by the way Penny was responding to me.
I couldn’t explain it myself. I simply felt a strange connection to the beautiful white mare, as though she and I spoke to each other on a soul-to-soul level. From the moment I’d first laid eyes on her, I felt as though I “got” her. I knew what it was like to be powerless and afraid, too. Maybe she sensed that in me.
“So how did your mother come to rescue Penny?” I asked curiously as I stroked the white mare’s mane, keeping her still for Nate so he could do his thing.
I wasn’t sure but I thought I saw Nate wince when I mentioned his mother. “My mother had a reputation around these parts,” he replied as he skilfully tended to Penny’s hooves. “She would come to the aid of any animal in need – birds with broken wings, stray cats...you name it. She’d nurse any sick or injured animal back to health no matter how much time and effort it took.”
“Wow, it sounds like a big undertaking.”
“It was like a full-time job with no days off, but my mother was passionate about it. Growing up, there were always animals on the farm. She’d never turn a creature in need away. So when a nearby shelter ended up with Penny, the director called my mother. If she hadn’t taken Penny in, the shelter may have had to euthanize her due to a lack of resources.”
“It sounds like your mother was a special lady,” I said, relieved that she’d intervened, stepping up to the plate for the defenceless, magnificent animal. It didn’t seem right that such a beautiful creature could be put to death due to financial constraints.
“She was.” He cleared his throat gruffly then, as though afraid he’d opened up to me too much. “The jackass who hurt Penny just better hope I never track him down. I’d make him regret the day he was born.”
“What happened to her?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“Some stupid moron thought he’d tame a wild horse,” he muttered in disgust. “But he didn’t know what the hell he was doing and I guess when he got frustrated, he tried to break her with violence. If I ever find out who it was, I’ll break him!”
I could practically hear the anger in Nate’s voice. It caused my chest to tighten until it became difficult to breathe. I could hardly stand the sound of an angry man’s voice – it awoke a fear deep inside me that I couldn’t shake off. Involuntarily, I clenched my hands at my side as I struggled to keep my fight or flight instinct in check.
Despite his temper, Maggie didn’t seem to be afraid of her brother in the least. Even when he’d grabbed her shirt sleeve, she’d shown no fear whatsoever, apparently trusting that no matter how agitated he got, Nate wouldn’t hurt her. I hoped that was true. I didn’t think I had it in me to deal with another abusive man’s rage.
“Penny’s lucky to have you,” I said, trying to soothe Nate’s fury before it worsened. “You’re very good with her, and I can tell you care about her a lot.” My stomach was in knots, but thankfully my voice sounded relatively normal.
“Not as good as my mother was,” he said, dismissing my compliment. To my relief, his anger seemed to be fading. “Like Maggie said, we’ve tried to pick up where our mother left off but it’s been slow going. We grew up around animals our entire lives, but our mother had...I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It’s like she had a sixth sense, where she could almost speak to the animals. Maggie calls it the magic.”
Nate’s hard demeanor softened when he spoke about his little sister. Between that and the kindness in his interactions with Penny, it seemed his bark really was worse than his bite. In fact, I hadn’t seen any “bite” yet whatsoever...just a lot of hot air. I felt my body begin to relax. Nate certainly had a rough exterior, but it was clear that beneath all that was a good heart.
“Maggie told me about your
parents’ accident,” I said quietly. “I’m really sorry.”
Just like that, Nate’s walls went back up. “What are you doing here, anyway?” he demanded, ignoring what I’d said. “I mean, it’s no surprise my sister hired you of all people. You’re probably about the same age as her, yeah? What are you, nineteen? Twenty?”
“I’m twenty-three.”
“Oh, so you’re almost my age. You look younger.”
“Everyone tells me that,” I replied with a shrug. “Why is it no surprise Maggie hired me?”
“Most of her friends went off to college last year. She was supposed to go with them, but stayed back to help with the farm after...well, after. I know she misses her friends and I’m sure she’s thrilled to have a hired man – woman – around to do girl stuff with...but what’s your story?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said you have no prior experience with farms,” he pointed out.
