by Charlie Hart
“Yeah. But I need to get back to the lab.”
“Tomorrow,” he says, and I can tell it’s an order. Not that I take orders from anyone, especially the other husbands, but I don’t plan on going back tonight. Tonight, I need to spend time with my wife. I want to own her. Alone. Just us, nobody else, and show her that she belongs to me. Show her that I will keep her safe.
Lawson’s countdown is slowly running out.
I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do if my treatments don’t work and she doesn’t get pregnant on time.
My chest constricts.
Fucking emotions. They only make this whole process harder. But now that I’ve let myself feel, it’s damn near impossible to shut it down again. Still, it would be easier to keep a clear head, if images of Tia didn’t pop up in my head every few seconds.
“Do you know where Tia is?”
“She was in her room the last I checked, reading through the files you brought home. I’m sure she’s still there.” He shakes his head. “She’s brilliant, isn’t she.”
“Yeah,” I agree, finishing the last of the lasagna. “She is.”
Just as Giles predicted, I find my wife in her bedroom reading something on my laptop. If any other person even touched the thing, I’d have flipped, but I gave her the password a couple weeks ago when she started helping me with my research.
I trust her.
It’s a revelation every time I think about it. Because I haven’t allowed myself to trust anyone in a very long time.
She’s so caught up in whatever she’s reading that she doesn’t seem to hear me come into the room.
Not until I sit down on the bed and pull her into my arms does she blink and look up at me, a giant smile spreading across her lips.
“You finally woke up.” She shuts the laptop, then kisses me softly. “Did you have any good dreams?”
I shift so that her back is against the mattress and I’m on top of her. “I had a dream of getting you out of these clothes.”
She wiggles beneath me. “Yes, sir.”
I chuckle, loving the words on her lips. But fucking isn’t what I’m after right now. I need... more. I just don’t know what that is.
“What’s wrong?” She places a hand on my freshly shaven jaw. “You got this look...”
I roll over on my back and stare up at the ceiling, then scrub my hands over my face.
“Banks?” She doesn’t touch me, just sits up, and I can feel her gaze on me. “Is it about the research, because you’ve done so much. I really believe that you’re close to finding a cure.”
Her faith in me stirs something in my chest.
But that’s not what’s bothering me.
“I wasted too much damn time,” I mutter, then turn my head to look at her. “Shouldn’t have been so scared to open myself up to you.”
“But you have now.” She laces her fingers with mine.
I nod, but we both know there’s no guarantee how many tomorrows we have together.
“I want to tell you some things.”
“Okay.” She shifts on her side, studying me.
“About my past, and why...” I swallow. “Why I am the way I am.”
She gives a small nod, but I feel her brace herself, preparing for what I have to tell her. Because, except for Emerson, who seemed to have the perfect upbringing, there aren’t a lot of happy stories out there. And mine is just another one with heartbreak and loss as its central theme.
But I don’t want to hold anything back from her anymore.
She doesn’t say anything as I tell her about my mother passing away, or my father’s obsession with growing a harem, the deaths, and births that I attended. Her fingers squeeze mine, but she lets me talk, and I tell her every detail of watching the men my father owed rape the women I’d come to care about. I only pause, before telling her how they turned their sights on me, paying my father the ultimate revenge by humiliating his son.
“Oh, my God, Banks.” She pulls me into her arms, and while I tense at first, I allow her warmth to flood through me, to heal me in ways that I never thought possible. “I’m so sorry.”
“It was a long time ago. But it led me down a dark path. It’s one of the reasons I...” My heart beats wildly, acknowledging for the first time my scars. “It’s why I need control. Why I have a hard time letting my guard down with the others.”
“You’re safe here.”
“I know that.” I do. But some wounds take a lot longer to overcome.
“I love you,” she says, resting her head on my chest. “No one should have had to go through what you did.”
“It made me who I am today. That’s what I hold onto.”
“You have something else to hold onto now. Me. Us. Our family.”
Except that it could get snatched away at any moment.
I roll over, trapping her body under mine. “You’ve been taking your shots?”
“Yes. Fallon has been giving them to me.”
“Good.” We should know soon if it’s worked. “Have you had any symptoms?”
She glances away a frown tugging at her lips. “No.”
Taking her chin between my thumb and index finger, I force her to look at me. “That doesn’t mean anything. It’s still early. We can do a test in two days.”
Her throat bobs on a swallow. “And if...”
“Let’s not worry about the ifs until we know the results.”
She takes a deep breath. “Okay.”
I trace my thumb over her bottom lip. So damn beautiful.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” she asks.
My response is crushing my lips against hers. Consuming her mouth like I want to consume her body.
More, my soul cries.
I peel her clothes off and her fingers are frantic on my own. When she’s naked beneath me, it would be easy to order her on her knees or to take her hard from behind, but I want to see her eyes as I slide inside of her.
“What do you want, sir?” she asks, a smile tugging at her lips.
