by Ali Parker
She snorted. "I don't care if you stay with your friend or me. I just want you to go with me up there. I hate flying by myself."
"All right. I'll call her tonight and see if she has extra room for me. If not, I'll just stay with you guys." I hated the thought, but Jackie was one of my only friends. She was a nutcase for thinking she could wrangle a guy like Parks, but I wasn't going to leave her on her own to do it.
"We'll behave." She wagged her eyebrows at me.
"Doubtful." I licked my spoon. "I hate to be the one to piss in your cheerios, but do you really think this is a good idea? You know this guy is a total player. You were crushed last week by the way he was ignoring you. Remember?"
She nodded and ran her hand over the top of her hair. "I know. I just can't back off yet. He's so good, and Dana... he's a Scorpio. You know what that means."
"He stings like a bitch?"
"No, silly. He's fantastic in bed and a beast at the office."
"You know that's not all there is to life, right?"
"At my age that is." She stuck out her tongue.
I started to respond, but decided against it. Thank God my phone buzzed on the table next to me. Kendal.
"It's Kendal." I picked up the phone and stood, feeling a little lightheaded at the idea of getting to talk with him again. "I'll be right back."
"I'm eating the rest of your yogurt."
"Go for it." I pressed the phone to my ear as excitement mixed with nerves in my stomach. I hadn't talked to Kendal or seen him since dropping him off at home from Mandy's funeral on Saturday. "Hello?"
"Dana?"
"Yeah. Who's this?" I rolled my eyes. Surely he would know that I knew it was him. How freaking childish.
"It's Kendal. Is now a good time?"
"Yep." I leaned against the railing and let my eyes move across the various groups of people walking in and out of overpriced stores.
"I wanted to start by apologizing for Saturday. I was a little out of it."
"It's totally understandable, Kendal." I softened immediately. "Don't apologize. I'm good with us being friends."
Lies. All lies.
"Good, I'm glad to hear that, but I don't want the conversation to end there."
"Okay, so let's continue it then." I moved back from the railing and pressed my hand to my chest, hoping to slow my racing heart.
"Come over tonight for dinner."
I glanced around as if someone were watching me. "You sure? I know you wanted to keep a low profile between us."
"Yes. I'm more than sure, Dana. Come over and let's figure this out."
"Okay. What time do you want me?"
"All the time?"
I smiled, unable to help myself. "At least I'm not completely alone in this."
"Not at all. Come over at six and we can cook dinner and talk."
"Just talk?" I pressed my teeth into my lip. How did I go from wanting to protect myself to wanting to hear that he needed me as badly as I needed him?
He chuckled. "I'll see you at six."
I dropped the call and pressed the phone to my chest as excitement raced through me. Suddenly shopping all afternoon with Jackie didn't sound like much fun. I wanted to get home so I could take a shower and shave my legs. It might just be a friendly date where we could discuss if there was a future for us, but I wanted to be prepared for anything.
Kendal was proper when it suited him to be. Something told me tonight wasn't one of those times.
*
I sat in my car outside of Kendal's house for a good five minutes before I worked up the courage to get out of the car. How awkward was the night going to end up being?
Glancing down, I ran my hands over the front of my cream-colored summer dress and finally forced myself to get out of the car. The dress was a little more fitted than I'd usually wear, and honestly made me feel chunky.
"Why the hell did I wear this stupid thing?" I knocked on his door as a million excuses worked through my mind. I needed to go home, get in my pjs and pile up. The night was sure to be nothing more than an extension from Saturday. I'd been friend-zoned before we'd even gotten our relationship off the ground.
Kendal opened the door. "Hey there. I'm glad you decided to get out of the car. I was wondering about you."
I pressed my hand to my face and breathed in deeply. "Really? You weren't supposed to see that."
"I'll pretend like I didn't." He moved back. "Come on in and make yourself at home."
The fitted white tee he wore tucked into a pair of tattered low-waist jeans looked damn good on him. His hair was a bit disheveled as if he'd run his fingers through it a million times. His deep green eyes were locked on me behind a thick pair of black glasses that made him look far too cute for his own good.
I breathed in deeply and moved toward the living room, stopping only to kick my sandals off. If we were just playing friends, then I needed to get myself in the right frame of mind. He was just like hanging out with Olivia or Jackie, only I wanted to strip him down and lick every inch of his body.
So not like Olivia or Jackie at all. I rolled my eyes and walked into the kitchen.
"Something smells like heaven." I opened the oven and bent over, breathing in deeply.
"It's a pot roast. My grandmother taught me and Mandy how to make one before she passed a few years back." He moved up beside me and smiled.
"Nice. I love pot roast." I wanted so badly to reach for him. It felt so natural to do it. "How are you? You holding together?"
"I'm better now." He reached out and took my hand. "Forgive me for Saturday."
"You already said that." I pulled his hand toward my chest and cupped it in both of mine as I leaned down and pressed my cheek against his palm. "I've been so worried about you."
"Thank you for caring." He stepped closer. "I'm not sure how this is supposed to work out between us, but I can't not see you. I haven't dated in two years and if I'm being completely honest, it's sucked so damn bad."
