“You have no idea how much that means to me,” I tell her. “And I know you have things to work out. I’m not in a rush to start a political career. I’ve had some alone time this evening to think on it. I don’t know what I want anymore. What I do know is that I want to have time on my hands to be with you and when we’re ready, I want time to build a family with you.” Before she can get her two cents in, I say, “Relax, there’s no rush. We’re both very young.” I wink, and she rubs her hands up and down my torso. It feels good to have her hands on me again. “I also want you to think about what you want. I can see that ranching doesn’t make you happy. We need to figure things out.”
Her lips spread from cheek to cheek. “I really like the sound of that. Us figuring things out together.”
I nod my head in agreement, and I kiss the hell out of my woman.
Chapter Forty-Two
Sam
One month later
“This has been a long time coming.” I look to Al, and he squeezes my hand as the plane lands. This was my first plane ride, and I’m acting like a child, enjoying the rush of the plane taking off and complaining my ears hurt when the plane lands. Mack and I have had many intense phone conversations this past month. We never discussed making anything formal about her adopting Ethan, even though we’ve had some informal paperwork drawn up for her to be his legal guardian. I haven’t given up my rights. We also never really made specific plans, like if I would ever tell him I was his mother. I’ve never even gone to New York to visit them. This is my first time leaving Colorado.
Mack’s been so good to me. It wouldn’t be fair to her or Ethan if I walk in and dump the truth on him. That’s why Al and I are moving to New York City. We rented an apartment that we’ve never seen, through one of his old acquaintances. He got a job working in one of the largest law firms in New York. While he works, the plan is for me to start spending time with Ethan and slowly build a relationship with him other than being the fun and crazy auntie.
“This is going to be great. You are going to be great.” He presses a kiss to my hand. The pilot comes on the intercom and makes an announcement. The plane stops, and then the passengers are up and out of their seats, moving quickly to get their carry-on luggage from the overhead bin. I follow suit. Al and I walk off the plane and down a narrow hall to another hall and down an escalator. My heart beats rapidly in my chest, and it’s hard to believe this is really happening. We collect my suitcases since Al had his stuff packed and shipped from Chicago. With three large suitcases, we exit the doors to see Mack, Ethan, and Autumn waiting for us. I will myself not to cry, but the emotions swirling inside me are strong. That I’ve even allowed myself to believe that I deserve to be here and get to know my son is a huge feet. Failure scares the hell out of me, but missing this opportunity would be worse.
Al’s played a major part in convincing me of my worthiness. It’s a battle I’m afraid I will have to fight continuously since some habits are hard to break.
“Auntie.” Ethan wraps his arms around my neck and for the first time since I gave him away five years ago, I allow myself to feel, to hurt, to heal, though I know it will take a long time for me to truly heal.
“Hey, sweetheart. I’m so excited we get to live in the same city now.” I ruffle his light hair like I usually do. Mack and Autumn lean in and give me a hug. I can tell they are nervous. I guess none of us knows what the future holds. All I know is that we all love Ethan deeply, and I hope that everything works out the way it’s meant to.
Mack drives and I sit up front with her. Al, Ethan, and Autumn sit in the back of the SUV. They take Al and me to our new apartment where we get settled in, and we bid them goodnight. A part of me never wants to leave Ethan’s sight now that we are here, but I know I need to pace myself for his sake and mine.
“This place is amazing.” I sigh, looking out a floor-to-ceiling window. “A little over the top but wow.” I look out at Central Park. When we agreed to move here together, I expected to rent some shitty apartment in Brooklyn or Queens. I didn’t expect this fancy building.
“Nothing but the best for my princess.” Al swats my ass.
“I’m no princess, Al.” I roll my eyes at him, playing with him because he hates when I say that.
