by Tia Louise
Quickly I flew to the headboard and jerked the gold tie loose, then I snatched the green blindfold off her eyes, pulling her up to me and wrapping my arms tightly around her.
“Are you okay?” I whispered, kissing her cheek, her lips.
She leaned back to face me, eyes round. I wasn’t sure what she was about to do. My throat tightened. Would she cry? Would she be angry?
“Why did you stop?” she said, voice high. “I was just playing along.”
“What?” My shoulders dropped.
“I was being your captive, begging to be set free…”
I frowned, but the side of her mouth twitched. “You were worried?” The twitch was turning to a tiny grin as she placed her hands on my cheeks. I was getting pissed. “I’m sorry.”
“Dammit, Elaine.” I started to get up, releasing her altogether. But she was on me, grabbing me fast by the shoulders.
“Don’t be mad!” she cried.
I stood at the bedside, and she was on her knees, holding me, her face struggling between laughter and worry.
I exhaled deeply. “You have no idea how it goes against all my instincts to hear you beg me to stop and ignore it.”
She rested her head on my shoulder still holding her arms tight around my neck. “I love you so much.”
It was impossible to stay mad when she said that. I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave in completely, pulling her close.
Her head popped up then, that glimmer back in her eyes. “This is why we need a safe word.”
“Motherfu—,” my hands went back to her waist, but she shook my shoulders.
“I’m serious! Then we know for sure if one of us needs to stop.”
“A safe word.”
“Something you’d never say during sex.”
“Like what?” I was sure my expression was as skeptical as I felt because her eyebrow arched like she was fixing to tease me.
“Bubblegum.”
“What?”
“Yes!” She hopped off the bed and picked up the gold tie. “Wow. You really messed this one up.”
I took it from her and went into the closet, hanging it back on the peg. “One of my hundred-dollar ties, no less.”
She was right behind me, slipping those cool, slim hands around my waist. Her bare breasts pressed against my back as her fingers spread out over my stomach. I took one of her hands and lifted it to my lips. My erection had only cooled a little.
“So bubblegum,” I repeated, walking out of the closet and pulling her with me.
“Yes,” she hopped on the bed again. “If one of us is going too far or if it hurts too much—”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Say bubblegum and it stops,” she continued unfazed. “That’s the deal.”
“It’s like a magic word,” I said, curling a blonde strand around my finger.
She tilted her chin up, shaking her pretty head. “No, the magic word is please. The safe word is bubblegum.” Then she laughed and kissed me.
“I think we need to test this.” My hands had just gone to her cheeks, cupping her face when I noticed a loud tapping noise from the other room.
Our lips stilled and I raised my head. We exchanged a confused look, but I let her go, picking up my jeans and jerking them over my hips.
“Hold that thought, Bubblegum,” I said.
“You can’t use it all the time or it won’t work!”
I shook my head as the tapping grew louder and went to the door. “Hang on,” I called, pulling it open fast. The girl outside my door jumped back.
“Oh!” she said, and for a half-second, I didn’t recognize her. Light-brown, shoulder-length hair. Her lips were a rosy pink, and she only wore the lightest mascara. It was smudged a bit under big blue eyes. She was the same, but completely different.
“Kenny?”
Those eyes flew down my shirtless torso and back up as her cheeks flooded with pink. “This is how you answer the door?” she exhaled, shaking her head as she pushed past me, entering my apartment.
“What are you doing here?” I followed her back inside, shutting it.
She went to the fireplace and stood staring at the silent space while I took in her short dress with black combat boots. The edge wasn’t completely gone.
“I’ve been needing to talk to you, but you’ve been away so much.” She turned to face me, wringing her small hands. “When you texted that you were alone this weekend, I figured I’d just drive up and spend the night.”
My brow lined and I shook my head. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, Patrick.” Those hands went to her forehead, and she pushed back her now-even hair. It was a gesture I recognized from the tattoo parlor when she’d forgotten to get my signature on the paperwork. Her eyes rose to mine, and now they were shining with tears.