"I can imagine so." I pulled our hands down and took the last step between us. "I'm not the kind of woman who would ever be okay with a friends with benefits relationship, but if there's the promise of something more in the future…"
"When you graduate?" He leaned down and brushed his nose by mine, stealing my heart completely. He was into me. I could almost feel heat rolling off of him in suffocating waves.
"Yes, or sooner if I can make that happen." I lifted to my toes and brushed my lips by his. "I'm sorry for not saying something about Amanda. I didn't know what to say."
Fuck. I wasn't going to bring up anything controversial. Getting comfortable around him had me speaking my mind without filtering my thoughts.
"What about Amanda?"
"Her death date. Or expiration date or whatever fucked up term they use." I moved back and wrapped my arms around myself. "I just don't believe in that, you know? People can hang on as long as they want to. The human spirit is unquenchable."
"Don't I know it?" He reached out and touched the side of my face.
Chapter 6
Kendal
Was she beating herself up over Mandy still? She had no control over when my sister died or how long she lived.
"No one knows the day and time of our deaths. That date on a folder doesn't mean shit. Let it go." I brushed my fingers down the side of her neck, her skin like silk. "And honestly, I've heard of people dying on the date the doctor prescribed as if they had no other choice. I wish they would do away with their fucked up estimates. People would do better with not knowing."
"I couldn't agree more. I wanted to tell you that I'd seen the date the last time you and I shared dinner, but I couldn't force myself to do it. It felt too much like a death sentence."
"Is that why you were so upset? It wasn't Mr. Jackson, then?" My lip lifted in a smirk. She wanted to condemn herself and there was no way I was letting that happen. The two of us had been hurting enough already. It was time to move past the darkness and take for ourselves what little bit
of happiness we might find in each other as friends.
"It was him, but it was Mandy too." She turned and walked to the fridge. "Do you have the stuff for a salad?"
"Sure do. Grab it and I'll whip us up one." I walked toward the counter and hopped up to watch her move around. She was everything I wanted snuggled up to me at night, confident, caring and curvy as fuck. My body hardened just watching her juggle cucumbers, carrots and lettuce. I was in for a long night.
"I got it." She laid everything on the counter and glanced up at me. "Why the change of heart?"
"I think I mentioned about six years ago that I fell in love with one of my students, and her parents had a fit over us being together. She somehow decided during all of the bullshit that I wasn't the right man for her because I wasn't willing to quit my job at the University and I ended up with a nasty hand slapping and a tarnished reputation that I've been trying to rebuild since."
"I'm sorry Kendal. People are such shit sometimes."
I nodded. "I totally fell in love with her. I thought we would be together forever, but I was being an idiot, obviously. I was a total slut in college, which I know you know."
She held up three fingers as if giving me a Girl Scout salute, which made me chuckle. God, she was beautiful. "No judging?"
"Judge all you want, but know that I'm too tired to defend myself." I reached down and snagged a carrot as she chopped various vegetables. The view from where I sat let me see down into the top of her pretty dress to the creamy tops of her breasts. How badly I wanted to coax her into staying for the night. I could take my time making love to every part of her, but where would we be in the morning?
"What can I do to help you feel better?" She set the knife down and moved in between my thighs.
"What are you offering me?" I slid my hands around her jaw to cup the back of her head as I watched her with deep interest.
"I'm honestly not sure. Something inside of me wants to say that I'm offering you anything you want or maybe everything I've got."
"I'm not worth that type of devotion, Dana." I brushed my fingers through her thick hair and let my eyes move around her face down to the thick swell of her bottom lip. How badly I wanted to worship her for what she might provide me. Love. Release. Acceptance. Wholeness.
"Was the girl six years ago the only problem you've had?" Her fingers pressed into my legs about mid-thigh. Lust drove through the center of my stomach, fully hardening my cock and leaving it more than obvious that I was completely turned on.
"No. Two years ago one of my junior students claimed a rape." I took a shallow breath. "They reviewed the evidence and the cameras and found out that she was lying, but it didn't matter. I took another hit, and if it wasn't for Mark, our current dean, I'd probably be looking for another job."
"And you love teaching?" Her fingers moved up toward my hips.
"More than anything else I could imagine doing." I leaned down and brushed my nose by hers. "We're going to miss out on the best dinner ever."
She gave me a quick kiss and moved back, laughing. The sound of her enjoying herself loosened something inside of me.
"No. Let's eat together and keep talking." She brushed her hair over her shoulder and put our salads together as I watched her.
"You look so fucking good tonight. Did I tell you that already?" I got off the counter and moved up behind her, letting my own restrictions fall away for a little while. Leaning down, I kissed the side of her neck and dragged my lips up to brush by her ear. "This dress looks like it was made for you."
"You like it?" Her innocence awakened the hungry male deep inside of me.
"Love it." I licked at her ear and pressed myself against her back. "What are we going to do? Should I start looking for another college to teach at?"
"What?" Her voice rose two octaves. "No. Hell no. You've worked too hard for where you are, and you obviously love it."
