“I can’t, Abi. I have to give it back. It’s part of my oath. Now, please come to me,” he entreated. “I’ve never had to work this hard for a simple kiss. You don’t understand what it’s like.”
Abstinence was moved by the plea on his face and the sincerity in his voice. “Then tell me, Zeus. Help me understand why I should care about your godhood after what you did.”
“Asking for this kiss is like a crack addict asking you to take his hit for him.”
“Sex is your drug?”
“Yes and it’s an addiction I can’t ever be free of. To survive, I have to feed it. I can’t go cold turkey, or take twelve steps, it’s always there. I won’t lie to you, Abi. It feels so good. It’s a rush unlike any other and feeling that youth wash over me, it’s a high I’d kill to have.”
“I know. You almost killed me.”
“But I didn’t want to. I’ve never felt any remorse for anything I’ve done to feed myself. And now… gods, just let me do this and get it over with. Then I can leave and you’ll never have to see me again.”
Abstinence didn’t trust him, but she did trust Death. She had a feeling if Zeus tried to screw this up, there would be a horrible reckoning. Death was a surety, a constant. More so than even taxes. Everything had an end and that was a universal truth, so it stood reason Death himself would be much the same.
Abstinence let him hold her and tilted her face up to meet his kiss. When his lips brushed hers, it wasn’t what she’d expected. She’d thought it would be the passion and fire that burned her before, but it was bitter and cold. She wondered how sick that made her because she wanted more. She desired the chill of his suffering more than the heat.
Suddenly, where his shoulder had been golden and hard was ashen and flaked away like bits of burned paper. It quickly spread to his whole body and as his legs crumbled beneath him, he rasped, “Get my wife.”
PERSEPHONE
Persephone had given up all pretense of hiding the fact she was trying to call Hades. She frankly didn’t care who knew about it: from Zeus, to her mother, to those powers higher than those on Olympus. She didn’t give a feathered damn. Proven by the fact she was sitting outside Pomegranate Pizza where anyone who cared to see what she was doing could.
And he had yet to answer.
She dialed again and expected his voicemail. So when she heard the echo of his voice on the other end of the line, Persephone found her mouth open and no sound coming out. She knew if she didn’t say something he was going to hang up.
“Hades?” Well, no shit, Sherlock. Who the hell else would be answering his phone?
Dead silence answered her. She couldn’t even hear him breathing.
“Hades? It’s Persephone.”
“I know who it is.” His response was cold and empty.
Her first instinct was to throw the phone and bawl until her face hurt and she passed out from lack of ambrosia, but she’d known this wasn’t going to be easy. She still didn’t know what to say. So she was going to be honest. Her pride wouldn’t keep her warm at night.
“I miss you,” she said in a rush.
“Does your mother know you’re talking to me?” This was said evenly, no trace of emotion either way. No anger, no joy, no anything.
“No, but I don’t care. I’ll tell her,” she promised passionately.
“Why would you do that?” Hades asked as if he really had no idea why.
“I want to come home.” Yeah, home. That forbidding castle nestled in the dark places of the universe, it was home. Anywhere Hades happened to be was home to her now.
“You are home.” His words had a finality to them that dropped a lead weight on her chest, she couldn’t breathe.
“No, I’m not.” She shook her head as if he could see her. “I need you.”
“I’m not in the hero business, Persephone. Save yourself from whatever mess you’ve landed in.”
“I’m trying to, Hades. I fucked up, okay? And I’m sorry. I’m more sorry than I can say for how I’ve hurt you.”
It doesn’t matter. It’s done.”
“No, it’s not done. Say you forgive me.”
“I forgive you,” he parroted. Persephone knew he didn’t mean it, didn’t feel it. What had she expected? Eros had told her he would be indifferent. He was right though, it cut her more deeply than his rage ever could.
“If you forgive me, then come get me. Right now, I’m ready to be yours in all ways.” She swallowed hard. “I love you.”