“You,” I growl out, that one word more possessive than I’ve ever been. I slide my hand between us, and slip a finger inside her pussy, finding her already wet and ready for me.
Thank fucking God, because I need her now.
I wrap her legs around my waist and press my aching cock against her entrance. Holding her gaze I slowly slide inside of her, filling her completely.
Her warmth envelopes me, her muscles squeeze teasingly, but it’s the look in her eyes that holds me there.
Love.
It radiates from her, cracking any last bit of reserve I have.
“My God, Tia,” I say against her lips. “You’ve undone me.”
She whimpers and starts to move beneath me, her gaze never leaving mine.
This. It isn’t fucking, it’s making love. And I revel in it. Slow. Easy. Achingly good. Instead of owning her and controlling her, I own her in a completely different way. One that shows my love--on every inch of her creamy white skin. There’s no pain, no domination. I will show her that another time. Right now, I focus on owning her body in the present as she willingly gives it to me. We both need this.
We spend hours exploring each other's bodies, and she comes several times before I finally allow myself to spill hot and hard inside of her.
And I know that no matter what happens, there is no way in hell I’m letting anyone or anything take her away from me.
Chapter 18
Tia
My body and heart are sore when I wake up in the morning. The curtains were left open and a soft light filters through the window. My body aches from the hours I’d spent making love to Banks, and my heart hurts for the suffering my husband has gone through.
I could stay in this bed with him all day long. I run my fingers over the olive skin of his chest and abs as I stay burrowed under the duvet. Flawless. And yet there are so many hidden scars. Scars that I’m not sure anyone could ever recover from. And yet here he is, besi
de me, his heart, although damaged and broken, offered to me.
I roll out of bed, letting him sleep, and have a quick shower. It feels good to let the warm water run through my hair, and I stay in extra long, letting the bathroom grow hot and steamy, which seems to help my aching muscles. I wrap a fluffy white towel around myself, running a comb through my long, thick hair. My face is dry from the Alaskan air and I rub moisturizer into my skin, noticing worry lines on the corner of my eyes.
As I take the extra minutes to get ready for the day, I think about Banks. How hard he is working for our family - for women everywhere. A wave of pride washes over me. There may be a constant rumble of fear within my belly, but I know my husbands are doing all that they can to make my world as stable as possible. To make the world as safe as possible.
When I come out of the shower, Banks is gone. I sigh, sitting down on the bed alone, wishing I could show him the love I have for him at this very moment. I’d drop to my knees and let him know that taking care of him is one of life’s sweetest pleasures.
But he isn’t here waiting for me, and I understand why. I have no doubt that he’ll be headed back to the research facility as soon as he’s dressed and eaten. Refusing to let the fact that he isn’t here waiting for me sour my mood, I remind myself that at least I had a few moments with him before I lost him again to his mission.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” Giles says when I come into the kitchen. He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, his flannel shirt rolled up to his elbows, his eyes bright as if filled with fresh mountain air. I’m sure he started his day with a hike.
I brush his auburn hair off his forehead before leaning up and kissing him briefly. “Morning.”
“Coffee?” Emerson asks, already reaching for the pot.
I nod and gratefully accept the mug when he hands me it. Starting my day in my home, with my men around me, is a gift I refuse to take for granted.
Fallon walks in, a smile tugging at his lips when he sees me, planting a hard kiss on my lips. “You look happy this morning.”
“I had a good night.”
He raises a brow and I glance over his shoulder as Banks walks in.
“Anyone know if Salinger’s left for work yet?” Banks asks, giving me a small, reserved smile.
I know now not to be offended by his reservation at showing emotion in front of the others. And I won’t push him. God knows he showed me plenty of emotion last night as we made love for hours.
“I think he left an hour ago,” Fallon says, straightening. “How come?”
“Was going to get a ride with him. I left my vehicle at the facility.”
“I’m making bacon and eggs,” Em says. “I can drive you after breakfast. It’s on my way.”
“Thanks.” Banks sits down at the table across from me.
But at the mention of eggs, my stomach rolls, and a small cold sweat hits me.
“Are you all right?” Giles asks, taking my hand.
“Yeah,” I say, shaking it off, but when Emerson places a plate in front of me, I have to stand, and rush from the room.
I barely make it to the bathroom before I start throwing up.
Someone is behind me, rubbing my back, their hands holding back my long, loose hair.
“Get her a glass of water,” Fallon orders.
“I’m...” I retch again hating the fact I’m getting sick in front of everyone. They may be my husbands, but there are some things better done alone.
A cold, damp washcloth is placed on the back of my neck.
But then, here they are, all taking care of me as if I’m their most precious thing. Any embarrassment is gone as I take note of that.
“Just breathe,” Emerson says, and I realize it’s him who’s crouched beside me, his large palm resting on my back.
When I think the wave of nausea has passed, I sit back and lean against the wall.
Emerson flushes the toilet, and Fallon hands me a washcloth to wipe my mouth.
