He stared at her. ‘Romantic? Are you serious? It sounds like a nightmare.’
She leaned back, her gaze narrowing. ‘Maybe it’s a male thing. You seem to have jumped to the same conclusion as Angelo and Nico.’
They were obviously men of sense. ‘You say they can’t live without each other. Seems to me they can’t live with each other.’
She shook her head. He tried not to let her dancing curls distract him. ‘The intensity of their love drives them to distraction. So, yes, I think that romantic. Boredom is death to a relationship and while you can say a lot of things about my parents the one thing you can’t accuse them of is being bored...or boring.’
Was that the kind of relationship she wanted? Did she mean to marry a man and raise Ryan’s child in a battleground? ‘Boredom?’ he spat. ‘I’d take it over never being able to relax or wind down. What on earth is wrong with contentment?’
Her face wrinkled up as if she’d just sucked on a lemon. ‘Oh, yay, that sounds like fun.’
‘The way your parents act, it’s immature. Sounds as if neither one of them has the ability to compromise and I don’t see what’s particularly loving or romantic about that.’
She glared at him. ‘I’m starting to think you wouldn’t know love if it jumped up and bit you on the nose. You avoid love and connection as if it’s some kind of plague, so you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t take you as an expert on the topic.’
She had a point, but... ‘You’d really prefer to have the kind of screaming match that leaves you shaken and in tears than...than smiles and easiness and happiness?’
‘It’s not an either-or situation.’ She folded her arms. ‘Besides, I hear that make-up sex is the best.’
‘Is it all about sex with you?’
‘Oh, excuse me while I roll my eyes out loud! I like sex.’ She thrust out her chin. ‘And I have no intention of apologising for that.’
‘You’d have that kind of crazy, outrageous relationship even if it made the people around you miserable?’
‘My parents’ relationship didn’t make me miserable.’
‘I expect that’s because Angelo and Nico shielded you from the worst of it. It certainly made them miserable. What if it makes our child miserable?’
Her eyes flashed. ‘Oh, no, you don’t! You are not going to control me or my future romantic liaisons by means of some kind of twisted maternal guilt you feel you have the right to impose on me. I will marry whomever I choose, Ryan, and it will have nothing to do with you.’ With that she grabbed a magazine and promptly set about ignoring him.
He had absolutely no right to tell her who she should or shouldn’t marry but...
Why couldn’t she just remain single?
With a groan, he dragged both hands back through his hair. Why on earth hadn’t he simply forgone the small talk and kissed her again?
* * *
Marianna stood the moment Ryan returned to the waiting room, twisting her hands together and searching his face. All they’d known prior to arriving at the hospital was that Stacey, Ryan’s mother, had snapped a tendon in her calf playing squash and that a blood clot had formed at the site of the injury. The doctors were doing everything they could to dissolve the clot, but so far it hadn’t responded. If the clot—or any part of it—moved and made its way to her heart or brain...
Marianna suppressed a shudder, and made a vow to never play squash again. ‘How is she?’
Ryan didn’t answer. His pallor squeezed her heart. She reached out and wrapped her arm through his. ‘The doctors are doing everything they can.’
He nodded and swallowed and her heart bled for him. He might not be close to his family, but he loved his mother. That much was evident.
‘She’d like to see you.’
She eased away to stare up into his face. ‘Me?’
‘The doctor said that’s fine, but she’s only allowed one visitor at a time and she’s not to get excited or upset.’
No excitement and no upsetting the woman. Right. She pressed a hand to her stomach. ‘Did you tell her about the baby?’
He nodded. ‘That’s why she wants to meet you.’
She moistened her lips. ‘In my experience, news about a baby definitely falls under the heading of exciting.’ And depending on the situation and the person being told, fraught with the possibility of distress and worry.
‘She’s fine with it.’ He pushed her towards the door of his mother’s room. ‘Go and introduce yourself and then we can get the hell out of here.’
She didn’t remonstrate with him. For pity’s sake, she’d done enough of that on the plane! Not a smart move when trying to make oneself an attractive long-term romantic prospect. But behind his impatience and assumed insensitivity she recognised his fear. She wished she could do something to allay it.