“I don’t.”
“And you’re not from around here.”
“No, I spent my whole life in California,” I replied, feeling like Nate was cross examining me.
“So what are you doing here? No offence, but you don’t exactly look like you’ve spent much time outdoors,” he told me, his eyes roaming over me in a way that made me simultaneously uncomfortable and tingly. “You have the whitest skin I’ve ever seen and your hands aren’t even calloused. I doubt you’re used to hard physical labor, which is essentially what life on the farm is all about.”
“I guess I’m not used to it,” I conceded. “But I’m willing to learn.”
“Yeah, but that’s not what I’m asking,” he pressed on. “What I’m asking is why do you want this so badly? Are you planning to rob us blind or something?” he asked, crossing his arms. His tone suggested he was just playing around, but I wasn’t stupid. There was an implicit threat there as well. He wanted me to know I’d better not cause trouble because if I did, I’d be sorry.
“Of course not,” I retorted indignantly. Nate was simply trying to protect his territory and his family, but I nevertheless didn’t take kindly to his accusations – or his threats. The old Amanda would have immediately wilted like a shrinking violet, but I was trying my best to be a brand new person. So I raised my chin and glared at Nate, challenging him despite my pounding heart.
He backed off then, shoving his hands deep in his pockets and giving a toss of his head to shake his hair out of his eyes. When he spoke next, his tone wasn’t quite so abrasive. “So what brought you here?”
Hesitating, I tried to decide how much to tell him. “I’m ready for a change,” I said, trying to keep my answer as vague as possible. I didn’t want to explain myself to anyone because my motivations made even me cringe. The last thing I wanted was to see pity, shock or horror on another person’s face as I admitted what had really caused me to flee California.
Nate shot a look at me then. “What kind of answer is that?” he demanded, immediately calling bullshit on my evasive response. “What are you hiding?”
“The restaurant where I used to work closed,” I tried again. “It was as good a time as any to try something new.” That was the truth, but it wasn’t the real reason I’d picked up and left. Nate didn’t need to know that. Thankfully, he seemed to accept my answer...or maybe he was simply tired of talking to me. With him, it was difficult to say.
“I’m all done with Penny,” he said, standing up and giving her an affectionate pat. “I fed her first thing this morning but I still need to clean out her stall before I can get out there in the field,” he informed me. “You can watch to see how it’s done.”
After leaving Penny to graze, I followed Nate into the barn. It smelled, well, like a barn. I guess he was expecting me to stand in the doorway and watch from a distance as he cleaned, because he looked surprised when I picked up a pitchfork and got right in there beside him. He didn’t say anything, though. Instead, we worked side by side in silence.
“Not bad,” he said, surveying the barn after we’d finished. “You’ve done this before.”
“Not exactly,” I replied. I’d seen people cleaning up after the horses at the stables where I used to ride as a kid. I’d never actually done it myself. But I had a feeling telling Nate that would only make him think less of me, so I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t know why I craved his approval so much, but I desperately wanted to prove my worth to him.
He thought I was just some stupid, weak girl. He didn’t take me seriously because my skin was pale and my hands weren’t calloused. But I wasn’t afraid to get my hands dirty. I might be tiny but I was strong...far stronger than he gave me credit for. For reasons I couldn’t quite explain, it was important to me that he knew that.
I could see perspiration soaking through Nate’s t-shirt. I was sure mine must look the same. Fatigued, I wiped the sweat from my brow. The sun was unseasonably hot and the barn had grown humid as it had gotten later – no wonder Nate put Penny out in the field to graze during the day.
As though he’d read my mind, he opened the barn door wide to let the fresh air in. “It will cool off in here by evening,” he told me. “Sooner than that if it rains... But Penny is happiest out in the field anyway, so I try to keep her there as much as possible. After what she’s been through, she deserves to live out the rest of her days like royalty.”
As Nate’s words sunk in, I felt tears prick at my eyes.