“Don’t start with me,” he warns, pointing a finger at me. He has a serious look on his face, but I read between the lines. We haven’t had sex since before the accident. The doctor just gave me the okay to fly a week ago, and Al had all of this organized on a whim. It beats me how everything from the location to the furniture is so fucking perfect, but I guess this is how the other half lives. Even though the doctor gave me the okay a week ago, he still hasn’t had sex with me because he says we act like wild animals during sex and he couldn’t live with himself if he hurt me. I think there’s more to it, though. He knows I used sex to feel good, and he’s been trying hard to show me I can feel good without it. He’s proven his point. I’m crazy about him, but I still want him bad.
“I lived through the flight and I don’t have a headache. I’m thinking it’s okay if we fool around a little.” I giggle. He slowly unbuttons the shirt he’s wearing. The look on his face breathes pure seduction. It’s a fancy shirt, nice material, the kind he wore when he first arrived in Holston.
“I’ll fool around with you,” he says, stalking toward me like an animal after its prey.
“Oh no you don’t.” I wag my finger in front of him. “I told you I’m not the kind of woman to take orders from a man.”
He ignores my words, and when he’s worked open all his buttons, he moves the shirt off his shoulders. It pools on the floor. The breath is sucked right out of me at the sight of his wide shoulders and strong arms. My eyes lick a path down his torso as my tongue moves across my lips. Saliva pools in my mouth. He’s so fucking hot. He walks up to me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me into him. The warmth of his skin penetrates my shirt and butterflies begin to dance in my belly.
“I’m going to lick that sweet pussy of yours,” he says, and I don’t argue. I can’t argue. He’s rendered me speechless. I walk over to the king-sized bed. I still can’t believe that I live in this place. The sheets on the bed are white and so is the large puffy blanket that covers the bed.
“Aren’t you going to undress me first?” I finally say because I can’t show him all my cards. He can’t know how much power he truly has over me.
“Lie down,” he says, standing so close that I feel his warm breath kiss my skin.
I lie down. I take his orders. I’m willing to beg at this point. I lie back on the bed, and he works his belt then his pants off until he is left in a pair of boxers, his cock fully erect against his strong abs. My breathing is labored as I watch him climb on the bed and crawl toward me. His hands run up and down my thighs slowly, and then he works off the leggings I have on, taking my panties with them in one swoop. The cool air in the room hits my pussy, and I clench. Al’s blue eyes look more stormy gray in this light. As he stares at me, he slowly runs his hands up and down my calves toward my thighs, stopping at the apex of my legs. I’m dripping with want and my heart beats fast with need. We haven’t been together since we said the words I love you. His head dips between my thighs, his warm wet tongue making contact with my clit first. I let out a long moan. I’m swollen for him as he licks my clit then moves down to my opening and back up again, building a torturous rhythm.
“I want you inside me,” I say.
“I want to tongue fuck you,” he answers, and I know what he’s doing. He wants control in the bedroom. He wants to show me who’s boss. Truth is I know who the boss is because he fucked me like a boss from the first time.
I lose my words as his tongue moves faster and he inserts his fingers. I’m so turned on and so needy, I can’t control the orgasm that wracks through my body. White lights form behind my eyelids as he works me over, tongue fucking the hell out of me. He doesn’t relent, sucking every last drop of my orgasm out of me. And then he’s gon
e. My eyes stay shut and the bed sinks beside me. Soft kisses are pressed along my neck. Goose bumps erupt over my body as he sucks my lobe. My hands run down his back and over his ass, lowering his boxers off him. When his boxers reach mid-thigh, I use my foot and push them all the way down. I take his glorious cock in my hand. Al’s body is an art form. Everything about him is perfect. Now that we aren’t angry fucking or casually fucking, I take my time and pay attention to all the perfect details of his Adonis-like body.
“Will you let me suck you off now?” I ask as I stroke his cock.
A guttural groan escapes his mouth. I can see his jaw tense. “I need my dick inside you, baby. You can suck me off on round two,” he says, and his voice is deep and husky and so freaking sexy that I still can’t believe we’re here living together in New York City.
“There’s going to be a round two?” I cock a brow with a mischievous smile. “I’m exhausted from the flight. From this day.” I like fucking with him.