He actually laughed and it was hollow and dark, all the things she’d been told to expect from him before he’d held her tenderly. “Then I am sorry. Truly.”
“What do you have to be sorry for? I’m the one who didn’t understand this thing between us; I’m the one who was afraid. Why are you sorry?” She didn’t comprehend what he was saying.
“Because you’re going to hurt, Persephone. It’s going to feel like someone is taking a razorblade to your beating heart every minute of every day until you find something that numbs the pain, the memory. Something that makes you forget the scent—,” he broke off.
“Bay and Sandalwood. That’s your scent and I haven’t forgotten. Nothing could make me forget the way you smell, the feel of your hands on my body, your arms around me. Nothing, Hades! Do you hear me?” Persephone realized she was bordering on hysterical, but she didn’t care.
“I hear you, little one. But you’re not hearing me. What you think you’re feeling isn’t real and if it is, gods help you. I feel nothing for you.”
“You kept me for centuries, Hades. How can you say that?”
“Because a lovely goddess took pity on this wretched bastard and took my heart from my chest. There is nothing there to feel.”
“Then it won’t matter one way or another if I’m there with you, will it?” Persephone forged ahead. “I’m coming and I’m going to live with you and you don’t have to call me wife, I don’t care. Only keep me.”
“Only keep you?” He laughed again. It was bitter, but the knowledge warmed her. Bitter was something he could feel. Her cause wasn’t lost. “And what do I get out of this keeping? A pretty little godling under foot? You’re a child, Persephone. I have no use for you.”
Her heart cracked in her chest as earthquakes of sorrow changed the terrain. “No use at all?” she whispered. “Not even my body?”
“I was celibate for centuries for you. When I offered you your freedom and you took it, did you really think I’d stay that way?”
“Offered me my… You didn’t offer anything, you ass. You dumped me on the surface and told my mother to take me back. You didn’t ask me what I wanted. You didn’t offer…” she stopped mid-thought. He’d just implied he’d been with another woman.
Persephone felt sick. She crumpled to her knees and that weight that had seemed to press on her chest crashed into her again and again. Nameless, faceless women all danced through her imagination and she could see him touching them, those strong hands on breasts fuller than her own, smaller than her own, on curves of hip and pouting lips. She could see the look of pleasure on his face, like the one when he’d spilled in her hand after offering to ease him if he’d teach her how. He was watching these other women with the same intensity he’d once watched her.
Maybe he’d only said it to hurt her. He’d promised her eternal fidelity and Hades, for all of his faults, had never broken a promise to her.
“I don’t care. You can have me now, you don’t need them.”
“Little one, you’re still under the impression I want you.”
Another knife to her heart. “You’re wrong, Hades.”
He laughed again. “About what I want?”
“No. They’re not razorblades,” she said slowly. “They’re knives.”
“See, you don’t need this pain and that’s all I have left to give. Don’t call me again, Persephone.”
No, no, no! This couldn’t be the end. She wouldn’t let it be. “What if I’ll take it?”
“Take what?”
“The pain. What if I’ll take whatever you want to do to me to punish me?”
“I don’t want to punish you, little one. I don’t want anything from you at all. Save yourself this misery. It’s not worth it.”
Persephone felt like she was dying. “How about we make a trade?”
“What kind of trade?” he asked as if they were discussing nothing more than the fire lake outside his window.
Persephone was flooded with memories of being wrapped in his arms out on the terrace, the chilled wind blowing cold over them and watching the lava burst into the air over the lake. She wanted that again, needed it.
“I’ll take your heart.”
“You already did.”
“No, I’ll trade you. My heart for yours.”
“You don’t know what you’re offering,” he said lightly.
Maybe she didn’t. Persephone knew she wasn’t wise in the ways of the world and it didn’t matter. “I don’t care.”
“It’s nothing but soot and ash in a box on the mantle. You wouldn’t want that dead black thing inside of you,” he said quietly.