"Then what?" I couldn't deny myself any longer. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and cupped one of her breasts and kneaded it softly as I rocked against her. "Cause I'm not sure I'm going to be able to deny myself the pleasure of belonging to you in one way or another."
She pressed back, forcing me to step back and release her. "I think we can figure out a way to make things work until I graduate. Grab the dressings and come join me."
How she was still holding herself together was beyond me, or maybe she wasn't as interested as I was. My body was riddled with delicious tingles that pulsed along all of my pleasure points, keeping me ready for the moment when we decided to move from the living room to the bedroom. I wanted that now.
I grabbed the salad dressings and sat down beside her. "Damon suggested that we sneak around, which sounds so ridiculous considering that we're both consenting adults, but I guess it would work."
"Do you want me?" She turned her attention toward me, searing me with the need in her pretty hazel eyes. "Like really want me."
"Yes. One hundred percent." I reached out and brushed my thumb over her lip. "I want to get over this shit with the school or figure out another way. I need you in my life, Dana. You're the first bit of warmth I've allowed myself since that shit with Ana. And now that Mandy's gone, I have nothing. It's so fucking weird, but for the first time in my life I really have nothing."
"You have me." She tilted her head to the side as her eyes filled with tears. "If you want me."
"Baby." I reached out and pulled at her wrist. "Come here."
She moved into my lap and I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her down for a long kiss. I took my time exploring the soft wetness of her mouth, worshiping her tongue and running my fingers down every inch of her back before she finally pulled away.
"I'm going to New York this weekend. Come with me. We can be a couple there together without having to worry about anything, right?" She cupped my throat and leaned in for another long kiss, leaving me to my thoughts.
Getting out of town for the weekend sounded like a plan. I needed to get outside and breathe the air a little. I'd been cooped up in the house every chance I got since Mandy died. Being with Dana and getting to hold her hand in public, or pull her close when I wanted to sounded blissful.
"Will you come?" She smiled, already so full of herself.
I chuckled. "Yeah. I need to get a plane ticket, but I'll come with you."
"Yes!" She jumped up and did a little jig that caused my libido to spike into overdrive.
"That's hot."
"Oh hush." She sat back down in her chair and wiped at her eyes. "I thought we were over before we started."
"No. I just needed to figure out what the fuck to do seeing that you're a student at UT. I honestly didn't even consider it a possibility when we met."
"I would have mentioned it had I known of your rules." She picked up her fork and took a quick bite of her salad.
"The wine. Let me get us something good to drink." I got up and walked back toward the kitchen. "I'm surprised you still want anything to do with me. I've been a complete asshole."
"No you haven't, Kendal." She turned and looked over her shoulder. "You're going through a lot of stuff."
"Maybe, but it's still no excuse for my behavior on campus. I just felt like the world was closing in on me because of Mandy's death, and then I saw you were soon to be my student, and that was it." I opened the bottle of wine, grabbed two glasses and walked back toward the table.
"It's understandable." She reached for the glasses. "What's going on with that other professor on campus? I'm good with us sneaking around to be together when we can, but you being involved with another woman is completely out of the question."
I snorted and poured the wine. "I'd never do that. I'm a one-woman man. Honestly."
She nodded and took a sip of the dark liquid in her glass. "Is she leaving you alone?"
"Not exactly, but one of my mentors is aware of the situation and thinks I should bring it up with the dean." I shrugged and leaned back in my chair to study the beautiful woman I h
ad sitting across from me. "I really don't want to get Mark involved in it. It's just high school bullshit drama."
"Unless she sets you up or does something to tarnish your reputation."
"I'm probably going to do that on my own." I reached out and ran my fingers over her forearm. "I'm not sure how good at being secretive I'm going to be. I usually want what I want and that's it."
"But it's whose held you back in the past. Just make a commitment to keep doing that until May. I'll honor it too." She brushed my fingers from her arm and gave me a look as I chuckled.
"Good luck." The beeper on the oven went off and I got up. "Do I need to get us a room in New York?"
"I'm not sure. I'll know better later this week. I want to stay with my childhood best friend. I'm pretty sure she has several rooms. Is that okay?"
"Anything you want. As long as I get to let down my guard and call you mine for a few days." I walked to the kitchen and pulled the roast from the oven. I'd have to let Damon know he was right. The bastard was always right. Sneaking around would suck, but if it meant being close to Dana's warmth... I was all for it.
The rest of the evening was relaxed and far more enjoyable than I expected. She had to run right after we had dinner thanks to her friend Jackie locking her keys in her car, but we promised each other that we'd make up the night in New York.
I kissed her several times as we stood by her car and thanked her for giving me a chance. She was young and yet full of grace and forgiveness. There was an agelessness that sat behind her dark eyes that stole my breath.
It took a good fifteen minutes of me breathing in and out to slow my heart after she left. It wasn't just about lust and the need to drive into her from every angle known to man. It was about the promise of love. She was the kind of woman who could heal my wounds and drive me toward being the man I dreamt of becoming. I wanted to own myself in a way that had others looking up to me, not whispering in the shadows about all of the fucked up mistakes I'd made in my search for love and acceptance.