“This is the first night I have you to myself without your dad around. Did you really think I was going to let you sleep?” he asks, and before I have a chance to answer, he captures my lips and French kisses the hell out of me. His hand drops between my legs, and his thumb circles my clit slowly, and I build again. Heat moves through my body, causing my belly to clench in the most delicious way. I’m wet for him all over again.
“Please,” I beg.
“Do you want my cock inside you, Princess?” he rasps, and I love that he calls me Princess. He truly treats me like a princess.
“Yes, please. Now.”
He laughs. “Always so bossy.”
“I don’t have time to answer that.”
He thrusts inside me, filling me with his thick cock, and I moan at the feeling of him moving inside me, becoming one with him. He holds my hips and moves in and out of me, hitting all the right spots. We create a rhythm all our own as our sweat-slicked bodies move together, both of us working toward our climax. And then he comes inside me and sets me off as my own climax rolls and buzzes through my body, taking me higher and higher. We are a heap of ragged breathes when he falls to the side of me, pulling me close to his body.
“I love you so damned much,” he says, looking straight at me.
“I love you too, so damned much.” I caress his cheek. It’s crazy but I can’t get enough of him. I sometimes just enjoy that I can look at him, touch him, and know he’s mine. And at the end of the day, when we close our eyes and fall asleep, I know I belong to him and he belongs to me. We aren’t alone. We aren’t lost anymore because we have each other.
Epilogue
Eight months later
“I think it’s cool that I have three mommies.” Ethan looks up to me with blue eyes that are so similar to mine, my heart swells. Today is a big day. We’ve been leading up to this for a long time. Now we sit on a bench in Central Park on this unusually warm fall day, having a cone of soft serve ice cream, while I explain to him that I am his biological mother. A warm wind brushes across my cheek as I smile down to my son. It’s been a long hard road to this moment. I had to work on myself to make myself believe I deserved to be in his life because to me he had always been perfect. That meant coming to terms with my past mistakes and realizing that despite everything, I was a good person who deserved love and to be loved. Those words may seem easy to some, but they are something I fought to achieve. Now looking down at my eight-year-old son, I couldn’t feel more whole.
“That means so much to me, Ethan.” I smile and place a small peck on his cheek. He continues to lick the ice cream. “Autumn and Mack love you so much. I don’t want anything to change in our lives. I know all this is a lot to understand, but I’d like you to maybe come over for sleepovers once in a while … I mean, if you would like to.” I stammer a little. Nothing about this situation is easy. I am so grateful Mack and Autumn are open to me playing an important role in Ethan’s life. I’ve been inserting myself into his everyday schedule very slowly. I didn’t want to push or overwhelm him. Mack told me that in her heart she knew one day I may have wanted him back. There was never an adoption process. This was my sister owning up to responsibilities I was too young to undertake. Our situation is unique. What I do know without question is that my son is deeply loved and supported. Even Al spends lots of time with him. Taking him to sports games and doing boy things, like pretending to shave with shaving cream in the bathroom.
“You mean I get to sleep over at yours and Al’s place?” His is tone filled with an excitement I don’t remember having as a child.
“Yes.” I nod. “If you’d like.” My nerves are frayed. I know I need to take a deep breath and relax. I told him who I am, and he didn’t flip out. The depth of this secret has haunted my days and nights for so long that my slow breathing provides no relief. I know it will take time for the news to process in his head and mine.
“I’d really like that. Al is fun,” he says, and I realize that the ice cream in my hand is melting over the cone. My stomach is in knots. I stand from the bench and walk across the path to throw my ice cream in the garbage. There is no way I can eat now.
“Good, I’m glad you think so.” I sit back on the bench and place one hand on his shoulder, giving him a little squeeze. “Hey! What do you say we try out the kite we bought? I think the wind is just right to make it take off right now.”