Her own heart finished breaking, but it wasn’t for her own loss. It was for his. “I do. You shouldn’t live without the capacity to love. Even I know that’s no kind of existence. You loved me longer than I deserved. So yes, I do want it. Let me bear it.”
Tears slipped down her face. If he agreed, she’d do it. In a second. She wanted him to find some happiness and while she wanted them to have their happily ever after, Persephone knew in reality there wasn’t always a horse to ride into the sunset, no matter how badly she wanted it. If anyone deserved to suffer, it was her. She’d been a selfish, spoiled, scared child. He deserved better.
“What would a jaded old bastard like me do with a heart as innocent as yours? No, Persephone. Find another godling to love you. Love him back. Forget the time you spent with me and let it fade like a nightmare with the dawn.”
Even in his desolation, he could still turn a phrase with such beauty it made her soul ache.
“I love you, Hades. There will be no godlings for me. No men. None but you.”
Persephone heard a woman’s voice. “Hades, I can’t find the towels and I… Sorry. Didn’t see you were on the phone.”
“I’m almost done. You don’t need a towel. I’m just going to get you dirty again,” he said with wicked seduction in voice.
“I’m not going to stop, Hades. You can hurt me as much as you like. Whatever you need to do, only at the end, let me be with you,” she said.
He sighed. “Persephone, you’re suffering needlessly. The woman you heard in the background? Do you know what’s going to happen when I hang up?”
Again, Persephone knew this wasn’t the time to hold on to her pride. “You’re going to fuck her.” She almost choked on the word. “And I don’t care.” He didn’t say anything so she kept pushing. “Do you know why I don’t care? Because it’s just a fuck. It won’t mean anything to you. And while I was too afraid to let you take my virginity, all those nights I spent in your arms? They meant something to you. To me too. All of those soft words, and touches? The way you kissed me? You were making love to me, Hades. You can deny it all you want, but whoever is there with you now, she’s not me and you don’t love her.”
“No, I don’t love her. But I don’t love you either.”
“You don’t just stop loving someone. It’s not a switch that can be flipped because Aphrodite Criss Angeled your ass. Did she take your soul too?”
“When did you start saying ass?”
“Don’t change the subject.” That was just like him. Touch on something that hurt and he’d change the subject faster than she could blink.
“You’re the one who said ass.”
“Are you going to be on the phone all day talking about ass, because if you are, I’ve got other things to do with my ass.” The other voice interrupted them.
Oh, that… Persephone made claws with her hands and then curled them into fists before releasing them. It didn’t help to be made at the woman, whoever she happened to be. There was nothing more to say, but that didn’t mean it was over. She wouldn’t let it be over.
“No, you don’t. Come here.”
He didn’t even bother to hang up, she realized as the sounds of their encounter echoed in her ears. He was kissing her now, his mouth hot and sweet on hers. The memory of his lips wrapped around her like a shroud.
And when she would have sobbed, Persephone remembered he’d felt this way for her for what must have been an eternity. Her pain now was only a drop in an endless ocean of suffering he’d endured. For her.
She flipped the phone closed slowly and wondered how he did it—how he walked around broken?
Persephone dashed at the tears on her cheeks with the back of her hand and tried to find her resolve, but it was like digging for gold in a mine field. Eros had warned her, but somehow, part of her had still hoped when Hades heard her voice he would have simply appeared and taken her into his arms—all forgiven.
She was a silly girl with silly dreams to imagine after she’d cut him so deeply, she deserved to have his love handed back to her on a platter; that he’d carry her off into the night without any consequences or any penance.
“Persephone?”
She swallowed another wave of grief and looked up into the dark, soulful eyes of Death. “Thanatos,” she acknowledged.
“Are you okay?” he asked and pushed his long, silver hair out of his face.
“I don’t think so. No.” She shook her head.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“My mother always feeds her misery. Want some ice cream?”
