by Gemma Files
“Sure, like everyone did. But the Hexicans don’t strike me like that’s their aim — not this generation, anyhow. And again, you sure couldn’t stand in their way, they decided otherwise.”
“But your friend Mister Pargeter might,” Thiel pointed out.
“Might. If you could find him, and he wanted to.”
“Can I count on your support, in that area?”
Morrow snorted. “Support — so I can steer him around, point him where you want him? How likely you think that is to work out, exactly? Doc Asbury’s gimmicks ain’t the be-all and end-all, sirs. If you go against Hexicas, you’ll find that out. Same thing if you go against Chess Pargeter, likewise.”
“Oh, undoubtedly,” Thiel replied, coolly. “But then again, if you continue to tame Mister Pargeter the way you have already, you and Missus Kloves — gently alter his nature with this highly laudable mixture of true affection and morally improving example — then perhaps we’ll never have to.”
God damn, this was a perceptive fellow; Morrow was almost afraid to tell him any more, knowing it’d be filed away somewhere for reference. Which Geyer seemed to figure out pretty quick, as his next words indicated.
“What George’s maybe trying to say is . . . you and Mister Pargeter — and Missus Kloves too, with all her woes — have mainly known the West thus far in its raw state,” he explained, “unrefined; a work in progress. But things will have to change, for that progress to continue. Things are already changing.”
“And this would be the part where you ask me which side of that change I want to end up on, right? Whether I want to go the way of the buffalo, or stake my claim to Manifest Destiny?” At Geyer’s look: “Yeah, that’s right, sir: I read a paper or two, now and then.”
“The question stands,” Thiel said.
“Then I s’pose my answer would be: good luck with all that. I’m well out of this tussle, considering I worked two years without pay to set it up, let alone to bring it to bed. You want to talk to Chess, chase him down; see if he’ll stand still for it.”
“Will he?”
“He just might, you come at him on a good day. ’Cause, see — he’s changed, too.”
Geyer nodded. “That’s what I’d heard. Saw evidence of, too, outside Hex City.”
“That’s as well,” Thiel replied. “Because you’re right, of course, Mister Morrow: I don’t really expect our hexacious brethren will be rejoining the Union anytime soon. But I can foresee a time — sooner, rather than later — when Hexicas finds it useful to send emissaries our way, same as any other sovereign nation. Hell, even Vatican City receives petitioners. And I can even see a day when your young Mister Pargeter might consent to be their chief ambassador, once he’s been off on his own in the world a while — lived a few more years alone under the shadow of his own infamous name, ’til he’s had the rougher edges either knocked off him, or just smoothed over a tad. Daniel Boone himself ended up a state representative, after all.”
“’Til the speculators did for him?” Morrow shook his head, smiling. “You don’t know Chess all too well, Mister Thiel, that’s for sure.”
“Not yet. But I hope to.”
Next morning on, Yancey woke early, as was her wont — emerging headlong from a dream, a distinct vision of Chess in the future, small as ever though not quite so slim, his beard tamed and groomed into Satanic points, more silver than red. Saw him strutting down the aisle at some big to-do in a city as far from New Mexico as Boston had been from Hoffstedt’s Hoard, when her parents first set out on their emigrants’ journey. A voice announced him, flat-vowelled and hoity, clearly Eastern: The Representative from Hex City, Sheriff Chess Pargeter, and his . . . companion. And though who that was she couldn’t see, somehow she knew it wasn’t Ed, which (even in her sleep) made her quite uncharitably glad.
A moment later, however, she rolled over to realize the bed was empty — thought he might’ve gone to the jakes at first, ’til she caught him hoisting his already packed saddlebags by the back door. He froze when he saw her, ridiculously shamefaced for such a big man, ’specially one who’d already come intact through Hex War, fire, flood and rout, not to mention tussling with her and Chess, in his time.
“I’m not impressed,” she told him, hands on hips.
He sighed. Replying: “Wouldn’t expect you to be, overmuch.”
“Wanted to warn Chess ’bout those jackasses, is that it? ’Cause you could’ve got me to do it, easy enough; that’s the nice part about having a dead-speaker for your woman. Means you don’t have to almost anything in person, not unless you want to.”