“Hey,” I crossed the room quickly to hug her. “What’s wrong?” I rubbed her back, holding her close. “Did your parents kick you out?”
“No,” her voice trembled. “But they might. Oh, god.”
Her hands went to my arms and she pushed out of them. Then she took another step away, and her eyes scanned my body again.
“Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” she said, her voice irritated. “It’s hard to think when you’re all… on display like this.”
“Jesus, will you just tell me what’s going on?”
With a deep inhale, she straightened her back. Then closing her eyes, she said it. The two words that exploded everything.
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter 19 – Right and Wrong
It felt like a roundhouse kick to the gut followed by an ice-chest of freezing water dumped over my head, but I still wasn’t ready to accept Kenny’s meaning. “Why are you telling me you’re pregnant?”
“Because it’s yours, dummy!” Her hands slapped down to her legs and she stormed into the kitchen, jerking open my refrigerator as she spoke under her breath. “What I wouldn’t give for a drink right now.”
I was right behind her. “But… You were on the pill.”
“Yes.” She took out a ginger ale and popped the top. “All I can figure is I’d had a sinus infection the week before. The doc put me on antibiotics—”
“Kenny, what the hell?” I leaned back against the bar. Now I was the one shoving my hands into my hair.
“Don’t raise your voice at me, Patrick Knight!” She flashed, and I took one glance before grabbing the reins on my freaking-out insides. I was ready to yell, but not at Ken.
Instead, I opened the cabinet and pulled down the Jack and two shot glasses. I filled both to the rim with amber liquid as she watched me.
“I can’t drink right now.”
Without a word, I lifted one and shot it followed quickly by the second, wincing at the burn. “Shit.”
“Yeah.” Her voice was hesitant. “That’s what I expected you to say.”
Clearing my throat, I felt only slightly more ready for this. At least my tone was calmer. “So you were taking antibiotics?”
Her shoulders relaxed. “I’d been off them a few days. Honestly, I forgot all about it. You might remember we weren’t thinking so clearly that night.”
I remembered everything about that night—down to her crying in my arms at the end. “And you’re sure it’s mine?”
She leaned forward and punched my chest hard. “You think I’d lie to you? You’re the only guy I’ve slept with since Blake.”
Rubbing the spot where she’d hit me, I tried to process this. My stomach was in knots; my emotions were flying all over the place. On the one hand, I wasn’t pissed that Kenny was having a little baby, but Jesus H. Christ! It wasn’t supposed to be mine.
“I don’t know what to say.” I finally admitted. “I mean, we’re not really together. Did you want me to pro—”
“Stop.” She held up a hand. “Just stop right there. I didn’t come here for you to make some grand gesture.” Shaking her head, she tried to leave the kitchen, but I caught her. “Th
at’s not how we are, Patrick.”
Her blue eyes held mine, and I knew she was right. The thought of me getting down on my knee to her was followed closely by the image of her bursting out laughing. But I wouldn’t walk away from this, I wouldn’t walk away from her. Dammit, I had no idea what she needed from me, but I’d give it to her.
“I want to help you, Ken.”
“Then be my friend. Just… be there for me.”
My grip on her arm loosened, and I pulled her to my chest. “I’m always that, babe.”
I held her close, but a soft voice from the living room snapped everything back to the present.
“Patrick?” It was Elaine, standing in the doorway, dressed now in her skirt and my shirt. “What’s going on?”
I crossed the room to her, all of my insides tight. “Elaine, this is Kenny.”
Elaine’s brow rose, and my stomach dropped. “Kenny’s a girl?”
I felt my guest approaching from behind. “You said you were alone this weekend—” Kenny started.
“Yes.” My eyes hadn’t left Elaine’s, and I saw the hurt growing there. Shit shit shit… “I was going to tell you about the mixup, but we got distracted and—”
“You told her you were going to be alone this weekend, so she came here to spend the night with you? And she’s pregnant?”