He looked at me curiously. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I bluffed, swiping a hand across my eyes. “I’m just tired.”
“Go inside,” he advised. “Get a bite to eat, take a shower and have a rest. If you’re up to it, maybe this evening I’ll show you how to feed Penny. That’s probably a chore you can take over at some point, yeah?”
“That would be great,” I replied at once, glad for the opportunity to work closely with the horse. Even though I’d just met her, I already adored her. “But I don’t have to go inside yet,” I insisted. “Is there more work I can help you with out here first?”
He shook his head. “I’m fine. Go on.”
“What about you? You have to eat too, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “I’ll eat later.”
I was beginning to understand what Maggie meant about her brother being a workaholic. No wonder she worried about him. Reluctantly, I went back inside. I felt a bit guilty about leaving him even though he’d insisted. I was exhausted and dripping with sweat, and Nate had been working since before I’d even gotten out of bed. I could only imagine how he must be feeling.
Inside the house, the aroma of burnt...something hit me as soon as I opened the door. I couldn’t quite decipher what I smelled. All I knew was it was very, very ruined. Concerned, I made my way into the kitchen to make sure nothing was, you know, on fire.
A distraught looking Maggie greeted me. “I tried to cook you and Nate a nice lunch,” she said tearfully, looking like she might start sobbing at any moment. “I tried to make this delicious stew that our mom used to always make.” She gestured to a worn looking cookbook on the kitchen counter. “But I must have messed something up because I burnt it!”
“Hey, it’s okay,” I reassured her, puzzled by why she was so upset. “It’s the thought that counts. I can always make us sandwiches or something.”
Maggie’s lower lip started to tremble at that and suddenly she seemed like a little girl instead of a college aged young woman. “You don’t understand,” she sniffled. “My dad was a farmer. He taught us kids – especially Nate – how to do chores, operate the equipment and, well, run the farm. My mom rescued animals and when she wasn’t busy doing that? She cooked.”
“Okay...?”
“She was supposed to pass it on to me!” Maggie said as tears spilled down her cheeks. “She was going to teach me the recipes that have been passed down for generations in our family but before she could she – she...”
“Okay,” I said again as understanding dawned on me. This wasn’t really about the fai
led attempt at making stew after all. Maggie’s grief was linked to the untimely loss of her parents, and specifically, all the mother-daughter moments that would never be. My heart broke for her. “I’d hug you right now,” I said, gesturing to my sweat-soaked clothes, “but I’m kind of gross.”
“Oh, I don’t care about that,” she replied, and practically fell into my arms. I hugged her tightly as she sobbed on my shoulder, stroking her hair soothingly much like I’d stroked Penny’s mane. “I’m a terrible cook,” she cried, her shoulders heaving. “I suck!”
“Shh, don’t say that,” I responded at once. For a while I’d believed I was terrible at everything, useless and worthless and unlovable. I guess if you’re beaten down enough times, eventually you realize it’s easiest to stay there on the ground. It had taken me a long time to reprogram that hateful little voice in the back of my head; some days it was still a challenge. After what I’ been through, it pained me to hear Maggie speak poorly about herself.
“I just want my mom to be proud of me, you know?” she sniffled.
“I’m sure she was proud of you. What if you and I work our way through your mom’s cookbook together?” I suggested gently as Maggie’s sobs died down. “Sometimes two heads are better than one. I bet we can figure out how to make that stew...and anything else you want.”
She lifted her head and looked at me, her tear-streaked face hopeful. “You’d do that?”
“Of course,” I smiled.
She smiled back and let go of me then, seemingly back in control of her emotions. “Did your mom teach you how to cook?” she asked me innocently.
I shook my head. “No, but I worked at a restaurant for a while. I’m no great cook, but I have one of the best chefs in the country on speed dial in case we get stuck,” I assured her. “As for tonight, how about I make us some sandwiches after I take a quick shower?”
Maggie nodded. “Okay.” She looked down at herself then and wrinkled her nose. “I guess I should go change my clothes,” she said, more to herself than to me.