He frowned. ‘You don’t want to meet her?’
She shook herself. ‘I do, yes, very much.’ She straightened her shirt and smoothed down her skirt, wishing she’d had an opportunity to at least shower before meeting Ryan’s mother. Ryan collapsed onto a chair and rested back, his eyes closed. He must be exhausted. As soon as she’d visited a little with Stacey she’d get him to a hotel somewhere where he could rest up.
Pulling in a breath, she padded down the hallway and tapped on Stacey’s door before entering. ‘Mrs White, um, sorry... Mrs Pickering?’
‘You must be Marianna. Do come in and, please, call me Stacey.’
Ryan had Stacey’s colouring, and her eyes. For some reason it put Marianna at ease. ‘It’s lovely to meet you.’ She took the hand Stacey held out to her, pressed it warmly, before taking a seat at the side of the bed. ‘I’ve been ordered to not wear you out.’
Stacey sighed. ‘It seems a whole lot of fuss and bother for nothing.’
That sounded like Ryan too. Marianna glanced down her nose and lifted an eyebrow.
Stacey laughed. ‘I know, I know. It’s not nothing, but the fact of the matter is I’m not even in that much pain and all of this sitting around is driving me mad.’
She sounded a lot like Ryan.
‘You’re having a baby.’
Straight to the heart of the matter. ‘Yes.’
‘That’s lovely news.’ The other woman nodded. ‘A baby... That’s exactly what Ryan needs.’
Marianna didn’t know what to say.
‘You care about my son?’
She didn’t bother dissembling. Stacey was Ryan’s mother and her baby’s grandmother. ‘Yes, I do.’
Their eyes met and held. They both knew that her caring about Ryan could end in heartbreak.
‘I made a grave mistake when I separated from my then husband and left Ryan with his grandmother. She loved Ryan to bits, but I only ever meant to leave him with her for a couple of weeks.’
Marianna opened her mouth to ask why she hadn’t gone back for him—how had two weeks turned into fifteen years—but she closed it again.
‘My heart was broken,’ Stacey continued, ‘and it took me a long time to recover.’
Marianna could understand that, but she still wouldn’t have given up her child.
Stacey met Marianna’s gaze. ‘I was crippled with self-doubt and a lack of confidence. I felt I’d made a mess of everything. I’d hurt Ryan’s father. I’d disappointed my mother. I thought I must be a bad person and I convinced myself that I’d ruin Ryan’s life. That is the single biggest regret I have.’
Marianna understood self-doubt all too well, and Stacey would’ve been even younger than Marianna was now. She reached out and touched Stacey’s arm. ‘You were young. It was all such a long time ago. It’s in the past—’
‘No, it’s not.’ Her gaze didn’t drop. ‘It’s there between us every time I see him. He’s not trusted me since. He’s never forgiven me.’
Her heart burned for the both of them. But... What did Stacey want her to do—to reconcile Ryan with his past? She could try, but—
‘I’m telling you this to help you understand my so
n a little better, Marianna. Since his grandmother died I’m not sure he’s trusted anyone, but I think he might trust you. At least a little.’
She hoped he did.
‘Maybe you’ll be able to find it in your heart to make allowances for him when he doesn’t act as emotionally invested as you’d like.’
Therein lay the rub. She wanted—needed—Ryan’s wholehearted involvement, his complete commitment. She wasn’t a masochist. She couldn’t settle for anything less.
Ryan liked everyone to see him as cool and controlled, but she knew the passion that lurked beneath the impassive veneer. She lifted her chin. She and Ryan, they didn’t have to end in heartbreak. She could win his love yet. The first step, though, would be to reconcile him with his family. It wouldn’t be easy, of course. But it couldn’t be impossible, could it?
* * *
‘I still don’t see why we have to stay at Rebecca’s,’ Ryan muttered.
‘Because she asked us,’ Marianna returned.
He opened his mouth.
‘And because she’s going to be our child’s aunt. It’s natural she should want to get to know me, and I’d like to get to know her.’