That’s when it all went to hell. Elaine’s green eyes glistened as they moved from me to the girl standing behind me.
“It’s not like that.”
“I didn’t know,” Kenny said.
“Oh my god, Patrick!” Elaine quickly moved around the room, collecting her shoes and her bag, but I was with her every step of the way.
“Wait,” I said as she pushed past me. Her face was crumbling, and all my insides were crumbling with it. “Baby—”
“Don’t you dare.” Her voice was quiet, but sharp. She sniffed, and my own eyes grew damp.
I caught her waist, stopping her as she tried to walk out my door. “Please. You can’t drive back to Wilmington like this.”
She wouldn’t look at me. “I’m not. I’ll get a room for the night.”
“Stay with me… I can explain.”
She only pushed my arms away and dashed out the door. I followed, but she wouldn’t stop. She was down the stairs and at her car without looking back. I stood on the sidewalk as the first drops of rain started to fall, watching as her tail lights disappeared around the corner.
* * *
My heart was through the floor. Kenny was beside me on the couch as I sat like a zombie, sending what felt like the five thousandth text message to Elaine. They all said the same things, I’m sorry. I love you. Please talk to me. It’s not what you think. We can figure this out.
I’d given up calling when I’d gotten her voice mail for the fifth time.
“I’m so sorry, Patrick.” Kenny’s voice was quiet as she watched me type. “I thought you were alone.”
Pressing my lips together, I put the phone down but against my leg in case it vibrated. “It’s not your fault. Elaine surprised me tonight.” The memory, that red bra, was another twist to the knife in my insides.
“I should’ve told you I was coming. I just—”
“Forget it. Let’s talk about this,” I said. My throat was tight, everything was tight, but we had some major decision-making ahead of us. “What do you want to do?”
She sat back then, crossing her legs in front of her as she faced me. “I’m thinking a hundred things at once,” she sighed. “I can’t do this alone, but we’re not a couple. I can’t tell my parents, but they’re going to find out eventually. I can’t afford my own place…” Then her head dropped into her hands, and her voice broke. “Oh, god, what makes me think I can have a baby if I can’t even afford my own place?”
Tears hit her cheeks, and that old protectiveness I had for her resurfaced. “Stop.” I pulled her to me, rubbing her back. “It doesn’t matter that we’re not a couple. I’m still here. I can help you get a place or whatever you need.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve been trying not to cry,” she sniffed, sitting back, and wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. Now I understood why her mascara was smudged. “Fucking tequila. I can’t believe I’m pregnant. God, Patrick, I feel like… such an idiot high schooler.”
“We’ll figure it out,” I said, pulling her hands into my lap and rubbing them. “Tell me what you want to do. Do you want to keep it?”
Her lips tightened and for a moment she sat quietly holding my hands. Then her blue eyes rose to mine, and she nodded as my phone buzzed beside me.
“Okay, we’ll start there,” I said. My eyes went to the phone, and the name that had been circling through my mind for the last hour appeared. Elaine. “Hang on.”
Scooping it up, I ran back to my bedroom. “Elaine?”
“I only called because you won’t stop texting.” Her voice was soft, but I could tell she’d been crying. My chest ached, and I wanted to find her, bring her back to me, hold her until she saw this didn’t change anything between us. Nothing could change how I felt about her.
“I’m so glad you did,” I said. “We’ve got to talk this out.”
“I can’t help feeling like you lied to me. About a lot of things.”
I shook my head, but she couldn’t see me. “It wasn’t like that. When you said that, when I realized your mistake, I wasn’t really thinking about Kenny being a girl or how it looked…”
“It looks like you slept with her,” she said, and my stomach ached.
“I did, but—”
“And she texts you all the time. You’re obviously very close,” I heard her breath catch. “And now she’s having your baby?”
“None of that changes how I feel about you.”
