by Peter Telep
"Sir, that's not true, sir."
Bougus dropped to his knees and pushed his Smokey the Bear campaign cover back off his forehead. "Boy. Do you know what happened to the last zoomie who called me a liar?"
"Sir, I don't care, sir. I'm in trouble, sir."
"I'll tell you why you're in trouble," Bougus barked. "You're in trouble because you can't remember the last time you kissed a woman."
Nathan closed his eyes and summoned up an image of the past, an image of his last embrace with Kylen Celina "Sir, I can remember that time clearly, sir. I can still feel it now."
"But that was a million years ago, son. Wasn't it?" Bougus asked rhetorically. "Swallow the truth, kid. She is gone. Waiting and searching and hoping is a buncha crap. The Chigs got her, and they ripped out her eyes and heart."
"SIR, NO, SIR."
"Oh, yes they did. And because you won't believe that, you've put a lock on your zipper that's driving you insane. What about that last R&R? You fixed up Hawkes, but weren't you looking, too? Yeah, you were. But you kept saying, I can't. I can't. Tell me, young life-taker, you think your girlfriend's corpse gives a crap now?"
''She's not dead, sir."
A fire lit in Bougus's eyes, a fire kindled by Nathan. "You got as much proof of that as you got courage."
"Sir, you have not followed my every action since leaving Loxley, sir. I got courage, sir."
"What are you gonna tell me? That you've done pretty well for yourself? Fifty-eighth squadron, veteran of the Battle of the Belt, rocket jock with a pretty swell confirmed kill list? That don't mean Jack Doolittle to me. I still don't see no courage, no pride. I still don't see no demon. I see a quitter with a heart gone AWOL."
"That's not me, sir."
"Then make me believe you still got a pair."
"I can't, sir."
Bougus showed his teeth. "Then you're nothing. And I'm ashamed you wear the uniform. I wasted my beloved Corps' time training you. Give me your K-bar so I can cut out your liver and feed it to my dog while I make the ghost of your dead brother watch me do it."
"You son of a—"
"Come on, flyboy. You wanna stomp out my guts? You go ahead and try. You're gonna souvenir yourself a world a hurt."
Nathan sent a roundhouse toward Bougus. The fist passed through the man's face and connected with something hard and cold, something that made Nathan wince. Then he opened his eyes and surveyed reality.
Despite fighting with Bougus in the dream, Nathan wished he were back in it. What he saw now was entirely depressing.
"Hey, Nathan," he called to himself aloud. "What's your twenty?"
"Well," he answered himself, "I'm near the top of a mound of snow, buried up to my armpits. Remember the pictures of those avalanche survivors we saw in CWS training? I look like one of them, but at least my head's sticking out of the snow instead of just a leg or an arm."
With a moan, he craned his neck and saw that the flapping of a ship's sails that he had heard had come from his parachute. Still attached to his harness, the chute was tangled, not fully open, and continued to be jostled by the wind. He returned his gaze forward and moved both arms. Hoo-yah. Nothing broken. And now for the legs, which he could barely feel. He pushed his knees back and forth, digging a slight amount of room for his hips. He wasn't a doctor, but he guessed that if he could do that, his legs were not broken, just numb and trapped.
Now, how the hell am I going to get out of here, he thought. He tried pushing up on his arms, applying most of his weight on his elbows, but he lacked the strength to move himself more than a few inches. He brought a hand into his chest and tried to force it down to his waist to retrieve his K-bar sheathed there. But then he realized it would probably take him the better part of a standard day to clear away all the snow.
Arguing in his mind with Sergeant Major Bougus suddenly triggered a memory, a memory of something the old jarhead had always said: Marines are the most inventive species on the planet. They're problem solvers. That's why the Marine Corps will live forever.
So Nathan took in a deep breath and thought about ways to prove Bougus correct.
nine
Cooper had responded to Paul Wang's call to have a look at what lay on the other side of the slope, and on his way there, he had thought he might come to view a vast alien firebase established on the planet for the sole purpose of killing one First Lieutenant Cooper Hawkes. And he had thought he might see the heartless, eyeless bodies of the twenty-first squadron, a post-Chig encounter portrait that would send his stomach reeling. He had thought he might see Shane and Teddy, somehow present, both torn to shreds by alien fire. He had even thought he might see Colonel McQueen, bleeding, clutching his bowels and trying to force them back into his body.