Suddenly, ice cream sounded better than ambrosia. She sniffed. “Chocolate. With chocolate syrup. And chocolate sprinkles. And hot fudge.”
“Isn’t that chocolate syrup?”
“No. They’re different and I want them both. On a brownie sundae.”
“Whatever you want, little one.”
Her throat constricted at his casual use of Hades’ endearment. “Thanatos?” Persephone felt her bottom lip quiver.
“Hey, whoa. All I did was offer to buy you ice cream. Don’t fucking cry. Please don’t fucking cry. I take it back, whatever I did.” He took a step back and mumbled, “My mother is going to smite my balls off.”
“What? No. I’m sorry. I just… don’t call me that, okay?”
“No problem.”
“Why would your mother smite you for making me cry?”
“I mentioned we were friends. She said to be nice to you. Actually, verbatim was: Don’t be a dick.”
“I love your mom. She’s cool. I wish my mom was as laid back as yours is.”
“I think it happens with age. Nyx is older than dirt.” He flashed her a smile.
“Niiice. I dare you to say that to her face.”
“I did, just a few hours ago. And she made me fig cakes with cream cheese frosting.”
“You are so spoiled.”
“Yeah, and I like it that way.”
“Wait, you just had fig cakes and now you want ice cream?” She eyed him. “You better be careful or you’ll be fat as Dionysus.”
“And look at the tail he still pulls down. Last week he was—,” he broke off. “Sorry. I’m doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Being a dick. You don’t want to hear this stuff.”
“No, it’s fine. You and Eros are the only ones who don’t treat me like I’m going to break. So please, don’t stop being you. Talk about whatever you want. Even tail, I don’t care. It’s time I learned something of the world, I think.” She smiled at him.
“In that case, I’m your god.” Thanatos grinned. “Give me that smile again and I’ll let you drive my pale horse.” He winked.
“Was that a euphemism?” She wrinkled her nose.
“What? No.” They were suddenly sitting inside of a white ‘69 Ford
Mustang convertible. “He’s been with me for awhile now. His name is Jimmy.”
“And you’re still telling me that’s not a euphemism?”
“Time for your first lesson, Persephone. Keep referring to that and a god will think it’s a euphemism for a euphemism. Get my drift?”
“No.”
“Flirting, pretty girl. You’re being flirty.”
“You think I’m pretty?” Suddenly, inspiration flashed. She could feel Thalia’s presence all around her and knew it to be divine.
“Come on. You know you’re pretty.”
“No, I mean, am I pretty to you? There are some girls who are pretty by any standard, some who are pretty to a few and some who are beautiful. Some who are more like works of art than something feminine to be touched. What am I to you? Would it be a hardship to kiss me?” she asked thoughtfully.
Thanatos looked like a deer caught in the blaring lights of an oncoming Mack truck.
“Look, you know I love Hades, right?” Persephone ventured.
“I assumed that’s what you didn’t want to talk about.”
“Cute and smart.” She grinned. “You said this is my first lesson? Well, I’ve got a lesson to teach too. To Hades.”
“I see. You want me to make him jealous.” Thanatos rolled his eyes. “This has ends badly written all over it with a red Sharpie.”
“You’re the only other god he’d buy me falling for. You both have that bad boy dark thing going on. You’re also one of the only other gods whose ass he can’t hand back to them like a Happy Meal.”
He leaned back in the seat. “Persephone, what if you only had a week to live? Would you want to spend it trying to inflict more misery on the god you profess to love?”
“Yes. In the hopes he’d realize he still loves me before I’m gone.”
“Have you ever considered that maybe he does?”
“I know he does.”
“No, he loved you enough to let you go. It’s not that he doesn’t realize it. Maybe he wants better for you. I know if you’d been my goddess and I had to see you with someone else, it would tear me apart. If you still love him, don’t shred what he’s got left for a game.”
Desperate Housewives of Olympus Page 11