“Here,” Giles says, handing me a glass of water. “Just take small sips.”
I do and feel slightly better as the cold water refreshes me. I press the cool cup against my cheek and take a deep breath.
Banks is watching from the doorway, lips pursed.
“Sorry, I must’ve caught the bug Kate had last week. It sure came on fast though, didn’t it?”
The men exchange a look.
“What?”
Fallon rubs the back of his neck. “Do you think it’s possible...?”
That I’m pregnant. I hear the unspoken words.
“It’s too soon to have symptoms,” I say, hope and fear warring inside me. I glance at Banks. “Right?”
“It’s different for everyone,” he says stoically, but I see the emotions he’s holding back, and it looks like fear is winning over hope in his eyes. “But we can do a test to make sure.”
“Now?” I ask, my bottom lip trembling, realizing that everything is about to change for us. It’s one thing to imagine the ramifications of pregnancy, it’s quite another to be living them.
“You’re still days away from when your period is due,” Banks says, and I can’t tell if he is trying to reassure me or if he’s just stating facts. “So it might not show anything even if you are. A blood test would be best.”
Emerson takes my hand. “Better to know as soon as possible.” He glances over his shoulder at Banks, hope winning in his eyes. My sweet Emerson. “That’s what you said, right? The sooner you can start treatment the better.”
Banks nods, and I see the dichotomy between the men. One full of hope, the other driven by pain. My white knight and dark champion. I love them both so much.
“We can do a regular test here.”
“O-okay.” Emerson helps me stand as Banks leaves.
Both Giles and Fallon have gone quiet, but I see a silent conversation that goes on between them. They don’t know how to feel either.
“This is good.” Emerson cups my jaw and places a kiss on my forehead. “It would solve everything.”
I know he’s right.
“And if it’s a girl...” Emerson’s grin broadens.
He doesn’t seem to recognize the weight of his comment. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” More fear fills me, because if it is a girl, the chance of the child’s survival, of my survival, greatly diminishes. Moving to the living room, we wait for Banks to come downstairs with the pregnancy test.
Fallon paces in front of the fireplace. Giles sits with his fingers templed against his mouth, and Emerson can’t stop smiling at me, so much damn hope in his eyes.
I wish I could feel the same.
And I wish Huxley and Salinger were here as well.
“Ca-can someone call Sal and Hux.” I wrap my arms around my chest, suddenly wanting me entire family here with me. “If... if I am, I want them to be here.”
We took vows... In sickness and in health, may we bring a new life into the world, multiplying the population and ensuring humanity’s survival. We are a family, and if we are starting this new part of our life, I want to begin it together.
“I’ll text them,” Fallon says, voice hard, jaw clenching and unclenching.
Banks comes downstairs holding two foiled packages, then hands them to me. “Do it twice just in case. And I’ll take a blood sample as well. Either way, we should know today.”
With shaky hands, I take the tests from him, but before I walk away, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest. I can hear his heart beating violently. It’s an odd gesture of affection in front of the men, and my own heart squeezes.
“Whatever the results, I’ll keep you safe,” he whispers against the shell of my ear. “I promise you that, Tia.”
“I know.” But there are some things that not even my genius husband can protect me from. But I won’t show him any doubt. He needs my full confidence right now.
“How long do I wait?” I glance down at the packages.
“Two minutes.”
“Moment of truth,” I say to my reflection, as I fumble with the first package, and pull out the stick.
After urinating on both, I set them on the counter and wait. The strangest thing is where my mind goes during this moment when my entire life is on the potential precipice of change.
What was my mother thinking when she took this test and learned she was carrying me? Was she scared? Anxious? Ready?
In all the variations of my life, I never really imagined myself at this moment, waiting for a test to tell my fate.
I’m a woman of science and I’ve been this way my entire life. But then I came here to Alaska, and my heart took over my head in so many ways. Love wove its way through logic and reason, and the only thing that really truly makes sense in this messy world is that I love my husbands. With all that I am.
I would love this baby too.
If only I could be given the chance.
I can’t look, my lungs expand as I take big, deep breaths. I can’t fall apart now, collapse to the floor. No. This is when I must be stronger than I’ve ever been before.
I know it’s been more than two minutes when there’s a knock on the door.
“Tia?” Fallon says. “Are you okay?”
I know his real question.
Am I pregnant?
Knees weak, hands trembling, I finally gather the courage to look at the sticks.
Two bright pink positive signs stare back at me.
Chapter 19
Banks
“Tia?” Fallon bangs on the bathroom door again, and I see my own apprehension mirrored in his gaze.
She’s only been in there for a few minutes, but the anxiety in the room is almost tangible. As much as everyone knows this is our best option, it’s still scary as hell.
Especially for Tia.
“Give her space,” I say, even though I’m just as eager to know the results.
Finally, I hear the click of the lock, and the door opens.
Slowly, Tia comes out, and her eyes are wide, her mouth parted on shaky little breaths, and I know the results before she speaks.