But all he had seen was a collection of what amounted to Marine Corps garbage strewn across the rocks and snow. And he, Damphousse, and Wang had sifted through the debris to conclude that all of it had belonged to the twenty-first squadron. Pieces of AP-V hulls, discarded mini-chutes, and a few empty MRE containers sketched the beginning of the missing squadron's story.
Then Shane's call had come, and they had sought cover. The alien warplanes had shot by and rolled, their tri-wings flashing in unison.
"I didn't believe it then, and I don't believe it now," Cooper said, sitting up. "Those Chigs oughta be running full, low altitude scans of this junk and know we're here."
"Maybe they already have," Wang said, appearing from behind a main section of AP-V hull. "I never understood why the Corps insisted we camouflage our chutes, yet the rest of the AP-V gets discarded to remain fully exposed to the enemy."
"Well, I guess both of you weren't listening to Mr. Budiwan," Damphousse said, her lips much paler than normal, her hair glazed with snow. "The Chigs here don't have the resources to patrol every inch of the planet. And most of our discarded equipment won't be judyed by them because the solar activity messes up their scans as well as ours."
"I also remember him talking about how thermal scans are power-draining for the enemy," Wang said.
Cooper shook his head. "We're still assuming a lot."
"I think the area's secure," Wang answered. "One buzz by a patrol doesn't tell me the Chigs are on alert."
"But we triggered that sentry," Cooper argued.
Wang lifted his brow. "But we don't know if it called home."
"I'm betting it did, and I'm betting the Chigs have seen our wasted AP-Vs and the ones here, and they know all about our little surprise party," Cooper told them. "I say we do intel of the duct, and if we suspect they're preparing for us, we abort."
"In a perfect Marine Corps, that would be fine," Wang said. "But we don't have the last word."
"Yeah," Cooper agreed. "Shane does."
"And we all know that, no matter what the circumstances, she'll do the right thing," Damphousse said.
"I believe that," Wang confessed.
Cooper pursed his lips and watched the steam escape from his nose. "I almost believe that."
"Why are you doubting her?" Damphousse asked.
"'Cause of the way she's been acting. I'd almost rather be commanded by old Raymond T. Butts than her." Cooper beat a fist on his heart. "She takes a little more from you each day. She never used to do that."
"I've noticed her slump," Wang said. "I can't say I know what's wrong with her, but it's like she pitched a winning season, came back from vacation, and now doesn't wanna play anymore." Wang shivered. "Weird."
"She just had a birthday," Damphousse reminded them. "And that, I suspect, has a lot to do with it. That, and the fact that sometimes we're just not sure of ourselves, you know? You ever get the feeling like, what am I doing here? Who was stupid enough to place me behind the wheel of a multi-million-dollar aircraft?"
Cooper nodded. "I get that feeling every time I fly."
"Shane's smart enough to know that she can't let this interfere with her command, but it is anyway," Wang said. "And now we all gotta deal with it on top of everything else.
" His words trailed off into the wind.
"The heck with Shane for now," Cooper said, checking his watch phone. "We're supposed to be heading back, and we haven't found West. Should we contact Shane and see if she located him?"
"Negative," Wang answered. "That's not a nine-one-one. We'll head back and hope she and the other guy found him."
"And if they didn't?" Damphousse posed.
Wang shrugged. "Then it's her call."
"The 'other guy' has a name," Cooper said, peeved over Wang's remark.
"Oh, he has a lot of names," Wang replied and then glared at him. "Where do you want me to begin?"
Cooper opened his mouth, but Damphousse broke in. "Guys, if you start this now, I'm gonna finish it by making sure every word goes in my After Action Report. I swear to you; I'll put it in. And then you'll both be standing in front of Commodore Ross."
"You're assuming we make it out of here alive," Cooper said.