Morrow looked down, one hand ruffling the back of his neck uncomfortably, as though he had some sort of cud he’d been chewing over caught in his throat.
“Well,” he began, at last, “I guess I just thought . . . Sheriff Love bein’ dead — again, and all — that . . . you’d want to settle down, build yourself a life, do . . . womanly stuff.”
“You did,” she replied, flatly.
“Well, yeah. Don’t you?”
Chess’s voice in her head, then, like always — like he just couldn’t help himself, present or not. Observing: Oh, all men really are fools, just like my Ma always used to say.
She felt the sudden sting of tears as she looked at this fool she’d roped herself to, studying him hard, wondering at the fact it’d taken them this long to find a place where they weren’t of a complete accord anymore. Just what happened when you stopped meeting in dreams and tried living side by side, she supposed, in the frail and fragile meat, with all its pleasures and complaints; when you moved from intention into reality, and found yourself abruptly saddled with all the mistakes and complications human beings were heir to, by simple flaw of design.
Yancey sniffed. Then managed, at last, schooling her thick voice hard in how best not to tremble, “No, Ed. That must’ve been some other female you were thinking of.”
Morrow gazed back with those fine hazel eyes of his, for all the world like he didn’t know what to make of her, and it made her want to weep even harder. She remembered what that Agent, Mister Thiel, had said, just before riding away: Things have changed, Mister Morrow; you’d agree with that evaluation, surely. To which Ed had frowned just like was doing now, and answered: For now, all right.
Yes, absolutely. But far more likely . . . for ever.
Her face felt hot, tight; though she knew she was probably flushing all over, she couldn’t break their stare, even for an instant. It seemed vitally important, as though if she did, she’d lose him forever — And I don’t want to, you idiot, can’t you see, without me having to tell you? I want this, not some Goddamned dead dream of respectable matronage I left behind in the Hoard, with Uther’s and my Pa’s corpses. I want you.
“What-all do we even know about each other, really?” He asked her, sadly.
“I know you’re as good a man as any I’ve ever met, and that’s better than I could hope for.”
“Marshall Kloves included?”
For all it made her feel terrible, in honesty’s name, she had to nod.
“Him I could’ve got to love, eventually — he was banking on it, and I do believe that’s true. But it wasn’t to be.” She continued, with difficulty: “You . . . could probably learn to love me too, though, you just gave enough time to it. That’s if you don’t feel the same way I do, just right now.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry you don’t? Or sorry you can’t?”
“Sorry you think I’d even have to try, seein’ how I love you so hard right this very minute, it’s like my Goddamn heart’s ’bout to stop.”
Then she was in his arms, and she was crying, almost as hard as Chess had, after Rook’s fall. But it was all right, it’d have to be. Everything was all right, now.
In this whole sad, hex-broken world, they — at least — had each other.
A month since Hex City’s downfall, and in that whole time, Chess hadn’t used his powers once — just rode thr
ough the Painted Desert like anybody else, quiet and careful, ’til he finally reached some dirt-scratch town on the Texican border. Dry Well, he thought the sign at the trading post had read, which fit. There he unwrapped the ear-bob he’d retrieved from that seam where the Crack closed over, still crusted with blood, and threw it down on the countertop. “How much?” he asked, voice tight and small, as though his mouth were full of sand.
The shop-keep barely glanced up from assessing it; didn’t seem to register his torn lobe or the spattering of bullet holes ’cross his jacket, now so badly neglect-faded it looked halfway back to Confederate grey. Didn’t seem to recognize him at all, or only as yet another penniless drifter, of whom these streets did seem well-choked. “We don’t lack for turquoise ’round here, but gold’s scarce,” he said. “Give ya five.”
“It’s worth twice that.”
“Then go back where you got it, sell it there. Five.”
“Eight, and I’m bein’ over-nice.”
“Five or four-fifty, makes no never-mind to me. Keep arguin’ and it’s four-fifty, plus I call the Marshals. Your choice.”
