by M. D. Melai
As soon as dinner was over and the dishes were done, the two of us retreated to my room. I flung myself on my bed as soon as I entered the room, wishing and praying I could go back and redo this day—starting with not getting the pictures from the closet.
“I don’t know what to say,” Violet spoke up as soon as she closed the door to the room.
“Me neither,” I responded as I rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed.
“Are you doing okay?” she asked, taking a seat beside me.
With every passing moment since talking with Benito, I had slowly become more and more upset about everything that had transpired. I didn’t want to pretend to know what it was like to be in his shoes, because I could only imagine, but to say that his abandonment didn’t bother me would be a lie.
“Honestly, I know I put up a front like I’m okay with this, but I'm not. I don’t understand how, after all these years, they never told me. I’m twenty-three years old. They’ve had years to tell me, and they chose not to.
“And why didn’t Benito step up and just be a father to me after his return? I’m sure it would have been an adjustment for the both of us to get used to, but I was still young—it would have been easier then than now.”
“It wasn’t just him, but your parents and brothers too,” she concluded. “Do you think Dante knows?”
“I don’t think so. He would have only been four when all of this happened, so unless they told him, I don’t think he would remember it. And wouldn’t you think he would have told me if he knew?”
“Probably,” she said, not sounding too sure of herself. “Why don’t you just ask Benito all those questions?”
“You saw him. I have never seen Benito like that before—ever. I don’t want to upset him anymore right now.”
Violet nodded in agreement.
“I will be asking more questions, though,” I reassured her. “Right now, I’m just too confused and upset. I feel like I’m mourning not only my father, who is actually my grandfather, but also a mother I didn’t even know existed.”
“I can only imagine,” Violet said as she wrapped her arms around me.
We stayed like that for a while—Violet hugging me and reassuring me everything was going to be okay. She let me know she was here for me anytime I needed her. Eventually, she got up and headed to the shower to get ready for bed.
I was sitting on the bed when my mother knocked on the door and entered. She swiftly made her way towards me and sat down next to me, placing her hand on my chin, and lifting my eyes to meet hers.
“Please don’t be upset with us, especially with Benito. He regrets his decision no matter what he says,” she began. “He was under so much pressure, and I’m sorry we never told you—we should have. Just remember we all make mistakes we wish we could take back.”
“You’ve had twenty years to tell me,” I retorted sourly.
“I know, and it was wrong on all our parts, but after caring for you like my own, I didn’t want to give you up. I was scared that you would reject me and never speak to me again.”
“I would never have rejected you. Would I have been upset? Yes, but not near as much as I am right now. I was five!”
“Benito and I realize that now. Your father, Benito, and I should have handled things differently. I just want you to know that Benito loves you. He loves you so much, and he just did what he thought was best for you at the time.
“And I love you too. You will always be my Liliana. And I will be here when you’re ready to talk about this more, okay?”
“Okay,” I nodded as she took me in her arms and hugged me tightly.
***
The next morning I woke up to the sun glaring into our room. Last night had been rough. I had tossed and turned, only falling asleep for moments at a time. My mind wouldn’t let me rest, even though I was mentally and physically drained.
Violet must have got up at some point, because when I finally sat up in bed, she was nowhere in sight. She must have already made her way downstairs. A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand showed me it was already nine in the morning.
I sat there a few more minutes before I threw the covers off me and made my way to my dresser. I pulled up my hair up into a ponytail and changed my clothes before I headed downstairs.
My mother, Benito, and Violet were all at the kitchen table eating breakfast when I came in. My mother immediately stood, walked over to the stove, and made me a plate.
“What would you like to drink?” she asked as she set my plate down in front of me.
“Coffee is fine,” I replied.
“What time are they supposed to get here?” Violet asked Benito anxiously.
“Within the next hour,” Benito replied.
“Who’s coming?” I asked.
“Your brothers, Emilio, and Lucas,” Violet responded as if it was obvious.
I had completely forgotten that they were coming in today. That was another thing that I didn’t want to face: Emilio, Lucas, and my relationship with each of them. The last two years had been nothing but back and forth on my part. I loved them both, but differently. It wasn’t fair to either one of them. I needed to make a decision, and I knew that.
“Right, I forgot that they were coming in today,” I responded.
After breakfast, I found Benito sitting in the living room. I had mentioned earlier that I had a few more questions about Adela that I had thought of last night.
“I don’t want to ask anything specific,” I said, taking a seat on the couch across from him. “I just want to know more about Adela, I guess. What was she like? How did you two meet? Did she love me?” I asked anxiously. I knew my mother would always be my mother, but after finding out about Adela, it felt as if a part of me, I didn’t know existed, was missing.
“We met at a coffee shop in the city when we were seventeen. She was the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen in my life. I was drawn to her,” he said as a smile curled up his face. “I was actually dating another girl at the time, and she was furious when she caught me staring at Adela. Needless to say, that relationship ended quickly,” he laughed.