"I'm not assuming anything," she said. "I am making it out of here. I haven't even had a family yet. I'm not buying it on same planet code-named Bulldog's Belly."
Wang picked up his rucksack and slipped his arms through the straps. "You read how they got the name? Kind of obvious, really. It's always twilight here. We never see the light of day, just like a Bulldog's Belly."
"What about when he rolls over?" Cooper asked.
"Don't complicate it, Coop," Damphousse said with a smile. "Just accept it."
"And that's my problem. They keep telling me, this is the way it is, and I keep asking why? Why is that?"
Wang and Damphousse broke into laughter, and that truly puzzled Cooper. It also reminded him just how much he had yet to learn about human nature.
Damphousse drew the Global Positioning System from her belt. "I'm gonna keep running scans with the GPS, and Paul, keep your compass set to Nathan's PLB. Coop, you scan for his pack's signal. Let's swing a little more to the west this time."
Cooper once again took point. Back at Loxley, anyone who voluntarily took point, say, during a commando mission that took you through dense foliage, was immediately labeled a lunatic or a lieutenant. Cooper considered that he was both. The lunatic part came from a rage that, when released, controlled his body and cut off his mind. The lieutenant part he was still coming to terms with. Occasionally aboard the Saratoga, an enlisted person would walk by, stiffen and salute, and Cooper would smile broadly and think about how not too long before he had been stunned and hauled away by the police. Certainly, those cops had had no intention of saluting him.
"Wind's picking up," Wang said.
Cooper tossed a glance back to the Marine. "That's 'cause the Chigs control the wind, know we're here, and just wanna piss us off. Am I reaching for that one?"
"Yes. But it does raise a good question. According to the report, Aerotech established the atmosphere on this planet. Yet, there's an unknown chemical present that somehow interferes with communication. You guys wonder if the Chigs introduced the chemical in the atmosphere? And if so, does it pose a bio-hazard? The report says no. But my eyes are burning a little, and I keep telling myself it's the wind. And maybe it is. The wind with a chemical in it."
"And that makes me feel even better about not wearing a helmet, Wang," Cooper said. "At least you guys can use your rebreathers."
"Until the batteries run out," Damphousse said. "And the way this Op is already turning out, I got a feeling we're gonna be here for a long time."
Cooper rose over a slope and saw that only Shane and Teddy were at the rendezvous point. He made the appropriate identification call, then led the others down to the bed of volcanic rock and snow. Everyone wore the same grim expression, and Cooper knew his face mirrored theirs.
"I guess we don't have to ask each other anything," Shane said.
"Not even a faint signal?" Damphousse posed, apparently unable to abandon hope.
Shane shook her head.
All of the gloominess struck Cooper like a Chig's machete. He wasn't about to kick back and sulk. He would go out there and find Nathan. And if some Chiggies got in his way, then they would get some and get some and get some. "Well, we're going back out there, right?" he asked Shane.
She closed her eyes. "The directional beacon will stay put here. If he gets within range, he can lock onto it. Or he can pick up our PLBs with his compass. And if he's really desperate, he can open a com channel, providing there's no interference."
"We're leaving him?" Cooper asked, raising his voice.
Slowly, Shane opened her eyes and nodded.
Cooper spun away from her. "I don't believe this." He whirled back to point a finger at her. "You know, they say I don't know much about natural-borns, but I know that this is typical of the way you've been acting, Captain. You're gonna leave a man who saved your life more than once out there to die? What the hell is that?"
"What would you have her do?" Damphousse asked, then seized Cooper by the arm. "Should we use up all of our rations in order to find Nathan? And what if we do that and discover he's dead? Then what? We fail the mission and probably die of starvation if we can't steal a ship home."
Cooper felt the heat of frustration rush to his face. '"What if, then what.' That's babble. I know a man is out there. Alive or dead, we got a duty to find him."
"You got a duty to obey orders," Shane said. "And don't think I'm a coldhearted bitch for this. I don't wanna leave, Hawkes. But the mission takes priority. You should already know that."
He moved up to her and spoke through gritted teeth. "I got a friend out there. He's a priority."