Chess raised a brow, feeling: You cheat everybody comes in here, motherfuck, or am I just special? prick at his tongue, like that broken knife blade one of his Ma’s roistering biddies used to carry hid in her mouth, back when Oona’d still had enough to splash out she could account herself flush with “friends.” But for once, he took a perverse sort of pride in not indulging himself.
“Five, then,” he said. “Any place to stay close by, with food on the premises?”
“You want good, or cheap?”
Chess spread his hands out. “I’m like you see, and I still need to buy new gear.”
“That’d be cheap — try Widow Maysie’s, end of the street.” As he counted out the cash, his nude eye flicked toward the hitching post, greedy. “Could prob’ly do better, you was willin’ to sell that horse of yours.”
“I don’t aim to stay too long.”
“Suit yourself, then.”
And again, his former self’s voice slid forward to snap, in his scarred ear: Goddamn if I won’t ’cause I always do, you stupid old shit-kicker. Familiar yet irrelevant as the carping of a ghost, too foolish to know he should fall over and get himself buried.
The Widow had three rooms empty and a gaggle of kids running her ragged, but turned suddenly nice as pie when Chess proved he was willing to pay extra for solitude — laid out fresh sheets, made him up a plate of beans with salt pork, even lent him her dead man’s shave-kit, after he asked where to find a barber. “That man’s no good, sir,” she told him. “A dago from parts East; calls himself a leech, but I seen him leave gut-shot men lead-poisoned, and still take cash money for it. Do better to do it yourself, and save the expense.”
Save it for you, you mean, Chess heard Chess-that-was whisper, his bile already dimming, a mosquito’s hum. And returned to himself abruptly, falling straightway into a silence-pocket that argued she might’ve been talking a while yet, without his participation — just staring down and panting slightly, blood all a-hammer while considering on nothing much, the way some badly shocked troops’d done in battle’s wake, during the War. “Soldier’s heart,” the medicos had called it, or “nostalgia.” Yet another of those old Greek terms the Rev’d known so well how to explain, in between his Bible-blather, his Shakespearian discourses.
A surfeit of memory, Chess — not good memory, either, even as it engages us to all else’s exclusion. For “nostalgia” means “our pain,” you see.
“Sir, are you well? Are you all — ”
Fine enough, you idjit, given. Better by far, after a while, without your yammering laid in on top of the rest of it.
But: “Ma’am,” he managed, finally, doing what he thought might be a passable Ed Morrow imitation, “that’s . . . kind advice, I’m sure. Thank you for it.”
“Why, you’re most welcome. Room’s at the hall’s end — you take as long as you need, make yourself presentable. I’ll boil water for washing.”
“Ma’am,” he repeated, dipping his head like a play-actor. And stumbled past, nose suddenly salt-stuffed and eyes a-sting, too dim to negotiate except by touch alone.
It took him far longer than he’d thought it would to do for the beard he’d worn almost since he bid San Francisco farewell, hacking and scraping for what seemed like hours ’til the skin showed through, though at least he didn’t cut himself too badly. After, he examined his face in the dull tin mirror and was surprised to realize the scar ’neath his jawline barely showed at all, except from odd angles.
Otherwise, he looked thinner, older, burnt ’cross the nose and tanned darker than he’d ever seen himself before. A slight lightening at either temple, uneven on each side, dimmed his hair’s red from flame to afterglow. An outright thread of grey wove through one gilt brow, making it fork, then hike quizzically.
Maybe no one would take me for Chess Pargeter after all, he thought, for one breathless moment — frozen while a paralyzing wave of something swept up through him, strong but nameless, almost impossible to decode. Hope? Horror? Regret?
Regret, hell.
No, he was himself still, no matter what: small-made and slim, face like a scowling fox, harder by far than he seemed at a distance. Though the embers might burn low and crusted, they remained hot; something would blow on ’em soon enough, making ’em flare and pop. And then?
Well. Then, he supposed, they’d just have to see. Him too, along with everybody else.
Chess plunged his hands back into the washbasin, made one more grooming circuit, wiping away what was left of his whiskers. Then slung his ruined jacket back on, and went out in search of drink.