He smiles and nods his head. Something about him reminds me of Blake. With all his irresponsibility, I know in my heart of hearts that I’ve been unfair. Ethan may eventually want to meet his father. He has that right. I don’t want to take that from him. I tell myself that I will give him more time to adjust to me and eventually we will take that trip to Colorado. I just need Blake to clean himself up. I think he will. I think part of the reason he drinks so much is because he feels guilty about abandoning me and Ethan.
We spend the rest of the afternoon flying the dragon kite. We laugh and play and at the end of the day, I bring him back to Mack and Autumn.
Al is waiting for me when I arrive at our apartment. I open the door to see my man is walking around shirtless, his jeans sitting low on his waist—that chiseled V I know leading to a very delicious happy trail—his feet bare and in his hands a bowl of cereal.
“Hey.” He stops in his tracks. “How did it go?” He looks as nervous as I feel.
“Really well. He wasn’t shocked … it was more like he finally understood something that he didn’t before. It was strange … I don’t know.” I shrug. “I was so nervous, but he was just this laid back kid, and he thought it was cool he had three moms.” I press my palms to my face. My anxiety is still bubbling inside me. “He wants to come for sleepovers. He really likes you.”
“Come here.” Al extends his hand for me so I can give him a hug. He wraps his free arm around me, and I squeeze him fiercely, inhaling the scent of his woodsy cologne. I press my cheek against the warmth of his chest. He feels like home. I place a kiss to his nipple and pebble more kisses along his chest. “I thought you said you had a paper to write today.” His left brow lifts. “This morning you said we had to practice a strict no sex policy or else you wouldn’t finish your composition paper and your professor would dock you marks.” He reminds me of my own words. I do need that paper done, but I need him more.
“Did I really say that?” I ask, my voice a little sultry and a little mischievous. “I wasn’t expecting to come home and find you half naked. You look … yummy,” I say as my hands run over his chest. I bend my knees so my kisses move lower and lower. I was accepted to the NYU performing arts department this past September, and I am now working toward a degree in vocal performance and music composition.
“Yummy?” He groans, looking down to me, confused, yet his lip quirks up on one side.
“Here, let me take that.” I take his bowl of cereal and place it on the floor. I work the button on his jeans followed by the zipper as I look up to him with heat in my eyes. He takes his finger and runs it across my lips.
“Have I told you how beautiful you are?” he asks as his finger finishes its caress.
“Every day,” I say, pushing his jeans over his taut ass.
“Fuck, Sam.”
I take his cock in my mouth. We are standing in the foyer of our very large Central Park apartment, and I am sucking his cock like it’s my lollipop. I don’t use my hands as I deep throat him, and his head falls back.
“You keep that up and I’m going to come fast,” he warns, and it’s exactly what I want. I want to see him come apart at the seams. I want to make him crazy with lust because I love him like crazy. He’s given me a life I never knew existed. This man that I found passed out in a ditch on the side of the road has been my savior, my salvation.
His hips thrust in motion with my mouth, and he comes hard. I lap up every ounce of his saltiness. And when I’m done, he extends a hand to help me up off my knees. In one swoop, he lifts me in his arms. I love when he does that.
“Where are you taking me?” I laugh.
“Over to the couch. I want a taste of that sweet pussy of yours. I need to hear you scream my name, and geez, darling, I need to see you relaxed.” It amazes me how he can read me so well, how he’s able to give me exactly what I need, and right now that is his tongue between my thighs.
When he places me on the couch in our family room, I don’t waste time removing my jeans, panties, and socks.
“Bra and shirt got to go too,” he commands, standing above me. The only time he does command is when we are having sexy times, and I think he does it because he knows how turned on I get. I work my bra and shirt off too.
He kneels in front of me, and I spread my legs. He doesn’t use his hands to touch me when his head dips between my thighs that skilled tongue of his licks my most sensitive parts. My eyes loll shut. I take in the ecstasy. My body relaxes against his touch. His tongue works me over slowly at first, and when he feels me building, he picks up speed.
Mr. So Wrong Page 22