Yesterday, Marianna had walked out of Stacey’s hospital room to find a large portion of Ryan’s family in the waiting room—his stepfather, as well as his sister, her husband and their little girl. When Rebecca, Ryan’s sister, had invited them to stay with her, Marianna had jumped at the invitation.
‘What if I don’t want these people to be part of my child’s life?’
‘Lulu, honey, don’t put that in your mouth.’ Marianna jumped up from her seat on the park bench to take the stick from the toddler’s hand and to wipe her mouth, before distracting her with a bright red toy truck, helping her to push it through the sand.
She’d dragged Ryan out to the little park across the road from Rebecca’s house on the pretext of taking his niece, Lulu, for a little outing.
In reality, though, she’d just wanted to get Ryan out of the house before he exploded—to give them all a bit of a breather. She took her seat on the bench again. ‘I like your sister.’
‘So that settles it, does it? I hate to point this out to you, but you might find it difficult to become best buds with my sister when she lives here and you live in Monte Calanetti.’
She swung to him, loathing the tone he’d assumed. ‘And I hate to point out that it’s not Rebecca’s fault that your parents separated and left you with your grandmother.’
His eyes turned to chips of ice. ‘Very mature.’
‘My point exactly! Rebecca is making every effort to forge a relationship with you and you’re freezing her out. Why?’
He dragged a hand down his face and she suddenly wished she’d spat those home truths out with a little more kindness. ‘I have never felt a part of these people’s lives.’
‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘Life gets messy and people don’t always know the right way to deal with things. But you’re an adult now, Ryan. You can choose to become a part of this family.’
He stared at her. His lips twisted in mockery, but she recognised pain in the hidden depths of his eyes. ‘What’s the point?’
She couldn’t speak for a moment. She turned away to check on Lulu. ‘Belonging is its own reward,’ she finally managed.
He shook his head. ‘Lone wolf.’
‘Family is a gift you can give our baby.’ Couldn’t he see that? ‘The more people who love it, the better.’
‘You mean the more people there will then be in the world with the potential to hurt it, let it down...betray it.’
She shot to her feet. He could not be serious. She started to shake. ‘I will not let you turn our child into an emotional cripple...into an emotional coward.’
He turned those cold eyes to her. ‘And I won’t let you turn it into an emotion junkie.’
That was what he thought of her? She turned away to check again on Lulu, who was perfectly content crawling in the sand with her toy truck. Marianna pulled in a breath and closed her eyes. This wasn’t about her. It was about Ryan. She could tell how much he hated being here—in Australia, at Rebecca’s—but...
He’d organised a top specialist for his mother at his own expense. Rebecca had told her that her husband owed his job in a top-flying computer graphics company to Ryan’s machinations. Rebecca owed her university education to him. They admired him, respected him, and looked up to him. He looked out for them—made sure they had everything they needed—yet he continued to hold himself aloof from them.
He might not want to acknowledge it, but he loved this family that he kept at arm’s length.
She sat again. ‘Rebecca loves you.’
He stiffened.
‘And treating her the way you do...’ She used his earlier words against him. ‘It hurts her, lets her down, betrays her.’
He stood, his eyes wild. ‘That’s not true!’
‘Yes, it is. Now sit back down and don’t frighten the baby.’
He sat. His hands clenched. ‘I don’t mean to hurt anyone.’
The coldness had melted from him. It took all her strength not to take him in her arms. ‘Rebecca would never hurt our child,’ she said instead. ‘She’d love it, protect it, support it.’
Lulu came over and pulled herself upright using Ryan’s trouser leg. She grinned up at him, slapping her hand to his knee in time to her garbled, ‘Ga, ga, ga!’
‘I, uh...’ He glanced at Marianna, who kept her mouth firmly shut. He glanced back at the toddler, lifted a shoulder. ‘Ga, ga, ga?’ he said back.
Lulu chortled as if he were the funniest man alive. Just for a moment he grinned and it reached right down inside her. This man deserved to be surrounded by a big, loving family.
Lulu wobbled and then fell down onto her diaper-clad bottom. Her face crumpled and she started to cry.
His hands fluttered. ‘Uh, what do I do?’