“This is why long distance doesn’t work. I can’t do this, Patrick.”
Her words cut through me, and everything in me rejected what she was saying. “No. Elaine, please.” My voice was breaking now, along with my heart.
“I need a break. You need to deal with… what’s happening. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.”
“Elaine—” but she’d ended the call.
The line was silent, and my head dropped. I lay back on the bed, pressing my palms against my eyes. Pain hit me again and again like a sledgehammer to the chest, and all I could think of was Elaine, her beautiful smile, her touch. I’d lost her again, but this time it was my fault. And I was pretty sure she wouldn’t be back in a week. My insides clenched so hard, my knees bent, and I rolled onto my side, pressing my face into the pillow. It still smelled like her. Jesus.
I felt the lightest touch on my shoulder and blinked back. Worried blue eyes watched me.
“Hey,” I rolled over and sat up, temporarily forgetting the pain hammering my insides. I had to take care of what was happening here. Elaine was right about that at least.
Kenny hesitated, then she lifted her hand and touched my cheek with the backs of her slim fingers. “Are you crying?”
Quickly, I shoved any moisture away. “It’s not about you. Or the baby.”
Her dark brow pierced, and I could tell she didn’t believe me. “Bee sting or needle?”
My phone dropped out of my hand, as I covered my eyes against the warm mist. “You were right.” My voice was thick. “Nothing hurts as bad as this.”
She leaned forward and hugged me. “Nothing kicks the shit out of you like love.”
I held her back, speaking into her hair. “And I really fucking love her.”
She pulled away and studied my face a moment then cupped it in her hands, wiping her thumbs under my eyes. The memory of us in the back of my car, me doing the same thing to her crossed my mind. “Then we’re really fucking going to get her back.”
Shaking my head, I took her hands and brought them down to my lap. “She thought you were a guy.”
“Why did you let her think that?”
“I didn’t mean to… It’s hard to explain.” Exhaling heavily, I m
oved to sit against the headboard, pushing the pillows up behind me. She crawled up next to me and rested her head on my chest. Slim arms went around my waist, my arm was over her shoulder. “How are you feeling?” I said.
She shrugged. “Exhausted. All the time.”
Holding her like this, thinking about Elaine’s words, I was at a total loss. This situation had sent everything into a tailspin. If Kenny had my baby, we’d be bonded in a way—a way I wasn’t sure how to interpret. I did care about this tiny woman, but not as my wife. Elaine’s face was all over that category in my heart.
“I have to tell you the truth,” I said quietly. “This is kind of blowing my mind a little.”
“How do you think I feel?” she sighed. “I’ve been thinking about it nonstop for two weeks. That’s why I finally came here. I knew you could help me figure it out. I’m just sorry I messed up everything for you.”
My grip tightened on her shoulder. “I’ll work that out. You said you want to keep the baby, but what does that mean? Do you need money? Do you need me to help you find a place?”
Her shoulder went up and down. “I don’t know. I probably should tell my parents.”
“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll go with you to do that.”
“Thanks,” she said.
The sky flashed briefly, and a roll of thunder vibrated the windows. Kenny’s arm tightened over my waist, and I rubbed her slim shoulder.
“I’m really tired now,” she said.
I was comfortable enough, and I was pretty sure I’d be awake all night anyway. “Sleep,” I said. “I’ll take care of you. Don’t worry about anything.”
“Thanks, Patrick,” she said, and I could hear her voice growing distant. “One thing’s for sure. It’ll be a beautiful baby.”
My throat tightened as the noise of the rain grew louder. Kenny fell asleep quickly, and I held her, my brain cycling through everything that just happened. Thunder rumbled, and all I could think of was Elaine out there somewhere, alone in this storm thinking who knew what.
Memories of walking on the beach with her, of her mentioning the little student and thinking about my babies… pain clenched my chest again, and I picked up my phone. One more time, I had to be sure she knew. I texted, I love you.