Nearest thing in Dry Well to a saloon was a combination eatery and melodeon in which a three-piece band sawed away at their fiddles, and two indifferent-looking skirted creatures moped wherever they thought they could show ’emselves off to best advantage. One bit got you a shot and dinner, a plate heaped with sowbelly, and the three Bs — biscuits, bacon, beef — with wild onions as a side dish, against the scurvy. There was a card game in one corner, a hot topical discussion in the other: Pinkerton’s legacy, that new outfit Geyer and that other ex-agent had cobbled together out of old Allan’s leavings. Doc Asbury they had working hard, making reparation, parsing his Manifolds from weapons back to tools — something Songbird would be glad to hear of, Chess supposed, for all the harm the old man had done her, in his misguided attempts to defang hexation at its individual roots rather than its ultimately unknowable source.
How he might convey that information to her, on the other hand, he had no idea. Nor why he might want to try.
You may speak to us at your convenience, red boy, that man-squaw Yiska’s voice murmured at his inner ear, the very same instant this thought framed itself — for she too seemed more powerful, perhaps augmented by dead Grandma’s legacy, now she’d passed beyond the veil Chess didn’t plan to penetrate again anytime soonish. We welcome your intelligence. There is a place amongst us held open for you, always.
And why would I want that? he ached to cry out, even aloud, for all around him to wonder at. I ain’t none of yours, like you ain’t none of mine. Only person left on this damn earth I belong to is —
— Ed, maybe, when all was said and done. Maybe even Yancey Colder Kloves, who might one day consent to set her weeds aside and be Missus Morrow. But aside from them . . .
Two women he’d hated in this rambling, violent life of his, a whore and a goddess, and he couldn’t even say he hated the first anymore, or not quite so much as he had. While for all his affections bent Ed’s way, frolic-wise and other-, there remained one man alone he’d ever loved, thus far. Loved and hated both, in almost equal measure.
The hurt of it crept up and down like sickness, but never went away; a self-refreshing void, set right where that hollow his heart filled once more used to gape. As though his own pulse, so long absent, were nothing but a hammer pounding one new nail for every beat
into his own flesh, forever wrenching the same wound open.
All things pass, still, red boy. All things move on. Even him. Even you.
He didn’t want the advice, necessarily, for all he knew it was probably good. Yet he couldn’t deny there were parts of him — larger parts than ever before — which wished to Mictlan-Xibalba’s lowest deeps it might, eventually, prove true.
Over by the trio, an altercation was rising, argument sliding fast to incipient brawl. A long-legged young man sat scowling with a guitar slung over his chair-back, mariachi-style, while three other cowboy bravos poked at him. “Sing for us, Alarid!” one demanded, jeeringly.
“Don’t think I will.”
“Aw, c’mon, we’re all waitin’. I know just the song, too: Oh, Charlie’s neat and Charlie’s sweet, and Charlie, he’s a dandy . . . and every time we chance t’meet, he gives me sugar candy . . .”
The lanky sumbitch in question — his first name being Charles, Chess could only assume — narrowed his eyes, which were bright blue fringed with lashes so dark and thick they looked like he’d smeared on what the San Fran ladies called fireplace kohl. His hair, too, was black as a coalhouse cat, unruly, with one long lock falling like a kiss-curl; some Mex in his complexion, the arrogant furl of his grandee’s lip. This was the sort of young buck annoyed those ’round him simply by existing, and didn’t seem to’ve figured yet that that should make him pull his head in, rather than jut it out all the prouder.
“‘Sweet’,” he repeated. “Problem is, though — I’m savin’ my candy for better men than you, Sam Holger. Not that I’d ever thought you wanted it before, as such . . .”
Holger turned first red, then white, choking hard on an in-drawn breath, like it was fire-water. “You . . . faggot motherfucker, you,” he began, spluttering, “always puttin’ on your Goddamn airs and graces — ”
“Better airs and graces than cowflop-stink, and ten pounds of stupid in a five-pound sack.”
“That’s pretty big talk, for a pole-smokin’ queerboy,” Holger’s right-hand pal put in.