“I can’t tell you how many times I asked her out,” he continued. “She kept telling me no, but finally one day, she said yes. I remember telling myself that once I got her, I was never going to give her an excuse to walk away from me. We were inseparable from that moment on.
“She was sweet, outgoing, and never said a bad thing about anyone. Her personality was welcoming, and she was one of the most creative people I’d ever met. You definitely received your creative gene from her.”
I smiled each time Benito said something new about Adela. It was strange knowing that I inherited my talent from her, and that helped me build an intangible bond to her that I had yet to connect.
“We married as soon as we graduated high school,” he said, bringing me back from my thoughts. “And then, a year and a half later, we found out we were pregnant with you. I was scared as hell, but Adela, she was beyond excited. From the first moment she knew you were on the way, she loved you. She would sing to you every night. Her voice was beautiful,” he said as his smile quivered.
“I’ll never forget the day you were born,” he continued. “Neither one of us could have fathomed the love we instantly felt for you.”
As I listened to Benito explain Adela to me, I started to soften my judgment towards him. He was still so in love with her, so who was I to judge him when he was still obviously hurting years later?
Before Benito could continue, we heard voices coming from outside. The front door swung open, and Dante came through the door.
“Hey,” he said as soon as he saw Benito and me.
We heard a squeal right after, and we all watched as Violet came running down the steps and flung herself into Dante’s arms. He immediately kissed her, and moments later, he sat her feet back on the ground. I was so focused on their moment that I hadn’t even realized Emilio and Lucas had stepped through the door
.
They were standing awkwardly side-by-side, both staring at me. My heart stopped momentarily, before it sped up as I looked at the two of them—both so handsome in their own way. It was as if right on que they each gave me a simple heart-stopping smile. Why did they have to be so… torturous?
Giorgio, Giovanni, and Marcello came through the door next, pushing past Emilio and Lucas to come and give Benito and me a hug. My mother was slowly making her way down the stairs at that time.
“What’s going on in here?” Giorgio asked after he hugged me. “It looks like you’re upset.”
Benito took a deep breath before he answered. “I was telling Lily about Adela.”
“Adela!” Marcello exclaimed as shock spread across his, Giorgio’s, and Giovanni’s face.
“Who’s Adela?” Dante and Lucas both asked.
Before anyone else could speak up, Emilio replied.
“Adela is Lily’s birth mother.”
Chapter 2
“You knew about this?” I asked as I slowly turned to face Emilio. I could feel the heat starting to burn my cheeks as frustration built within me instantly.
“Yes,” he said matter of fact. His eyes locked on mine, and his face was stern as he stared back at me.
“You knew about Benito being my father and you didn’t tell me?” I said, hurt by his betrayal. I forgot about everyone else in the room as I marched toward Emilio.
“How long have you known?” I demanded as soon as I was standing in front of him, his face inches from mine.
“Awhile,” he answered.
“How long is awhile?” I questioned him.
Emilio sighed, ran his hand through his hair, and locked eyes with me. “Does it really matter? You’re going to be pissed at me whether it’s been a week, a month, or years.”
“But…I don’t understand, why didn’t you tell me?” I was getting more upset with each passing second.
“It wasn’t my secret to tell, regardless of how I felt about the situation.”
“You of all people should have told me!”
“Why?” Emilio asked as his voice rose. “Why are you upset with me? It was not my place to tell you.”
“Because…you just should have! Out of all the secrets you’ve kept from me, this shouldn’t have been one of them.”
“It wasn’t my place to tell you,” he said again through gritted teeth.
I turned my back to him. All the anger I had been trying to suppress was starting to spew from me. It was like a bomb was exploding, and I couldn’t control the outcome even if I wanted to.
My eyes landed on Marcello, Giorgio, and Giovanni. All three of them hung their heads in shame. None of them even tried to meet my eyes.
“You three,” I said, heading towards them next. “I’m so mad, I can’t even speak to you right now!”
I turned to Dante next. “You’re excused from this situation since you obviously didn’t know, but you have another thing coming if you think I’m going to call you uncle!”
I looked around the room to find all eyes on me. My temper had got the best of me, and I knew it, but I couldn’t stop myself—I was enraged. All the hurt and ill feelings I had bottled up were coming to the surface at rocket speed. The fact Emilio knew sent me off the deep end. I had figured Giovanni, Giorgio, and Marcello would have known, but Emilio—never.
I met Benito’s eyes, and the look on his face was the same look my father… grandfather used to give me all the time.
Screw it, Massimo was my father, and I shouldn’t make it so complicated.
“Don’t you look at me that way,” I spit out at Benito. “I saw that same, disappointed look on his face enough—I don’t want to have to look at it on yours.”
“Liliana,” he began.