Was he talking about Lulu or Rebecca? Either way, the advice would be almost the same. ‘You pick her up and cuddle her. Cuddles make most things better.’
Gingerly he picked Lulu up, sat her on his knee and patted her back, jiggling his knee up and down. She gave him a watery smile and Marianna’s chest cramped as she watched him melt. She crossed her fingers and silently ordered Lulu to keep working her magic.
CHAPTER TEN
MARIANNA GLANCED UP from slicing salad vegetables when Ryan strode into the kitchen.
‘Hey, Ryan,’ Rebecca said from her spot by the grill where she turned marinated chicken breasts.
Ryan stole a cherry tomato from the salad bowl. ‘Is there anything I can do?’
Marianna would’ve smacked his hand except she sensed the effort it took him to appear casual and relaxed.
‘Not much to do,’ his sister said. ‘I think we have it all under control.’
He reached into the salad bowl again, and this time she slapped the back of his hand with the flat of her knife. ‘Ow!’
‘You can stop eating all the salad, for one thing.’
His gaze speared to hers. He visibly relaxed at her smile. He turned back to Rebecca. ‘I kind of figured there’d be nothing useful I could do in here so I went out and bought this.’
He handed her a bottle of wine. Her eyes widened when she saw the label. ‘Ooh, you really shouldn’t have, but...nice!’
He shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘I thought you deserved a treat after everything you’ve done—dealing with Mum, putting us up.’
Rebecca’s chin came up. ‘We’re family, Ryan.’
He took the bottle of wine from her and poured out two glasses. He handed her one. He raised his own. ‘Yes, we are.’ Her eyes widened, a smile trembled on her lips, and then she touched her glass to his.
After his first sip, he set his glass down and poured Marianna a big glass of mineral water, complete with lemon slice and ice. With his hands on her shoulders, he shepherded her around the kitchen bench and into a chair at the kitchen table, before taking ov
er the slicing of a cucumber.
Marianna didn’t make a single peep about not feeling useful. Instead, she held her breath as she watched Ryan begin to forge a relationship with his sister.
He glanced around. ‘Where’s my...ahem...where’s Lulu?’
Rebecca laughed. ‘Your niece is having a much-needed nap. And you are not disturbing her.’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’
‘She has you wrapped around her little finger.’
‘Can’t deny that I’ve taken to the little tyke.’ He paused, pursed his lips. ‘You know, Lulu’s going to be less than three years older than her yet-to-be-born cousin. They could—you know—’ he lifted a shoulder ‘—become great mates.’
Rebecca stilled and Marianna saw her blink hard. She wanted to jump up and down, cheer, dance around the kitchen.
Rebecca simply nodded. ‘Wouldn’t that be great?’
Ryan focused doubly hard on slicing a red capsicum, and nodded.
A moment later his mobile rang. He fished it out, listened intently, murmured a few words and then shoved it back into his pocket. ‘That was the hospital. The clot has started to dissolve and if all goes as the specialist hopes, Mum will be released in a couple of days.’
Rebecca clapped a hand to her chest and closed her eyes. ‘Thank heaven.’
Ryan let out a long, slow breath and then lifted his glass. ‘To the prognosis being correct.’
They drank. When he set his glass down, Ryan rolled his shoulders. ‘Do you think you could keep an eye out for a suitable property for me?’
Marianna stilled with her glass of mineral water halted halfway to her mouth. Had she just heard him right?
‘Sure.’ Rebecca—a real estate agent—nodded. ‘What kind of property did you have in mind?’
Marianna’s heart started to thud. Did Ryan mean to give up his anonymous hotel rooms for a real home?
‘Here in Sydney?’ Rebecca asked.
Ryan nodded.
‘Preferred suburbs?’
Marianna waited for him to request some swish apartment overlooking Sydney harbour.
He threw the freshly cut capsicum into the salad bowl. ‘The eastern suburbs are fine by me.’
‘Apartment? Villa? Town house?’ Rebecca shot each option at him.
Reunited by a Baby Secret (The Vineyards of Calanetti, Book 3) Page 14