"She's doing the right thing," Wang called. "We gotta believe Nathan's alive, but we gotta go on with the mission."
"I don't have a problem with you disagreeing with orders, Hawkes. Not at all. But you still have to obey them. Now, are you coming?"
"What about that time that sniper almost picked you off and Nathan whacked him for you? What about that time over Arlistine when you chaffed and jinxed and that bogey caught your right wing and Nathan cleared the sky for you?" Cooper put his back to her and muttered, "Guess that stuff didn't mean nothing."
She stomped toward him and circled in front. "I don't owe you any explanation, Lieutenant. I don't appreciate you guessing about how I feel."
"What if Nathan had been thinking about regs and priorities before he bailed you out? Maybe he would have let you die the way you're gonna let him die."
Shane drew in a long, slow breath, then softly said, "We're not letting him die."
"Does it make you feel better to say that?"
"I AM SICK OF YOU, HAWKES. YOU WILL FOLLOW ORDERS OR I WILL REPORT YOU INSUBORDINATE AND PLACE YOU UNDER ARREST."
"C'mon, Shane," Cooper said, his tone now pleading. "Screw the mission. Wouldn't be the first Op we had to walk away from. Nathan's out there. Nathan."
"Gimme a minute," Shane said, then she moved away from everyone and paused to lean on a boulder.
Damphousse shifted to Cooper and kept her voice low. "I don't wanna leave Nathan, Coop. But we have to. It's our way. You know that. Why are you putting doubt in her mind?"
"Why does it gotta be our way every time? Sometimes I don't think of myself as a Marine or an In Vitro because sometimes the Corps treats me like I'm just a number, a long number with random spaces in between. I used to think there was nothing worth dying for. Then I got friends. You guys. And then I learned. And now she's asking me to give up one of the only people I really would die for. I can't do it. I just can't do it."
"She comes back and says we're going, what're you gonna do?" Wang asked.
Cooper looked to the slopes. "Maybe I'm gonna go out there after him alone." Then he studied them. "Or maybe you guys will come, too."
"Don't do this, Coop. And don't ask us to disobey the orders of a superior officer. You're straying into court-martial territory now."
"Let 'em string me up when I get back. I don't give a crap. At least I can say I didn't abandon a fellow Marine, a friend." Annoyed at his runny nose, Coo
per abruptly ran a finger under it.
"You gotta let this go, man," Wang said. "Now you're actually scaring me."
Damphousse seized him by the shoulders. "Think about it, Coop. You go out there alone after Nathan. That's great. You haven't abandoned him. But then you have abandoned three other Marines who really need you."
Cooper huffed. "So either way I'm screwed."
"Hey, she's coming back," Wang said.
Shane approached Cooper, and when she spoke, it was in that monotone that made her sound like she didn't care. "I'm sorry, Hawkes. But we're driving on. You coming?"
He turned away and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know."
ten
With the K-bar already ruled out, Nathan went down a mental list of the other equipment on his person that he could use to dig himself free. He came up empty. His entrenching tool was in his rucksack, and thinking about the sack made him look to his digital compass. He switched frequencies and waited for the screen to come up with a grid point and suggested course to recover the sack. But the screen remained blank. Then, after a few seconds, a message flashed: Beacon Out of Range. Switch to Satellite Recovery or, if so equipped, to Satellite Image Receiver for visual identification of cargo.
"But we don't have eyes in the sky here, you stupid piece of junk."
Even if Nathan were able to free himself, he would have to go on a blind search for his supplies. Once within range, finding the sack wouldn't be a problem. The first part would prove the biggest challenge.
But he would worry about that later. He had to think of a way to get free. He studied his surroundings once more. He tried to pull himself out, got his boot a few inches out of the hole, then collapsed, panting. The damned parachute kept tugging at his shoulders, so he found his clips, detached it, then whirled around and seized one of his shroud lines before the chute blew away.
Marines are inventive. Not geniuses by any stretch of the word, Nathan thought, but smart enough to realize that the tangled shroud lines of a parachute can be untangled so that the chute might be able to catch enough wind to drag a snowbound pilot free.