“Right now would be a good time to just not say anything Benito. I’m really trying to keep it together and not be mad at you, Mamma, and them,” I said, scanning my arm to target each brother and Emilio, “but I’m losing the battle. I thought I was okay with this, but obviously I’m not. I think I’ve been through enough, and I need time. What I don’t need, or want to hear, is anything you or anyone else has to say right now.”
Benito looked hurt in that moment but nodded anyway. I had given him a false hope of taking the news well. It was written all over his face.
I turned to Violet, who was patiently standing next to Dante. “I’m going to our house. I assume since the guys are here, it means that the truck is there and ready for us to load.”
I looked at Dante who nodded his head, still in shock himself. “We parked it at your house before we headed over here.”
“Okay, well then,” I said, turning to everyone in the room. “I’m going to start loading my things. Give me some time, please?” I directed at everyone.
I loved my family, but I couldn’t stand to be around them right now. Their faces were a constant reminder of what had been kept from me my whole life.
I grabbed Violet by the hand and headed out the door without looking back.
***
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful. Violet, Dante, and Lucas followed me to the house. All three of them had an understanding with me—I didn’t want to talk about it, and they didn’t pry.
I wasn’t the only one having a hard time with this revelation. It was clear on Dante’s face that he felt uncomfortable and betrayed too. He never said anything to me, but I overheard him and Violet whispering several times about what had happened and how shocking this was to him.
Lucas stuck with me the entire time, keeping the conversation light. He told me about how much he missed me and how boring life had been without me. I told him I had missed him too. He joked about a couple of things that had happened while I was gone, and I had actually laughed a few times. He was trying to take my mind off of everything, which I appreciated, but it would only last for moments at time.
By late afternoon, we had loaded most of the boxes. After that, we started to load all the furniture that we were taking back with us. Some of it was going to our office, and some was going into storage for a while.
We had to restack a few things in garage for the donation truck to come by and pick up. We did have a lot going with us, but we had just as much being left behind. Donating it was the best solution, so Violet and I had talked with our relator about the donation, and she was going to handle all of it. She just asked that we make sure everything was safely placed in the garage.
By evening time, we were starving, so Violet and I did what we do best—we ordered pizza. After it arrived, we ate in silence and then got right back to work. We didn’t have to load the entire house up today, but I couldn’t stop—it was keeping my mind busy. While Lucas and Dante finished loading the last of the furniture, Violet and I started cleaning each room until it was completely spotless.
The four of us finally finished around ten o’clock that night. We were exhausted and dirty, so we headed back to my mother’s to take a shower and get ready for bed.
The house was dark when we walked in, except the kitchen. I was dreading seeing anyone else, but no one was there when we entered. We didn’t see anyone as we headed to our rooms either.
The first thing I noticed when I walked into my room was an envelope on my pillow.
“I love you,” was all that was written on it in my mother’s cursive handwriting.
My heart fell.
She deserved a lot more attitude than I was giving her—same with Benito. She, my father, and Benito had made a huge mistake with keeping such a big part of my life a secret. But, if she could look past the fact that my father’s death was my fault and not blame me, then I could look past the fact she lied to me, right?
I owed her that much.
***
When I woke the next morning, I hurt everywhere. Honestly, I didn’t know some places could even hurt that bad. For someone who was supposed to be in excellent shape, loading everything yesterday made me beg to differ.
I had avoided
everyone, except Lucas, Violet, and Dante over the course of the morning. Today we were all working on packing my mother’s house. Lucas, just like the day before, was right there with me. We worked silently, quickly, and efficiently. Everyone had a room or two assigned to them, and it was their job to box everything up.
We had finished one of our rooms and was midway through the next, when Lucas was called away to start moving some of the heavier furniture with the rest of the men.
I was listening to music through my earphones when Emilio tapped me on the shoulder. I didn’t have to turn around to know it was him.
For a moment, I wondered why he wasn’t downstairs helping the guys move the furniture, and then I remembered that he was still recovering from his gunshot wounds.
When I didn’t respond right away, I felt him tap me again.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled my earbuds out and turned around to face him. He was staring intently back at me. He definitely had something on his mind.
“Are you going to continue to avoid me and your family today?”
“That’s the plan,” I sarcastically remarked, before turning my back on him to continue my work.
“I said I was sorry,” he said sincerely.
I could hear the remorse in his tone, and I knew he was sorry. I saw it in his eyes yesterday, and even more now in his voice as he stood behind me. He was right when he said it wasn’t his place to tell me, but I couldn’t help but feel like he lied by omission. I knew it was irrational to take my anger out on him. He didn’t deserve it—Benito and my mother did. It was their fault everyone kept it a secret from me. But even that didn’t stop me from unleashing everything on Emilio. He was always my target.
I turned around quickly and looked at him. “I don’t care if you’re sorry or not! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I think I’m more upset that you knew and didn’t tell me than I am to find out the entire thing! Emilio, you were supposed to be my partner! I swear with you—if it’s not one secret, then it’s the next. You used to tell me everything!” My voice rose with each word.
“I could say the same about you,” he snapped back.
